


It's a Sin

by FakeSmile13



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Carl being a little serial killer, Carl being jealous of Judith, Carl crushing on Negan, Carl not giving a shit, Daddy Issues, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, I'm Sorry, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mistakes have been made, Mistakes will continue to be made, Multi, Negan Being Negan, Negan and Carl, Negan being protective or Carl, Negan crushing on Carl, Older Man/Younger Man, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, i feel like shit, sexual abuse recovery, sexual abuse trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:10:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 117,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8810989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FakeSmile13/pseuds/FakeSmile13
Summary: The story takes place after Negan takes Carl back to Alexandria and how both of them start to have thoughts that involve each other in a more intimate way.This fanfiction also focuses on Carl's almost rape scene from episode 16 in season 4 and how that did stuff and thangs to him (If you got triggered by that little joke right there I do recommend that you do not read this)It will also focus on how Negan slowly becomes kind of a father figure to him for a while before becoming a crush.





	1. Clock is Ticking Carl

**NEGAN**

Negan gave Rick’s precious little girl a kiss before turning to look at the little serial killer sitting next to him. His smile slowly faded away as he looked at Rick’s son who seemed to have gone momentarily deaf or had voluntarily decided to not hear any of the threats he had just made. He cleared his throat in an exaggerated manner to get the boy’s attention again and tilted his head to the side as Carl turned to look at him with a blank expression on his face.

_This fucking kid._

“You didn’t hear shit of what I’ve just said” it wasn’t a question, it was a statement and Carl’s nervous gulp was his response. Negan rolled his eyes and waved his hand all too close to the teenager's face, before focusing his eyes on him once more.

“Just because I fucking like you, Carl. I’m going to repeat myself one last fucking time and for your sake, I hope you take some goddamn notes. I said that I was going to KILL YOUR FATHER and YOU -Maybe do some gardening with your corpses after that- and then move in here to raise baby Judith like the responsible adult that I am” another smile spread across Negan's lips as he saw Carl staring back at him with that murderous look he had come to love so much; the one look that had convinced him not to kill the boy back when they had first met. The look that had spared Carl's life. The look of a killer, a monster. 

Out of all the people in line, Carl had been one of the few ones to look at him in the eye without fear. Ginger balls, samurai girl, and his Daryl boy had been the only ones to have done so too but unlike Carl, they were already grown-ups.

Carl was just a kid and had shown him more than any of those other people ever could.

Negan's smile was suddenly interrupted as the girl's tiny hands went up towards his mouth to pull at his lower lip and from the corner of his eye, he saw Carl tensing up by the close proximity of his little sister’s hands towards something that he guessed, could be used as a weapon.

“Come on kid. You’re not really thinking I’m capable of just biting your little sis's hands off with my little mouth, right?” The boy’s icy blue eyes told him he did indeed believe he was capable of doing so.

Jesus fucking Christ I’m not a fucking savage, Carl.

He pouted his mouth in disbelief and gently bit Judith’s hand by covering his teeth with his lips.

The girl laughed and roughly grabbed at his cheeks as he did this, causing Negan to chuckle in an amused manner “I really do like her, she’s adorable…” He turned to look at Carl again and realized how he seemed to have a look that resembled envy. Negan couldn’t help but smile at the thought of that and before he could stop himself he decided to rub it in Carl’s face “…You’re still adorable, don’t get jealous kid, there’s enough of Uncle Negan for both of you” he said in a sing-along tone that caused Carl to look away from him but not before Negan noticed how a bit of color appeared in the teenager's whitish cheeks.

_Truly fucking adorable kid._

Negan laughed then before hearing some sort of growl or farting sound coming from below him “Holy shit…” he looked at the little girl who seemed to have gone completely silent all of a sudden and turned to look at Carl who seemed to have realized what had just happened. He gave the boy the most serious look he could manage just to scare the shit out of him, and to his surprise, he saw how fear began to build up inside of the little serial killer.

You care about her way too much Carl. Is she your weakness? Judging by the way he was looking at him now, she was.

“She better not have done that sacred smelly stuff or it’s gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon...that if it isn't already...” He lifted the girl up and turned her around to smell at her diaper, that is if she was even using one, and took a deep breath. “Well I’ll be damned, just one big ass fart…your little sister sure has some nasty demons inside, what do you feed her with?...” He became silent for a moment feeling slightly worried about the child and twisted his mouth in a disapproving manner “…I don’t even want to think about it, but is she well feed? Was her baby powder taken?” the girl did seem to be well fed, yet he had to know.

Carl seemed to relax a little bit by his easy demeanor and took a deep breath before nodding.

“Your men didn’t take her formula…or at least not yet…”

He saw the hate and anger returning to the boy's icy blue eye then and remembered the time when he had entered Rick's house only to find Carl aiming a gun at David.

The fucking kid had been ready to take someone's life for some goddamn aspirins. Negan knew that medicine was extremely fucking valuable nowadays, yet he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if one of his men had tried to take the girl’s food away. The poor fucker would have been shot right on the fucking spot if that were the case he thought in an amused manner while smiling to himself.

He wanted to taunt Carl over how they would take half of the formula next time but decided against it. They had no need for that…or at least not yet.

He did plan to have a couple of babies with his wives later on but at the moment he had no need for that stuff. He chuckled lightly and rubbed his nose against the little girl’s tiny nose causing her to giggle and grab at his cheeks again.

“Don’t worry kid, we don't need that shit in the Sanctuary. Uncle Negan hasn't become a daddy yet…” He bit his own tongue in an attempt to stop himself from saying anything else but the words came out of his mouth without him being able to stop them: “If you ever need something for her, just let me know.”

Carl’s eye met his then in what seemed to be surprise and confusion and he raised an eyebrow at him as if daring him to say or question why he was being kind to him and his little sister.

_Don’t fucking do it kid, don't fucking screw this generous god like act of mine._

Carl opened his mouth to apparently do just that but seemed to think better of it as he remained silent. He looked away from him before muttering a low thank you.

“I will…” Carl said in a low whisper, and even though Negan wanted to hear him say those words again a little louder, he let go of them and nodded his head while leaning back in his chair. Rick's precious girl leaned closer to him then and placed her tiny head against his chest while holding his white shirt with her hands as if he were some kind of stuffed animal.

Negan closed his eyes for a second and allowed himself to be taken away from reality, even if it was just for a short moment. Here he was cuddling with a baby, feeling at ease and comfortable with a little serial killer sitting right beside him while the dad of both said creatures was running around the wilderness looking for shit for him.

What a time to be alive.

He opened one eye to look at his little serial killer as he heard movement and caught Carl staring at him intently. Lucille was closer to the teenager than remembered leaving her and Carl's hands were awkwardly placed above his lap.

This fucking kid.

Negan chuckled and motioned towards the girl in his arms before saying: “Damn, this tiny thing almost made me forget we’re living in a shitty world filled with half dead fuckers that want to eat us, and also a tiny fucker that wants to bash my head in with my own fucking baseball bat. That's not cool kid. Not one fucking bit” he said while looking down at the girl who seemed to have fallen asleep against his chest. He smiled to himself before looking at Carl with a raised eyebrow.

“Do you really want to kill me like this? With your little sister sleeping on my chest like a little angel? I sure as hell will scream at the top of my fucking lungs to get my men in here to kill you and then her…” He saw some common sense filling the boy's eye then and knew his message was clear.

_Kill me and you and your sister are dead._

“Glad we’re on the same fucking page now. It would be a pity to kill her, she will be a beautiful lady one day, she might even be a little badass like you, Carl” he said while giving the kid an honest smile, and to his surprise he saw the corners of the boy's lips lifting up for a fraction of second as the thought of his little sister growing up to be a kick-ass like him came to his mind.

He smiled to himself and stared at Carl for a couple of seconds before frowning as he heard his own stomach growl. The teenager gave him a confused look and Negan lifted his own eyebrows at him before carefully standing from the chair with the little angel close to his chest. If it weren’t for the fact that he could still feel the girl’s chest moving against his own, he would have assumed she was dead.

“Looks like Uncle Negan is hungry,” he said while rubbing his own belly. He motioned towards Lucille and his jacket “Bring aunt Lucille and my jacket, one eyed-nephew” He didn’t wait to see Carl’s angry expression and simply opened the door and went inside the house. He kicked the door from behind himself to close it and chuckled lightly as he heard the teenager growling from outside the house, obviously frustrated by having the door thrown at his face.

“Olivia” he half screamed half whispered for the rations lady to come out from wherever she was before he remembering how he had actually sent her out for some lemonade a couple of minutes ago. As if to remind him of that he saw Carl walking up to him with a confused look on his face.

“She’s out looking for lemonade.”

Negan rubbed his eyes in a tiresome manner before letting out a sigh.

“I know she’s fat but I never thought it would take her this damn long…I wonder how long it would have taken her to come...” they remained in silence then and he took one hand over to his own chin while scratching his beard. He smiled all of a sudden and turned to look at Carl who, seemed to be wary of his sudden change of behavior.

“Does your dad have any razors?” He saw the boy's eye shifting towards his little sister, then back at him, and he let out a deep sigh before rolling his eyes and saying: “I want to fucking shave my beard, kid. Your sister barely has any fucking hair so don’t worry about her getting her fucking eyebrows shaved.”

Carl nodded his head in an understanding manner and motioned towards the carpeted staircase.

“He might have some upstairs.”

Negan stepped to the side while motioning for him to show him where.

“Lead the way.” they went upstairs then and Carl took him to the last door down the left corridor of the house, the bathroom for sure. He opened the door and sure enough, it was the bathroom.

Negan turned to Carl then and gently removed the little girl from his chest while handling her over to her big brother.

“Hold little Judith while I shave this shit, Carl.”

He winked at the boy and without saying another word, closed the door and began to pour some warm water in the sink. Negan looked at himself in the mirror and rubbed his eyes in a tiresome manner.

“What the hell is this fucking kid doing to me?”

For the last couple of weeks he had been feeling like shit, and not in the normal shitty way he usually did. Ever since he had walked out of the fucking RV and laid eyes in Carl, something had crawled inside of him. Something that made him feel the need to spend more time with him. Not in a sexual way or anything but he did feel an odd fascination for the boy.

 _He’s just a kid_ , he reminded himself while splashing some water over his face in an attempt to get the damn boy with the icy blue eye, out of his head. He’s just a fucking kid, Negan.

The idea of killing Carl had really tempted him a couple of times already. It was one of his rule after all, killing all of the older kids; but the more he thought about it the less he wanted to harm the little serial killer. He wanted to see the kid grow and become whatever is it that he was becoming. He wanted to be there and see it with his own damn eyes…But in order to do that he had to be alive of course, and at the rate he was going, he wasn’t as sure as he used to be about surviving this whole damn thing.

He had been scared shitless when he had seen Carl coming out of one of the Saviors truck with a gun pointed at him mainly because he had really thought Carl was going to shot him down there and then. That’s why he had tried to keep the damn kid busy before getting behind one of his men to use him as a human shield. He could see it in the fucker’s eyes how he wasn’t pleased with the situation at all, but he didn’t care, all he wanted was to stay alive and keep the boy alive.

If he died, the kid was going to be killed by his men and as ironic -if not moronic- as it sounded he didn’t want Carl to die, or at least not like that. The kid needed a better ending. A fucking big epic ending with a shit ton of half-dead fuckers everywhere and shit, maybe with a couple of explosion in the background...

Negan smiled to himself by the thought of that and shook his head before opening the top drawer. There he found some toothpaste, a couple of pills and a few razors. His smile widened then and Negan prepared to shave his shit.

**CARL**

Carl watched as Negan closed the door behind himself but not before winking at him. He blinked a couple of times confused by the man's behavior but quickly brushed it away as he remembered with who he was dealing with.

He is messing with you, he told himself, yet he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable by the way the man had stared at him. In fact, he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable every time their eyes met. There was something in those brown eyes that even though they were threatening, didn’t seem to be threatening at all. Or at least not with him.

There was something else in them that Carl couldn’t put his finger on, something dark that he didn't like at all. Or maybe he did but he simply didn’t know what that darkness was.

Judith shifted in his arms then and he decided to go to his room. Surely Negan wouldn’t mind if he didn't stay waiting for him outside like a puppy waiting for his owner.

Carl went into his room and laid on the bed with Judith by his side while taking a deep breath and closing his eye. The only thing he could only about was his dad and how he would react to the whole situation. He had found the Sanctuary, had gotten the opportunity to kill Negan and had messed it up. And not only had he put himself at risk, but he had put Judith and everyone in Alexandria at risk ask well.

Everyone was in danger now and all because he couldn’t pull the trigger when he’d had the chance. Had he only pulled it as soon as Negan began to whistle…he would probably be dead but it would have been worth it.

_Right?_

He growled frustrated at himself mainly because he knew the reason why he hadn’t pull the trigger.

From the moment he had seen Negan come out of the RV he couldn’t help but feel the slightest amount of admiration for the man. The way he led the Saviors wasn’t how he had originally thought he did. He could see most, if not everyone, in the Sanctuary feared him, but also in a way they all respected him. And they respected him deeply.

Carl wanted to convince himself that they only feared the man but the more he saw of Negan interacting with the Saviors the less he believed that. Was there fear? Yes there was, a shit ton of it, yet there was also some sense of twisted respect or admiration.

It was intriguing and at the same time fascinating how they treated him, how he treated them…

When Negan took him inside the Sanctuary he was expecting to see everyone in chains or badly wounded, but instead, he saw well feed and healthy looking people with enough happiness left in their faces to let him know that they weren’t being abused and that they weren’t being held against their will.

“You see that? Respect…”

Respect? He had thought at the moment, did they really respected him or were they merely afraid of him? He couldn’t make up his mind, to be honest, it was like a mixture of both 50%- 50%...maybe more, maybe less on either side...Carl wasn’t sure yet.

What was it about this man that had everyone on their knees? By now he had a couple of ideas as to why he thought everyone followed him.

Negan didn’t screw around when it came to making decisions. If he had to make a tough decision against someone else, he would make it, even if it meant killing people; that was made clear when he had killed Glenn and Abraham.

“No exceptions” he had said.

He did tell them…he couldn’t deny it.

“Half your shit is mine now.” To be honest, he was still debating this one, but he had left them with enough supplies to survive. He had taken the best things they had but he had left them with just enough things to keep on living comfortably for a while.

That was something at least.

He could have taken everything if he wanted to, even everyone’s lives.

_He still could if he wanted to...._

Negan was quite a rational man. They had killed a bunch of his people like he had said, he was aware of that. Killing two of their own…

At the time it didn’t seem fair to him, yet the more he thought about it the more he realized that Negan had actually been too kind to them…or at least not so rough. And for what he had seen with Mark in the ironing room, Negan could be pretty fucking reckless when it came to punishments. Carl felt like shit every time he thought about it that way because the people that had died were people that had been with him for a really long time. Glenn had been with him from the beginning of this whole thing and Abraham had always lifted his spirits with his straight-out savage comments and manly behavior.

They had both been people he loved, so thinking about their deaths as fair play, made him feel sick to his stomach.

Also, from what he had seen, Negan had his own set of Rules in the Sanctuary along with a structure that allowed the people inside to gain things by working hard and earning points. That was something that seemed fair to him. He did not know what kind of jobs the people did, but he knew for sure that they weren’t scavenging or killing other people.

Something had also been bugging him was that Negan seemed to have some sense of morality left in him. It made no sense whatsoever but he had seen it there. There was some humanity left inside of Negan. And it terrified him.

He had mocked him about the wound in his eye but had also apologized to him right after he had started crying. Carl had been genuinely confused and surprised by the sincerity in Negan's tone and face as he apologized to him.

Had he meant it?

Something inside of him told him he did.

Then again he had lifted up his spirits by encouraging him to not wear the bandage around his eye by calling it badass. He had thought about not covering it at all at the beginning, but the feeling of nakedness and weakness he felt every time he changed the bandage had made him cover it every single day.

Carl felt vulnerable for a couple of reasons, the most obvious one was because if someone punched him or even touched the wound, was extremely painful to him, it was an open wound after all. He also felt vulnerable because he felt hideous, almost like a monster that had been mutilated to look like a horrid creature that could never be seen as normal, nor as capable as someone without a wound such as his.

He could see the way some people looked at him every day. With pity. It made his blood boil every damn time someone gave him that look, it made him feel less, and it made him feel weak. Worthless.

When Negan stepped up and told him everything he feared, he couldn’t help but break down in tears. Then again when Negan told him about how he loved how his wound looked on him, he couldn’t help but feel proud of it.

Carl now felt proud of the wound he had.

You’re a badass.

He smiled a little at the memory of Negan saying that and felt a chill going down his spine as he heard a low chuckle nearby. Carl opened his eye then and yelped as he saw Negan leaning against the entrance door with a playful smile on his face. The grayish brown beard was no longer on his face and the man now looked like a completely different person.

 _He’s still Negan_ , he told himself before sitting up straight.

“How’s my sleeping beauty doing?”

Carl frowned at that and crossed his arms in a defying manner before saying: “I wasn’t sleeping.”

Negan covered his own mouth to prevent his laugh from escaping in a loud manner and walked away into the other room before coming back still laughing. “I meant Judith by sleeping beauty, kid. Didn't you fucking see the fucking movie when you were younger?” he asked him with a mocking smile on his face and Carl couldn’t help but look away feeling ashamed of himself.

How could he have thought Negan was referring to him by sleeping beauty?

His eye went all over the room in an attempt avoid the man’s amused stare, but as he heard him clearing his throat in an exaggerated manner, he looked back at him.

“So now that I know that you’re doing well, how is my FEMALE sleeping beauty doing?” He couldn’t help but blush again as Negan made a clear emphasis on the word female, and muttered in a low whisper how she was fine too. “She’s still asleep,” he added after a while before taking her in his arms and standing up.

“Hell I miss sleeping like that...” Negan said as he stared down at Judith and for a moment Carl could see something that resembled sadness in the man's dark brown eyes.

They both suddenly heard someone entering the house and Carl looked away from Negan as he held on tightly to Judith, almost like a reflex to protect his little sister from any kind of danger.

“Olivia sweetheart, is that you?” asked the older man while walking away from them to speak louder and near the staircase.

“It’s me…”

Carl heard the trembling yet somehow firm voice of Olivia downstairs and prayed for her to have found some lemons or at least some powder lemonade “…I’m making the lemonade now…” she said after a couple of seconds, and Carl let out a breath of relief.

She did it, he thought while walking towards the entrance of the room. He saw Negan waiting for him at the top of the stairs and followed him as they went to the first floor. Carl suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt as he realized how he had allowed Negan to find Judith and carry her around as if she were his child, and tensed up. Olivia wasn’t going to like this, not one bit.

They went into the kitchen and just as he expected, he saw Olivia’s eyes widening in shock and horror as she saw Judith in his arms, with Negan close behind. As Negan placed both of his hands on his shoulders, Carl knew just how close he was.

“Carl-” she began but was quickly interrupted by Negan who made a hushing sound to silence her.

“Little Judith is taking a nap, sweet Olivia…It took me one hell of a time to get her to fall asleep so don’t screw this shit up.”

Olivia began to tear up again and she covered her mouth to prevent a sob from leaving her throat before nodding.

“Just don’t hurt her please…” she begged the man, and Carl had to bite his own tongue to prevent himself from telling her how Negan meant no harm to Judith.

If he said that Negan's behavior could change.No. It would change. Just because Negan had shown him how he had a softer side with Judith, and maybe even with him, it did not mean he wanted everyone to know about it. In fact, Carl was sure Negan didn’t want anyone to know.

_Let her believe he could kill her…_

_Let yourself believe he won’t kill her…_

To his surprise, Negan didn’t laugh at Olivia’s plea and nodded his head. “I won’t hurt her, I promise.”

Once again his tone seemed so sincere he almost believed it.

“There's something else I need from you, Olivia. I'm fucking starving, got anything yummy to eat?”

He saw how Olivia seemed to be faced with a harsh reality then and Carl realized that just like everyone in Alexandria they most likely didn't have a lot of food to offer Negan.

“We don't have a lot...canned soup and veggies, nothing-”

“Bullshit someone must have something better than just fucking soup and veggies. I know-” the man turned to look at him then and gave him a wolfish smile that made a chill go down his spine. “You, my boy, will go out and knock on every single fucking door if you fucking have to, just to get me some damn spaghetti. Not beans, not lasagna, no fucking risotto or any shit like that. Some fucking spaghetti. I gave Olivia all the time in the world but I know you're quick on your feet so you better be back here soon.”

Carl's mind was racing as he took the words in.

_Spaghetti._

He had to find some damn spaghetti among everyone. Surely someone had some, right?

Carl turned to look at Olivia for a moment and then at Judith but before he could do or say anything, Negan offered his arms to carry his little sister. Carl hesitantly handed Judith over to the older man who gently nudged her against his chest before giving him a warning look.

Don't you dare hurt my sister.

Negan only gave him an amused smile by his behavior and motioned to Judith before stretching one arm out and motioning towards his wrist with his other hand as if he had an invisible watch.

“Clock is ticking Carl.”


	2. I am The Big Bad Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo....second part, been working on this for over a few hours maybe, was kind of hard to write since I know people will be triggered by it.  
> This goes on as Carl tries to find Negan's s spaghetti.  
> I’m warning you this contains a few views on rape so…you’ve been warned. Like said I do not support rape so don’t twist the words that some of the characters say here and make them mine, they’re the characters speaking.  
> Also, I made a character kind of a pedo rapist soooo….you’re also warned about that, kind of a long shot really but I needed a bad guy on this chapter.

**CARL**

  


  


Without saying a word he ran out of the house to try and find what Negan had asked him for.

Carl went from house to house asking most if not everyone in town if they had any spaghetti but everyone would come back to the door with empty hands and an apologetic look in their eyes. There was no spaghetti left in Alexandria.

Shit, shit, shit. He's going to kill my sister over some fucking spaghetti, he thought in a bitter way while looking around desperately. His eyes suddenly focused on Spencer's house and he couldn't help but remember how that man had hidden some guns and supplies inside of it. If anybody could have some spaghetti, it was him.

Carl ran over to the door and began to knock on it loudly but got no response from Spencer or anyone for that matter, the only response he got were a few glances from some of Negan's men and a few from some of the neighbors who peeked their heads out to watch him banging at the door. Sweat was already running down his forehead and so was time.

He had no time and no choice. He had to break into Spencer's house. Not wanting to attract more attention to himself, Carl walked over to the back of the house and as he got to the back door, wrapped his left hand with the sleeve of his shirt. He punched one of the small windows from the door and after carefully removing the glass shards, unlocked the door from inside.

Carl went into the house then and immediately began to look around the kitchen. He tried his best to not leave a mess behind -Not that it would matter at all since Spencer would still have a broken window to deal with- and growled frustrated after realizing that just like everyone else in Alexandria, Spencer didn't have any spaghetti left.

No. There was no way Spencer didn't have shit like this hidden somewhere. If I were hiding something, where would I put it? Not in the kitchen if it were food he thought, that would be the first place people would look at...Where wouldn't people look for food?

He suddenly realized how there was a bucket of dirty water in the laundry room and even though he thought that was pretty normal, something about it just seemed to be off. Carl walked over to the bucket then and knelt in front of it before sticking his hand inside. A small smile spread across his face as he felt a few solid objects and as he pulled them out, that smile only widened. Carl pulled four cans out of the bucket. One of them was of tomato sauce, two of spaghetti and another one of canned grapes.

He stood from the ground then and as he turned around he yelped as he saw none other than Spencer standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at him with a confused and angry look on his face.

“What the hell do you think you're doing kid?”

Carl took a step back as the older man walked towards him and held the four cans he was holding up to show him what he was there for. “I need them,” was the only thing that came out of his mouth as he tried to explain himself. Slowly, Spencer began to walk towards him.

“Oh, you need them? Of course you fucking need them, everyone needs food these days thanks to your father.” Spencer got in front of him then and pushed him against the wall while roughly grabbing at him by the collar of his shirt. The strength of the push forced Carl to let go of the cans and he prayed for the cans to not have broken on the impact.

Spencer held him slightly up above the ground, and even though Carl could see in the man’s eyes how he wanted to instill fear in him he tried his best to remain calm. If he could face Negan he could face Spencer.

“First my guns, now my food? You and your dad have gone way over your heads with this whole leadership thing, Carl. You think that just because your dad is the leader you get to take anything you want?”

Carl shook his head, and as he opened his mouth to explain himself further Spencer punched him in the stomach with tremendous force. He growled in pain before falling down to the ground on his knees breathing heavily. He felt the urge to puke. His left hand went over to his belt in search for his knife, but as he touched his side he quickly remembered how Dwight had taken it away back in the Sanctuary.

_Shit._

He looked up at Spencer and sat up to look a little taller just to let the older man know that he wasn’t afraid of him.

 _You’re not Negan_ , he thought. _You can't scare me_.

Spencer chuckled as he did so before punching him hard in the face.

“I'm done with you and your dad; you’re a whining little cunt who thinks he is tough because he can use guns and a knife and he's a bloody psychopath who can't keep things from falling apart”

Carl's hands became fists then and out of anger, he stood from the ground and punched Spencer in the face. He had to hold back a pained moan as he did so and tried to hit the man once more, but before he could do so Spencer grabbed at his arm and threw him back on the ground while positioning himself on top of him.

“You see? You can’t fight, you can’t aim. You can’t do anything, Carl. You’re not a man...you’re just a kid who thinks he is a man, a kid with a lot of guts and no brains.”

Carl struggled to free himself from below Spencer and felt how tears threatened to leave his eye.Not just because of Spencer’s words but also because of the situation he was in now. Memories of the night the fat man had taken him out of the car and threw him onto the dirty ground came back to him, and he tried to hold back the tears as the thought of Spencer trying to hurt him like that hit him.

He struggled harder against the man but instead of removing himself from atop him Spencer pressed one knee against his spine and put an arm behind his neck to keep him in place.

“What’s wrong Carl? Is reality too harsh for you now?”

Carl winced as Spencer pressed his knee harder and tried to escape the man’s grasp once more but nothing he did seemed to work. He was helpless.

_You’re a badass_

Negan’s words came into his mind then and he felt his blood boiling in anger. Had Negan really meant those words or did he felt pity for him like everyone else did?

Not you, he thought, not you too…

Tears left him then at the thought of being lied to. He should have known it; Negan hadn’t meant any of the things he had said to him but the mockery. He hadn’t felt bad for insulting him nor mocking him, that was clear now.

Carl had believed him….

That was what was making him feel even worst, that he had believed the man’s words, actually thought of them as some sort of moral support.

You’re just a kid, a really stupid one that believes everything he’s told.

Spencer seemed to have noticed him crying and pouted his mouth in a mocking manner.

“I thought you were a tough kid, Carl…” the low chuckle that Spencer gave him made his mind shatter then as he remembered the fat man laughing at him for struggling against him. He began to struggle harder and as Spencer’s chuckle became a laugh he couldn’t help but growl in a desperate manner while trying to escape.

“Stop squirming kid. You’re not getting out of here alive… in fact, once your dad gets here I’m going to kill him too…the people in this town need a true leader. I am the man for the job, not your dad.”

The thought of Spencer killing his dad made him try once more, but like his previous attempts he couldn’t do much but move a little.

“You’re just a kid, you can’t defeat me, Carl.”

Carl suddenly heard the sound of a zipper going down and froze in fear before hearing Spencer chuckle.

“If I’m going to kill you, I might as well have some fun with you first”

**NEGAN**

  


  


“Fucking Christ, this damn kid is taking longer than you did and he isn't fat at all,” Negan said while letting out a tiresome breath.

What the hell was that kid doing? Did he have a girlfriend jerking him off or what?

He looked around himself and realized how his lovely bat was nowhere to be seen. Great. He thought about standing on his own and going after it himself before remembering how Olivia was in the kitchen, ready to obey.

“Olivia!” he half screamed half whispered for Judith's sake. The woman came quicker than most of his wives and he pointed up to the ceiling. “Go upstairs and bring me Lucille.”

“Lucille?” asked the woman confused, and he nodded in an annoyed manner before telling her who the hell Lucille was: “My lovely baseball bat? The one with the barbed wire and blood from a shit ton of people? The one I used to bash your friends fucking skulls a couple of weeks ago” No movement.

Negan growled frustrated and stood from his chair with baby Judith in his arms to face Olivia who, by the height difference, was forced to look slightly up to look at him in the eye.

“Bring her now or little Judith gets to sleep forever.” His tone left no room for discussions.

The woman nodded her head frantically and went running upstairs as fast as she could before coming back with his girl. He motioned for her to leave the baseball bat and gently handed Judith over to her before grabbing Lucille with his left hand.

He gave a couple of swings that made the air make a few rasped sounds before Olivia asked him in a worried tone what he was planning to do with it “What-?What are you going to do with-with that?”

Negan turned around to face Olivia once more and gave her a playful smile.

“I’m going to go find my little serial killer.”

Judging by the woman’s face he could tell she thought he was going to kill the boy.

He took a sip of the lemonade she had just prepared and made an obnoxiously loud sound that resembled an orgasm while lowering the glass.

“Olivia…like I said, this shit is delicious as hell.”

Without giving the woman a chance to protest he went outside and began to walk around while looking for the teenager. It didn’t take him long to see one of his men, Wilson, walking nearby. As soon as the man saw him he came trotting towards him.

“Negan”

“Wilson, have you seen a kid with long brown hair and a fucked up eye? He's about this tall,” he said while motioning in the air how tall Carl was. Wilson nodded then and pointed at one of the houses at the back.

“I saw him go in there. Poor kid was going nuts, running from house to house like crazy.” Negan laughed as he imagined Carl running all over the place like a dog in heat and patted Wilson’s shoulder in a thanking manner.

“I bet he fucking was,” he said before starting to walk towards the house. Wilson suddenly called out for him in a kind of urgent manner and he turned to face the man while giving him a raised eyebrow “Something you want to say?” The man nodded slowly and scratched his head in a nervous manner before speaking again.

“A guy went in a couple of minutes ago. Neither of them has come out yet”

Negan frowned confused and quickly realized that Carl had most likely entered someone else's house without their permission.

_A serial killer and a burglar. Damn, I love this kid._

He turned to look at the house for a couple of seconds wondering if Carl had gotten in trouble with the man.

That would explain all the time it has taken for him to come back...

“Do you want me to go in with you?” asked Wilson after a couple of seconds, and Negan shook his head before swinging Lucille over his shoulder.

“No, I'll deal with this shit myself.” his man nodded his head in understanding then and he dismissed him with a small wave of his hand before walking over to the house.  
Negan knocked on the door then and smiled to himself as the small windows on it shattered into tiny little pieces.

“I am the big bad wolf and I’m bringing this fucking house down” he joked before walking inside. The whole place was fairly clean and organized but lacked any kind of personal belongings that could tell Negan who lived in there.

He quickly heard some sort of struggle going on inside, deeper into the house, and frowned as he heard a man groaning at the back followed by what sounded like a pained moan.

_Carl?_

His hand tightened around Lucille and he walked deeper into the house until he got to the kitchen. There he found Carl sitting on the ground with a couple of cans spilled all over. Negan counted four cans in total. One of them seemed to be of tomato sauce and seemed to have gotten broken somehow as half of its content laid all over the kitchen floor. The other three seemed to be intact and by the looks of them, two of them were of spaghetti.

“I have to say it, kid. I never thought you’d find this shit” he said in a mixture of surprise and amusement before grabbing at one of the cans. As he did so he noticed how the teenager's left cheek seemed to be slightly red.

He frowned y the sight of that and knelt in front of Carl who didn’t even bother to look up at him.

“Hey kid, what the hell happened in here? Did you hit your pretty face with one of the cans or what?” For half a second he could swear he saw Carl flinch in something he could only describe as fear and disgust. That raised a red flag inside of his head since even though he tended to make some mildly mocking-sexual comments with him, Carl normally just stared at him in an annoyed manner and brushed them off.

Something was wrong.

He suddenly remembered the man Wilson had told him about and pressed in further.

“Did the guy that came in here hurt you?” That made the boy’s icy blue eye find his own and Negan could see how it was red from crying.

Something is definitely fucking wrong.

Who the fuck had made his serial killer cry?

“Where is he?” he asked in an angry manner while tightening his hold around Lucille. Whoever had made Carl cry was fucking dead.

The teenager shook his head and looked down at his own hands which slowly turned into fists. “It doesn’t matter, he’s gone.” Carl stood then and without saying another word picked the cans from the ground. Negan stood from the ground at once too and roughly grabbed at the kid’s arm while pulling him back.

“You don’t get to decide whether it matters or not kid-” he stopped himself from pushing in further as he realized the way Carl was looking at him then.

In all of their encounters, he had never seen fear in the kid’s eyes towards him. Carl had proved him a shit ton of times that he wasn’t afraid of him so why the fuck was he looking at him with fear now?

A tear escaped the teenager's eye then and Negan blinked confused before slowly letting go of his arm.

“Carl-I…-” he was speechless by the sight of him crying.

What the hell had happened?

He opened his mouth to ask him, but just like in the Sanctuary Carl stopped him.

“Just forget it…”

_Not this damn time, kid._

“Please Negan…just forget it…”

_Shit._

That shut him up.

The way in which Carl’s voice broke into a plea made his chest tighten. Their eyes met then and he saw the sadness in the teenager’s eyes. Whatever the hell that had happened before he came in had really hurt the kid somehow. Negan couldn’t even imagine something that could cause Carl to be like this. Had the man mocked his fucked up eye too?

Even if the other man had done so he was sure as hell that he would win the award for being the greater asshole at that. He had thrown every insult he could think about at the moment back in the Sanctuary when he had first seen the wound.

 _It’s not that_ , he told himself. Something else had happened and he was going to find out what it was.

Negan took a deep breath while looking down at the tomato sauce all over the floor before making up his mind. Not now. He knew that if he kept on pressing the kid like this he’ll most likely make him tear up once more, and as much as he enjoyed watching people suffer and break, he didn’t want to see Carl do so. He didn’t want to break nor hurt his little serial killer.

“Get this shit to Olivia.” he said in a low tone while moving to the side to allow Carl to walk by.

The teenager slowly nodded his head and grabbed at the cans before walking out of the house. As he did so Negan couldn't help but notice how Carl walked as if he were in pain.  
Negan just stood there in the middle of the kitchen feeling like a complete idiot not knowing what to do or what to think of the situation.

Seriously? What the hell had happened?

His hold around Lucille tightened then and he smashed the baseball bat against the kitchen cabinets as hard as he could. “I am the big bad wolf and I’m bringing this fucking house down!” Out of anger and frustration, he began to smash everything in sight.

The only thing he could think about was what had happened. He just couldn’t think about it … or was it that he just didn’t want to think about?

Negan smashed Lucille against the wall and began to make the biggest fucking hole he could in it.

No, he wanted to know. He wanted to know what had happened, yet something inside of his head was blocking his train of thought. What could push a kid like Carl like that? Being punched? No, he was a tough kid, he was sure he could take a few punches. Being mocked? No, he had already done so and he had coped with it pretty well…

_Could it be?_

He growled angrily and punched the nearest wall with his free hand. The pain that went all over it made him feel worse than he was feeling right now. The only thing he could think about was rape. Carl was a tough kid, yet going through something like that…

_Holy hell kid..._

Whoever had hurt Carl was going to have the slowest fucking death he could think of.

Negan grabbed Lucille once more before heading back to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and saw it half empty. He grabbed the fridge and threw it to the ground before heading to the cupboard. He kissed Lucille and began to smash everything that was left in that damn place.

He couldn’t wait to leave the fucker’s head that had hurt Carl like the whole floor: A whole fucking mixture of shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Spencer wouldn't be a rapist at all but like I said, I needed a bad guy for this. Since he wants to kill Rick and take charge he seemed kind of perfect for the job so I turned him into a rapist for this.  
> I am sorry if you were triggered or offended by this but I did warn you.  
> No exceptions :v  
> Now do you think Spencer actually raped Carl or was he scared off by Negan before doing so?  
> Expect the third chapter soon I’m having a lot of fun writing this guys, ladies, so do leave a comment if you want to judge, criticize, hate, or just put on your opinion about this.  
> Also I wanted to post this before the new episode came out since if I post it after it I'll feel like I lost a chance, so that's why I wrote this in a rush. Sorry if it did not met your expectations ;v


	3. Please Come Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter woah, got to say it, I'm having a whole lot of fun with this shit.  
> I loved last night's episode yet I'm going to change it quite a little bit so it fits the story.  
> It focuses on Carl’s view of himself and how Spencer’s words made him think what Rick and what Negan have told him about him being a man and him being just a kid. I think this is something that I would like to see on the show since Carl’s character needs some fucking development, I mean Christ for what I can see we never get to see how he really feels.  
> So this is my take. Sorry if it’s shitty.  
> Please enjoy. 

**CARL**

As soon as he got out of Spencer’s house he felt the urge to just run away and cry his heart out. His hands became fists at the memory of what had happened between him and Spencer in the kitchen, and Carl felt how a tear escaped his eye. He quickly brushed it away not wanting to be seen as weak by Negan's men.

Don’t cry here, not where everyone can see you, he told himself while walking away from Spencer's house. He hadn’t even taken three steps away from there when he heard the unmistakable sound of glass shattering along with an angry growl. At first, he thought it might be Spencer but he quickly realized that the only person inside the house was Negan.

_Shit._

He hugged the cans close to his chest in an effort to feel safer and without waiting for the leader of the Saviors to come out, began to run away as quickly as he could. If Negan was angry he was pretty much dead.

Was the man angry at him because of the tomato sauce? Him not telling him what had happened? He had basically told Negan to shut the fuck up and let him go...shit, he surely was pissed at that.

Carl entered his house in a hurry and left the cans on the table near the kitchen without talking to Olivia who called out for him in a worried tone. “Carl-” she said, and he only stopped to grab his sister away from the woman’s arms.

“There’s the spaghetti; cook it before Negan gets here,” he said before trying to walk away.

Olivia gently grabbed at his arm pretty much like Negan had done back at Spencer’s house and inspected his cheek.

“Did he do this to you?”

Carl frowned as she asked him that, mainly because he thought it was strange to think of Negan as his attacker. He might be a complete psychopath but…he actually hadn’t hurt him so far, or at least not physically…

 _Not yet_ , said a little voice inside of his head.

Carl shook his head and Olivia gave him a questioning look. It was obvious that the woman didn’t believe him, and to be honest he didn’t blame her. Kid comes back home with a bruise on his cheek, a big bad man goes after the kid before he comes back... It's all too perfect. Except Negan hadn’t been the one that had hurt him.

He thought about just walking away without giving Olivia an explanation but decided against it since he knew he had to ease her mind so she wouldn't confront Negan. Judging by the way Olivia had slapped him for his behavior and suggestion back when they had first met, Carl knew she was going to not only slap the shit out of him again but most likely fight him for believing he had hurt him.

He suddenly remembered the little joke Negan had made about one of the cans hitting him in the face and decided to use that excuse to explain his bruised cheek.

“One of the cans hit me; it was all the way up in a cupboard and it fell on my face…It wasn’t Negan, Olivia.”

Even though he still saw a little bit of doubt in her eyes he knew that she wouldn’t try to fight the older man now. She nodded her head then and touched his shoulder for a second before grabbing the cans. “I’ll be cooking these now.”

Carl nodded back at her and began to walk upstairs with his little sister in his arms. He went over to Judith’s room and left her in her crib. He placed her elephant toy in her arms and watched with a small smile as she hugged the stuffed animal. How wished he could be like that, naive and innocent. He shook his head and went over to his room while closing the door behind him.

You’re a man, Carl. -Rick.

You’re just a kid. -Negan.

He wasn’t sure of whom to believe. Between his dad and Negan he seemed to be somewhere in a grey area in between. It seemed to him that he was a man for certain things and a kid for others. Shoot a walker, Carl. Kill a person, Carl. He could do all those things without hesitating. Or at least most of the time.

The time he and his dad had escaped the prison and he had almost been killed by a walker while scavenging in a house, had been a small victory for him; he had honestly felt invincible at the time. He didn’t kill me, he had thought.

At the time he felt like he could take on anything. Then when night came and he thought his dad had turned, he had broken down crying, feeling completely powerless and vulnerable, the only person he thought he had left, dead. No, not even dead. Turned into a mindless creature that wanted nothing but to kill and eat him.

It had scared the shit out of him.

Carl wasn’t a man; he was still a child that needed his dad, that needed someone to be by his side at least.

He had aimed at Rick, a walker in his mind at the time, and tried to pull the trigger.

He’s going to kill you, he thought; he’s not your dad anymore, kill him or he’ll kill you…All the anger and hate he had felt towards his dad for not being able to protect the people he loved had vanished the moment his finger moved away from the trigger. The only thing that had crossed his mind back then was the sudden realization that he was alone. He was alone and he had no one else left.

I’m still a kid, he thought.

Carl slid down the wall then and brought his knees close to his chest before sobbing. I’m just a stupid kid. Tears began to slide down from his eye and he hid his face between his knees while trying to sob a low as possible. He didn’t want to wake his little sister up and he didn’t want Olivia to hear.

It’s easy to forget...you’re just a kid.

Negan was right. Even he had allowed himself to forget that. It wasn’t that he had suddenly become a man, it was just that he was a kid that could do things that most kids his age wouldn’t be able to do. No. In fact, he was sure that if there were any kids left most of them could do the same things he was capable of doing. They would all be able to shoot and kill walkers to survive. It was a must now days after all.

Who was he fooling?

He couldn’t even aim properly most of the time. He was only good at stabbing the fuckers in the brain at close range.

I’m useless, he thought while crying harder. His hands became fists then and he stood from the ground while pacing around his room like a caged animal. In fact, he felt like one. A mutilated, weak and pathetic animal that had to be locked inside of a cage—not for the safety of others, but rather his own.

Carl growled frustrated and grabbed his pillow to suffocate a scream.

Fucking Spencer, fucking piece of shit. He began to punch the pillow as hard as he could and couldn’t help but feel like a complete child. With tears rolling down his face and low sobs leaving his throat he continued to murder his own pillow with his fists only wishing it was Spencer instead. That fucker is going to pay for what he did to me.

Carl suddenly heard the door opening and stopped punching the pillow in slight shame before standing up. He walked closer to his door and heard a voice that for a second made him think Negan was back.

“Is Carl upstairs?”

_Spencer._

His eye widened in fear then and he locked his door before remembering Judith. What if he tries to go after her? He growled angrily and unlocked his door before walking out of his room.

“He’s upstairs, why?” Olivia asked Spencer making him hope she wouldn’t let him upstairs.

“I have to talk to him about Negan.” Really? That seemed to have work on Olivia as he heard the man coming upstairs. Fear and panic began to grow inside of him with each step he heard.

As he saw Spencer in the middle of the staircase, Carl felt like crying again.The man stopped walking then and stared up at him for a couple of seconds before taking another step closer towards him. Carl ran over to Judith’s room as fast as he could and closed the door behind him and locked it before tearing up.

“Open the fucking door, Carl,” he heard Spencer whisper angrily against the door and shook his head before sliding down the door crying.

_Dad…_

_Negan…_

_Please come back…_

**NEGAN**

Negan left the house once the whole damn place was upside down and as he got out he smashed the entrance door as hard as he could causing the little glass windows to shatter into a million pieces. He watched the glass fall to the ground and took a deep breath. He didn’t feel any better.

He didn’t want nor need to smash windows, cupboards or refrigerators, he needed to smash the fucker’s skull that had hurt Carl. And he needed to do that shit right fucking now.  
His hands became fists and he rubbed his eyes in a tiresome manner before walking back towards the kid’s house.

Even from outside he could already smell the spaghetti. A small smile spread across his lips by the thought of Carl wearing an apron while helping Olivia serve at the table, and he chuckled lightly before entering the house.

“Honeeyyy, I'm homeeee,” he called out while smashing the door. Luckily for him and Rick, only two of the small windows broke. He couldn’t see Olivia yet but he could imagine the woman's annoyed face as he said that. As he entered the kitchen he found her cooking the spaghetti over the stove with her back to him. Even though she was a big lady he sure as hell could tell that Carl and Judith weren’t hiding behind her.

“The hell the kids at?” she turned her head to look at him then and he could tell something was wrong.

“Carl is upstairs, he took Judith with him.”

He nodded slowly and raised an eyebrow at her as he realized the way she was staring at him. Finally some eye fucking, he thought while giving the woman his best smile.

“Jesus, Olivia, I know I’m pretty fucking handsome to look at but have some self-restraint.” Olivia’s eyes narrowed then and he could tell she was in no mood for jokes. Not like she had ever been anyway.

“Is it true? You didn’t hit Carl?” anger began to build up inside of him and his hand tightened around Lucille. The simple thought of him hurting Carl made his blood boil. He took a deep breath to calm himself down and shook his head. It’s not her fault; she’s just looking after the kid, he told himself before loosening his hold around the baseball bat a little.

“I didn’t, I found him like that and he didn’t want to tell me what happened…Did he tell you anything?”

“Just that one of the cans fell on his face”

Really? Of all the fucking excuses Carl could have used, he used that one? He might as well have used the one in which the abused wife got the black eye while opening the fucking fridge door.

He nodded his head slowly before pointing upstairs with Lucille. “I’m going to go check on him, wouldn’t like for him to lose his other fucking eye.” He walked out of the kitchen but before he could go upstairs he managed to hear Olivia calling out for him. “What?” he asked in an annoyed manner while peeking his head back into the kitchen.

“Spencer is here.”

He frowned, confused and entered the kitchen again while crossing his arms.

Was this Spencer the one that had hurt Carl?

“Who the fuck is Spencer? And why the hell did you let him in?”

Fear crossed the woman’s features then and she began to mumble a few incoherent things before shaking her head with tears in her eyes.

“He said he needed to speak with Carl…about you.”

The laugh that escaped his throat had to be the most sarcastic one he had ever let out in his entire fucking life.

“First, I don’t even know the fucker, Olivia…” he lifted his index finger for emphasis “…And second, no one but Rick and I can go upstairs to interact with the fucking kids from now on.” he lifted his middle finger and deliberately keep it up for a moment too long.

Olivia nodded her head with tears running down her face and he decided to head upstairs at once. The first thing he heard was someone closing a door followed by the sound of something falling to the ground. He held Lucille tight and stared at the empty hallway before heading towards Carl’s room.

The teenager was nowhere to be seen.

Negan went to Judith’s room next and frowned as he tried the door and realized that it was locked.

Why the hell would the door be locked? He highly doubted baby Judith had locked it. The only one that could have done so was Carl. He knocked on the door softly and announced his presence in the least threatening way he could.

“Carl…open the fucking door before I bring it down...”

It didn’t take long for the teenager to do as he was told.

The first thing he noticed was that Carl seemed to have been crying, a lot, along with the fact that the teenager's cheek seemed to be gaining a darker color. It wouldn’t take long for it to become a nasty bruise. The other thing he noticed was how the kid seemed to be looking down the hallway rather than at him, almost as if he were on the lookout for someone else.

Fucking Spencer for sure.

Negan looked down the hallway too in a mocking manner, and as Carl noticed how he had noticed him doing so, frowned. “I know I’m old but I’m sure as hell that I can still see things perfectly fine, so do tell me, what the fuck are you looking at kid? A fucking ghost?” The teenager shook his head slowly and he thought about asking him about the man, Spencer, but decided against it.

He's just going to lie to me or tell me that he’s gone and that it doesn’t matter.

Just forget it…those words came crashing into his mind as he saw Carl looking down at the floor. He didn’t even need to ask Carl, he already knew what was going to happen if he asked.

Negan decided to play stupid and pushed past the teenager as he entered Judith’s room. He would deal with the Spencer later. Right now he needed to keep Carl close to him along with Judith.

He chuckled lightly as he saw the baby standing up and remembered the time he had first entered the room. He lifted her up with care and held her close to his chest while making a few rocking moves that cause the little girl to giggle like a dork. Negan turned to look at Carl for a moment and felt his own smile falter a little as he found the teenage boy’s icy blue eye on him. Carl was begging him to ask him what was wrong.

Don’t do it, he told himself and pretended not to have noticed the way he was staring at him.

“Come on Carl, I’m still fucking starving and I’m sure as hell that both of you little fuckers are starving too.” he put one arm around the kid’s neck and pulled him closer to his chest for a second before gently pushing him in front of him so that he went down the stairs first.

As the three of them walked downstairs his eyes connected with Olivia's and he brought his index finger towards his own mouth to silence the woman. Don’t ask. She seemed to get the message he was trying to deliver and he cursed himself as tears began to leave her eyes. He roughly spun Carl around back towards the staircase so he wouldn’t notice her crying and tried to remain calm.

Goddammit woman, why do you have to be so emotional all the fucking time?

“Holy shit, how silly of me, I forgot Lucille upstairs. Bring her to me and wash your hands, kid.” He could see how Carl seemed to be slightly annoyed by this and smiled sadly by seeing that defiant look back in the boy’s eye before watching him walk over to Olivia, who quickly pressed in for answers.

“Where’s Spencer?”

He shook his head and let out a tired breath. “The fucker must have jumped out the window or some shit. Don’t mention him to Carl; I’m going to deal with that later.”  
Judith’s hands went over to his mouth then and he smiled at the little girl before tickling her lightly with his free hand. She laughed loudly and Negan chuckled before noticing how Olivia was staring at him. It was as if she had just witnessed Jesus fucking Christ our Lord and savior walk by, rather than a humble caring man playing with a little girl.

“You know...” he gave her a wolfish smile”...the offer is still standing.”

That made her turn around and look at him with hate and disgust. He chuckled lightly before turning back to the kitchen's entrance just in time to see Carl coming downstairs with Lucille in his right hand. Are you a southpaw? -No. He smiled at the memory of their almost chop-chop encounter and walked over to him while handing his little sister over to him. “My turn to wash my hands. Tell Olivia to get the girl whatever kind of shit is it that she eats or drinks, ready.”

He walked away from both creatures then, but not before giving Olivia a warning look.Don’t fuck things up while I take a leak. Negan went to the bathroom that was under the staircase then and poured some water into the sink. He rubbed his eyes in a tiresome manner and growled angrily before biting his own hand to keep himself from screaming out loud.

Twice. That fucker had evaded him twice.

He was going to make that sorry piece of shit suffer.

The idea of using Lucille against the man Spencer was enough for him to enjoy the pain his hand was feeling right now. It will all be worth it. Spencer was going to pay for hurting his little serial killer. Negan splashed some water on his face and quickly noticed how a bit of blood was now coming out of the small wound he had created with his teeth. He pouted his mouth and took a deep breath.

“Fucking great.” He washed his hands and went back to the kitchen with only one thought in mind.

Once he ate he was going to feed Lucille.

She sure as hell was thirsty as fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have become kind of obsessed with writing this shit so I’m going to keep going, do not worry I won’t stop any time soon but I got to admit, it’s quite tiring, I might start to post this with a few days of difference, so I’m sorry to keep you waiting guys, ladies, believe I really am sorry.  
> I know how you feel.  
> Leave me your comments plis, I honestly would like to know what you think about the way I’m writing both characters, at times I feel like I’m making them too soft or cheesy, not as badass (Carl) or as jerky (Negan) as they should. Do feel free to speak out your minds guys, ladies.  
> Hope you liked this shit.  
> Also I'll be posting another chapter in a couple of hours.  
> I originally thought about posting it as just one but then thought people wouldn’t want to read that much at once so I decided to divide it and call it the fourth chapter.  
> What can I say I am a genius :v


	4. I'm Good at Catching Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, like I said this was supposed to be on the other chapter, it’s kind of like a second part of it so I hope you enjoy it.  
>   
> I do apologize if you haven’t watched the show. Do not read the next chapters, spoilers from last night’s episode will be shown so…you’ve been warned.  
>   
> Hope you enjoy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> 

**CARL**

Carl watched as Olivia served the table and wondered if he should stand and help her out. He did want to help the woman out but something inside of him was just off, he didn’t feel like doing anything at all. It was as though if someone had ripped something out of him…well someone did do so, he thought in a bitter way while resisting the urge to cry again.

He shook his head and closed his eye for a second while allowing Judith to toy with his hair.

“Carl…open the fucking door before I bring it down...”

He had never been as happy as in that moment to hear Negan’s voice. He usually couldn’t wait to hear silence every time that the older man spoke so feeling glad to hear his voice for the first time had been a great deal for him. Carl had practically cleaned up his messed up face and wiped all the tears and snots he had with the sleeves form his shirt as quickly as he could.

He didn’t want Negan to notice how he had been crying again.

It had somehow worked since Negan hadn’t even asked him about it. The man had mocked him about his fearful stare down the hallway but other than that he hadn’t press further as to why he had locked the door or why his eye was all teary.

In a way that had…disappointed him…He felt like a complete idiot and a huge crybaby for not being asked as to what had happened or what was wrong with him by the older man. Of course, he wouldn’t have told him but something about Negan not asking him had really pissed him off. Wasn’t that what adults did after all? Ask the kids how they’re feeling? What’s bothering them? It had been a while since someone -even his own father- had asked him that.

How are you feeling Carl? It would be nice for someone, anyone really, to ask him that...

His hands became fists and he opened his eye as he heard some footsteps nearby. He turned his head only to find Negan walking over the kitchen with a smirk on his face. The older man never turned his head to look at him.

_Did he really not notice me crying?_

The idea of Negan not noticing him crying when it had been really fucking obvious, pained him somehow. It felt like the man didn’t care about him at all. And why should he? You tried to kill him. He doesn’t care about you.

A small tear left him then and he wiped it off his face in an angry manner. Don’t do that, don’t feel like that, you might be a kid but you’re not stupid enough to believe that Negan ever cared about you. He was probably sweet talking you to keep you under control so you wouldn’t try to kill him again. Judith’s little hands went over to his good eye then as if she had realized him crying and he smiled at his little sister.

_Even a baby could notice me crying you asshole._

Carl stood from the chair he was in then and headed to the kitchen. Negan was shaking Judith’s feeding bottle as hard and as fast as he could and he wondered for a second if he was doing that just to piss Olivia off since it looked as though if he were jerking off. Judging by the way Olivia stared at him it was.

The older man laughed at the woman before laying his eyes on him. For a second he thought he had seen the man’s smile vanish for a second but that thought was quickly dismissed as Negan's smile widened even more as he looked at him.

“Carl, throw your sister at me, I’ll catch her” he rolled his eye annoyed by the man's words and walked over to Negan while carefully handling her little sister to him.

“I’m very good at catching things kid” you didn’t catch me crying you prick.

Negan took the top of the bottle off with his teeth and motioned for him to grab it with his eyes. He took it off the man’s mouth and took it to the sink before walking back to him. He watched with slight surprise how Negan carefully fed Judith with extreme care and wondered if he had ever had had any kids of his own.

It didn’t take Carl too long to notice how Negan was actually being too careful about the way he was feeding Judith, almost as if he were afraid of drowning his sister with milk and he couldn’t help but smile a little amused by the man's behavior.

“Don’t give me that fucking look kid, I’m trying to not choke your sister by deep throating this damn thing into her mouth”

Carl pouted his mouth and Negan lifted an eyebrow at him before removing the feeding bottle from Judith’s mouth completely causing the girl to let out a frustrated growl. His little sister punched Negan's chest by that and tried her best to reach for the bottle again causing the older man to stare at her with genuine surprise in his eyes “She’s more vicious than those half dead fuckers out there…” Negan suddenly handed him Judith over, and he gently took her into his arms before giving the man a confused look.

Negan handed him the feeding bottle over then and lifted his eyebrows at him ''Go on kid, if you think you can do better job than I go right fucking ahead and show me how it's done” Carl grabbed the bottle then and had to hold back a small sigh as his fingers brushed the man’s hand.

He blinked confused and quickly focused on the work at hand. He positioned Judith in a half standing, half lying position and gently offered the bottle to her. She quickly grabbed at it and began to feed herself. Negan just stared at him with a lifted eyebrow and pointed at Judith with clear worry in his eyes.

“Isn’t she too young to be doing that shit?”

Carl wanted to laugh or at least smile by the man’s worrisome behavior but he quickly decided against it and just shook his head with the slightest trace of a smile in the corner of his lips.

“She’s fine, she’ll move the bottle away from herself once she’s full” the older man nodded with weary eyes obviously still worried at the situation.

“Carl…Negan…” they both turned around as Olivia called out their names “...the spaghetti is ready.” he turned to look at Negan then who nodded at Olivia.

To his surprise the man wrapped an arm around his neck and pressed him against his chest while leaning one arm on top of his head “Olivia, are you seeing this shit? Because I don’t want to be the one that tells Rick that his little girl died while deep throating a fucking bottle of milk. If she dies it’s Carl’s fault alright?” Olivia nodded her head slowly and Negan clapped his hands causing her, Judith and Carl to flinch.

“It must run in the family,” he said while chuckling before taking his index finger towards Judith who grabbed at it for a second before slapping it away “Really fucking vicious,” he said before walking over to the table.

Negan sat at the end of the table, where his dad normally sat and stared around himself for a few seconds before frowning “We’re going to need another setting” Olivia frowned but obeyed the older man nonetheless. She put another set of plates at the table and began to serve the spaghetti and lemonade. Once she was done Negan thanked her and motioned towards Carl.

“Do take Judith sweet Olivia, I think she’s done with that white stuff” Olivia seemed to be disgusted by his comment mainly because by white stuff Negan might have meant something else and gently took Judith from his arms “Thanks” Carl muttered at the woman before his eye found Negan’s brown eyes.

The older man patted the chair beside him and he slowly took a seat beside him.

Eating besides Negan had to be one of if not the most uncomfortable yet normal things he had ever done in his life. The whole meal went surprisingly normal, with Negan threatening them only once in a light way by putting Lucille in the empty seat beside him while complaining about his father not getting on time for supper and a few other unnecessary comments about how he was going to punish his father for not hurrying up. The only thing Carl had found really uncomfortable had been when his own knee had accidentally touched the older man's knee who had playfully patted his knee back with is own.

By the end of their meal, Carl was full and by the looks of it everyone on the table too. Judith had fallen asleep a couple of minutes ago and Olivia had taken her upstairs leaving him and Negan alone.

“My goodness…” the older man suddenly stretched out in his chair like a cat, forcing him to lift his feet in order to don't touch the man's legs, who gave him an amused smile while raising an eyebrow at him “Wasn’t that shit fucking delicious Carl?” Negan asked him and even though he wanted to remain silent or at least ignore him he slowly nodded his head “Your dad better thank me for keeping you so well feed, kid” Carl suddenly flinched by the memory of him laying in Spencer’s kitchen.

At what fucking price did you keep me well fed you prick?

There was a sudden knock on the door and both of them turned towards the sound. Carl couldn’t help but wonder if it was his dad but as he remembered how his father had gone quite far he quickly realized that that couldn't be him.

Tara? Father Gabriel? He couldn’t really think of anyone that would want to speak with him or Negan at all.

Negan lifted an eyebrow at him and looked at him before speaking again “Got a girlfriend I don’t know about?” the older man stood from his seat then while grabbing Lucille from her own seat. The memory of him and Enid came back to this mind and Carl cursed himself for not even thinking about her during this whole thing.

He followed Negan as he opened the door and held his breath as he saw Spencer standing outside with a bottle of Ron in his hand. The other man’s eyes found his own eye then and Carl could see a little bit of fear invade the man. He felt how fear also invaded him by the thought of Spencer hurting him again but as he remembered with whom he was that fear quickly vanished.

 _Negan_. He was with Negan now.

A small satisfied smirk crossed his features then and he couldn’t help but feel like the small kid that was friends with the big bad guy at school. Judging by the way Spencer was looking at them he had the same thought too except he was the bully that had messed with the wrong kid.

“Who the fuck are you?” asked Negan in an annoyed manner while leaning against the entrance door with most if not all his body spread over it, almost as if he wanted to block the whole damn thing.

“I don’t think we’ve met properly, I’m Spencer Monroe. We met when you first came? I was the guy that didn’t know who you were “ Negan nodded his head then and Spencer began to explain himself further “I came to talk to you, I brought this” Spencer showed him the bottle he was holding and as he heard Negan chuckle in delight his hands became fists.

_Don’t laugh with him._

The older man without the beard suddenly turned to look at him and he couldn’t help but feel completely naked by the way he stared at him. His eyes were darker than usual and even though his voice sounded amused and friendly, his expression wasn't

"Carl why don’t you bring us two glasses, the big boys have to talk” Negan left the house then and closed the door behind himself but not before giving him one last look that let Carl know that he knew everything he had been trying to hide from him.

**NEGAN**

The last thing he saw as he closed the door behind himself was Carl breaking down in tears.

Negan forced himself to smile as he looked back at Spencer who gave him a carefree smile. He motioned towards the chairs in which he and Carl had been sitting earlier and placed Lucille on another one near them, before sitting down next to Spencer.

“Hand that shit over that kid isn’t going to bring us any fucking glasses” his tone was deadly serious and as he looked back at Spencer he could tell the man’s mind had gone to some other places. Other darker places which he now knew about.

“Why?” Spencer asked in a nervous manner. Negan took a long sip at the bottle and gave a harsh growl by the bitterness of it.

“Because there are none left…” he laughed and the man followed his lead before shaking his head.

He took another sip and passed the bottle over to Spencer who also took a long sip at it “That shit’s good, we’re only missing a fucking pool table” the man was quick to respond to his joke and he couldn’t help but wonder who was a bigger kiss ass, this guy or his wives.

"The house across the street has one on the garage” he opened his eyes slightly in surprise and stared at the man with the biggest smile he could manage “Oh Spencer; you may just be my new best friend…” he wanted to puke as he said that.

Spencer chuckled by his comment, obviously believing it, and handed him the bottle over again. He took another sip at the liquor and felt grateful for the burning pain in his throat as he swallowed it.

“Such a nice day though, too nice to be cooked up inside some garage, don’t you think?” he stood then and grabbed at his jacket which until now he realized Carl hadn’t even bothered to take inside.

_The fucking kid just took aunt Lucille with him._

He couldn’t help but smirk at that and waved a hand towards the house in front of them “Let’s get that shit out” like a woman who has been told she’s was getting some oral sex tonight, Spencer stood and walked over to the front house.

Negan put his leather jacket on and grabbed Lucille before walking down the stairs with her proudly over his shoulder. With the help from some men that were walking nearby, they placed the pool table in the middle of the street and began to play.

“So what is it that you want?” he asked while grabbing one of the pool cues. He leaned in on the table and prepared himself to shot the white ball at the small triangle of balls that Spencer was arranging for him in the middle of it.

“I came to talk to you about Rick” he frowned slightly confused mainly because he knew Rick wasn’t in this town at the time.

What could this guy possibly want to talk to him about their fearless leader?

“Alright then Spencer, talk to me about Rick” he hit the ball then and watched with a smirk as two balls went in.

“I get what you’re trying to do here, what you’re trying to build…” he hit the ball once more and watched with a smile as another ball went in “…I’m not saying I agree with your methods but I get it; you’re building a network, you’re making people contribute to a greater good…makes sense…” he stared at Spencer for a second before moving to a better position to hit the next ball.

"But you should know that Rick Grimes has a history of not working well with others” one more hit and this time the ball moved to the side and stayed at the edge.

_Shit._

He turned to look at the man with a raised eyebrow “Is that so?” from behind Spencer he could see how Carl and Olivia had gotten out of the house and were now staring at the scene. His eyes found the teenagers icy blue one for a moment and he could see on it how he was waiting for something to happen.

Don’t worry kid, just wait and see.

“Rick wasn’t the original leader here, my mom was, she was doing a really good job of it…then she died, not long after Rick showed up…” he rolled his eyes then and moved closer to Spencer while putting one arm around his neck.

“Don’t go around with the whole orphan thing, last time I checked you were Spencer something, not Bruce Wayne so cut the crap and get to the fucking point” he could see Spencer’s eyes filling with fear then and he stared at him for a couple of seconds before letting go of his neck and motioning towards the pool table. Spencer moved to the side to position himself in a better angle and hit the white ball. The fucker managed to put two balls in.

“He likes to be in control…” Spencer said. Tell me something I don’t know about Ricky boy. The memory of him and Rick on the RV came to his mind and he smiled lightly by the way the man had tried to kill him with his axe. He definitely liked to be in control.

But that control was his now. Even though he wanted to speak he allowed Spencer to go on.

“He took control over my mom and he’ll do so with you too” Negan chuckled then and watched as the other man hit another ball that swiftly went in. He took a sip at the bottle and placed his cue in the middle of the table to stop Spencer from playing. The man’s eyes went up to his and he tilted his head to the side.

“Quick reminder orphan boy, I am in control now, but anyway, what is it that you’re you proposing to be done about that?” Spencer stood a little bit taller then and he could already tell where this was going to.

Killing Rick...

“I am my mother’s son, I can be the leader she was…that’s what this place needs, that’s what you need” he chuckled and leaned in closer to the man.

“So I should put you in charge…is that what you’re saying?” out of courage or who knows what, Spencer reached over for the bottle in his hand and took a long sip before nodding at him.

“We’ll be much better off,” Spencer said with a small smile and he smiled back at the man before taking the bottle away from him once more. Negan took it close to his lips but before he took a drop of the liquid he pointed at Spencer and lowered the bottle.

“Much better off you say…is that what you think?” it didn’t take long for the man to nod once more.

"I do” Spencer said with a sickening confidence that made him want to laugh out loud.

“I do…that’s what all my wives said before I fucked them…” Negan chuckled at his own joke and realized how a small crowd had gathered around them to watch them play. He was only able to recognize three people among the crowd, the chick that had refused to look at his lover's blood all over Lucille, the white guy with the weird ass haircut and the black priest with the creepy ass smile and collar.

Negan waved a hand at them with a smile on his face before turning to look at Spencer who seemed to be more enthusiastic about seeing him once more.

“I’m thinking Spencer, I’m thinking how Rick threaten to kill me, how he clearly hates my guts...but he’s out there right now, gathering shit for me to make sure I don’t hurt any of the fine people that live here” he gave the people around a small smile before turning his attention back to Spencer.

“He’s swallowing his hate and getting shit done. That takes guts” he leaned in and hit the white ball. He twisted his mouth in disappointment as both, the white and the blue ball, went in. He straightened again and turned to look at Spencer once more.

“And then there’s you…the guy who waited for Rick to be gone so he could sneak over and talk to me to get me to do his dirty work so he could get Rick’s place. So I got to ask. If you want to take over why not just kill Rick yourself and just take over!” he could see how Spencer’s expression slowly began to crumble into one of fear and insecurity. He had pressed a nerve he knew.

His eyes suddenly shifted towards Carl and he lifted his eyebrows at him to let the kid know he had to keep on watching them “Watch this shit kid” he said by only moving his lips and as he saw Carl eye widening slightly he knew he had his attention.

“I didn’t- I don’t want to-” he lifted his right hand to silence him but also to keep the man attention towards himself. Look at me and not at my hand you fucking idiot. His right hand slowly went over to the knife in his belt and he tilted his head to the side while addressing the man.

“You know what I’m thinking? Because I got a guess, and it’s a pretty fucking great one…it’s because you’ve got no guts…” in one quick move he stabbed Spencer in the stomach and barely gave anyone time to react as he slashed the man’s stomach open causing all of his internal organs to come crumbling down in a red waterfall. “How embarrassing…there they are, they were inside you the whole time, you did have guts! I’ve never been so wrong in my whole fucking life!” Spencer fell down on his knees and he knelt in front of him while leaning in close to his ear.

"You’re never hurting Carl again you piece of shit...and just so you know...that kid has more guts than you, and let me tell you I don't have to fucking cut him open to know that...he's just that good of a fucking badass...” he made eye contact with the Spencer then and saw how fear was the only emotion in them.

He smiled and stood from the ground but not before stabbing Spencer on his groin twice. This caused Spencer to scream out in pain and fall to the ground while bleeding out. Negan turned his attention towards Carl for a second and even though he could see Carl’s eye filled with surprise he could also see something else on that icy blue of his.

Gratitude. About fucking time.

He chuckled lightly and winked at the kid before turning his attention towards the people in front of him. He grabbed Lucille then and began to taunt everyone about how someone needed to clean the fucking mess he had just made.

"Someone get up here and clean this mess up before a fucking kid sees it” he pointed Lucille over to each and every single person that was in front of him but they all remained frozen in place. After a while, Negan rolled his eyes before waving his arm in an exaggerated manner towards the pool table.

“Okay then…does anyone want to finish the game first? Come on, anybody?” he asked in a pained tone as if he were a lonely child who only wanted to play. He grabbed at the cue and offered it to the people but none of them took it. He winced then and left the cue on the pool table again before waving Lucille in front of his face. “Come on I was winning,” he said before turning to look at Carl for a second. The kid was staring at him with a mixture of surprise and shock.

 _Come on kid, play with me_ he wanted to say but held his tongue and only smiled at him.

“Negan!” Carl's desperate scream made all his senses come back to life. He barely had time to turn around as he heard someone shooting at him.

The last thing he saw was Carl’s icy blue eye shedding a tear.

Truly fucking adorable kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Negan took his little revenge at Spencer and I’m so happy for it.  
>   
> I thought about him torturing Spencer for a while before killing him but I think Negan wouldn’t have liked to make Carl’s situation public to the rest of the people. Sorry if you were expecting some kind of violent revenge ;V  
>   
> More chapters to come soon ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> 


	5. My Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keeping on with the story, it takes on where we left on the last chapter  
> I do hope you enjoy and I do apologize if this one comes off as lazy or kind of odd. To be honest I didn’t really knew how to write this shit down without sounding stupid at all.  
> I’m sorry.

CARL

 

Two things went by his head as he saw Rosita aiming a gun at Negan.

The first one that was the most obvious one, that she going to kill Negan.

That both angered and saddened him.

It angered him since he wanted to be the one to kill the man. He had hid in a truck, found the Sanctuary and aimed a gun at him; it frustrated him to think he could have been the one to end it all, to be the one that pulled the trigger, to be the one that buried a bullet deep into his head… to be the one that would see those brown eyes for the last time spark with life… to be the one Negan would look at for the last time as he died…

That’s not going to be me.

Not me…

The last thing Negan would look at would be Rosita’s face not his. A more appealing one he though in a bitter way.

Not me, not me, not me, I won’t be the one to kill you and I won’t be the one to see you. That pained him.

Even after all the things Negan had done to his friends and family, to him, he couldn’t deny that he had gotten to a point in which he had started to develop something, he didn’t knew exactly what but he did know that it involved him and the older man, feelings maybe?

No they're not feelings...they can't be…

He couldn’t be feeling something for the man that had killed two of his friends, the man that had mocked him and snatched him of everything he loved and cared…

Then again that same man had encouraged him to show his wound to the world as if to show everyone how he had been shot yet survived.

You’re a badass.

The man that hadn’t killed him nor hurt him even he had tried to gun him down in cold blood. KId I'm not gonna lie, you scare the shit out of me. The man that hadn’t kill his little sister. I won’t hurt her I promise. The man that knew what had happened with him yet had hidden it from everyone to keep him safe, shit he had fooled him with just a smile.

Did you really didn’t see me cry? He now knew he had. He had seen it and kept it a secret…just to protect him.

It easy to forget you're just a kid.

No.

He didn’t want Negan to die.

A tear left his eye as he screamed the man’s name as he saw Rosita pulling the trigger “Negan!“ the man’s brown eyes had left him then and turned to face the bullet, his death.

He had closed his eye then not wanting to see Negan’s brains splashing all over the place. He just couldn’t see it…he didn’t want to see.

It wasn’t until he heard a couple of gasps and Negan’s easily recognizable angry voice soaring over the air that he opened his eye again.

The fucker was alive!

“SHIT!”

More than alive.

Negan was cursing and swinging Lucille around like a completely mad man “WHAT THE SHIT!? SHIT!” the level of anger and hate Negan was showing in his voice and mannerism was enough to make Carl tremble and fear the man even if it was just for this occasion.

Right now Negan scared the shit out of him.

He watched in shock as Arat, the woman who seemed to be one of Negan’s top girls, knocked Rosita over to the ground by grabbing at her throat with incredible force.

“YOU JUST- YOU JUST TRIED TO KILL ME?! YOU SHOT LUCILLE” he blinked then and stared hard at the baseball bat. It wasn’t until then that Carl realized what had saved the man’s life. Lucille had saved Negan from having his brains blown out.

She had literally taken a bullet for him.

I'm good at catching kid, he now knew that was true. He had notice him crying, had found out about Spencer and now he had caught a bullet.

Negan was one hell of a catcher.

“She got in the way” Carl wanted to slap Rosita for her stupidity, he had learnt by countless experiences that stupidity and courage had a really thin line, most of the time he tended to be between them. But what Rosita was doing right now was just stupid. Taunting a man like Negan with something as precious and as valuable as Lucille after trying to kill him was just plain ass stupid.

Negan crouched down to take the little shell from the bullet then and showed it off to everyone before bringing it closer to himself to inspect it.

“What is this…? What is this?!” he managed to see how the man’s tone slowly became a calmer one yet he could feel the anger in it “This old bad boy made from scratch…look at this curves.. this was homemade; you may be stupid darling but you showed some real engineering here” Negan stopped then to rub his eyes before scratching his now missing beard.

He managed to see how the man seemed to have forgotten how that shit was gone and begged for him to look at him for a second at least.

He needed to see those brown eyes of him.

Please Negan just look at me.

“Arat, fuck her face up a little” Arat took out a knife then and ran it over Rosita’s right cheek in a harsh way that made blood quickly come out of a large wound that went all the way down from bellow her eyeball to her chin. Rosita didn’t even wince.

That surely was going to leave a nasty scar.

He gulped hard thinking about how Rosita would now look as fucked up as him now. I won’t be the only one with a fucked up face around town anymore.

“Lucille’s beautiful smooth surface will never look the same, SO WHY SHOULD YOURS?!” he could see some fairness in that but quickly remembered how Lucille was just a baseball bat, she’s not a human, not like Rosita.

It’s just a baseball bat he thought feeling numb by how serious Negan was taking this. It’s just a baseball bat.

Lucille...could it be that she had been named after someone Negan loved or cared about? He had never even thought about that. In order for him to be so protective of her…who did you lose?

His eye focused on Negan as he knelt in front of Rosita “Now tell me who the fuck made this shit” the girl leaned in closer towards the man in an act of defiance and without hesitating put the blame on herself “It was me, I made it” Negan chuckle then in an amused way and put one finger against the brunette’s forehead to force her head back on the ground.

“Now that is just bullshit, I don’t like to generalize girls with pretty faces like you as just stupid chicks with only a pretty face and lose pussy’s to offer but you’re forcing my hand here girl, and who am I kidding, that cut Arat just made is disgusting as hell, you’ll look like a fucking monster with that shit in your face-” that made him flinch and he felt how anger boiled inside of him.

A fucking monster then?

He watched as Negan seemed to realize what he had just said as his brown eyes went up to meet his icy blue one in what he could only describe as a slightly apologetic look. Am I a monster to you too? He saw the man’s mouth open but he quickly turned away from him disgusted by what he had just said.

You have said enough.

There was a small silence before the older man spoke again “Arat, make another cut” he turned his eyes towards Rosita and watched her grit her teeth to contain a moan of pain as the woman made another cut across her cheek.

“It was me” she said again in a confident tone that not even he could believe.

Just tell him who made the bullet he thought in a desperate manner knowing that if Negan didn’t got an honest answer he would most likely kill Rosita or someone else.

“Whoa honey wouldn’t like to mess that pretty face too much, that’s all you got after all since you can’t even fucking aim, like seriously? How did you fucking miss my gorgeous face?” the man’s eyes searched for his eye but he kept his own eye on the girl laying in the middle of the street.

I’m not giving you the pleasure of ever seeing my disgusting face again.

He heard Negan growling in a frustrated manner and he wondered if it was because of Rosita's behavior or his own.

“Let’s try this shit ONE more time, who the FUCK made this?” once again Rosita blamed herself “I did it” she said and he watched as Negan shook his head in disbelief “Arat…” the woman turned to look at the older man like a dog waiting for his owner to give her an order and Carl clenched his fists knowing what was coming.

Please don’t .

“Kill somebody”

It all happened too quickly.

He could hear Rosita screaming how she had been the one that had made the bullet and other people screaming. The woman, Arat, took out a gun from her belt and turned to aim towards him.

She’s going to kill me he thought while opening his eye wide in shock.

The bullet was shot and he closed his eye for a second before hearing how Olivia’s body fell to the ground besides him.

He opened his eye again and turned to look at Negan who seemed to have a hint of fear on his eyes. Carl gulped hard as he saw how the man seemed to be just as shocked as he was. That could have been me he thought as he knelt down besides the woman who now had a small a bloody bullet hole underneath her right eye.

Of all the people…why her?

His hands became fists and then he heard Rick’s angry voice “We had an agreement!” he turned then to see how Negan gathered himself before walking over to his dad with a smile on his face.

“Rick!” his voice broke into a hoarse tone that gave away how surprised or shocked he was “Look everybody is Rick! Your people are making me lose my voice over this shit, and come on, how about you thank me?” Negan’s eyes suddenly focused on him and he gulped hard knowing what he was about to say.

“Your kid, he hid inside one of my trucks and machined gun a bunch of my men down and I brought him home safe and sound!...and I even fed him spaghetti” stop this. He remained knelt besides Olivia feeling embarrassed. He couldn’t face his dad, not now.

He didn’t stand up until he heard Negan explaining how he had been forced to kill Spencer and Olivia.

“To be honest I wouldn’t have picked her, I liked her but I had no control over Arat’s kill and, come on Rick, I made you a BIG fucking favor, missing guns and missing calories no more, you can feed the whole damn town 50% more now” the way Negan mocked Olivia’s death made him want to punch him as hard as he could.

It made him sick.

To think he had really seemed to like Olivia up to some degree…

He’ll do the same shit with you he though and he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if the bullet had gone through his head and not Olivia’s: "To be honest I wouldn’t have picked him, I liked the kid a lot, he had a great future as a serial killer, but I had no control over Arat’s kill and, come on I made you a MIDLY ACCURATE favor, missing son and missing headshots no more, you can scavenge about 50% more without worrying about the damn kid going lose now Rick"

Would he have mocked my death too?

Judging by what he was hearing he would.

Carl watched as his dad seemed to gather whatever was left of all of his patience and tolerance before speaking “Your shit is at the gate, take it and get the hell out of here” he saw how Negan’s eyes widened slightly in surprise before chuckling. The man lifted the little bullet then and shoved into his dad's face almost as if he were blind.

“Sure thing Rick, as soon as I find the guy or gal that made this bullet…Arat!” the woman aimed at Aaron then who until now he realized had come along with his dad and looked seriously beaten up.

Negan’s going to keep on killing people until he finds someone capable of making the bullet.

Carl’s eye scanned everyone in the scene and came to rest upon Eugene.

He’s the one he thought. He made the bullet.

“It was me!” Tara stepped forwards then and he growled frustrated.

Was everyone in this damn town going to blame themselves before the fucking man came forward?

Carl’s hands turned into fists then and he couldn’t help but feel anger and hate towards Eugene.

Why haven’t you stepped forward?

Negan’s eyes turned to Tara and he could tell he wasn’t buying it. Out of a mixture of desperation he stepped forward too.

“It was me, Negan!”

 

NEGAN

 

“It was me, Negan!”

Not you too kid.

He turned to look at the all too familiar voice of Carl and forced himself to smirk a little before walking closer to the kid who didn’t even seemed to be at all worried about what could happen to him.

Damn hero he was, blaming himself for something he knew was just not possible.

It didn’t took long for Rick to intervene as he walked up to his son in a protective manner while giving him a warning look “It wasn’t him and you know it…please, please don’t hurt him…” he stopped then and stared into the icy blue eyes of the man who had seemed to have change into a completely different person in just a matter of seconds.

It was obvious to him that the idea of him killing Carl frightened and worried him beyond words. And for as much as he hated it, he understood the man’s fear, he was his son after all.

The kid is your weakness Rick.

“You’re right Rick I know it. So that makes me fucking wonder why your son is saying all of this bullshit” he stared at Carl with a hard look and motioned for him to move closer towards him “Kid, over here” he said in a serious tone while hitting the ground in front of him with Lucille.

His mind went back to the time he had told Carl to step forward to get his arm cut and he forced himself not to smile at the memory. This isn’t the fucking time for that shit he told himself before tilting his head to the side “Are you going to make me fucking wait?” just like that time, Carl gave him a defiant look but soon began to walk forward.

Rick tried to stop his son from getting closer to him but to his surprise and delight the kid pushed his dad away from himself while staring at him with what he could only describe as an annoyed look.

This fucking kid.

As soon as Carl was in front of him he wrapped one arm roughly around his neck and brought him close to himself. Their faces only inches apart.

“ Let me thank you first kid, you might have been the one to save my sorry ass a couple of minutes ago...so I'm going to make you a huge fucking favor and save your life in return...I know you didn’t make this bullet, you were with me the whole fucking time, so stop wasting my fucking time with this shitty heroic act. Yo want to play the fucking hero? Play the damn hero by surviving this shit then, don’t force my hand, Carl. I don’t want to kill you so for god’s sake stop squeezing my fucking balls” he roughly pushed the teenager away from himself and locked eyes with him for a couple of seconds before waving Lucille in the air towards the woman.

“Our young hero interrupted you, what was it that you were saying darling?” he turned to look at the woman with big tits and brown hair then and watched as she seemed to be caught off guard by him adressing her “I said it was me; I’m the one that made the bullet” fat, with big tits and a chipmunk face.

It wasn’t her he told himself while giving a couple of steps closer to her.

“It wasn’t her…” Jesus fucking Christ.

He turned in a dramatic way towards the sound of the male voice then and found the man with the weird ass haircut removing his hands from his face. The bastard had been crying the whole damn time.

“It was me” he said and his hold around Lucille tightened then as he felt the sincerity and fear in his tone.

It was him.

Negan walked closer to him then and the man quickly began to explain how he had made the bullet. He might actually be useful he thought as he heard all the scientific words that poured out of the man’s mouth .He silenced him and told him how he believed him before apologizing to Lucille for not killing the man who had hurt her.

Giving his girl a kiss he turned to look at Rick.

“We’ll be relieving you of you bullet maker Rick, that and whatever you left me on the front gate, and however much you scavenged, is not good enough because you’re still in serious hold after today…” he saw the man’s eyes fill with anger then and he couldn’t help but feel as though he was staring right at Carl since it seemed that the kid was the only with enough guts to look at him like that.

He smiled then and waved his hand in the air while turning to look at Arat and his men “Let’s move out!” everyone lowered their guns then and he couldn’t help but feel slightly amused as the woman with the now fucked up face began to scream and beg for them to not take her friend away.

Negan chuckled lightly before kneeling in front of her and whispering into her ear how it was all her fault.

“You shouldn’t have put him in that situation darling…I’m sure as hell he just did it for the pussy so I do hope you gave it to him before trying to kill me because you won’t be seeing him for a while” the woman punched the ground then in frustration before breaking in tears.

Negan stood from the ground before giving Rick a small smile “Woman eh?, they make our dicks go crazy over them” tears began to leave the man then and he chuckled lightly before giving a couple of steps away ready to leave the place.

Carl.

He stopped on his tracks then and growled frustrated with himself as he felt the urge to speak or at least see the teenager one last time. Don’t do it, don’t fucking do it. Negan turned then and found Carl’s icy blue eye already staring up at him.

Shit kid, at least cry a little…

He took a deep breath before giving him an apologetic look “I’m sorry…” he said with his lips before turning around with Lucille over his shoulder.

Negan had to force himself not to look back at the kid as he walked away from the houses. Just don’t…he told himself before getting to the gate. His men had already taken all of Rick’s shit and were now waiting for him to get in the truck and order them to move out of the place.

“Let’s get the hell out of here” he said in a low tone while looking out the window half hoping to see his little serial killer one last time, even if it was just to see his fucked up face staring up at him with nothing but hate and disgust.

That didn’t happened.

The gate was opened for them and as they left he couldn’t help but feel slightly nostalgic by the realization of how empty the truck felt without Carl awkwardly sitting besides him. A small smile spread across his face and he cursed himself as he realized how he had started to develop something for the little serial killer…feelings maybe?

You protect him, kill for him, worry about him in plain fucking sight and now miss him?

He growled angrily and cursed himself for feeling like that before punching the car's front window with his bare hand.

The shattered glass quickly dug into his skin and he gave the driver, Robert, his most threatening look so he wouldn’t dare question him about what had just happened.

Blood quickly began to drip down the wounds in his hand and he watched as each drop fell on the car’s floor wondering if just like those blood drops, tears were falling from the teenager’s eyes.

Was the kid crying right now? For some reason he thought he did.

Shit.

Had that fucking girl not shot him none of that would have happened. He would have just taken care of Spencer and probably go back inside the house with Carl and Olivia, he might have been able to play with Judith and maybe even play with Carl on his room once more.

Fuck me.

His hands became fists and he couldn’t help but feel the urge to tell Robert to turn the damn car around to smack the shit out of the girl that had shot him.

It was all her fault.

Negan punched what was left of the glass again and growled angrily at himself by the pain he had just inflicted upon his own hand.

Was the pain worth it? Fuck no.

It didn't even help him calm down nor feel any better.

What have you done to me kid?

Negan took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down and leaned back on his seat before closing his eyes. The only thing he could picture was Carl crying in his room.

The simple thought of him crying made his chest hurt.

Hell…

He might be my weakness too Rick…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…some of you might have notice that the pacing and maybe even the way I write the character on this one may be odd. Like I said in the beginning I wasn’t really sure of myself on this one, I’ll admit it and I do apologize for that. I do hope I can make it up to you guys.  
> Do leave your comments judging and criticizing this shit, I love to read them, they help me develop the story and also myself as a ´´writer´´ that if I can even be called that ;v  
> Hope you enjoyed


	6. Replacement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter would focus on Daryl's escape from the Sanctuary and how Negan decides to punish Rick for his missing prisoner.
> 
> I was actually planning to make it longer but just like with chapter 3 I decided to divide them so you wouldn’t get bored :v 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :D

NEGAN

 

He heard a gunshot and then a male voice screaming out his name “Negan!” 

Carl…

He woke up abruptly and quickly realized how he was sweating like crazy and how his whole body was shaking; he stared around himself as calmly as he could only to find Robert, the truck driver, looking at him with a mildly worried expression on his face. Surely looking at his fearless leader waking up from a fucking nightmare wasn’t a pleasant thing to witness. 

“The hell you looking at?” that was enough to make the man look away from him in fear. 

Negan rubbed his eyes in a tiresome manner before wincing slightly in pain as he was reminded of the cuts he had made on his hand a couple of minutes ago. I need to wash this shit he thought before looking ahead of himself only to notice how they were already on the walker pits near the Sanctuary. 

Shit, had he slept during the whole damn ride? 

That both surprised him and worried him since he never slept in the trucks, he barely trusted his men while awake much less while he was asleep.

Fucking Robert could have killed him. 

He needed to give this man an award, or maybe just get rid of him. 

They entered the Sanctuary and he saw how a couple of his men come out running with an expression that told him something was really fucking wrong. Among his men was Dwight who walked over to him with a beaten up look on his eyes “I know I won’t like what I am about to hear so just fucking say it” he said while giving the man with the burned face a tired look.

“Daryl escaped…” his eyes widened then and he felt how his whole being became awake. 

He growled angrily before kicking at the car compartment in front of him like an angry child before storming out of the car to grab at Dwight’s shirt.

"How the fuck did that happened?!” the man shook his head while staring at him with his eyes wide open in fear. Negan forced himself to calm down a little before letting go of Dwight’s shirt. That seemed to ease Dwight to speak a bit more as he told him the details of Daryl’s escape.

“The door wasn’t forced so we’re thinking someone gave him a key, we’re trying to find out who but we don’t have any suspects right now-” he laughed out loud then and gave the man the biggest smile he could manage.

“No suspects right now?” he asked in a calm manner before going ape shit crazy “No suspects right now?! I have quite a few fucking suspects! Everyone in the damn sanctuary that didn’t go out with us just now is a fucking suspect!” he ran a hand over his hair and walked around for a couple of seconds in an attempt to calm himself down again. 

You need to get your shit together before speaking you dumbass you’re making a fool out of yourself. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning to look at Dwight once more.

“Anything else before I bash someone’s head?” he saw the man looking down at the ground for a second before nodding.

“He killed fat Joey…” an eye for an eye it seemed. 

One of his girls took out fat Olivia and now one of Rick’s guys had taken out fat Joey. 

That was fucking destiny. 

Two fat people meeting their final destiny at the same day. 

I sure hope they met at the holy gates he thought in a bitter way before nodding at Dwight “Are you done now?” the man with the burned face nodded once more and he took a deep breath before turning to look at everyone around him. 

His eyes came to lie on Robert whose eyes opened up in fear as he seemed to realize what he was thinking “Please don’t…” cried out the man while getting on his knees.

Negan rolled his eyes before walking closer towards the man who grabbed at his pants while begging at him to don’t kill him. 

Just to fuck around with poor Robert he grabbed Lucille from the truck and placed her on both of the man’s shoulders as if he were naming him prince or king of the land “Stand the fuck up Sir Robert, we’re going out again”

He turned around to don’t hear nor see the man thanking him for not killing him and pointed Lucille at Dwight “Find who did this” the man with the burned face nodded his head at him and he pointed at the truck behind him and at a few of his men “Get in the back of the truck guys, we’re going to that shitty town again” like obedient soldiers everyone did as he said.

“The rest of you unload all of this shit and get Mr. Bad Haircut on a cage” he got in the front seat again along with Robert who muttered a thank you sir once more before turning the truck around.

This time he stayed awake during the whole ride thinking about who could have freed Daryl. 

Carl? No that was just impossible; he had been with the kid the whole damn time, Dwight? For as much as he hated to think about it he could see the man with the burned face doing so, like shit, he had stolen his wife, fucked his face up and had recently kissed his ex-wife right in front of him…speaking of which, Sherry…

Could Sherry have been the one to free Daryl? He had been informed that they had had a little chat that involved Sherry warning Daryl about how terrible and dangerous he was and not only that he had also been able to see it with his own damn eyes how they both stared at each other, almost as if they were keeping something from him. 

Fucking bitch, had she helped Daryl escape? 

He hated to think that she could betray him but in all fairness he had done some damage to her too; keeping her away from his husband and kissing her in front of the man who still loved her had been a low move from his part, he couldn’t deny that.

Then again he wasn’t sure. 

Sherry had never giving him any real trouble, she seemed to really enjoy being with him despise the obvious circumstances, she even seemed to loath kissing and fucking with him. From all his wives she was his hottest and most willing one.

All of them were willing of course yet Sherry was special. It seemed almost natural to her to act as though he hadn’t burned his ex-husband’s face, as though he wasn’t a murderous psychopath and also as though she didn’t love Dwight anymore. 

It surprised him really, how easily that woman was able to disconnect herself from reality just to please him.

Who helped you escape Daryl? Because they’re pretty much fucking dead.

He watched as the sun began to go down and wished he had been a little bit more patient, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea from his part to go out at night, he had gone out at night once to introduce himself to Rick’s group but that time they had been way more men with him. 

About seventy men then, fifteen if not twenty men were with him now. Not as many as he would like to have in a night out.

He chuckled then and resisted the urge to see if Robert stared back at him with his stupid confused face. You’re not scared are you pussy? Negan lowered his car window then and closed his eyes for a second enjoying the cold wind hitting his face.

What kind of punishment was he going to give Rick for this? He did know that if Daryl had escaped it had been mostly because of his men’s fault so killing one of Rick’s people didn’t seem fair at all. Taking their shit was also off the list since he had already done so, so…what could he do? 

His mind suddenly went back to Carl and he laughed out loud while punching the sides of the truck in an excited manner, holy hell. 

From the corner of his eye he managed to see Robert turning to look at him.

Carl. 

That fucking kid was the damn solution to this problem.

Since Daryl was missing now it only seemed fair to him to have a replacement for the man. He would take Carl with him again as punishment. It seemed fair to him in all honestly. Carl and Daryl were the only ones that would look at him in a defiant way and stand up to him when they didn’t like something. It was just like getting a younger and better version of Daryl. 

No. 

He was getting Carl, his little perfect little serial killer. 

The smile he had quickly vanished by the memory of Carl staring at him with nothing but hate and disgust. He couldn’t blame the kid, he had made some nasty comments about the girl’s fucked up face and new scar.

Shit. 

He couldn’t deny he had fucked up with that one, the girl's scar was nothing compared to the damn hole Carl had on his face.

If Carl had actually started to like him-no- not like him- tolerate him at least, he was sure as hell that that slight tolerance was now gone and that the only kind of feelings that the teenage boy had for him now were hate and anger only.

And how could he forget about Olivia, another friend of Carl, added to the list of people that had died because of him. Even if he hadn't killed the woman himself he knew the teenager made him responsible for her death. 

He had given the order to Arat after all. 

Maybe taking Judith was a better alternative, he was sure as hell that the little girl didn't hate him as much as Carl did.

He smiled sadly and watched as the sun slowly hid himself behind a mountain.

As darkness took over the road he couldn’t help but wonder if darkness had taken over the kid’s view of him too. 

Am I just a monster to you now kid?

 

CARL

 

It had been almost an hour since Negan had left and the only thing Carl had done was shot darts at his wall over and over, missing each and every single shot as usual. 

The only dart that was on the board was the one that Negan had thrown a couple of hours ago right in the middle. 

“I’m sorry…” his mind had almost stopped working as he saw the man’s lips muttering an apology at him. But what was Negan sorry about? Killing Spencer? Killing Olivia? Fucking Rosita’s face up just like his? For some reason he thought Negan was sorry about everything. 

About not letting him know how he knew about what Spencer had done to him, about Arat shooting Olivia in cold blood, about him saying those things about Rosita looking like a monster…did Negan really felt sorry?

His hands became fists and he threw the dart furiously against the wall before turning around. He wasn’t sure, he wasn’t sure about anything now. 

The way Negan behaved half of the time was as though if there were two people inside of the man and not just one. The caring Negan that seemed to genuinely feel protective towards him and then there also was the asshole Negan who just cared about himself and no one else.

It was worst than dealing with a girl and even though he hadn’t had many experiences with girls he knew that if there was a level of complicated the girls on their periods would be at the bottom and Negan would be at the very top.

Let me thank you first kid, you might have been the one to save my sorry ass a couple of minutes ago...so I'm going to make you a huge fucking favor and save your life in return…

Why had Negan saved him? Yes he might have saved the man’s life but it would have been way better not to say easier for him to just kill him then and there…and why had HE saved him in the first fucking place? If Negan had died Olivia wouldn’t have been killed and Eugene wouldn’t have been taken. 

You have feelings for him…

Carl punched the wall as hard as he could then while cursing at the man that had his mind in ruins. He bit his lip and cursed himself by the pain his hand was now feeling before dropping himself in bed. 

I shouldn’t have saved him…I just shouldn’t…a tear left his eye then and he furiously wiped it away while picturing himself aiming a gun at Negan.

Stop acting like a fucking brat he told himself in an angry manner while shaking his head. He wasn’t feeling anything for the man, it had just been his mind playing tricks on him, he had felt encouraged by his words and protected by his actions. Negan had just used his own charisma to keep him under control. He didn’t want you to kill him he told himself while angrily punching his pillow. 

And you fell for it, you actually believed his lies…

You’re one hell of a stupid kid he thought before screaming underneath his pillow so no one could hear him. He violently began to stab his pillow with an imaginary dagger while wishing for it to be Negan's chest instead. 

Fuck you Negan…you actually got me to care for you…

He stood from the bed abruptly as he heard the voice of his dad arguing with someone along with several footsteps and people talking all at once. Carl moved towards the window behind him and opened his eye wide as he saw his dad, arguing with none other than Negan himself. 

Both men were being followed by a small group of people from each side, Negan with at least eight men of his own and his dad with Michonne, Tara, Rosita and Father Gabriel.

What the hell was going on and why was Negan back? 

He heard some loud knocking in the front door followed with Negan screaming at him to open the fucking door. He ran downstairs feeling a mixture of confusion and excitement and did as he was told by opening the door at the man who quickly entered the house. Surprise filled him as the man roughly grabbed at his arm before pushing him to go upstairs.

“Pack your shit kid, you’re coming with me” confusion filled him then and he remained where he was feeling unsure about what the hell was going on.

Why would he go with him?

His dad and friends soon came into the house and positioned themselves in front of him in a protective manner while saying all at once how he wasn’t going to take him away from them.

“You’re not taking my son” said his dad while shaking his head at the older man who only stared at Rick in an amused way “Fine your daughter then. Carl bring me that little bitch now” he remained where he was and only gave Negan an angry look. 

You first come into my house telling me to go with you and now you're offending my sister, what the hell is wrong with you?

The older man must have caught something in his expression as he took a deep breath while rubbing his eyes in a tiresome manner.

“Okay, I'm sorry for refering to little Judith like that, she might be vicious as fuck but she's still adorable, but come on kid, I am sleepy as shit so my patience is really fucking thin right now...“ He saw the man's eyes darkening then and for a second he thought Negan would just grab him by the arm and take him away with him by force. 

The man suddenly took a deep breath before waving one hand towards him.

“ Just because I like you I’ll give you the short version of the damn story, you deserve to know why I'm snatching you away from your daddy- Daryl escaped and I’m fucking taking you as his replacement, end of the story, go upstairs, make your fucking bags, put your shit inside them and get in the damn truck” 

Daryl had escaped?

The thought of his friend leaving that place made the corner of his lips lift up in an unconscious way and he had to look down a the ground to hide the smirk on his face.

“Are you fucking deaf kid?” his eye went up to met the man’s brown eyes then and he saw as he lifted an eyebrow at him before pointing at the ceiling with Lucille “Your shit- go get it- you’re coming with me- hurrrYYY THEEE- FUCK-UP! the way in which Negan told him that made him blush ashamed since he felt like he had just been spoken as if he were a toddler.

“I already told you, take me with you if you want because you’re not taking my son with you- You're not- You're not taking him away from me-” Negan turned his attention towards his dad then and he saw as the man blinked in an exaggerated manner before closing his eyes a little while stepping closer to his dad almost as if he couldn’t see him clearly. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong but last time I checked you were Rick fucking Grimes not Carl fucking Grimes…” the man’s hands went up towards his dad’s face and he saw the anger and the hate in his dad’s features as the older man caressed his face in a rough manner “This short ass hair and beard do not belong to the kid I know as little serial killer, they belong to you RICK, not to CARL” 

The man let go of his dad's face then and he saw as his dad shook his head before looking down at the ground defeated.

“It can be me…please…please…don’t take him- take me…” Negan waved one hand in the air to silence his dad before pointing Lucille towards him “The bags kid, go get them” he gulped hard and remained frozen in place causing the older man to let out an exaggerated growl.

“Alright then, I’ll pack your fucking things then” he saw as Negan walked over to him and he had to step to the side to don’t be pushed over by him as he walked upstairs towards his room.

He couldn’t even move to go upstairs and check what Negan was taking with him. 

All he could do was watch as everyone broke down in tears for not being able to do anything. What had Negan threaten them with? Probably their own lives or everyone in Alexandria he thought as he wondered why no one but his dad was showing a bit of resistance.

There’s nothing they can do…

There's nothing I can do...

Two minutes went by and Negan came back down with two large backpacks and a bag with what he hoped were clothes. The older man threw both bags towards two of his men and waved at them to get out of the house before turning to look at him.

“Come on kid, I have packed you some really warm looking pijamas and your toothbrush" Negan gave him a wolfish smile then and he couldn't help but feel completely naked by the look the man gave him.

"We’re going to have one hell of a sleep over at my place tonight Carl” Negan said in an excited tone before wrapping one arm around his neck. 

The closeness of the man should have made him uncomfortable then given the circumstances yet he felt oddly at ease with his touch. He had wrapped his arm around his neck so many times by now that it seemed normal to him now.

They both started to walk out of the house and Carl followed the man in an almost automatic manner.

Rick came from behind them suddenly and he felt how his dad grabbed at his arm while pushing the older man away from them while placing him behind himself in one last attempt to keep him by his side. He saw how Negan motioned at his men to take his dad away from him and two large men grabbed at his dad roughly by the arms. 

Carl couldn’t help but feel his heart ache as he saw his dad breaking down in tears while screaming and begging at Negan to don’t do this.

“Please! Please! Please! It can be me! It can be me! Don’t take my son away!” he saw how Negan seemed to be more annoyed than touched by his dad behavior and up to some point he couldn’t help but feel the same way. It pained him to think like that but in all honesty he knew that no matter how much his dad cried or begged, Negan wasn’t going to change his mind. 

The older man suddenly grabbed at his arm and began to pull him towards the trucks without giving him the chance to say goodbye. 

No. 

He began to struggle against Negan then who to his surprise let go of his arm only to give him a confused and annoyed look. He gulped hard then and motioned towards his dad. He needed to ease his mind a little even if it meant lying to him. Negan’s eyes turned to look at his dad for a second before coming back down towards his own. The older man let out a tired breath and nodded his head at him. 

"Make it quick” he nodded at him and ran over to his dad who quickly embraced him in his arms.

“Carl-Carl- you don’t have to do this- you don’t- I can’t lose you too- please son- I-I can’t-please don’t leave me-please!” his dad broke down into a full desperate cry then and hugged him tighter.

“You won’t lose me dad, I’ll survive this and come back to you, I promise…” he saw as Negan motioned towards his men to take his dad away and whispered into his dad’s ear how Negan didn’t meant any harm to him.

The men grabbed at his dad’s arms again and he turned to look at Negan who turned to look at his own arm as if he had a watch around his wrist while opening his eyes wide in shock “Shit, it’s late as fuck” the man’s brown eyes found his icy blue one then and he began to walk closer to him. 

Negan wrapped one arm around his neck in a possesive manner once more and they both began to walk towards one of the trucks.

The leader of the Saviours opened the door for him and he jumped in without thanking him, gaining himself an annoyed comment from the man “You’re welcome kid” Negan said while entering the truck close behind him. They both sat uncomfortably close to each other and Carl couldn't help but move as far away as he could from the man not wanting to be so close to him.

He turned towards the window of the car and watched as his dad and all of his friends stared at him with tears in their eyes at the entrance of the gate.

The last thing he saw as the gate closed behind him was his dad screaming his heart out while dropping himself to his knees for him. 

A tear left him then and he wiped it away not wanting to let Negan see him like this. He wasn't going to allow Negan to see him cry ever again.

What he did not knew was that Negan had never taken his eyes off him as they drove away from his home. 

He had caught him crying once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo….Negan’s having a sleepover with Carl…( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> What do you guys think Negan has planned for Carl now at the Sanctuary? I honestly want to know since my ideas for next chapter are either too pervy or too cheesy.  
> I honestly don’t want to make a full on kissing nor a full on sex scene with this two just yet since I think that it’s not the time for that shit…yet.  
> So do leave me your comments to know what you would like to see, I don’t promise anything but I can certainty be guided to the light or the dark side ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	7. Goodnight Sleeping Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter seven, I’m so happy and nervous for this one, I made it a little bit cheesy (too cheesy in my opinion) but I do hope you guys can enjoy it.
> 
> And believe some of you will be like: Hey that’s not how Negan would react. I know some will. And to be honest I don’t blame you I did Negan kind of a soft hearted guy on this one so sorry :v

NEGAN 

 

Ten minutes went by and he was surprised to see how the little serial killer’s head began to hang low due to exhaustion. It was obvious to him now that Carl was falling asleep and he couldn’t really blame him, he was still young and had gone through one hell of a day.

From gunning a bunch of people down to dealing with a fucking rapist…this kid had gone through enough shit for one day.

Negan’s hands became fists as he cursed himself for not giving him a day or two to calm down; he had been through a lot of shit today and all of it because of him. 

And now I’m putting him trough more shit he thought while watching as Carl’s eye slowly closed. The teenager’s chest began to go up and down at a slower pace and he blinked a couple of times surprised by the fact that he had actually fallen asleep. He wasn’t going to hurt him of course yet the idea of him falling asleep with him and Robert in the truck both worried him and amused him.

Do you trust me now kid or what? 

It was strange for him to think the young boy had just willingly fell asleep in the truck fully aware of his presence and not just his presence but also Robert’s.

For all he knew many of his men wanted Carl dead now for what he had done to their friends. He was sure that if it weren’t because he was in the truck with him Robert would try to kill the kid even if it meant being killed later on by Lucille. 

A damn hero he would be back in the Sanctuary he thought in a bitter way before staring at the man for a couple of seconds. 

He’s not the only one that wants Carl dead. He turned to look back at the sleeping teenager whose head was going up and down like crazy.

He’s going to break his fucking neck he thought before biting his lower lip. 

Lucille give me strength for this shit. 

Negan gently grabbed at Carl’s head and placed him against his shoulder before biting his lower lip as he saw the teenager shifting in his sleep. Shit he’s going to wake up and see me grabbing at his fucking head. To his surprise and amusement Carl’s head came to lie against his chest and he had to hold back a laugh as the kid’s hand went up to tug at his white and bloodied shirt almost as if he were a pillow or sheet. 

This fucking kid tried to kill me a couple of hours ago…that was the only thing that he could think about it as he saw his little serial killer nestling his little head against his chest. 

Shit kid…

He turned to look at the man sitting beside him and he manage to see as the man's eyes quickly went back to the road. Fucking Robert had seen too much, he had to get rid of him as soon as they got back in the Sanctuary.

Should have minded your own fucking business Robert. 

He rubbed his eyes in a tired manner and shook his head slightly to keep himself awake before staring out at the road.

There was nothing but darkness around them. 

The only source of light they had was the one coming from the trucks and the scarce light coming from the moon, other than that they were pretty much blind. This wasn’t a good idea he reminded himself before looking down at the kid that was now comfortably sleeping on his chest. 

If something happens…

The idea of having to fight some crazy fuckers or some half dead fuckers usually didn’t worry him at all since he knew he had all the odds on his favor yet the idea of fighting someone with Carl with them terrified him.

What if someone killed him? 

The simple thought of losing the kid both scared the shit out of him and saddened him for many reasons that he could not fully understand at all yet. He did knew that he had some sort of affection for the young boy but it wasn’t in a romantic way, no, or at least he didn’t thought it was –He’s just a kid- he scolded himself. 

You don’t like nor love him, that’s just bullshit. 

Negan just felt some sort of fascination for Carl. He was fascinated by his ruthless behavior and his almost none existing fear towards him.

He admired and respected the kid’s guts for speaking and acting against him. It was something that no one had dared to do to him in a long time and to be honest even if they dared to do so he would normally shut that kind of shit down. 

Intimidation and manipulation were his main weapons against people yet with Carl neither of them seemed to work.

He was unlike anyone he had known and to be honest he didn’t want to let go of the only person he could still feel protective of. He couldn’t deny it. He cared and felt protective if not possessive for Carl. 

And he knew that that was going to be his downfall because sooner or later Carl was going to try and kill him again. 

Next time he might succeed he thought in a bitter way while smiling sadly.

How much longer before you kill me Carl?

His eyes went down to the sleeping teenager once more and he chuckled lightly as he saw how calm and relaxed the boy looked. 

You’re so fucking vulnerable kid... 

He took a deep breath and grabbed at one of Carl’s locks “It would be so easy to kill you now kid… I could smash your head against the door till your brains were all over the car…I could wrap my arms around you and wait till your heart stopped, I could even break your fucking neck by just wrapping my hand around it…” his hand went over to the teenager’s neck then and he left his hand hanging on top of it for a second before gently touching Carl’s skin with his fingertips.

“It would be so fucking easy…” he whispered while running his index finger along the boy’s soft skin.

He saw as Carl shifted in his sleep again and smiled a little as Carl’s hand suddenly went over to grab at his free hand. He had to hold back a laugh as the teenager dragged his hand closer to himself and hugged it as if it were a teddy bear. Shit kid you just need to suck your thumb now. His eyes widened in amusement as he saw Carl’s other hand going closer to his face. Shit he’s going to do it. His smile soon vanished as he only scratched at his nose. Fuck. 

Negan let out a sigh as he accepted his fate as Carl Grimes cuddle toy and looked ahead of himself as he heard some growls coming from all the beasts chained at the pits. 

They were already at the Sanctuary. 

He smiled and looked down at himself wondering if Carl was going to wake up or if he was going to have to carry him to bed.

The truck suddenly bolted downwards as they drove through a small hole and he saw Carl waking up slowly. He held back a laugh as he saw the teenager looking around himself before seeing him bolt away from him as if he was fire. 

His eyes met the kid’s icy blue one and he smiled at him “Did my sleeping beauty had a nice nap?” Carl’s eye went down to look at the truck’s floor in shame and he chuckled lightly as he saw his cheeks turning slightly reddish.

Truly fucking adorable kid. 

He laughed and patted Carl’s shoulder before grabbing at Lucille. The truck came to a stop and he watched as his men left the back of the truck with tired looks on their faces. He smiled and wondered if any of them had taken a nap just like Carl before turning to look a the boy who seemed to be more interested in the shattered glass that was all over the floor. 

Already planning to kill me? 

Negan stared at his little serial killer for a couple of seconds before grabbing at one of the shattered pieces of glass “These are too small for you to kill me with Carl, so move your ass and come on, I'm tired as fuck” he jumped off the truck and lifted an eyebrow as he saw not movement from Carl.

“Do you want me to fucking carry you to bed or what?” the teenager jumped off the truck then and he turned to face his men while pointing at them with Lucille.

“All of you to bed too, and the offer is just for the kid so start moving those lazy ass feet” everyone obeyed his order without complaining.

Two of his men, Sam and Dean, came out of the truck with Carl’s bags and he walked over to them while grabbing at the bags “Same for you my dear sons, go take a well deserved nap” the men thanked him then and he threw the less heavy bag towards Carl who barely managed to catch it in time.

“Come on Carl, let’s get you settle in” he began to walk with both backpacks over his shoulders and made sure Carl was following him by hearing at the teenager’s heavy and lazy steps behind him “Shit kid, I’ve heard dead fuckers walking in a more enthusiastic way than you” they walked upstairs and he felt almost obligated to hold the door open for the poor boy who was barely able to carry his bag around. 

Maybe he hadn’t given him the less heavy one.

They continued down a few hallways before they got to his room. 

He entered first and turned around with a raised eyebrow as he saw the kid frozen in the middle of the hallway “Come on kid I want to fucking sleep” he saw how Carl seemed to make himself smaller then and he opened his eyes wide as he realized what was happening.

Shit kid…

Did Carl thought he was going to do force himself on him or something? 

The idea of Carl thinking of him like that pained him for some reason and he took a deep breath before dropping the kid’s backpack’s at the entrance of his room. He walked over to Carl who seemed to be breathing heavier than usual and stopped a couple of feet away from him not wanting to trigger him.

“Carl..” the kid’s icy blue eye went up to met his and he saw nothing but fear on it.

Don't be scared of me kid...

“I’m not going to hurt you…I promise…” he said in a low tone that he hoped showed nothing but sincerity. He saw how his words seemed to have some positive effect upon the teenager as he saw his features calming down a little. 

That effect didn’t last long as Carl shook his head.

“Why do I have to sleep with you?” he could hear the doubt in the boy's voice then and couldn’t help but feel slightly irritated by the question, not just because he had just promised him he wasn’t going to hurt him but also because the answer to it was pretty fucking obvious. He grabbed Lucille tightly and kissed her.

“Lucille give me patience and not strength, otherwise I’ll end up killing this little fucker- You’ll be sleeping in the sofa not WITH me; and the reason why is because half if not most of my men want to kill you now for what happened earlier today” he saw some common sense entering the kid’s head as he nodded to himself before slapping his hands against his sides in an annoyed manner.

"Fucking Christ Carl, none of them will hurt you if you sleep here, so can we PLEASE enter the fucking room NOW I need my fucking beauty sleep” Carl nodded then and just to hurry the whole thing up he took the bag from the kid’s hands and pushed him in front of himself to get him inside the room.

Once they were inside he locked the door behind him with a small key without Carl noticing and dropped the bag besides the others.

“Make yourself at home kid… I’m going to take a leak and put my pajamas on…” he walked over to one of his wardrobes and grabbed at the first pair of clothes he touched. He turned to look at Carl who was standing in the middle of the room like a fucking retard and pointed at the bags he had carried inside.

“I’m sure I put some warm ones on one of those bags so put them on, I don’t want to deal with you being sick” without saying another word he closed the bathroom door behind himself and threw the pajamas on the floor while turning on the water at the sink.

He placed his wounded hand under the cold water and winced slightly by the pain. 

I need to go to the Doctor tomorrow to get this shit checked out he thought while washing his wounds with soap and water. 

It wasn’t until then that he realized how serious the extent of his injuries was. 

Shit, this thing needs stitches.

He cursed under his breath before grabbing some toilet paper and wrapping it over his hand.

I guess this is nothing compared to the lost of your friends.

He smiled sadly and continued to wrap the toilet paper over his hand wondering if Carl would try to kill him tonight. 

Hell, I already know he will. 

 

CARL

 

He had been genuinely surprised when he had woken with his face resting against Negan’s chest and his hand wrapped around the man’s arm. Fear and confusion had filled him then by the thought of the man lashing out on him for using him as if he were a pillow or even a teddy bear. He just couldn’t believe he had done that. 

How did that had even happened at all? 

The last thing he could remember was staring at the empty road ahead of them and the pale moonlight creeping into the sky, he couldn’t remember ever falling asleep much less cuddling with Negan. 

Shit. 

He blushed again as he remembered the man smiling down at him while asking him how he had slept and cursed himself for being so careless and weak. How could he have fallen asleep with the enemy besides him? –No- How could he have slept with the fucking enemy? 

That was what was scaring him the most, how easily he had just fallen asleep knowing Negan was besides him. That fact alone should have kept him awake during the whole ride to the Sanctuary yet he realized with horror that that fact had actually been the one to put him to sleep.

For as much as he hated to admit it he had felt safe with the man.

Back in the truck he knew there were two possible outcomes with him, he was either going to stay awake for the ride or he was going to fall asleep in the middle of it. He had had a crazy day to say the least. From sneaking into his enemy’s quarters and gunning a bunch of his men down with a machine gun, to fighting against Spencer and seeing Olivia die right in front of him. 

And how could he forget about the lovely sleep over he was now being forced to endure. So yes, he was extremely tired at the time and he still was, but back in the truck he knew or at least felt that if he fell asleep Negan wouldn’t hurt him nor allow the man that was driving to hurt him.

He had been sure about that. 

I was sure about him protecting me he thought while smiling slightly before shaking his head angrily. 

Just because Negan hadn’t hurt him while he was asleep didn’t meant that he wasn’t planning to hurt him now. He most likely hadn’t hurt him since he was vulnerable. It seemed kind of stupid to him but at the same time it made sense. A man like Negan wouldn’t take advantage of a situation like that. If he planned to kill him at some point he was not only going to do it while he was awake but also when he less expected it.

Same with him. 

He wasn’t going to kill Negan while he was asleep. Not only because he thought it was an extremely lame move from his part but also because it just didn’t same fair at all. 

Now he knew that most if not all of Negan’s men hated him and wanted to kill him, surely for killing their friends, so the idea of having Negan as his protector really eased his mind from the danger he most likely would be facing if he were alone. 

If he killed Negan there would be nothing stopping the other men from getting to him.

Carl gulped hard by the idea of Negan’s men putting their hands on him and he quickly shook his head in an attempt to get a few disturbing images out of his mind.

Don’t go back to that he thought while forcing himself not to remember what had happened with Spencer. He’s dead. He closed his eye shut and took a deep breath before walking over to the bags.

He couldn’t help but chuckle in an amused manner as he realized that not only had Negan packed most if not everything he needed but also how the way the man had packed it. 

All of his clothes were neatly folded and divided into what he could only describe as functions; his pajamas were at the very top since he would be making use of them tonight while his usual clothes were in the middle.

He grabbed at the smallest of the bags and noticed how this one was full of socks and boxers; I can open a damn shop with all the socks he packed in here he thought with a smile before checking the other bag. 

This one was full of some of his comic books, candy bars, his toothbrush and half a bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap. He took the whole bathroom he thought while wondering with what his dad and Michonne were going to wash themselves tomorrow morning.

Dad…Michonne…a tear left him then and he cursed himself once more before wiping it away in a furious manner. No more crying. You’ll see them again. They’ll see you again. 

You just have to wait and deal with whatever is it that Negan has planned for you. 

Just as though he had summoned the man, he saw him coming out of the bathroom. 

Negan was wearing a long sleeved black shirt along with some grey sleeping pants and black socks. 

Shit. 

The man had first shaved and looked like a completely different person back then but now that he was seeing him in such a different attire from the leather jacket and boots, Carl couldn’t help but feel almost comfortable with him around. He looked normal and none threatening to be honest.

He was carrying his dirty clothes on one hand and his leather jacket on the other one. 

Carl frowned confused and slightly worried as he saw Negan’s right hand wrapped all over with toilet paper. 

What had happened to him? 

His questioning look didn’t seem to go unnoticed by the older man who dropped his dirty clothes in the corner of the room while lifting his wounded hand at him

“One of those fuckers bit me kid, I might turn into one of them in the middle of the fucking night and eat your brains out” the man left his leather jacket on top of a chair and began to walk towards his own bed ignoring his confused gaze.

Was that true? He doubted it was but he couldn’t really think of anything that could have caused the man to get his hand hurt.

The memory of the shattered glass over the truck’s floor came to his mind then and he frowned feeling more confused, why had Negan punched the front window? Maybe he got angry when he heard about Daryl's escape he thought and focused his eye on the man’s hand. 

He could definitely picture him doing so.

His mind eased up a little as the idea of Negan turning into a walker in the middle of the night left his head and he grabbed his pajamas and toothbrush before entering the bathroom. He changed clothes, washed his teeth and peed before washing his hands and leaving with his dirty clothes in his hands.

“Leave that shit where my clothes are, they’ll wash them tomorrow” he turned to look at Negan who was now laying in his bed with his back to him. 

This had to be a fucking joke. 

He did as he was told and looked at the empty sofa wondering if he was supposed to sleep without a sheet or a pillow at least.

“Negan?” the man didn’t even bothered to look at him or move as he asked him in an annoyed manner what he wanted “Do you have a spare sheet?” Negan sat on the bed then for a second before looking around himself.

The older man grabbed at the two large pillows besides him and threw them over to him before turning around while covering himself with the large sheet he had. 

“I’ll get you a sheet tomorrow but for now that’s all you’re going to get” he growled frustrated and picked both pillows from the ground. 

Negan turned the light off somehow and the room went completely dark, the only source of light being the one coming from the moonlight that was breaking through the windows. 

Carl remained in the middle of the room while hugging at the pillows like an idiot for a second before his eye adapted to the darkness.

He slowly began to walk towards the leather sofa in which Negan had sat a couple of hours ago. 

Sing me a song. 

He shook his head but couldn’t help but remember the song he had sang to the man. His mom’s voice came into his mind then and he couldn’t help but smile a little by the memory of his mother singing at him before going to sleep. 

Carl laid his head on one of the large pillows and placed the other one on top of himself in one lame attempt to use it as a sheet. He cursed out loud as he quickly realized that this wasn’t going to keep him warm at night. He moved around the sofa in an attempt to get warm or at least comfortable but every position he tried just didn’t seem to work out all.

“Kid” Negan’s voice cut through the darkness and he held his breath fearing that the man would stand up and beat the shit out of him for being so noisy “What?” he asked after a couple of seconds while gulping hard. There was a long silence that made him wonder if the older man had fallen asleep but as he heard Negan sigh he knew he was still awake.

“If you’re not comfortable or if it gets too cold for you get in the bed, I won’t get angry at you if you do so...but I will get really fucking pissed if you keep making those damn noises” he gulped hard once more and hugged the large pillow that was on top of him before keeping still.

“Glad we came to an understanding, goodnight sleeping beauty” Negan’s voice said then and he pouted his mouth annoyed by the nickname the man had now seemed to have given him before shifting for the last time in the sofa to get into the most comfortable position he could manage. A yawn left him then and he felt how his eyelash quickly became heavier. 

The moonlight breaking trough slowly became less and less bright as darkness gently took over him.

“Goodnight…Negan…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope you enjoyed this shitty chapter guys, I know I enjoyed writing it since I do want to write Negan doing cute things but not too cute to make him look like he’s not Negan :v
> 
> Do leave your comments to let me know if you want asshole Negan back or cute Negan, I’m having a love hate relationship with this man’s behavior soooo… ;v 
> 
> Kill me plis


	8. Shit Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chapter it takes place next morning and how Negan decides to spend the day with Carl in the Sanctuary  
> I do apologize for not uploading before but I’ve been going crazy with the whole family reunions and shit, hope you’re all having a nice holiday ;)

CARL

 

“Rise and shine Caaaarrllll” Negan’s over enthusiastic voice made him both cringe and wake up annoyed. He opened his eye to find the man standing in front of him already dressed and with Lucille a few inches away from his face.  
  
“Wake up Sleeping Beauty; it’s time to go check some shit out” a pair of jeans and a shirt were thrown at his face then and he sat in the sofa while growling angrily at the older man who walked away from him while chuckling. 

Carl went to the bathroom then and changed clothes as slowly as he could as Negan started to bang impatiently at the door with what he could only guess was Lucille, while screaming at him to hurry up “Stop jerking off in there kid, I got shit to do!” he spent about two more minutes inside washing his teeth and his face before coming out to find a clearly annoyed Negan who quickly began to push him around the room towards the door. 

“We’re already late for breakfast you little shit” it wasn’t until then that he heard his stomach growl in hunger. 

The last thing he remembered eating was the spaghetti. 

Judging by the angry expression and the guttural sounds the older man’s stomach was also making he could tell Negan hadn’t eaten anything last night either. Shit he was starving. He shot the man an apologetic look and only got an eyes roll from him before silence fell in between both of them.n The rest of the walk was an awkward-silent one.

They got to what he guessed was the dining room and Carl saw as everyone stood from their tables and chairs to kneel down as he and Negan walked by. 

His eye scanned everyone on the room and he soon found some really unfriendly looks coming from many of Negan’s men who as soon as Negan walked by shot nasty glances at him “You’ll be sleeping in the sofa not WITH me; and the reason why is because half if not most of my men want to kill you now for what happened earlier today” it didn’t surprise him really, he had killed quite a few men in his murder attempt yesterday so being hated was to be expected. 

Yet he knew he couldn’t show fear, not to them at least.

They’re not Negan he thought before remembering Spencer. 

They might not be as scary as Negan but could they be as deranged as Spencer? The thought of them being like him terrified him. 

He suddenly froze as his eye met with a familiar face among Negan's men. Brown short hair and dark brown predatory eyes. It was the same man he had threatened with a gun back when the Saviors had gone to take their stuff at Alexandria.

David...The man’s gaze was looking him all over as if he didn’t have any clothes on ''Kid...what do you think happens next?'' he gulped hard and as he turned around to continue his walk, Carl crashed against someone much larger than him that soon sent him to the ground.

“Watch where you’re going kid” said a tall muscular black man in an angry manner before walking away from him as if nothing had happened. 

He growled angrily and lifted his gaze to see Negan staring at him with an amused look in his face. I don’t need your help thank you. Carl stood from the ground then and wiped the dirt from his clothes before keeping on with the older man who led him over to where the food was.

“Hell yeah there’s still bacon, grab a tray and serve yourself some of this shit” he didn’t need to be told twice what to do as he grabbed an empty tray and a plate. He was slightly surprised by the quantity and variety of the food but quickly remembered that most if not all of it was probably stolen from Alexandria and most likely Hilltop too. 

Carl grabbed only some scrambled eggs and a toast before waiting for Negan who seemed to be grabbing a little bit of everything. By the end of it the man’s tray was full of scrambled eggs, ham, chopped fruit, toast and a shit ton of bacon “Alright, let’s-” the man’s brown eyes inspected his tray and he saw the man shook his head in disapproval “You gotta eat your vegetables kid” Negan poured a whole bunch of chopped fruit in his tray. What about the vegetables? He gave him an annoyed look before letting out a tired sigh. 

He could argue with him but right now he only wanted to eat.

Negan motioned for him to follow him then and they both went over to a table that seemed to be just for one person right at the back of the dining room “Bring a damn chair and try not to bump into anyone” he growled frustrated by the man’s comment but did as he was told before sitting opposite Negan who had apparently waited for him to take a seat in order to eat. 

They began to eat in silence and he couldn’t help but wonder why the older man wasn’t making any comments or jokes about his fall or the lack of fruits in his tray.  


He stared at the man for a couple of seconds but couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. Negan was looking just like Negan, except he wasn’t acting like him.

The only difference he could see was that he now had a proper bandage around his hand and some small bags under his eyes but other than that he seemed perfectly fine.

His intense glaring didn’t go unnoticed by Negan who even without turning to look at him told him to stop staring “Carl even with one eye it’s still creepy as fuck” he looked away from the man then and went back to eating his chopped fruit which consisted of watermelon, mango and grapes. 

“Negan” the man with the burned face came towards his leader then and he watched slightly surprised as the man actually acknowledge him even if it was just by calling him kid.

“What you got Dwight?” the man with the burned face, Dwight, gave an uncertain glance his way and he saw as Negan took a deep breath before standing up “Carl finish that shit up and stay here, I’ll be back in a sec” without saying another word he saw as both men walked away from him and exiting the dining room trough a door nearby. 

He was alone now.

Carl couldn’t help but feel extremely vulnerable by being left alone in a room full of women and men he didn’t knew and that most likely wanted him dead. 

Fuck you Negan. 

He tried to make himself as small as possible and continued to finish up his bowl of food. It didn’t took long before he could notice how some of the men had started to pay more attention to him now that their leader was gone. He cursed under his breath while trying to ignore the whispers and mocking chuckles around him. 

“Did you see his eye?...He’s fucked up man…He killed Jerry…He gunned down Walter…That kid is fucking crazy…I’m sure he’s been sucking dick to stay alive…The poor child must not be able to fight with that damn hole in his face… He tried to kill the boss…Must be one of his new wives…Looks like one of those dead fuckers outside…Damn freak…Robert said he fell asleep in the boss’s chest last night…Negan must have fucked him last night then…” he stood from the chair then and walked out the door Negan and Dwight had gone trough not wanting to hear anything else. 

As he left he couldn’t help but hear the men’s amused laughs.

He could understand the comments about his fucked up face but the ones about Negan and him? Why the fuck were people thinking that? His hands became fists as he realized just how fucked up Negan and him must look in the other men’s eyes. 

Negan had allowed him to live even after killing his own men, had taken him back to his house and stayed in there for a considerable amount of time, had left then come back to take him away with him and to make matter worst this guy Robert, who he guessed was the driver form the truck, had apparently told everyone about how he had fallen asleep on the man's chest. 

And who was he even trying to fool; he had also slept in Negan’s room last night.

But come on, did people really believed that kind of shit? Negan didn’t seem to be the kind of men that would give up women for a KID like him. Like shit he highly doubted the man was even gay. Having twelve wives surely wasn’t a sign of homosexuality.

Why were people even thinking that?

Anger and frustration took over him as he punched the nearest wall furiously with his right hand. Pain shot all the way up his arm but he didn’t stop until he saw blood coming out from his knuckles. Great now his hand hurt and he didn’t feel better at all. He slide down the wall and let out a sigh while closing his eye for a second before hearing a pair of footsteps heading his way. 

He quickly stood thinking about how he might have to fight someone and let out a relaxed sigh as he saw it was only Negan with Dwight close behind him “Keep me updated” said the leader of the Saviors to the man with the burned face who nodded at him before walking away.

“I told you to stay there kid why the fuck did you leave?” the older man began to walk towards him and he let out an annoyed breath of disbelief before rolling his eyes. What the hell was Negan expecting of me? To stay in a room full of people that want me dead? The man’s incredulity or plain ass stupidity both surprised and annoyed him.  


His little gesture didn’t go unnoticed by the older man who gave him an angry look.

“Don’t do that shit to me or I swear to god Carl, I'm going to spank the living shit out of you the way your mother wasn't able to” he stared at the man with hate by his comment and felt his hands becoming fists as he prepared himself to punch him. The pain in his right hand gave him away out of the sudden as Negan frowned before looking down at his bloodied hand.

“The fuck happened to you? Did someone hurt you?” he could see the anger in the man’s brown eyes as he asked him that and he thought about telling him about the men who had mocked him. No, I'm only going to get more hate if I do that.

“I punched a wall that’s all” Negan took a deep breath and he saw the man’s features relax a little before hardening into a disapproving glance “Just because I punched a damn window doesn’t mean you should go around punching shit kid, now come on” the older man grabbed at his arm almost as if he were a child and began to drag him down the hallway. He growled angrily and freed himself from the man’s hold who shot him an angry look “What the hell Carl?”

“Where are you taking me?” he asked while gulping hard feeling nervous out of the sudden. Negan’s expression seemed to soften for a second before turning into an annoyed one “To the fucking Doctor, I don’t want you to get a fucking infection or some shit like that so move your fucking ass” the leader of the Saviors pushed him again and he gritted his teeth angrily but followed him down the hallway not wanting to get himself in more trouble.

They walked down several hallways before getting to a smaller hallway in which he saw a nice room with all kinds of furniture, from a comfy looking bed to a TV. They turned around the corner and Negan opened the door for him to go inside a small room.

“Hey Doc” they both entered the room and Carl saw as a short-slender man with silver hair and grayish blue eyes knelt down to his leader in a submissive manner. Unlike Negan, the man had a well kept yet short-trimmed beard and a moustache “Negan” he said while bowing his head slightly as they entered. The man stood with a quick motion from Negan’s hand and stared at him for a second with something that resembled shock and sadness in his eyes. He gulped hard as the Doctor stared at him and noticed how the man seemed to come back to reality as he cleared his throat in a loud manner.

“What-What can I do for you Negan?” he asked before looking away from him. The other man walked over to the Doctor and wrapped one arm around his neck like he tended to do to him and pointed at him with Lucille “This fucking kid might have a broken hand, I want you to fix him for me” the man in the white coat nodded his head and motioned for him to sit down on the green chair that was in the middle of the room.

Carl stared at him for a couple of seconds and then at Negan who lifted an eyebrow at him, he let out a sigh and did as he was told. The Doctor gently grabbed at his hand and moved it around gently while asking him if what he was doing hurt, he shook his head for all the movements and watched as Negan smiled lightly for what he guessed was his lack of pain “Alright then, he doesn’t have anything broken, just a couple of scratches, I’ll wash his hand and then wrap it up” five minutes went by and the Doctor was done “All done kid...” 

He jumped off the chair then and walked over to Negan ready to leave but was stopped by the older man as he placed a hand on his chest “Go back in the chair Carl, I want the Doc to check that shit up” Negan motioned towards the hole in his skull and he growled frustrated before taking a seat again. 

The man with silver hair washed his hands before putting them near his wound and he couldn’t help but feel extremely vulnerable by the proximity of the man who seemed to be fascinated by his wound “Impressive…the wound seems to be healing as much as it can…you’re a survivor kid…That wound should have killed you, it is truly amazing that you’re still alive” said the man while moving away from him without removing his grayish blue eyes from the wound. 

Carl felt the urge to hide his wound once more and it wasn’t until then that he realized that he hadn’t been wearing his dad’s hat. 

What the fuck? How could he not notice that before? His hand unconsciously went on top of his head as if to make sure that the hat really wasn’t there and he gritted his teeth before jumping off the chair.

“Carl, thank the good Doc” said Negan in a low amused tone that made him want to just walk out of the room “Thanks” he muttered before getting to Negan’s side who opened the door for him “Thanks Doc” he heard the man muttering a you’re welcome and couldn’t help but feel the man’s eyes on his back as they left the room. 

What the hell was wrong with Negan’s men?

“Alright then Carl, since your hand is not broken we're going to go to the playground and have some fun with those half dead fuckers” he turned to look at the man with a raised eyebrow but kept on walking as they went down another damn hallway, how many hallways did this place had?

“What do you mean by fun?” Negan stopped walking then and gave him an amused look before waving Lucille in an exaggerated manner trough the air “Jesus Christ Carl, I might be an asshole but I’m not a fucking pervert, no Sir, by fun I mean killing some of them” the man turned then and they kept on walking until they got to some stairs that took them outside. 

He stared in a mixture of surprise and confusion as Negan began to walk towards a huge hole in the ground and gave the man an uncertain look that was only met with an amused stare “You’re not scared are you Carl?” he shook his head and stood a little taller gaining a chuckle from the man who wrapped one arm around his neck “Good, I don’t want you to piss your pants in here” they began to walk over to the hole and as they got close Carl could hear the unmistakable sound of walkers.

“Try not to fall in kid” his feet began to move in an automatic manner then and he stared inside the hole only to find out that it was indeed full of walkers.

Why would Negan want or need a hole full of them? 

He turned to look at the leader of the Saviors with a raised eyebrow “What’s this for?” he saw the man’s brown eyes scanning him from head to toe before looking ahead of himself “Training” he said in a dry tone and he got even more confused, were they training walkers or what?

“Training?” Negan nodded and walked closer to the hole to stand next to him before looking down at the walkers “My men go down there and kill as many as they can for as long as they can” oh, that made sense. 

He gulped hard and looked at all the beasts before turning to look at Negan.

I could push him in. 

He would probably be pushed if not dragged along by the man in an attempt to survive but if his death meant Negan’s death then it was worth it. 

I’m sorry dad…

Carl’s gave a step closer to the man but froze as he saw Negan smiling “Really kid?” the brown eyes of the man found his icy blue one and he saw as they suddenly darkened. 

He took a step back but Negan roughly grabbed at his arm before pulling him closer to himself. 

Negan’s higher stature forced him to look up at him, yet their faces were only a few inches apart. Carl gulped hard and even though he wanted to struggle against the older man he found himself unable to do so. His mind had just stopped working.

The leader of the Saviors smiled at him then and even though it was in a playful manner something told Carl it wasn’t his usual none harmful manner. 

This one was a darker game, and now he was part of it. 

“Should we see how much you last in there Carl?” his eye widened then and he barely had time to react as Negan threw him into the hole.

 

NEGAN

“Should we see how much you last in there Carl?” he saw Carl’s eye widening up in fear and surprise and smiled at the boy before pushing him inside.  


The fall wasn’t a rough one since the sand at the bottom of the hole was all muddy yet he could see how the teenager’s clothes got all dirty.

He walked even closer to the edge of the hole and watched as Carl stared up at him in a mixture of anger and confusion. 

He watched as some of the undead began to walk over to the young boy and saw him looking up at him in a frustrated and desperate manner “I don’t even have a fucking weapon!” he grabbed at the knife on his belt, the one he had used to cut Spencer open, and threw it at Carl who was barely able to catch in time before one of the half dead fuckers launched himself against him. 

A smile spread over his lips as he saw his knife go into the dead fucker’s skull and watched in awe and amusement as Carl began to dig the knife in as many undead as he could.

He whistled loudly and watched as ten of his men came out the building with their weapons in hand “James! Turn that shit on, I want to see how long he lasts” the man obeyed him then and he saw as the large basketball counter they used for this shit began to count down the seconds of Carl’s battle.

Negan sat on the ground before patting the ground besides him and whistled at the other men to sit down too “Boys come and learn some shit from this fucking badass” his men obeyed him obviously interested and amused by the spectacle going on in front of them and he chuckled lightly before focusing back on Carl who to his surprise and delight seemed to be holding on pretty well. 

Six dead bodies were around the young boy already. 

He smiled proudly and watched as Carl growled furiously while digging the knife against another half dead fucker. 

That’s my little serial killer. 

Memories of Rick bringing down all of those half fuckers down back to when he had taken him out on that little ‘field trip’ came back to his mind and he couldn’t help but wonder who was doing it better. It was clear that Rick had been driven into action not just because of his survival instinct but also because of his threats against his family and friends, but in this case Carl was just acting out of mere instinct. 

That was what surprised and scared him the most; this kid was just protecting himself since he knew he didn’t want to die, or at least not like this, not before completing his mission, not before killing him. 

You’re not going to die today Carl so kill them all. 

Twelve fuckers in five minutes. Truly fucking impressive. Even the men around him seemed to be surprised by the violence and power coming from the young boy and he couldn’t blame them. Most of his men got to that amount of dead bodies after ten minutes. 

This fucking kid had outdone himself in half of that time.

The smile he had slowly began to fade as he watched how Carl’s swings became slower and less accurate along with the way the teenager was breathing, it was clear to him at least that he was getting tired. 

He had to get him out of there. 

Negan stood from the ground and whistled as his men who quickly stood too, ready to follow his orders. He motioned towards the hole and his men spred out around it.

“Kill them all” they all jumped inside the hole then and began to massacre all of the undead until there were none left. 

He looked at the basketball counter and whistled in surprise as he saw the time.

Fifteen fuckers in 6:56 seconds. 

This fucking kid is a beast. 

I like him he's mine, he should have said that shit to Carl not Daryl.

Negan walked over to the edge and knelt down while offering his hand at Carl who only stared at it before turning away from him lIke an angry woman. 

Really?

He pouted his mouth and rolled his eyes before turning his attention towards his men “Alright then show’s fucking over so go back to your damn places” most if not all of his men were able to get out of the hole without help and he smirked amused as he saw how Carl’s eye seemed to stare at them with hate and envy.

It wasn’t until all of his men left them alone that he offered Carl his hand again. 

This time he wasn’t just ignored but he also got the middle finger.  


Truly fucking adorable kid.

“Alright then stay there then, I’m going for something to eat, have fun with the corpses kid” he gave a couple of steps away before hearing Carl calling out his name “Yes Carl?” he asked in the sweetest way possible while peeking his head down the hole. 

No response.

He chuckled lightly before rolling his eyes at the teenager who crossed his arms like the little kid he was “It was just a prank Carl, I wasn’t going to let you die” the teenager pouted his mouth in disbelief before spitting out how he should just throw himself next time “Next time throw yourself then” he laughed out loud and sat on the ground for a couple of seconds before thinking of something to make up for his little 'prank'.

“Alright how about this, we make this kind of rodeos along with other kind of shit every day, how about if I try my luck tomorrow? If you win I throw myself in without any weapons next time” that seemed to get the boy’s attention as he turned to look at him with curiosity in his eye, he smiled and offered his hand once more. 

He saw as Carl extended his arm to grab at his hand then but just as he was about to grab it he moved it away “But…if I win you get to sing me every night before we go to bed”

“Seriously?” he could see the disbelief and the annoyance in the kid’s features as he said that and lifted an eyebrow at him “Do you see me fucking smiling or something Carl? I’m really fucking serious about this shit, are you in or out?” he offered his hand again and this time the boy took it.

“I’m out of here and into this deal” he smiled then and pulled the teenager out of the hole in just one pull.

He extended his arm and motioned to Carl to give back his knife and saw how the teenager seemed to be considering another murder attempt “Come on kid, don’t make me push you back inside the fucking hole” Carl handed the knife then and as he placed it back in his belt he stared at the teenage boy with curious eyes.

He could see how Carl seemed to be gone from there and wondered what he was thinking.

“Are you sure you want to make a deal with me kid?” he asked in an attempt to bring Carl back to reality. He saw how the teenager blinked a couple of times almost as if he had just been awaken from a dream before his eye focused on him.

What are you thinking about kid?

Negan frowned confused as he saw Carl's lips lifting up a little into a small smile “I thought you were a man of your word Negan” said the teenager In a daring way and he laughed then amused by his audacity. 

This is why I fucking love you kid. 

He nodded his head before gentlypressing Lucille against Carl’s chest.

“You’re god damn right Carl, but I'm warning you, if you lose and don’t sing shit to me I’m going to break every fucking bone in your body to make you scream, and believe me that shit will be music to my ears” he saw a bit of fear filling that icy blue for a second and just as quickly as it appeared it went away. 

Carl wasn’t afraid of him, that was getting clearer every fucking day he got to spend with him. 

“The only thing you’ll get to hear from me is my laughter as I see you die in that hole” a chill went down his spine by the teenager’s words and he smiled before clapping his hands in an excited manner. 

That’s what he needed to hear, his little serial killer speaking and threatening him with words that could actually happen. In all honesty he had never been down in the hole mainly because it was supposed to just be training for his men so he felt very fucking stupid for even making the bet in the first place but just by hearing Carl’s words he knew it had been worth it.

He growled in a mixture of frustration and excitement before roughly grabbing at Carl’s head. 

The teenager’s icy blue eye stared up at him in a mixture of slight fear and confusion and he chuckled lightly before pressing a little into his sides. 

"I should kill you right fucking now kid" he pressed a little bit more against the boy's head and saw how pain crossed Carl's features for the pressure he was causing against his sides "But I can't" he said in a frustrated whisper that was more to himself before shaking his head.

He couldn't kill him justnow, or at least not after they had just made such a juicy deal. 

Negan took a deep breath before pressing his forehead against Carl’s.

“I want to hear your laughter as I die and see your smile as my fucking life slips out kid, I want you to be the one to kill me” he could feel Carl tensing up against him as he said that and he let go of his head before staring at the teenager for a couple of seconds “It has to be you kid” Carl gulped hard and looked at the ground for a second and he frowned confused by the boy’s behavior.

Don’t you want me dead anymore or what kid? 

Actions spoke louder than words and about 99% of Carl Grimes actions and words were I’m going to kill you. 

Why the hell is he having doubts now? 

He frowned confused and just as he was about to ask him what the hell was wrong Carl nodded “I’ll be the one to kill you” he said in almost a whisper that held a promise he couldn’t help but wonder when it was going to be fulfilled. 

He nodded back at Carl and smiled before motioning for him to follow him.

“Come on kid you smell like shit and I’m not taking you to the dining room like that” he began to walk away with Lucille over his shoulder but turned around as he did not hear his little serial killer walking behind him. Negan turned then and saw Carl staring down at the grass with what he could only describe as sadness “Kid?” the teenager’s icy blue eye went up to meet his then and he stared at him with curious and worried eyes wondering what was wrong.

“I want you to be the one to kill me...” his eyes open wide then and he felt how his mouth went dry.

Carl Grimes had just asked him to be the death of him. 

He thought of all kind of way to kill the little fucker standing in front of him but no matter what kind of horrid way he thought of it wasn’t enough, there just wasn’t a good enough way to kill Carl, to kill his little serial killer.

He smiled and walked closer to Carl who looked up at him in a defying way obviously expecting to be mocked or laugh at. 

Negan placed a hand over the boy's shoulders and closed his eyes for a second while taking a deep breath.

“I’ll be the one to kill you then kid”

Negan saw as Carl nodded and knew the deal was sealed. 

One of them was going to die and the other was going to kill him. 

Who was going to be the wolf and who was going to be the lamb? Only time would tell but as for right now he could see they were both in the middle ground.

He could see the doubt in the boy's eyes everytime he thought about killing him, that was what had been giving his murder attempts away to be honest and he really couldn't understand why that was happening.

What's happening to you kid? He almost dare to say that Carl Grimes didn't want him dead anymore. 

Yeah right he thought before wrapping one arm around the kid's neck “Time for you to take a shower, uncle Negan didn't raise no strays“ as always Carl gave him his annoyed look and roll of his only eye. 

As they walked away he couldn't help but notice how Carl seemed to lean in into his touch and embrace.

Shit kid...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the deal it's sealed aaannndddd : I can't decide  
> Whether you should live or die  
> Oh, you'll probably go to heaven  
> Please don't hang your head and cry  
> No wonder why  
> My heart feels dead inside  
> It's cold and hard and petrified  
> Lock the doors and close the blinds  
> We're going for a ride
> 
> This song has been driving me crazy with this two :v  
> HOpe you like this chapter, sorry if it's too short on Negan's point of view


	9. He's Mine Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after Negan and Carl leave the walkers pit.
> 
> I do apologize for saying I was going to upload yesterday (and didn't do so :'v), I had a crazy day and just couldn't write a damn thing.
> 
> This might happen in the next couple of days too since I won't have a lot of free time because of family and friends but I promise I will try to update as often as I can guys ;(
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one

   
CARL 

 

“Do take a shower kid, like really fucking quickly; I don’t want my room to start smelling like shit” Negan pushed him inside the room then and he gritted his teeth in anger but didn’t say anything.

“I’m going to lock you in here for a couple of days while I deal with some grown up shit, so do try not to die from starvation, I wouldn’t like to tell your daddy that you died by that and not by my own hand” he turned to look at the older man with an annoyed look on his face and found him smiling at him in a playful manner. 

Not going to fall for that Negan.

He ignored the man’s joke and walked over to his backpack. 

Negan pouted his mouth for what he guessed was his lack of whining and complains and he couldn’t help but feel slightly proud at himself.  

I’m not going to complain about you leaving me for a while after throwing me into a damn hole full of walkers he thought in a bitter way while looking around for the shampoo and soap Negan had packed for him. 

The man laughed then and he looked up at him for a second only to see him staring down at him in disbelief.

“Come on Carl, are you still pissed at me for pushing you into that fucking hole?” he stood from the ground with his clothes and washing products in hand before walking over to the bathroom "Kid come on-” he could hear as Negan began to follow him and he couldn’t help but roll his eye at the man’s behavior. 

Why can't you just let it go? 

Quite ironic since I'm not letting go of the past situation either...

“We just made a promise about being the death of one another; we can’t be angry at each other after something like that- like that fucking promise was some intense shit between you and me-” his I don’t give a shit about you right now walk  was abruptly stopped by Negan who placed Lucille at the entrance of the bathroom to prevent him from walking away from him.  

He let out a tired breath and turned to face the man who, to his surprise, seemed to be slightly hurt by his behaviour “Doesn’t that promise mean something to you? Anything?” Negan’s tone lacked that mocking and sarcastic tone of his as he asked him that. Carl blinked a couple of times genuinely surprised by Negan’s behavior.

Does he really think it doesn’t mean anything to me? 

Carl shook his head and looked down at the ground in a mixture of anger and shame. He felt weak and stupid for how much importance he had just giving to a promise, a promise that meant Negan’s death or his own. 

He should only care about the fact that the man had just promised to kill him but in reality he cared more about the fact that he had promised Negan to be the one to end his life.

“I want to hear your laughter as I die and see your smile as my fucking life slips out kid, I want you to be the one to kill me” he had frozen to death when he had heard Negan saying those words mainly because he could very much imagine himself doing all of them... or at least most of them now... 

Whenever he tried to picture himself shooting or cutting Negan’s throat he just couldn’t. Not anymore...  

Carl couldn’t picture himself killing Negan now.

“It does…” he confessed after a long silence. His voice barely an audible whisper. Happy now asshole?

He growled frustrated as Negan remained silent, what else do you want from me? 

“Can I take shower now?” he asked angrily at the man while giving him an annoyed look.

Negan stared at him for a couple of seconds without saying a word before removing the baseball ball from the entrance.

He went into the bathroom then and just as he was about to close the door Negan spoke again “I’ll come back for you in an hour or two…try not to make a fucking mess in here ” he turned around to face the man but found Negan already leaving the room with what he could only describe as a mixture of confusion and sadness in his face. 

The leader of the Saviors closed the door behind himself and he managed to hear the sound of a key turning. 

Now he was alone and locked inside a room with no TV or games, great. 

Carl closed the door to the bathroom then and slowly began to take his clothes off. 

It didn’t take long for him to notice how his back and sides were full of greenish-blue bruises. 

Spencer’s doing for sure. 

The memory of him being held against the kitchen floor by the man came crashing painfully against his mind and he shook his head in an attempt to forget about that. He could still feel Spencer’s hand gripping at his sides and his knee against his back. He’s dead he thought while remembering Negan cutting the man open. A small sad smile came to his lips by that and he couldn’t help but remember the hole full of walkers. 

He had noticed that Negan had lent him the knife he had used to kill Spencer back then to protect himself. 

I shouldn’t have even think about using that knife to kill Negan he told himself while turning on the water from the shower. 

It had been an insult to the man he realized. 

Had he actually killed Negan with that knife it would have been an extremely lame move from his part. The man had killed Spencer with it after all, the man that had hurt him.

Negan deserved a far better ending.

It had empowered him to know he was wielding the weapon that had brought his attacker down. He had pictured himself stabbing Spencer each and every single time he had stabbed those walkers in the head mainly because he needed to release that anger and hate he was feeling. 

The idea of being the one ending the man’s life, even if it wasn’t true, had pushed him beyond his own limit. He had been tired after the seventh stab but he had kept on going for three reasons, the first one being the one of feeling like he was killing Spencer, the second one being the most obvious one, because he didn’t want to die and well the third one was, for as stupid as it sounded, because he wanted to impress Negan. 

It was childish if not stupid from his part to think that just by killing a few walkers he would impress the man. Negan had said that they used that hole as training for his men after all, surely a grown up men with two functioning eyes could do much better than him. 

It angered him to think that he wasn’t good enough. 

But what angered him the most was that Negan hadn’t even said a damn thing about how he had done. 

Of course he was angry for having been pushed inside a hole full of walkers that could have eaten him alive and then eventually killed him, but he was angrier because Negan hadn’t said anything. No jokes, nor sarcastic remarks. Nothing. 

Carl placed his hand under the water to test the temperature and went inside the shower after a few seconds. He let out a breath of relief by the feeling of the warm water gently caressing his body and closed his eye for a second while letting his face and head get wet. 

He knew he couldn’t stay and think about life in the shower too long so he quickly began to wash his hair and body thoroughly with the shampoo and soap Negan had packed for him. 

It took him about three hair washes to get all the mud off his hair and two rough washes of soap all over his body to feel clean. He turned off the water from the shower then and quickly realized he had no towel. 

His eye went to a large dark blue towel hanging on the door. Negan’s towel. He got out of the shower and grabbed Negan’s towel before drying himself with it. Once he was all dry he put his clothes on and left the dark blue towel back on the door in hopes of the older man not noticing he had used it. 

Carl left the bathroom and walked around the room checking all of Negan’s stuff in an attempt to keep himself entertained. 

His curiosity didn’t last long as he quickly found himself bored. 

“I’ll come back for you in an hour or two…try not to make a fucking mess in here” how was Negan expecting him not to make a mess if he got bored? Like seriously, he had nothing to do in here. 

His attention suddenly went over to the large bed in the room and felt how his body seemed to be drained out all the energy that was left inside of him out.

A yawn left him then and he began to walk over to the bed without even considering the consequences of his actions. He had already used Negan’s towel and now he was going to use his bed? His mind went back to last night and he couldn’t help but feel slightly at ease as he remembered the man’s offer of him sleeping in his bed  

“If you're not comfortable or if gets too cold for you get in the bed, I won’t get angry at you if you do so…” being bored counted as being uncomfortable? In this case he hoped it did. 

Carl sat on the bed and removed his shoes before unfolding the large sheets to get under them. He frowned confused but then smiled as the smell of honey and coffee hit him. Taking a deep breath in he realized that Negan’s bed smelled like that. 

Sweet and bitter. 

Just like Negan he thought with a small sad smile. 

He lay his head down on one of the large pillows and let out a small pleased groan by how comfortable the bed was. 

Had I know this thing was better than the sofa I would have jumped right in last night. 

Carl chuckled lightly before yawning once more. His fight against the walkers and his warm nice shower were taking effect on him now. His eye slowly closed and he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if he had sneaked into Negan’s bed last night. 

A smile spread across his face as darkness took over him. 

 

 

NEGAN 

 

“Doesn’t that promise mean something to you? Anything?”

“It does…”

He took a deep breath and shook his head to take those words out of his head before covering his ears as he saw Dwight moving the hot knife down Eugene’s back again. 

The man with the weird ass haircut was kneeling in the ground without a shirt to cover his back and with both of his arms stretched out to the sides. He was being held in place by some chains Dwight had put on him last night not only to prevent him from moving but also from escaping. 

From now on all of his prisoners were going to be chained down to the fucking floor. 

The man’s screams made his ears hurt and he turned around while motioning towards Sam to silence him.

“Shut this fucker up son” Sam nodded his head and grabbed at a ragged piece of clothing to muffle Eugene’s screams. Negan uncovered his ears then and let out a sigh of relief before patting Sam’s shoulder with a smile.

“Thanks Sammy” he walked closer to Eugene then and waved a hand to make Dwight stop. 

The hot knife was removed from the man’s back then and he stared in disgust as some of the man's flesh went along with the hot blade. 

Looks like hot cheese on a pizza he thought while laughing at his own thought.

He had already punished the Latino girl, Rosita, by fucking her face up a little for messing Lucille’s beautiful and smooth surface back in Alexandria, so it only seemed fair to him to fuck up the bullet maker’s body now. 

Tears were streaming down the man’s face by the pain and he moved his bandaged hand closer towards Eugene face while kneeling down in front of him.

The man flinched obviously scared of him and he chuckled lightly before ruffling his weird ass hair “Cheer up Bullet Boy, I’m only messing your body not your face- I’m sure that with that good looking face of yours you can still get some pussy” the man cried harder and looked away from him causing Negan let out an angry growl.

He roughly grabbed at Eugene’s hair and pulled his face backwards up to force him to look back up at him.  

“I can fuck your face up just like Dwight boy here if I want to handsome…” he saw Eugene’s eyes dart towards the man with the burned face then before turning to look back at him in a begging manner. 

This guy isn’t even a challenge to break. 

He smirked at him before letting go of his hair. 

Negan stood from the ground then and motioned to Dwight to hand him the knife over. The man with the burned face handed him a glove first and he put it on before grabbing at the hot blade.

He moved the knife dangerously close to Eugene’s face and watched with amusement as the man tried to move away from it like a little baby who doesn't want to eat his vegetables. 

The man’s grayish blue eyes found his own brown ones then and he moved the hot blade closer to the man’s eyes while smiling before lowering it to his side.

“But I’m not doing nor am I going to do that Bullet Boy” he handed the knife back to Dwight and removed the glove before handing it back to the man too.

Eugene sobbed loudly then and he pouted his pout whole rolling his eyes before speaking again.

“You’ll see, I like you despise the circumstances; and believe me, I have no hard feelings towards you at all, I mean you made the bullet because you were promised some ass and tits, I get it- They’re my weak spot too” he dragged a chair closer to Eugene then and placed his hips close to the man’s face while chuckling as he remembered Dwight’s dick incident. 

“Unless your weak spot is something else?” the man looked down at the ground in a mixture of embarrassment and disgust and he couldn’t help but move his hips slightly closer just to fuck a little bit longer with him.  

Eugene's eyes darted back up in surprise and disgust at his junk and he laughed amused by the man's expression before sitting down on the chair. 

“Come on Bullet Boy, you gave Dwight boy quite a MAGICAL experience back in the battlefield, what do I have to do to get one too?” he removed the ragged piece of clothing the man had in his mouth to let him speak but got no response. 

He pouted his mouth then and waved one hand in the air to dismiss his own question before speaking again “Alright then, I guess I'll have to take you out on a date first…Let’s focus on what’s important right now okay? You made a bullet and to put it simple I want you to make more of those bad boys for us” Eugene’s eyes found his once more and this time he could see a little bit of defiance in them. 

Finally.

Negan smiled then and tilted his head before crossing his legs “I know you don’t like this situation Genie, and I’m not going to say shit like I don’t like it either because in all honesty, I fucking love this shit, I mean I got you, the Bullet Master, what else could I ask for?” he grabbed at Lucille then and saw Eugene’s eyes widen in fear as he pointed at him with his lovely baseball bat.

“You hurt Lucille pretty badly and now I’m going to hurt you pretty badly” he stood from the chair then and pressed Lucille against the man’s naked chest for a few seconds. Eugene soon began to growl in pain but he didn't stop until he saw blood sliding down the man’s stomach. 

He removed Lucille away from Eugene’s chest then and walked over to the exit door “Dwight is going to keep on with your punishment for a few more hours; we’ll tend to your wounds and then you’re going to start working on my bullets” 

Negan turned around with a raised eyebrow as he heard no response and watched as Eugene opened his eyes wide in fear before nodding profusely “I-I- I will-Negan-Sir…” he chuckled amused and gave the man a thumbs up before walking out of the cell. 

The last thing he was able to hear was Eugene screaming in pain once more.

He and Sam walked down the hallways for a while before the sudden memory of certain kid with one fucked up eye popped back into his head. 

Shit. 

How long had he kept Carl locked in his room? 

He stopped walking then and turned to look at Sam who seemed to be slightly confused by his sudden change of behavior.

“Sam, I’m going to my room to pick some shit up-Don’t forget to check with David if the Vega Ring is ready for tonight...I’ll be in the dining room if there are any inconveniences” the man with brown hair nodded in understanding then and he waved one hand to dismiss him before walking the other way. 

How long had he been dealing with Eugene and fucking some of his wives? One hour? Two hours? 

He honestly didn’t know.

Negan growled angrily with himself before heading downstairs to where his room was. He walked for about two minutes before getting to his door. He took out the key to the door and unlocked it before entering.

“Kid I know I took my fucking time but I’m back now and I will-” he fell silent as he realized in a mixture of amusement and confusion how his little serial killer seemed to have taken over HIS bed.

This fucking kid.

He softly closed the door behind himself and inspected the room waiting to see at least one thing broken but found everything in place.  
  
The damn kid hadn’t broken a damn thing. 

He chuckled amused and satisfied by that before walking closer toward the sleeping teenager. Negan had to hold back a laugh as he saw Carl’s arms wrapped over one of the large pillows and he couldn’t help but remember their little cuddle session back in the truck. 

This fucking kid sure likes to grab and hug at shit. 

Negan frowned for a second as he saw no movement at all coming from the young boy and moved his hand under the kid’s nostrils to cheek if he was still alive. He pouted his mouth and let out a relieved sigh “He might as well be dead”

A small smile spread across his lips by how peaceful and relaxed Carl looked and he chuckled lightly before angrily shaking his head. Killing all of those fuckers surely got him exhausted he thought before walking over the other side of the bed. 

He let Lucille on the side and sat down opposite Carl before letting out a tired breath. Shit. Now he was feeling sleepy too. He closed his eyes for a second before feeling movement on the other side of the bed. 

He turned his head with a lifted eyebrow just in time to see Carl waking up. 

He thought about taking the: I just came through the door and saw you sleeping approach but quickly decided to just lie besides him and see the kid’s reaction. 

It’s my fucking bed after all, not his. 

Carl turned around to face him then and even though the teenager’s icy blue eye made contact with his own brown eyes he watched with amusement and confusion as the kid closed it back again and went back to sleep. 

Really?

He chuckled lightly before shaking his head in disbelief. 

I know you only have one eye kid but come on. 

He grabbed at Lucille and began to gently poke at Carl with her a couple of times while telling him to wake up in a sing along tone “Come on Carl, wake the fuck up” the teenager woke up then and he saw amused as the young boy stood from the bed while breathing hard. 

Negan stared at him with a smile on his face and tilted his head to the side before standing from the bed with a low growl. 

“Glad you woke up, now put your shoes on and come with me, I’m fucking starving” he ran a hand over his own tummy and walked over to the exit door.

Carl soon came to his side and he wrapped one arm around the boy’s neck while heading out. He immediately regretted it as he saw Carl leaning into his touch again. 

What’s going on with you kid? 

Negan tried to ignore that and continued to walk the hallways with Carl close to himself.

He let go of the teenager’s neck as they got to the dining room and opened the door for him while heading towards the food table. As always everyone knelt down as he walked by and he turned around for a second to look at Carl’s conflicted expression. It was obvious to him that the kid wasn’t sure about how he had gotten everyone to kneel down to him all the time. 

A small amused smile spread over his lips as Carl found him staring at him and he whispered how it was all thanks to the respect they felt for him.

“Maybe your daddy could learn a thing or two on how I lead people” he said before turning away to don’t see Carl’s angry expression. 

They both went over to the food table and he began to grab a little of everything. Today’s menu consisted of smashed potato, chicken and fresh vegetables. 

He gently patted Carl’s side as he saw him only grabbing some chicken and potatoes and couldn’t help but notice as the kid seemed to flinch as if he were in pain. He frowned confused and worried and lifted one arm to grab at Carl’s shoulder to ask him what was wrong. Before he could do so, Carl grabbed at some veggies and began walk away from him towards the table they had sat in the morning, leaving him with his arm hanging in mid air like a complete fucking idiot. 

This fucking kid. 

He growled angrily and followed Carl to the table. 

They both took a seat and even though he wanted to confront Carl about what had just happened he decided to wait till they were alone. 

They ate in silence and just as they were about to finish one of his men, David, walked closer towards them “Negan” he said while kneeling for a second before he motioned for him to stand up. The man's stare towards Carl didn't go unnoticed by him. Surely being threatened at gunpoint by a fucking kid was not something that man remembered with affection. A small smirk spread across his lips by that memory before he quickly focused on the matter at hand “What you got for me David?” 

“The Vega Ring is almost done but we still need two more contestants” he clapped his hands in an excited manner for the news before nodding his head at the man with brown hair.

"Tell the people that the winner gets one month of free food, those fuckers will start to make a fucking line for that shit” David smiled a little then and nodded his head before handing him over a lists of the men and women that had already put their names in for the game. 

Negan laughed amused by most of the names before handling the list back to David “Quite an interesting mix you’ve got for tonight, should keep the folks entertained” he turned to look at Carl then and lifted an eyebrow at him while motioning towards the man in front of them “David here is in charge of the Vega Ring, you do remember him right? You almost fucking killed him back when we were trying to get half your shit'' the teenager nodded his head but kept his head down causing him to pat the boy's knee with his own under the table to get his attention.

''Would you like to check that shit out with me tonight kid?” the smile he had faltered for a second as he saw the way Carl was staring at David.

Fear. 

Carl was staring at David as if he were afraid of him.

“Yeah sure…” said the teenager in almost a whisper after a couple of seconds.

The hell is wrong with you Carl?

He had to hold himself back as the man's hand came to rest on the kid’s shoulder “I’m sure you’re going to love it kid” Negan wasn’t sure if it was because of Carl’s fearful behavior or David’s too obvious I want to fuck you stare that he pulled Lucille from below the table and smashed the man's hand away from Carl.

Everyone in the room turned to look at them then and he turned to look at his people to make sure they were all paying attention to the lesson he was about to give.

His eyes focused on Carl for a second, just to check if the boy was okay, and he found him staring up at him with a mixture of surprise and relief. 

You're fucking welcome kid.

He turned his attention back to David who was now growling in pain and grabbing at his bloodied hand. 

Shit, he might have just broken the fuckers hand with that swing. 

Negan stood from his chair and walked closer to the man with brown eyes and brown beard who soon turned to look at him with fear and confusion clear in his eyes. He pressed Lucille against the man’s chest and tilted his head to the side before pointing Lucille down to the man’s wounded hand.

“Do keep your fucking jerking hands off the boy David, he’s probably underage, not to say he's fucking mine now" his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear in the room and he could see a couple of glances being shot at Carl. 

He turned his attention to the people around him and pointed at them with Lucille.

“Same goes for every single fucking one of you, hands off my shit!” he remained staring at everyone in the room for a couple of seconds before turning to look at David once more with a smile in his face. 

"See you later then David, I'm sure Carl and I will LOVE the spectacle" he grabbed at Carl’s shoulder then and began to drag him out of the room before waving Lucille towards his people.

"As you were" he said and heard how everyone went back to their business. He didn't even look back at David as he heard him cursing. Let him curse, he just got his fucking hand broken in front of everyone like a fucking retard.

He and Carl left the dining room and as they crossed the door he couldn’t help but notice Carl smirking back at David in a defying manner.

A small smile spread on his lips as he saw that and he couldn't help himself as he wrapped one arm around the kid's neck once more. This time, he didn't mind Carl leaning against his touch that much. 

Just like my bed and everything in this fucking place, this kid is fucking mine now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo David and Carl... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> I'm sorry guys but I have to say that I wanted and needed and excuse for Negan to act all protective and possesive of Carl ;v  
> As always thank you for reading this shit.  
> I hope you guys, ladies, enjoyed and if you didn't, do leave your comments criticizing or hating on me :v  
> But for real, do criticize, I want to get better at this shit ;v


	10. Vega Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here's the whole Vega thing David had mentioned ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
>   
> I do hope you enjoy this chapter mainly because even though I did try my best to make it violent and shit I just couldn't get to that point of savagery I wanted ;v I'm sorry guys  
> And well the delay was because of Christmas. I had my friends and family all over me and just couldn't get away from them XD  
>   
> With nothing else to say hope you enjoy this chapter ;v  
>   
> And well also kinda late Merry Christmas guys ;v

CARL

After an hour of just walking around and being shown the place Negan announced that they would be going to David’s spectacle which was at the very bottom of the Sanctuary.

“That unless you want to stay in my room…do you want to stay safe and sound Carl?” asked him the man in a mocking tone that made his hands become fists. 

He turned to look at the older man for a second before realizing that they were already walking down the hallway that lead towards Negan’s room. 

Does he think I can’t handle being near David or what?

 “I want to go” he said and continued to walk down the hallway ignoring as the older man stopped in the middle of it. 

He heard Negan chuckling behind him and then felt how something grabbed roughly at his shirt. 

At first he thought it was Negan’s arm but as he turned around he noticed that the older man had stopped him by using Lucille whose barbed wired had manage to grab at his clothes. 

The older man used Lucille to pull him back towards himself then and he rolled his eyes annoyed since he felt like a fish being pulled out of the water by an enthusiastic fisherman who’s ready to see what he has caught. 

Almost as if Negan could hear his thoughts he began to make a reeling noise.

This fucking guy.

He rolled his eye annoyed by the man’s behavior and crossed his arms in an attempt to show the man how unamused he was by the situation. 

Negan chuckled amused by his expression before releasing the barbed wired from his clothes, he then wrapped one arm around his neck and gave him a questioning look “The fuck to Carl? Disneyland? Legoland?” his eye found the man’s brown eyes and he couldn’t help but notice that even though Negan was smiling there was a slight dose of worry in his eyes.

Does he think I’m not capable of handling David? 

Based on the look he was giving him right now along with the way the man had smashed David’s hand away from his shoulder he guessed he did. 

He was thankful for the support he had gotten back there since he was indeed afraid of the look the man had given him back in the dining room but at the same time he couldn’t help but feel like a complete pussy. 

Negan protecting him like that had both benefited him and damaged him after all. Now that he was under Negan’s wing only a complete idiot would try to fool around with him now but he knew that a movement and a demonstration of possessiveness like that one would definitely make him a target to some people. 

He suddenly remembered the comments Negan’s men had made back when he was left alone in the dining room and couldn’t help but feel as though the man’s actions and behavior had basically given them a right to believe all of those rumors. 

It should anger him but in reality it worried him, and not because of his reputation or anything like that, it worried him because Negan had shown in front of everyone that he was His Now, and also how he cared about him. 

To everyone’s eyes Negan had no weaknesses since he didn’t seem to care about anything and anyone but himself and Lucille apparently…acting like that in front of everyone had changed that. 

You showed to everyone that you care about me Negan…It angered him to think and to actually realize that the older man had done such a foolish move in front of all his people. 

You fucking idiot you should have just let David touch me and get over it…

 “The Vega Ring” he answeared after a couple of seconds while holding Negan’s gaze who seemed to be both surprised and amused by his response. 

The man chuckled then and released his neck before nodding in agreement “Alright then, let’s go see that shit kid” Negan waved Lucille around in an excited manner before continue his walk down the hallway with him by his side. 

I’m not afraid of David, I can’t be afraid of David.

As they walked downstairs Carl couldn’t help but notice how many people began to walk down their same path; both, men and women began to fill the hallway they were walking by and he scooped in closer towards the older man feeling slightly afraid of all the people around him.

Some of them seemed to recognize him and began to whisper about how he was the one that had gotten David’s hand broken along with how he was the one that had gunned down two of Negan’s men.

He couldn’t really blame them since he was extremely easy to recognize after all, the kid with a hole in his face, the kid with long hair, the little boy who was always walking around with Negan like a little bitch…take your pick. 

The point was that he was easy to recognize and be spotted. No matter what he did he couldn’t hide himself any longer.

His sudden approach didn’t go unnoticed as Negan looked down at him for a second. There was some clear amusement in the man’s eyes but just like before but there was also worry. 

Negan let out a deep breath and rolled his eyes before pulling him closer to himself by his shirt “Try not to get lost kid” they continued to walk around and the closer they got to the bottom of the stairs the more people filled the place. 

It was making him slightly paranoid to be honest, to see how many people Negan had. Just by what he could see there were about a hundred people going to this Spectacle.

It scared him really, to think that this weren’t all of Negan’s people but just a few.

Dad doesn’t stand a chance he thought. 

If the people in Alexandria were to ever stand and fight against Negan they wouldn’t last long.

When they got to the bottom floor Carl quickly realized that the whole place was full of chairs and also that a large metal cage was in the middle. All the chairs were placed around the cage in which he guessed the spectacle was to happen in. 

People began to push him away from Negan and he couldn’t help but wince as someone roughly punched at his side causing the pain from his previous bruises to become present. 

Shit.

His hand unconsciously reached over for the man’s jacket and he saw Negan turning to look at him for a second before rolling his eyes in an annoyed manner “Jesus Christ Carl, you’re making me look like a fucking dad or boyfriend by doing this shit” the man roughly pulled him closer towards himself and this time he wrapped one arm around him in a way that prevented people to get too close to him but also prevented him from getting away from him.

No one seemed to get anywhere near Negan nor push him around like they were doing with him so he felt quite safe with the older man by his side. 

He felt thankful for that but couldn’t shake the feeling of being seen as weak by the people around them.

They got to the front row and took a seat close to each other while waiting for the rest of the people that were in the room to take a seat in the remaining chairs.  

“The Vega Ring will commence in five more minutes” said a male voice over a speaker and Carl couldn’t help but feel as though he was in the movies or in a soccer game with his dad. 

Except this wasn’t an innocent game or night out, nor was he with his dad. He was with Negan, the man that had murdered two of his friends and had ripped him away from his father. 

Now the Vega Ring. 

He didn’t really know what the whole thing was about, but based on the metal cage he could guess it was about fighting since the cage in the room looked familiar to the one used on those fights his dad never allowed him to watch on TV when he was younger.

“They’re too violent for a kid your age Carl” his dad would always say before taking him towards the other room so he could watch some kids cartoon’s “You wouldn’t like watching them, and your mom would kill me if she knew I let you watch those kind of thangs” a chill went down his spine as he remembered how he had once sneaked behind his dad one night to watch one of those fights. 

He remembered watching two African American men fighting each other with a ferocity and strength that back in the day he thought was just inhumane. 

In his eyes they were both monsters. 

They had really scared him shitless since by the end of the fight one of them was laying on the ground unconscious and surrounded by a pull of his own blood. 

That’s normal now days he thought before focusing in the cage’s floor. There were a few strains of blood all over it, prove of it being used for fights that he guessed were to the death or at least until one of the opponents were to give in. 

People fighting against each other seemed fitting but because walkers were now in the picture he wasn’t sure if those fights were all against living people.

Did Negan locked people inside this cage with walkers? 

The thought of it brought a chill down his spine mainly because when he had been thrown into the hole full of walkers he had been terrified, but he at least had the chance to escape, that if he had actually tried to do so. 

Whoever was to be locked inside this cage didn’t have that choice. 

Was Negan really that sadistic? 

He honestly wasn’t sure at all; there were times in which Negan tended to prove how he had a softer side but that usually was with him or with Judith, maybe even his dad and people at Alexandria. But the people in the Vega Ring were his people and for what he had heard back in the dining room there were willing people who wanted to participate in this for food.

He had to know.

Carl turned to look at Negan then, who seemed to be more interested in a few women walking by and poked the man’s knee with his own to get his attention. 

The man turned to look at him with anger clear in his features before asking him what was wrong “What the fuck do you want now Carl, some fucking popcorn or what?” he gulped hard and thought about just not asking him and waiting to see what the whole thing was about but he just couldn’t wait any longer. 

Besides he had to know what kind of man Negan was.

“What’s this whole, Vega Ring about?” he felt a chill go down his spine as he saw the man’s eyes darkening then and he couldn’t help but make himself slightly smaller in his seat, yet, he kept his gaze steady on Negan’s eyes not wanting to show how truly scared about this whole thing he was. 

The older man’s eyes turned away from his eye then and came to focus on the metal cage.

“Don’t you think you probably should have asked me that before we came all the fucking way down here kid?” whether Negan actually wanted him to answer that question or not didn’t seem to matter at all since he didn’t even give him a chance to speak before explaining.

“The Vega Ring is a really fucking brutal fight in which five fuckers go in, and well only one comes out... The thing here is that whoever is left standing has to fight the men or women he or she has just killed once they come back to life as one of those half dead fuckers” Negan pointed with Lucille at a few men that were now surrounding the cage and that were carrying some heavy looking metal chains in their hands.

“Those men chain the contestants that are killed so when they come back to life they attack whoever is left alive at once”

Carl stared at the chains for a while imagining some walkers pulling at them and got a chill down his spine. 

Whoever was to survive this kind of fights definitely wasn’t going to be in any conditions for fighting right away so the whole chaining the dead contestants thing seemed quite logical if not fair for the survivor. 

A time out he thought in a bitter way before frowning.

“What if they take too long to turn?” he asked as he remembered seeing Amy turning into a walker after the lapse of a couple of hours. Negan chuckled lightly before answering “Then the sorry shit that survived that whole fucking thing is left locked in there till all of them do” Carl pouted his mouth then and turned away from the man while shaking his head in disbelief. 

The older man pouted his mouth then before crossing his arms across his chest “I’m just telling you the rules of the game kid…" there was a small silence between them before Negan patted his knee with his own to get his attention.

He turned to look at Negan and found him with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you still want to watch it?” he momentarily tensed up by Negan’s question and couldn’t help but hesitate about his answer. 

Do I really want to watch this thing even after hearing what it is all about? 

For one he felt extremely uncomfortable mainly because he knew that people were going to die for no other reason but to entertain other sick people and also because his dad’s voice was telling him to get the hell out of there.

“They’re too violent for a kid your age Carl” 

Was he still too young to watch them? 

No.

He had killed his own mother, had seen Hershel getting his head cut off in cold blood, seen his own dad ripping a guy’s throat right in front of his eyes, seen Glenn and Abraham being killed by a baseball bat, seen Olivia die next to him, seen Spencer’s organs being spilled all over the floor… he could deal with this. 

Carl turned to look at Negan then and nodded his head before turning to look a the metal cage and at the men holding the metal chains.

“I’m staying” he said and noticed from the corner of his eye how the man’s grip tightened around Lucille.

This fight was going to be nothing compared to what he had seen and done.

 

NEGAN 

 

“Your mother sing that to you?...Where is she now?” he had been curious to know where Carl’s mom was since none of the girl’s he had met from Rick’s group so far seemed to be his mother, not just because none of them looked like him but also because none of them seemed to be freaking about having a man that had just promised to kill one of them so close. 

Had his mother been there she would have reacted just like if not worse than Daryl. 

A mother would do anything to protect his children he knew…he had seen it several times…

He was able to see the sadness in Carl’s eye as he asked him that and he knew the answer “Dead, eh? Did you see it happen?” the teenagers eye seemed to have gone slightly wide then as an unpleasant memory filled his mind.

“I shot her…before she could…” he had smiled back then since he had been both surprised and quite shocked to be honest. He hadn’t been wrong back when he had met Carl for the first time. 

This kid has seen some shit, even if he only has one eye; he had seen hell with it. 

This was nothing he told himself as he started at the kid in a mixture of fascination and respect.

Carl looked away from him then and he held Lucille tightly before smiling. 

That’s my little serial killer.

He looked away from Carl then and looked around himself to see how many people had come tonight and smiled as he saw how the room was almost full. Sick bastards he thought before hearing Watson’s voice announcing how the match was about to start. 

“About fucking time!” he shouted while slamming Lucille down on the ground in a frustrated and excited manner. 

Some men and women began to scream and clap their hands in excitement too and he stood from his chair and joined them as he saw the contestants. 

Two women and four men this time. 

Wendy Green, 25 years old, had joined them after they found her locked inside a hospital; her husband had died at the beginning of all this shit and now had to take care of two girls on her own. He had offered his ‘assistance’ by making her one of his wives but she had refused profusely. Turned out she was a lesbian. Fucking guy had either died or was killed by her.

Hannah Robinson, 34 years old, had been part of a group he had seemed to have lost fucking track of; was taken as a captive but later on joined them out of desperation. Had been a marine for four years and had proper military training. He hadn’t even offered anything to her since not only was the woman molded like a men but also looked as though just by wrapping her hand around his dick could strangle the poor lad. 

Bob Richardson, 22 years old, had joined them recently after he had killed everyone in his own group. Fucking guy was psycho in all honesty.

James White, 37 years old, had been one of the few who had been with him from the beginning. Had served as body guard for one of the guy’s who had also been with him from the beginning. Poor guy had to be convinced how he wasn’t going to get paid anymore for protecting a rich old guy who had later on killed himself out of desperation. A pity to have him in the Vega Ring really.

Frederick Patterson, 40 years old, he didn’t really know a lot about this guy since he hardly spoke with him at all. The only thing he knew was that the guy was at maintenance and that he had had a son he himself had killed. Poor kid had been bitten and was only taking medical supplies. Frederick’s wife had asked him to make it look like an accident. The man had later on made his own wife’s death look like an accident too.

He watched as all of them entered the cage and turned to look at Carl for a second while motioning for him to stand up too. The young boy only stared at him in a mixture of disgust and annoyance before turning his attention back towards the contestants. He pouted his mouth and turned to look at them too. 

The all entered the cage and he lifted Lucille to silence everyone.

Silence soon took over the room and he cleared his throat loudly before speaking.

“Alright you know the fucking rules people, no one is allowed to help those sorry fuckers inside that cage, it doesn’t matter if one of those girls reveals that she’s pregnant or some shit or if any of those fine gentlemen right there wants to back off. Once you’re locked in there the only way out is death” he remained silent for a couple of seconds just o let his words sink in before pointing Lucille towards the metal cage.

“Anyone of you fuckers wants to chicken out?” no one said anything nor moved.

Negan chuckled pleased and amused before nodding his head at Arat who put a couple of locks at the only door of the cage to prevent anyone from escaping.

“Wendy, Hannah, Bob, James, Frederick, you know the rules too, you shall not kill your enemies by stabbing their heads or any shit like that; we need them to turn, otherwise you’re as good as dead…” he turned his head slightly to look at Carl who seemed to be slightly surprised by the rules he had just said and lifted an eyebrow at him just to make sure the kid really was up for this shit. 

Carl gave him the slightest of nods and he turned back at the contestants with a smile “Let’s not waste any fucking time then, start killing each other now!” he sat back down and the show started.

The first one to make a move was Hannah who went straight for Frederick. The weakest opponent in his opinion. 

Everyone else seemed to think that too as they went for the man who foolishly tried to fight, who he guessed, the man thought was more dangerous, that being James the bodyguard. 

Frederick managed to connect one punch against James who didn’t even seem to mind at all before being slammed against the cage walls by Hannah who quickly began to punch the man with brutal strength in the stomach that quickly made the man puke whatever he had eaten a few hours earlier.

"Shit, someone’s going to have to clean that shit up once this is done" he joked and he heard a couple of disappointed growls and laughs coming from the people around him. 

He chuckled lightly before turning to look at Carl who seemed to be lost in the fight. A smile came to his lips by seeing the young teenager so entertained. 

You getting turned on by this shit kid?

Negan turned to look back at the cage and watched with an amused smirk how there seemed to be some teamwork going on between James and Hannah.

James and the woman seemed to have a momentarily truce as the bodyguard literally protected Hannah from Wendy and Bob at the same time. James fists connected against Wendy’s face at once and sent the woman to the floor screaming and twisting in pain as blood began to come out of her now broken nose and a wound on her lower lip.

If that woman were to survive she would definitely need more than a few stitches for that lip.

Bob managed to evade James’s fists and jumped on top of the man who fell to the floor with the teenager on top of him. 

It was then that the first weapon was thrown inside the cage and he watched with a smile as the small dagger was caught by the deranged teenager who instead of just stabbing the bodyguard in the chest decided to stab the older man’s right eye, causing him to stand from his seat and scream at him how that was against the rules.

“Don’t fucking stab his brain Bob! That shit is against the fucking rules!” 

“I’m stabbing his fucking eyeballs man! That ain’t against the fucking rules right?” the teenager’s brown eyes found his own for a second and he couldn’t help but smile as he saw the deranged killer inside of him. 

He shook his head and sat back down in his chair while smiling “You’re fucking right Bob, leave that fucker blind!” the boy gave him a deranged smile then and proceeded to stab James’s other eye causing the man to scream out in pain with all the air in his lungs.

  
The bodyguard rolled over to his side while screaming in pain and he flinched slightly as Bob stabbed the man at least seven times with a quickness that surprised him.  
  
He chuckled as he realized how Bob didn't seemed to have stabbed any vital organs whatsoever as James continued to roll around the cage while screaming in pain as he slowly bleed out.  
  
That fucking kid.  
  
Wendy seemed to have somehow gathered herself together as she stood from the ground with blood colouring all the damn floor. Bob quickly noticed this and went after her with the dagger in his hand.  
  
The lesbian continued to surprise him as she evaded a couple of deadly stabs with a grace that seemed almost inhumane.  
  
She was a dancer he suddenly remembered with a smile while wondering if she was going to be able to dance with the devil tonight.  
  
Frederick suddenly fell on the floor spitting blood and vomit all over the ground and he watched with disgust as a red mass came out of the man's mouth.  
  
Was that shit an organ or what?  
  
The man violently began to convulse on the ground and he couldn't help but feel slightly bad for the poor guy.  
  
It hadn't been much of a surprise to him when he had read the man's name on David's list back in the dining room since the man had once tried to kill himself by cutting his fucking wrists open.  
  
He had no one left after all.  
  
Negan closed his eyes for a second before forcing himself to look back at the dying man.  
  
If you wanted to kill yourself so badly you should have hanged yourself Frederick.  
  
It didn't really make sense to him why Frederick had chose this as his way to die. Cutting his wrists open once more, taking some pills or just shooting himself in the head would have been way quicker not to say less fucking painful.  
  
That unless you're punishing yourself for not being good enough to your son and wife.  
  
He let out a tired breath and watched slightly relieved as the man's life slowly slipped out of his fucked up body.  
  
Go with you family Frederick  
  


His eyes suddenly turned to look at the teenager sitting besides him and he got a chill down his spine as he saw nothing but excitement in the kid's eye.  
  
Shit kid, at least feel bad for the poor fucker.  
  
Carl didn't even turn to look at him. He was lost in the fight.  
  
Negan smiled slightly in a mixture of amusment and delight before turning his attention back to the metal cage just in time to see Wendy taking the dagger away from Bob's hand who violently began to kick and punch at the woman with all his might in the chest.  
  
Fucking idiot, go for the face and knock her down.  
  
The dagger suddendly pierced the teenager's left leg and he watched in shock as the woman moved the blade downwards causing Bob to scream out in pain as his leg was almost completely torn apart form his body.  
  
Wendy wasted no time and tried to go for the teenager again who was now squealing and crying like a pig in the ground with a pool of blood forming around him "Please don't kill me! Please! I don't want to die!" just as the lesbian was about to stab the deranged teenager, Hannah came from behind and snapped her neck in one move.  
  
Damn this woman.  
  
A chill went down Negan's spine then and he couldn't help but wonder how sex would have been like with a woman like that. Rough as fuck for sure he thought with a smirk before waiving at one of his men to throw another weapon inside.  
  
A fucking chainsaw was thrown then and it landed near the now blinded bodyguard who quickly crawled towards the source of the sound knowing it was a weapon that could save his sorry ass.  


  The man managed to somehow turn the thing on and began to crawl towards one of the cage walls in order to reduce his chances of being taken by surprise from all his now vulnerable sides.  
  
The idea of James surviving amused him beyond words since he honestly felt curious about how a blind man could win this kind of shit.  
  
Hannah only turned to look at James for a second as if to measure if the man was a treat to her before focusing back on Bob who had somehow managed to stand once more.  
  
He waved his hand once so another weapon could be given and watched amused as a small metal spoon was thrown in.  
  
Everyone in the room laughed at the weapon and he managed to see the teenager's brown eyes fill up with fear and desperation as he grabbed at it "Please...don't kill me..." he cried out while lifting the spoon in a lame attempt to protect himself.  
  
Hannah walked over to him and kicked him hard in the chest causing Bob to fall on the floor roughly while screaming out in pain. The woman then proceeded to kneel down in front of him before grabbing the spoon form the boy's hand "It's yours-it's yours- just don't kill me please...just dont kill me..." he cried out while sobbing loudly.  
  
And to think I actually liked you a little Bob.  
  
Negan's eyes turned to look at Carl then and he wondered if once the time came if the kid was going to beg for his life just like Bob.  
  
Are you going to disappoint me too kid?  
  
For some reason he highly doubted it.  
  
Carl's eye suddenly found his own brown eyes and he could see on it how the boy wasn't afraid.  
  
The only thing he could see in that icy blue eye of him was annoyance and disbelief. Carl was giving him the I can't believe this fucking guy look.  
  
Negan smiled at the kid before motioning for him to turn his attention back to the Ring.  
  
"Keep your eye on that fucking woman kid" he said before watching as the teenager's eye turned back to the remaining contestants. Negan turned to look back at them too curious as to what Hannah was going to do now.  
  
"You seem to like taking away people's sight, do you mind if I take away yours?"  
  
He smiled and turned slightly to give Carl an I told you so look.  
  
I told you to keep your fucking eye on her kid.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Vega Ring to come ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
>   
> Sorry for making this chapter so short and well also for not really portraying the level of violence this Vega Ring thing should have had ;v  
> Also guys a friend of mine told me to write a Christmas based chapter for this two and well I'm not sure if I want to do that XD  
> Do comment to let me know what you think please :v  
>   
> As always thank you all for reading and late Merry Christmas ;v


	11. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second part of the Vega Ring :v
> 
> I know this could have been put along with the past chapter but I was too lazy to finish it ;v
> 
> I also apologize for making Negan's part so short but I honestly didn't knew what else to write and I was feeling like shit for hearing about Miss Carrie Fisher's death. I loved that woman and hope she's at a better place now.  
> May the force be with you.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy.

 CARL

“You seem to like taking away people’s sight, do you mind if I take away yours?” 

A chill went down his spine then and he watched in a mixture of fascination and horror as the woman with blonde hair took the spoon closer towards the teenager’s face who quickly began to swing his arms and legs furiously in a desperate attempt to stop the woman from mutilating him.

He watched disgusted as the teenager's wounded leg suddenly began to break apart even more and tried not to gag as he saw all the muscles and bone exposed.

“Please don’t- Get away! Get off me! Get off!” the woman got on top of the guy then and placed her knees on top of his arms to keep him from punching her while using her own weight to pin him down.

Tears left the teenager and he gulped hard as he saw him shake his head desperately.

“No! Stop this! Stop this! Negan! I want out! I want out!” the fight stopped then and his heart froze for a second as he watched the teenager’s brown eyes searching for the man sitting beside him in a begging manner.

All the people in the room stopped screaming and punching at their chairs and he gulped hard before noticing how everyone’s eyes had turned to look at their leader. 

Carl couldn’t help but turn to look at Negan too feeling a mixture of impatience and apprehension. 

What was he going to do? 

Based on the rules Negan had stated earlier, he highly doubted the man would just let the teenager walk right out of the cage. 

But he’s one of his men, maybe he allows him to live he thought before tugging at his own jeans in an attempt to keep himself together.

He bit his lower lip then and stopped once he felt the unmistakable taste of blood in his mouth. 

Why am I so impatient to see what happens?

The older man remained silent for a few seconds before clearing his throat to speak. 

“People, what’s the only way out of that fucking cage?” everyone answered to him at once by saying Winning was the only way out of there. 

Negan clapped his hands in an overly excited manner and he couldn’t help but feel as though he had been momentarily taken to a Dora the Explorer episode "Muy bien chicos y chicas! You all got the right fucking answer!” 

This has to be a fucking joke.

Negan stood from his seat then and pointed Lucille towards the metal cage while smiling at the remaining contestants “That or in a fucking body bag once you’re dead Bobby… No exceptions” the memory of Glenn’s death came back to his mind as he heard those words and he had to shake his head in order to take image of Negan smashing Glenn’s head with Lucille out of his head.

The older man sat back down in his chair in a relaxed manner before waving his bandaged hand in dismissing manner towards the blonde woman who was staring at Negan like an attack dog waiting for his owner to give the order “Hannah sweetheart, do go on with spooning the shit out of Bobby’s fucking eyeballs, after all, that shit ain’t against the rules” 

He saw as Bob's brown eyes widened in horror and fear and he couldn’t help but feel a chill do down his spine as he heard Negan chuckling in an amused manner besides him. 

The man patter his knee against his own and gave a questioning look "Ain't that right Carl?" his eye went towards the teenager laying in the floor and he gulped hard as he felt everyone's eyes on him.

Why the fuck was Negan putting him in a situation like this? He was hated enough by all of his people already.

The teenager's brown eyes were now staring at him with a mixture of fear and hope. He thinks I can save him...

He gulped hard before looking away from the teenager in the cage. I don't want to be the reason why someone dies he thought while looking up at Negan in a begging manner. 

Please don't make me do this.

The man seemed to get the message as he patted his knee in understanding and just as he thought he was going to be dismissed Negan roughly grabbed at him from the back of his head and began to move his head up and down "Yes Negan, you're fucking right" 

He growled angrily and even though he wanted to get rid of the man's hold on his hair he decided to let Negan have his fun.

If I try to get him off me I could be the next Bobby.

People laughed in a mocking manner by the scene and he gritted his teeth before reaching over for Negan's knee in an attempt to make him stop. 

The man chuckled amused by his behavior before letting go off his head while ruffling his hair a little. 

Negan turned to look at Bobby before mockingly grabbing at his own eyes "Bye-bye sight!" Hannah buried the spoon against the teenager's left eye with brutal strength then and he held his breath as he watched a stream of blood covering the woman's face.

The teenager screamed in pain as the blonde woman twisted the spoon around his skull as if it she were only emptying a pumpkin for Halloween decoration and Carl couldn't help but feel out of place.

This was nothing to Hannah...mutilating a teenager and killing people...it meant nothing to her and judging by the cheers she was getting it meant nothing to anyone in the room either.

Carl held his breath as Bob tried to get Hannah off himself in a desperate manner by wiggling his whole body and head in all kinds of directions “Stop this! Please Negan! Stop this! Make her stop!” he turned to look at the man sitting beside him an noticed how the only kind of emotion Negan seemed to be feeling was boredom. 

This was nothing to him too.

It surprised him to see the older man acting like this in all honesty and he couldn’t help but feel completely stupid mainly because he knew this wasn’t some kind of new behavior from Negan. 

He had killed Abraham, Glenn, Spencer, Olivia and who knew how many more people since this whole thing had started and he just didn’t seem to give a shit about killing or seeing people getting killed.

The Vega Ring was nothing to him he knew, and even though he wanted to not care about the people inside of the cage just like Negan did, he just couldn’t. 

There was still that ‘innocence’ inside of him that prevented him to disconnect his brain and emotions from what was wrong and what was right sometimes. 

That ‘humanity’ inside of him was still there and he felt both glad yet slightly annoyed by it since he knew that acting like a normal human being at times made him weak and vulnerable.

I need to get rid of that light he told himself while turning his hands into fists. 

In a world as rotten as the one they were all now living in, humanity, kindness and attachment were for those who weren’t fit to live in it. 

Only the weak have humanity left inside of them. 

Carl growled angrily with himself as he thought of Judith, Rick, Michonne and everyone else he cared about. 

Was he weak for caring about them?

He hated to admit it but he knew that they did indeed make him weak. He cared too much about his family and friends and feared their deaths way more than he cared to admit mainly because he knew death would come for all of them one day.

Death will come for me too. He turned to look at the man sitting besides him. Maybe sooner than I can even imagine.

Negan has no one to care about but Lucille and me sometimes. 

It was hard for him to digest how disconnected the man seemed to be from his emotions in most situations, and he couldn’t help but find himself feeling slightly jealous of Negan’s ability to be like that. For a world like this Negan was perfect.

He's a real serial killer and badass, not me.

His eye went back to the fight then and he watched as Hannah buried the metal spoon against Bob’s remaining eye, who once again, let out a heart ripping scream that made him cling to his chair in a mixture of fear and desperation. 

It wasn’t until he saw the teenager’s bloody eyeballs spinning out of the metal cage and people mocking how small they were that he felt the urge to run away from there. 

This is wrong, I shouldn’t be watching this, I shouldn’t be here. 

I don't belong here.

He tried to stand or at least move to let the older man sitting beside him know that he had had enough but soon found himself unable to do so as his body seemed to be frozen in place. He watched in horror as Bob crawled around the cage’s floor screaming and moaning in pain while begging at someone to help him. 

The only reaction the poor guy got were people laughing at him for being such a pussy and people cheering at Hannah for being such a badass. 

Carl had to resist the urge to puke as he saw Bob’s empty eye sockets pouring blood as if they were waterfalls and couldn't help but wonder if he had looked like that when he had been shot.

“Christ! That is disgusting! No wonder you cover that up, have you seen it? I mean have you looked in the mirror? That is gross as hell! I can see your socket! I want to touch it, oh come on can I touch it?” 

Negan’s words violently came crashing against his head then and he gripped his jeans tightly to resist the urge to just break down crying. 

What’s happening to me? 

He needed to get out from there. 

“Negan…” his voice couldn’t be heard over all the screams “Negan…” he tried to reach for the man's arm then but got his hand slapped away as Negan stood from his chair while screaming at Hannah to finish Bob up.

His eye went back to the fight then and he watched as the blonde woman walked over to the other blind man who seemed to recognize her before handing the chainsaw over to her with a bloody smile.

"Oh come on, that guy deserves a fucking kiss! Don’t you agree guys?” asked Negan in an excited manner to his people who soon began to shout at Hannah to kiss the blind man.

Hannah did as she was told and he kissed the man deeply while crawling on top of his lap.

People went wild as the blind’s man hands went over to Hannah’s breasts to grip at them tightly and Carl blushed crimson red as he felt slightly turned on by what was now happening in the cage. 

What the fuck is wrong with me? He thought while feeling disgusted with himself. I shouldn't be turned on by this, this is messed up. He shut his eye close and the memory of him and Enid kissing came back to his mind.

Think of her…think of her…think of Enid…don’t look…

Carl growled frustrated as he opened his eye once more. He hated to admit it but he liked what was now happening in the Vega Ring. 

“That’s my man, getting pussy even when blind! You go James!” shouted Negan a the top of his lungs as if he were a proud dad encouraging his son at a baseball game.

“Do to that fucking woman what she never allowed me to do you blind piece of shit!” he saw as the bloody couple smiled at each other and then how the blind man, James, lowered his left hand towards Hannah’s undergarments. The man's hand went inside her underwear and he saw the woman closing her eyes for a second in what he guessed was pleasure.

He knew he should look away but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t look away from the couple. 

He could still remember how that kind of things would disgust him beyond words when he was younger and thought of himself as a fool since right know he just didn’t seem to be able to get enough what he was seeing. 

Carl made himself smaller in the chair before placing his hands on top of his lap as he felt himself hardening. Shit. His cheeks became redder than the whole Vega Ring floor in shame and he turned his hands into first while cursing under his breath.

"The fuck is wrong with me…?” he looked down at the floor and closed his eye for a second while trying to somehow stop what was happening with his body by taking deep breaths.

Fear and panic hit him all of the sudden by the thought of Negan noticing what was happening with his body and he turned to look at the man for a second but found him with his eyes fixed on the couple who were now on the floor kissing and caressing each other's bodies.

Hannah was now below James who was now sucking at one of the her breasts while rubbing his hips against her own. 

Even with all the screaming Carl could still hear a few moans coming from the blonde girl who had her hands wrapped around the man's neck.

His mind suddenly went back to Enid once more and he couldn't help but picture himself and her like that.

Negan suddenly patted his knee in an enthusiastic manner and he forced himself to look up at the man with the less obvious face he could manage while pushing Enid away form his head.

If Negan sees that I'm turned on with this shit he'll make a fool out of me in front of everyone again.

The man gave him a smile as he sat back down on his chair before wrapping one arm around him to pull him close to himself "Don't you feel glad for coming with me to this shit Carl? I mean look at this poor fucker, he just got his eyes fucked up worst than you and he's still trying to get laid" Negan suddenly turned to look at him straight in the eye and he had to hold his breath by their closeness. Their faces were only a few inches apart now and he felt both confused and angry as he felt himself hardening even more.

What in the fucking hell is wrong with me?

Carl gulped hard and blinked a few times not knowing what to do and what Negan was going to do before looking down at his own lap in an unconscious manner. If Negan hadn't noticed his erection before he was sure he had done so now. 

His eye went up to look at the man and he felt his heart stop as he saw Negan's eyes darkening and staring at him with something he had never seen in anyone's eyes before. 

Right now he felt like a lamb being watched by a wolf.

He saw the man shifting in his seat before crossing his leg and taking a deep breath "Your daddy wouldn't like to know I allowed you to watch this kind of shit kid" the man's hand went over to his own neck then and he watched as Negan pulled out a necklace with a key hanging from it.

"Show's over for you kiddo, go lock yourself in my room" the man's voice was almost a ragged whisper as he said that and he gulped hard before grabbing at the key.

Negan unwrapped his arm form his neck then and he couldn't help but feel as though the older man's fingers caressed the sensitive skin in his neck a second too long.

Carl gathered what was left of his dignity and stood form his chair before heading towards the exit door. 

The last thing he was able to hear as he left the Vega Ring was Negan shouting at Hannah to stop the whole sexual act and then the chainsaw being turned on.

It was too much for him. 

All the fear, confusion and shame he felt, exploded all at once as he began to run upstairs as quickly as he could with tears running down his eye.

"Hey Kid!" he heard someone that wasn't Negan calling out for him from behind and out of fear he began to run even faster "Fuck it kid wait!" even though the voice seemed familiar he didn't stop running. 

Carl got to the top of the stairs and even though he could still hear the man screaming after him he kept on running with all his might. He continued down the hallway but stopped for a second knowing that if he continued like that he was going to get caught. 

I need to lose this guy first. 

He turned to the right on the first hallway he found and quickly realized that the hallway he was now running on led towards the Doctor's office. 

Carl quickly began to try all the doors to see if any of them were unlocked and cursed in a low whisper as none of them opened "Shit" he heard a couple of footsteps nearby and let out a relieved sigh as the next door he tried opened.

He quickly went inside the room and closed the door as calmly as he could before pressing his ear against it to make sure whoever was following him walked by. 

The sound of footsteps were soon heard and he held his breath as the person outside walked by the room he was hiding on, which turned out to be room full of brooms and mops "Negan's gonna kill me for this shit..." he blinked surprised as he heard the all too familiar voice of Dwight and wondered if Negan had sent him as some sort of escort. 

Guessing by how Dwight had ran after him and Negan's protective if not possesive behaviour towards him he was pretty sure he had. 

He couldn't help himself as he smiled a little by that before reaching over for the doorknob. If Negan sent him I should take advantage of that. Just as he was about to get out of the room he heard the man with the burned face walking away from there while cursing him for running away. 

Shit.

A wince left him as he opened the door and he peeked his head out in an attempt to see the man but found no trace of him. He got out of the room then and began to walk back towards the hallway that lead to Negan's room hoping to see Dwight nearby and soon heard someone walking his way. 

At first he thought it might be the man with the burned face but as he kept on walking he came face to face with a pair of dark predatory brown eyes. 

David.

He froze momentarily in the middle of the hallway as he saw the man with the beard and gulped hard as he noticed how his left hand was now wrapped in bandages. 

Negan had definitely broken or at least done some major damage to his hand 

The man's icy blue eyes scanned him from head to toe with a small smile in his face and he turned his hands into fists while biting his lower lip. 

I should have stayed inside that room. 

Fear began to build inside of him and he turned his hands into fists before continuing his walk. Don't be scared of him.

If Negan doesn't scare me nor does David.

He continued to walk down the hallway and soon noticed that the closer he got to David the bigger the man's smile became "The fuck do you think you're going kid?" asked him the man while stretching out his right arm to prevent him from walking any further and the memory of Negan blocking his path to the bathroom with Lucille came back to his mind. 

If I was able to stand against Negan I can stand up to you David.

He let out a tired sigh before turning to look at the man with a slightly annoyed expression in his face "To Negan's room" he said and watched with a small smirk as the man's eyes seemed to show a bit of fear by the mention of his leader's name.

"So is he waiting for you in there or what?" there was fear and doubt in the man's voice as he asked him that and even though he knew Negan was most likely still in the Vega Ring he nodded his head "He is and I'm sure he wouldn't like to hear that I came back late thanks to you" 

He couldn't help but wonder what kind of punishment Negan gave to those that interfered with his orders but guessing by David's fearful expression he could tell the punishments that were given were far from being pleasant.

The man nodded his head in an understanding manner before removing his arm from his way "I don't want any trouble kid- I'll just be on my way" David said with a nervous laugh before walking down the hallway, away from him.

Carl remained staring at the hallway for a couple of seconds just to make sure the man was really gone before letting out a relieved breath. 

Not wanting to risk his luck he began to wall back towards Negan's room and hoped that once the man came back he wouldn't ask him about what had happened back in the Vega Ring. 

Yeah, as if Negan were able to let go of things.

  
  


NEGAN 

  


It had been almost and hour since the fight had ended and he hadn't gone back to his room, and in all honesty he didn't feel like going there. 

The winner? No one. 

Fucking Hannah had gone blind over her almost victory after tearing apart the rest of Bobby’s limbs with the chainsaw and hadn't noticed Frederick turning into a half dead fucker. The man had ripped her throat apart in just one bite and had started to devour the blonde woman when she was still alive. 

"Negan stop this! Please! Help me! Please!" he had felt everyone's eyes on him as the woman begged for mercy and couldn't help but feel angry at her. 

She had acted like a wild animal during the whole fight and now wanted to be given a 'humane' way to die.

He had left the room without saying a word then and headed upstairs with Lucille in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other one. He hadn't drank any alcohol when Carl was with him out of some twisted sense of morality that vanished as soon as the teenager left the Vega Ring.  


Once Carl left he shouted at one of his men to get him a beer and by the end of the fight he had already finished three bottles.

The reason why was the usual one. He felt confused, lost and ashamed of himself, and all of it because of the fucking kid. 

He was now outside of the Sanctuary with two empty bottles of beer around him and half an empty one in his hand. He had only drank about six if not seven bottles and was already feeling kind of dizzy. 

It had been a while since he had gotten drunk and it disappointed him to be already feeling numb after such a few bottles. 

Surely a zombie apocalypse and the lack of alcohol had lowered his tolerance.  


The only times he tended to have a drink was whenever he went with his wives and only because they had better drinks than anyone in the Sanctuary. Even him. Gotta keep the ladies satisfied with their drinks he thought with a small smile before taking another sip from the bottle.

The burning sensation down his throat made him growl slightly and he couldn't help but regret not taking the bottle Spencer had given him. 

That shit was really good he thought before closing his eyes for a second as the image of Carl crying came to his head.

I should have given that fucker a slower death...even Bob the fucking Builder and Hannah fucking Montana had suffered more than that fucking asshole.

His hands became fists and he threw the bottle away from himself while cursing out loud his own weakness. 

I shouldn't even give a flying shit about that kid. 

It worried him how much Carl was beginning to mean to him and he couldn't help but feel completely stupid and weak. 

I'm having feelings for that fucking kid...

He punched the nearest a wall and had to resist the urge to scream at the top of his lungs as the wounds from the shattered glass became present.

Shit.

He took deep breaths and tried to calm himself down before falling to the ground as his own feet tangled with each other "Fuck you feet" he leaned against the wall then and closed his eyes once more while thinking about the boy. 

It had suprised him when he noticed how the teenager had an erection and even though he wanted to asume it had been caused by Hannah’s little act he wasn't sure. 

Like shit he had been able to see the fucking kid hardening even more as he brought him closer to himself.

It both confused and scared the shit out of him to think he had been the cause of Carl's turn on mainly because he himself had been turned on my that thought. He had felt himself hardening by the sight of the teenager's flushed cheeks and guilty eye and had tried to hide his own erection by crossing his legs like a fucking retard.

Had Carl noticed him being turned on too he did not know and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to do so.

Like how was he supposed to explain to a fucking teen that he, a grown fucking man, had been turned on by seeing him all horny and needy? It made him sick to think of Carl in a sexual way now knowing what the teenager had gone trough in the past couple of days. 

I'm not better than Spencer or David he thought while taking a deep breath before taking his hand towards his mouth only to be reminded of his now missing bottle.

Fucking great.

He remained sitting in the floor for a few more seconds before standing with a bit of difficulty. He stretched his arms and back a little bit before heading inside the Sanctuary.

Even though he was slightly drunk he was still able to walk properly or at least efficiently. 

It didn't took him long to get to his room and as he reached over for his key he frowned "The fuck my key at?" he looked for the key in his pockets but found no trace of it "Shit" 

Had he lost the damn key in the Vega Ring?

He thought about heading back towards the arena to look for but suddenly remembered how he had given the key to Carl. 

I'm a fucking idiot, a fucking drunk idiot.

He grabbed at Lucille and began to smash her against the door while calling out for the kid "Caaaarrllll open the fucking door! I'm drunk as fuck and need to lie down!" It took the kid about two minutes to unlock the door. 

He didn't even bothered to look at him as he stormed in and headed straight to his bed while leaving Lucille by the side. His face came crashing down against the pillow and he took a deep breath as he heard Carl calling out for him.

"What?" he heard the teenager gulping heavy while telling him to forget about it and then the all too familiar sofa screeching.

Negan let out a frustrated growl by the annoying sound coming from the sofa and by Carl's answer, before rolling over to the side to face the boy who was already in his pijamas and with the two large pillows set in the sofa.

Shit, I forgot the kid's sheet.

He bit his lower lip and thought about just letting the damn kid sleep in there without a sheet before hearing the sofa screeching again. 

My head is not up for that fucking sound tonight. 

"Carl" the teenager's icy blue eye found his own and he gave him a raise eyebrow before taking a deep breath "Get into the bed, I'm tired of hearing that fucking sound" he watched as Carl's mouth opened to argue and he gritted his teeth while giving him a threatening look.

"I'm fucking wasted kid so don't test my fucking patience!" the young boy stood form the sofa then and he sat up in the bed to remove his leather jacket and boots before scooting over to make space for Carl who hesitantly started to walk over to him with one of the large pillows in his hands.  


He let out a tired growl before getting under the sheets and watched as Carl shyly entered the bed besides him with his cheeks already red. 

Fuck you kid it's not like we're gonna fuck anytime soon. 

Negan rolled over to the side and turned the light off before feeling as the teenager moved in the bed at what he guessed was a normal pace but since he was drunk he found it extremely annoying "Kid" he felt as the other side of the bed suddenly stayed steady and remembered last night as he offered Carl to get in the bed.

And to think that only happened last night...

"What?" the kid's trembling voice let him know the teenager was expecting the worst of him. 

He must be thinking I'm going to beat the shit out of him for moving.

He let out a tired breath before speaking "I'm drunk but not drunk enough to hurt you so don't give me the scared wife behaviour for this shit" even though he couldn't see the teenager he could almost imagine him nodding in understanding.

"Having said that- If you keep on moving or making noises I will kick you out of the fucking bed and lock you in the bathroom with nothing but your fucking pijamas to keep you warm" he heard Carl gulping hard then and smiled a little before closing his eyes.

"Glad we're clear"

Silence took over the room then and just as he was about to fall asleep he heard the kid muttering and apology.

His hands became fists as he heard those words and he turned to look at Carl for a second to see if the kid was still awake.

Even though the room was mostly surrounded by shadows there was still a dim amount of light coming from the moonlight. 

It was enough for him to see the teen crying and then rolling over to his side to give his back to him.

Was Carl sorry for making noises or for what had happened in the Vega Ring?

Negan turned to give his back to the kid too and closed his eyes once more feeling like shit.

Me too kid.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I might get some complains because why the hell did I put those things ;v  
> I kinda felt bad as I wrote them guys so don't think of me as a full on pervert >;V
> 
> I'm sorry but I wanted to test myself and you guys ;v kill me plis 
> 
> Do tell me what you think about the phasing I'm taking with these two and if you want this horny behavior to become more often  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	12. Bruises And Bitemarks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know...I took my damn time with this one and I'm very sorry guys. I've been dealing with some personal issues and I just couldn't get my shit together.
> 
> I do apologize for the long wait along with the fact that this chapter isn't that long.
> 
> It takes place the next day and well I thought it was time to give Negan and also you guys a glimpse as to what happened between Spencer and Carl.
> 
> I do hope you enjoy this shit and that yoy don't hate me ;v 
> 
> Kill me plis

CARL

He wasn’t sure about what time it was when he woke up but by the time he did, Negan was no longer by his side. 

The room was still dark meaning it was still night or really early in the morning. He sat up in the bed while rubbing his eye to adjust to darkness and stared at the empty space beside him.

Negan left me alone once more. 

His hands became fists and he shook his head while letting out a frustrated growl. 

Why do I even care about that? He probably just left to do some grown up shit or fuck one of his wives… 

Why do I even care?...

Memories of last night invaded his mind then and the image of Negan staring at him like a hungry wolf made him close his eye for a second in a mixture of fear and confusion, what had that stare meant at all? 

Had Negan been angry, annoyed, disgusted, confused or what? He honestly didn’t know and deep down he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

He remembered the older man crossing his own leg over the other as he saw him being turned on and wondered if Negan had been trying to hide an erection of his own...What if he was actually turned on? 

Could Negan had been just as turned on as I was by seeing me like that? .

He pouted his mouth by his own foolish thought and turned on the light from his side. 

His eye slowly adjusted to the lit room and he stood from the bed before heading over to one of his backpacks to change into some decent clothes. He sent me away from him soon after, of course he wasn’t turned on by that, and why would he when he has like seven wives to fuck?

The thought of Negan being disgusted or angry at him for that made him feel both sad and ashamed. He must think a faggot or something. Carl frowned confused as he suddenly thought of Enid, do I still like her? His eye opened wide in fear and he gulped hard for a second before punching at the clothes in his backpack in an angry manner. 

Does being turned on by Negan mean that I'm into guys now ...?

He couldn't remeber ever being interested nor attracted to any men in his life and even now he wasn't entirely sure about what he was feeling for Negan. He knew by now that he admired and respected the man, and at some points he even saw him as a father figure because of the man's protective behaviour towards him, yet Negan's behaviour along with his own had been changing towards each other into one he wasn't sure how to describe.

When did I even start to have feelings for that asshole? 

He shook his head in an attempt to stop all of those thoughts and continued to change clothes. 

As soon as he tried to take his shirt off he winced slightly and turned his head as much as he could to stared at the now greenish-blue bruises he had. They were looking worst than the other day and felt worst than the other day. Yesterday he hadn't even felt them at all, so it both confused and worried him to think he might actually have something broken. 

Shit...should I tell Negan about them? 

He quickly dismissed that idea out of his head as he remembered how he had even got them. If I tell him what happened....He doesn't need to know and I don't need to tell him, they'll fade away eventually, and so will the pain.

Carl was mid-way through changing his shirt when the door suddenly opened. His whole body froze as he saw Negan entering the room with a large black cup coffee in one hand and a piece of bread in the other one.

Well fuck me.

It didn’t took long for Negan’s brown eyes to focus on his half naked body and he couldn’t help but feel extremely self conscious as to how the man was staring at him. 

The hungry wolf was back. 

He gulped hard as Negan’s eyes darkened and pulled his shirt closer to himself in an attempt to cover his naked chest which he suddenly remembered was full of bruises. 

I can’t let him see them, I can't let him know.

“I’ll change in the bathroom” without allowing the older man to say a thing he ran over to the bathroom and let out a frustrated growl while cursing himself in a whisper “Stupid-stupid-stupid…” he leaned against the door and couldn’t help but remember Spencer banging at it while telling him to open it. 

“Open the fucking door Carl” 

Fear filled him by the thought of Negan threatening him to open the door too, and he closed his eye shut waiting for the big bad wolf to knock. 

The older man never knocked. 

Carl let out a relieved sigh before opening his eye. He pressed his ear in an attempt to hear what Negan was doing but the room was completely silent, had Negan left again?No, he's still in there he told himself while shaking his head in desperation.

Once I come out he’s going to ask me about them, I know he will and this time I doubt he allows me to just tell him to forget it. He had already sent Negan to fuck himself at least four times about Spencer’s incident and he highly doubted the man would allow a fifth one. 

I should have stayed in bed.

Carl put his shirt on, washed his face and took a deep breath before heading outside to face Negan. He yelped slightly as he found the man leaning against the bathroom door and took a step away from him to prevent the man from grabbing at him. Negan’s expression was one of pure anger. 

He gulped hard as he stared at the older man standing in front of him and flinched as Negan walked over by his side with a calmness that unnerved him. In all honestly he preferred the angry Negan screaming and cursing rather than this one.

Carl watched as the man grabbed at Lucille and closed his eye for a second waiting for his punishment.

 “I’m not going to hurt you Carl so open your fucking eye and follow me” he opened his eye then and found Negan opening the door for him. Confusion filled him as he stared at the man in disbelief, he’s not going to punch me or yell at me? Or maybe not in here…fear filled him by the thought of Negan taking him somewhere else to do so and he remained where he was “Where are you taking me?” surprise and anger seemed to fill the man’s brown eyes as he asked him that and he gulped hard as he saw them darkening once more.

“You’ll see soon enough, now move your fucking ass before I add more color to that fucking body of yours” his feet moved then and he unconsciously began to follow the older man down the hallway he had ran trough the other night. 

Is he taking me to the Doctor’s office? 

Carl couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for thinking so low of Negan.

They soon got to the Doctor’s office and the older man opened the door for him before leaving the room for a second. When he came back the man silver hair and moustache was with him with a clearly sleepy look on his face. 

The man muttered a good morning at him before heading to the sink to wash his hands “Negan has told me you’ve got some bruises, may I inspect them?” he froze and turned to look at the man holding the baseball bat almost hoping for him to tell him not to remove his shirt.

Please don't make me do this.

“Show him kid” was the only thing the man said before turning around to leave the room. 

Fear and panic invaded him by the thought of being left alone in the room with the Doctor and he couldn’t stop himself as he pleaded at Negan not to leave him “Don’t…” the older man’s hand froze in the doorknob before turning to look at him slightly with a raised eyebrow “Don’t what?” he gulped hard and looked down at the floor before answering “Don’t leave…please….” he felt Negan’s eyes on him as he said that but tried to ignore the man’s gaze by focusing in his own hands.

The cuts from his right hand were healing quite well.

There was a long silence in the room that was broken as the Doctor cleared his throat in a loud manner while getting closer to him “May I now...?” his eye met the grayish green ones of the man in the coat and he nodded his head before slowly removing his shirt. His hands unconsciously reached over to his wounded sides in an attempt to cover the bruises that now decorated his skin and he shook his head violently as the Doctor tried to touch him.

"I need to check the magnitude of the damage kid...you might have some broken ribs or even an internal bleeding” Carl shook his head once more and closed his eye shut as he suddenly felt as though he couldn’t breathe “He’s having a panic attack…” 

What? He had never had a panic attack, not at school when he had to present himself to all of his classmates, not when he had to shot his own mother, not when he saw his friends die, not when he had tried to kill Negan…

What’s happening to me?

He felt the urge to cry and just as he was about to do so a pair of hands gently grabbed at his own. 

Carl opened his eye then and looked up to find Negan staring at him with a questioning look in his face “Can you do this or do you want to leave?” don’t you think you should have asked me that before bringing me all the way here you fucking prick? He gritted his teeth and let out a frustrated growl before nodding his head.

“Just make this quick...” he said in a low growl while biting his lower lip "You heard the kid, Doc, hurry the fuck up" 

As soon as he felt the other man’s hands on him he unconsciously tried to brush them away from him but was stopped as Negan firmly but gently held his hands. Their eyes met once more and he closed his eye shut in pain as the Doctor suddenly applied some pressure in his left side. His eye opened and he couldn't help but moan slightly in pain by the pressure the man was applying. He saw Negan’s eyes go over to the man examining him and couldn’t help but feel slightly bad as the poor Doctor got a deadly glare from the man holding his hands.

“I’m sorry-I’m just- I’m trying to find out if he has any broken ribs…” there was a painfully long silence between the three of them and he couldn’t help but squeeze slightly at Negan’s hands in an attempt to stop his I'm gonna kill you behavior. The older man squeezed back as if to let him know he had gotten the message but kept his eyes on the Doctor for a few more seconds.

It wasn’t until Negan looked away from the man that the Doctor’s hands went back to his body. 

He felt him touch, caress and press slightly against his skin and every time he did so he couldn’t help but remember Spencer gripping at his sides. 

He’s not Spencer, Spencer is dead, Negan killed him….

Carl couldn't help himself as he squeezed Negan's hands tightly as he remebered Spencer clutching at one particular spot. The bullet scar he had gotten back when he had been shot by the hunter, Otis. Spencer had been particularly interested on it and had asked him about it but he had refused to tell him anything about it. That had caused Spencer to punch him at least twice and also to make the man twist at the scar with his hands tightly.

He felt Negan squeezing back and turned to look at him for a second "I'm here kid" Carl blinked a couple of times surprised by the man's words and noticed how even Negan himself seemed to be surprised by them as he frowned slightly. 

Negan suddenly cleared his throat in a loud manner and turned his attention towards the Doctor "The fucks taking so long Patrick?" the man's hand left him for a second then and he heard him muttering something before speaking clearly "Just checking...I'm almost done..." the Doctor's hands went back to his skin again and he felt as though he were to pass out. The man's hands, Patrick's hands were suddenly Spencer's and he let out a pained growl while dropping his head to the front. Had it not been for Negan moving in closer he might have fallen to the floor ''Stay awake kid..." Negan's voice sort of brought him back to reality for a second and he nodded his head before laying his forehead against the man's chest.

At first he thought the man was going to brush him away but was relieved as Negan allowed him to lean on him ''Shit's almost over Carl...'' he nodded his head slightly to let the man know he had heard him and closed his eye shut while letting go of Negan's hand to cling at the man's leather jacket ''I want to go...'' his voice was barely a whisper as he said that and for a second he doubted Negan had even heard him at all.

''I know'' was the only reponse that he got from the older man who to his surprise took a hand towards his head to caress at his hair in what he guessed was a comforting manner that brought back memories of his mom and dad doing the same exact gesture. They would usually do it whenever he felt sad or sick while whispering at him how everything was going to be okay.  
  
He highly doubted Negan would do the same but the mere fact that the man was even trying to comfort him was enough for him to smile a little before remembering all the things he had done to him and his family. 

His smile vanished for a second then and he bit his lip hard while trying to forget, even if it was just for a second, about everything Negan had done.

He forgot about how Negan had killed Abraham and Glenn, how he had broken his father, how he had humiliated him, how he had gotten Olivia killed, how he had pushed him into a hole full of walkers...how much he hated him...he forgot about everything that had happened between them and focused on the tender gesture the man was doing. 

"Take a deep breath" he felt the man with silver hair putting his hands on his back and nodded slowly before taking a deep breath "Once more please" he obeyed and relaxed a little as the man's hands left him.

"I'm going to put an ointment to help the bruises heal...it might be a little cold" he nodded his head once more and let out a small growl as a cold lotion was gently spread all over his back and sides. 

Patrick's hands touched most if not all of his chest and back and he shut his eye tightly while gripping at Negan's jacket, desperate for the man to finish.

"We're almost done kid, I'm just going to put a bandage over your torso to keep the ointment in place and then you'll be able to go back to Negan's room" the man's voice was soft and had an edge of pity on it that made Carl wonder if Patrick thought Negan had been the one to cause the bruises.

The image of Negan gripping at his sides and holding him down against the ground like Spencer had done brought a chill down his spine mainly because he honestly had never pictured the older man hurting him like that. 

"Tell me if it's too tight please" he nodded his head and then felt as the Doctor gently wrapped his torso with a white bandage in a quick but efficient manner. At least he's trying to hurry this shit up he thought while feeling grateful for the man's quickness.

About a minute went by and then Patrick announced how he was free to go "You can put your shirt on" Carl moved away from Negan then and kept his gaze down to avoid looking at the older man and grabbed at his shirt.  
  
He stared at the Doctor for a couple of seconds before muttering a low thank you "Thanks Patrick..." he said while putting his shirt on, and watched as the man in the coat seemed to be slightly surprised by his words. A small smile spread across the man's lips as he nodded his head at him "Welcome kid...if you feel any pain you can always come back to me" the man's grayish blue eyes turned to look at his leader and Carl could swear he saw a bit of anger or hate in them.

"Anything else I can do for you Negan?" even the man's voice had an edge of anger as he asked the other man that. It was clear to him now that Patrick blamed the bruises he had in his skin, on Negan.

He watched as the man with the baseball bat shook his head to the other one before he opened the door for him "Not today, thanks Doc....let's go Carl" his eye found the man's brown ones as he was adressed, and he couldn't help but feel slightly relieved as he saw how the hungry wolf was gone. He walked closer to Negan then and gave the Doctor one last look before heading out with the other man.

They walked far away from the Doctor's office before stopping in the middle of the hallway. He turned to look at the man with a slightly confused and fearful look on his face and watched how Negan seemed to be conflicted about saying or doing something. 

He's going to ask me how I got the bruises.

The leader of the Saviors took a deep breath, rubbed at his own eyes in a tired manner and turned to look at him with a troubled yet serious expression on his face "I know this is not the time but I need to know, did you go those because of me pushing you into the hole or because of Spencer?" 

He blinked slightly confused by the man's question mainly because he had never even thought of the hole incident as the source of his bruises. He considered for a moment telling Negan how he had gotten them in the hole full of walkers but thought better of it as he remebered the man's caring behaviour.

He killed Spencer for me and took care of me. 

I can't lie to him and make him feel responsible for this.

"It was Spencer" he said and watched as a bit or relief filled the man's eyes for a second. Would Negan had felt bad if he had told him it had been his fault? Judging by the man's expression and behaviour he was sure he would. 

Negan nodded his head in understanding before taking another deep breath "Then that shit leads to question number 2, when are you going to tell me what happened?" he couldn't help but gulp hard and look away from the man as he asked him that.

Back when he had come out of fhe bathroom he had felt ready to tell him about what had happened between him and Spencer but now he felt far from ready. He had showed Negan how much it pained him and how much Spencer's actions had damaged him back in the Doctor's office by almost crying and passing out after all. 

"I-I can't...not yet..." his eye found the man's brown eyes then and he watched as a bit of anger and disappointment filled them before watching them soften a little.

"Alright then kid, but I won't forget about it; you're going to tell me what the fuck happened because after watching you like that I can't fucking ignore that shit any fucking longer..." he looked away from Negan ashamed of himself but then felt the man's index finger lifting his chin up. He gulped hard as their faces were only a few inches apart just like in the Vega Ring, and saw the man's eyes darkening for a second "Take your time kid...when you feel ready tell me" Carl couldn't help but nod by the man's words and watched as a small smile formed on Negan's lips.

"Alright then , but just remember I'm pretty fucking old and I might die soon so do try to tell me as soon as you can kid...Now come on I'm fucking starving" Negan began to walk away from him with Lucille over his shoulder and Carl couldn't help but smile a little before following the older man.

I have no plans to kill you anytime soon Negan, so you might have to wait for a while.

NEGAN

 

He had fought the urge to take Carl out of Patrick’s office as soon as he saw the kid looking at him in a begging manner as the other man told him to undress.

There was fear and desperation in that icy blue eye of his as he stared at him and he hadn’t been able to bear the sight of Carl like that “Show him kid” was the only thing he had been able to say before trying to leave the room, not wanting to see his little serial killer like that.

“Don’t…” the teenager’s broken plea had frozen him in place and even though he knew what the kid meant by don’t, he had pressed in further not wanting to give into his plea so easily “Don’t what?” 

“Don’t leave…please…” 

Negan focused on the kid sitting in front of him and watched as the young boy ate his breakfast in a calm manner, almost as if nothing had happened. 

It felt almost surreal if not stupid to be acting all normal around Carl after what he had seen, and after what he had done. 

He had given into the boy’s plea by staying, had held hands with him to calm him down, had allowed him to lean on him as he was about to crash his fucking face against the pavement, and had also allowed himself to pretty much act like a fucking pussy in front of one of his men and Carl by going full on concerned mom-dad-girlfriend-boyfriend or whatever the fuck mode he had gone trough back there.

It scared him shitless how much he had cared about the teenager’s well being back in the Doctor’s office and how easily he had been convinced to stay “Don’t leave…please…” had it been someone else asking him to do that, he probably would have just left, after all, why should he care? 

You definitely have feelings for that kid.

He kept his eyes on Carl for a second and couldn’t help but wonder if the teenager had feelings for him too. 

The whole leaning against his body and acting all doubtful with his murder attempts came back to his head and he closed his eyes as he remembered the Vega Ring incident…Could Carl had been just as turned on as he was by their closeness? 

The thought of that being the case aroused him slightly and he crossed his left leg over the other in an attempt to get his shit together.

He’s just a fucking kid. 

The whole world had gone to hell but the idea of him doing stuff to a teenager who was most likely still underage made him want to puke for a second. 

It just felt wrong not to say weird. 

All of his wives were all adult women, some older, some younger. The youngest wife he had was twenty-two years old and he had only taken her in because she had practically begged him to. Damn girl had some serious daddy issues, not to say a gorgeous fucking body. He just hadn’t been able to say no to such a willing and hot wife. Still, whenever he fucked the girl he couldn’t help but feel odd since he was half her age.

I could be her fucking dad. 

He opened his eye then and looked at the teenager sitting in front of him. Carl was much smaller not to say fragile than he was…I could be his fucking dad too. 

Negan unconsciously smashed his knee against the table as he unwrapped his legs and cursed out loud before giving the boy a deadly glare as he found that icy blue eye staring at him confused “The fuck you looking at kid?” the boy’s eye left him then and he closed his eyes shut again while letting out a tired breath. Do I really care about the fucking age gap or am I just fucking scared of him not feeling the same?

The boy's dad suddenly came to his mind and he couldn't help but wonder if Carl actually saw him as some sort of father figure. 

Another one with fucking daddy issues.

It both annoyed and angered him not to know how the teenager saw him. Like shit, he didn’t even knew about how he saw the damn boy either. 

This whole sexual attraction towards the teenager was completely new to him and it was starting to drive him nuts. Yes he had hugged and kinda flirted with the kid a few times but he hadn't meant for the damn boy to take that shit seriously, he was just trying to annoy and anger him, nothing else.  


Back in the RV, in Alexandria, even here in the Sanctuary, he had never felt any sexual attraction towards the young boy. He had only felt fascination and respect towards Carl. He admired his fearless behavior and his: I’m not scared of you behavior towards him, it drove him crazy mainly because it had been a while since someone had actually stood up to him. 

But then everything had changed when Hannah’s tits attacked. His hands became fists under the table and images of the half naked woman violently crashed against his head. It was all her fault. Had it not been because of her little show Carl wouldn’t have been turned on, and if Carl hadn’t been turned on he wouldn’t have been turned on.

It was a pitiful chain of events he wished had never happened.

The image of Carl with his eye wide shut and his tiny hands clinging at his leather jacket crashed painfully against his head and he quickly realized how it was going to be much harder for him to kill the boy now.

Shit...

“Negan” he opened his eye again as he heard Dean’s voice and he turned to the left to face the man with hazel green eyes “Tell me something good son” the man gave him a small smile while nodding his head in an enthusiastic manner and he couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved by the sight of that. 

Finally some comforting words that might brighten my fucking day. 

“We managed to fill the hell hole once more with tons of zombies, just like you asked”

Well fuck me I didn’t even want o be sweet talked to.

He had completely forgotten about the little bet he had made with Carl yesterday. He had indeed asked for his men to fill the hole with half dead fuckers once more, but had never actually thought they would get it full in just one day.

A small forced smile spread across his lips as he stood from his seat while patting Dean in the back “How very fucking kind of you; the kid and I will be there in a second, gather some men and get James, we’re going to need the timer” he patted the man in the back once more before motioning for Carl to stand up ''Come on kid, let's go finish this fucking bet” they both walked away from the man with hazel green eyes and left the dining room. 

They soon got outside the Sancturary and got closer to the hole which was indeed pretty fucking full of half dead fuckers. 

This motherfuckers want me to die. 

He walked around the hole while pressing Lucille around the edges to check which spots were a potential escape route for him in case something went wrong and couldn't help but notice how Carl was staring at the hole in a mixture of what he could only guess was fear and worry. 

You were fucking lucky yesterday kid. 

Negan looked away from the young boy and focused on the creatures inside the hole. Most of them seemed to be pretty thin and he couldn't help but feel slightly relieved by that. They'll be easy to take down.

"Are you really going to do this?" Carl's sudden question made him look at the teenager once more with a mixture of confusion and amusment "You're not worried about me are you Carl?" the teenager looked down at the ground then and he chuckled amused before leaving a small mark in the dirt.

"I am a man of my word kid and for your sake, I hope you're so too, after all your singing career might start tonight" a bunch of his men came out out from the Sanctuary then and he motioned for them to spread around the hole "Unless I order any of you to jump in, you stay out of the fucking hole, are we clear?" his men nodded and he walked over to Carl with a smile on his face.

"Ready to see this shit kid?" the teenager looked up at him and he was slightly surprised as he saw a bit of worry in that icy blue eye of his. Shit, he really is worried about this. The teenager nodded his head slowly and he chucked lightly before seeing as James set the basketball timer.

"Alright James, turn that fucking thing on as soon as I jump in" the man nodded his head and he walked over to the hole with Lucille tightly around his hand and took a deep breath before jumping in.

The timer was turned on and he quickly started to swing his girl around while chuckling as the baseball bat connected with the half fuckers heads, whom to his surprise and disappointed, were going down like birds. 

This shit isn't funny.

He kept on bashing Lucille against every fucker that came near him and he couldn't help but laugh a little as he did so. It had been a while since he had feed his girl with some blood after all. 

Blood, brain matter and some other shit, began to splash his face and he tried not to smile nor laugh as much, not wanting any of that shit to get inside his mouth.

"Are you liking the show Carl?" he turned to look a the teenager for a second with a smile on his face and felt like a complete fucking idiot as he suddenly tripped with one of the dead bodies underneath him "Shit!" his head hit the ground and two half dead bitches launched themselves against him "Double shit!"

"Negan! Do we-?" he heard one of his men asking him if they should jump in and he shook his head while screaming at them to stay out "Stay the fuck out I can deal with this cunts!" he placed Lucille over his chest to keep both rotten women off himself and let out an angry growl before trying to stand from the ground, knowing that if he didn't got up quickly he was going to get eaten alive or was at least going to get bitten.

The barbed wire digged itself on the women necks as he pushed them away from himself and he resisted the urge to puke as blood and something yellow splashed his jacket and shirt.

"This fucking cunts are squirting all of their fucking fluids on me!" he managed to stand from the ground and gave one of the woman a rough push to make some space for him and smashed Lucille violently against the other one before using her as a shield once more as three undead charged against him.

Fuck me. 

Negan was forced to take a couple of steps back as the half dead fuckers mouth’s moved closer to him and his back crashed roughly against the hole’s edges. He gritted his teeth while trying to keep the undead away from him and couldn't help but feel grateful for the creature’s stupidity as none of them tried to bite as his hands. He used this to his advantage while swinging his right hand to punch at one of them. 

He was cruelly reminded of the glass wounds on his hand as he did so and he cursed out loud before trying to get them off once more by pushing the three of them away from him.  


Blood began to splash his hands as the barbed wired pierced the skin of the three fuckers and he couldn’t help but feel slightly desperate as a forth one joined the others. Negan was forced back against the hole’s edge and growled angrily while kicking at one of them. The fucker’s legs broke at the first kick and he smiled before opening his eyes wide as he saw the crippled undead crawling towards his legs “Shit!”

“Kid stop!” his eyes went towards the teenager and he frowned confused and worried as he saw how Carl was gone. 

Where the fuck the kid at? Fear and panic filled him as he saw the empty spot in which the teenager had been standing a few minutes ago and he couldn't help but lose all of his focus in the fight. 

His little distraction was enough for one of the half dead fuckers to move forwards and bite at his jacket. 

Out of surprise and confusion by the close call, he lowered Lucille a little causing the other undead to grab at him desperate for a bite of his flesh. He was barely able to avoid a bite straight to his face and somehow managed to swing Lucille against one of them feeling desperate and confused. He lost track of where he was for a second and just as one of the undead was about to sink his teeth in his arm, someone dug a knife on the fucker's head from behind.

Carl. 

The fucking kid had just saved his life.

Their eyes met and he could tell the teenager wasn’t afraid of his expression as he watched him in a defying manner almost as if asking him, what are you going to do to me for saving your fucking life? 

“You little piece of shit'' he saw the fucker whose legs were broken crawling towards the teenagers legs from his ‘blind side’ and tried to smash Lucille against him to keep Carl safe, but was pushed away from the boy as the other three undead launched themselves against him once more “Shit!'' he placed Lucille in front of his chest again to keep the undead away from him and tried to warn the teenager of the crippled fucker as he saw how Carl seeemed to be frozen in place like a fucking retard.

''Kid, watch out!” he swung the baseball bat against all of the motherfuckers in front of him in one desperate attempt to get back to the teenager but watched in horror as the teeth from the crippled fucker dug into Carl’s side.

Negan had lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe I couldn't help myself with the smooch and cute gestures ;v  
>   
> I'm sorry  
>   
> And we'll in case you haven't caught on, this chapter was inspired in a song a friend of mine showed me a couple of days ago called Bruises And Bitemarks by Good with Grenades, it's a great song and I highly recommend hearing it since, in my humble opinion, shows the relationship this two have perfectly ;v  
>   
> And well Carl getting bitten...hehehe...kill me plis ;V  
> 


	13. There's No Escape from This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I took my time  
> Han Solo style: I know 
> 
> But I did say it, I'm dealing with stuff and that stuff is affecting me more than I thought it would. I'm sorry guys and I know it's not your fault and that I'm affecting your reading. But believe me I've been dying to write this shit too :v
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter ;v
> 
> And also, I'm not sure if you can see it without reading it yet, but this chapter is quite short, I'm sorry about that. I would have made it longer had I thought things better, I’m sorry :v

CARL  
  
  
“Kid! Watch out!”  
  
Carl spun around as he heard Negan’s desperate warning and watched in horror as a the walker, whose legs the older man had broken a few minutes ago, sunk his putrid teeth on his side.  
  
He dug the knife into the walker’s head and watched as all of Negan’s men jumped inside the hole to kill the remaining ones with knives.  
  
His hands began to shake as he touched at his side and a sharp pain hit him almost immediately. Blood was dripping from the area in which the walker had bit him and his eye opened wide in horror as he stared at his bloodied hand.  
  
He bit me…he bit me…he bit me…  
  
His gaze lifted up to stare at the men around him and he gulped hard as he realized the way they were all staring at him.  
  
All of the men’s eyes were dark and filled with nothing but murderous intentions as they noticed what he had just realized.  
  
They know there’s no chance for me to survive. They know they have to kill me now. They’re going to kill me now.  
  
An arm suddenly wrapped around his neck from behind and he growled in anger before trying to swing the knife against his attacker in one desperate attempt to escape. He was roughly stopped as another man joined his companion to take the knife away from him, and he screamed in a mixture of pain and desperation as a considerable amount of pressure was applied on his wounded hand.  
  
The knife fell to the floor and he began to kick and punch at the men holding him in one last attempt to escape.  
  
Carl froze as a gun was pointed at him and stared back at the man that was aiming the gun in a defying manner not wanting to give the man the satisfaction of letting him know how scared he was.  
  
The sound of a gun’s safety lock being taken off made his eye go wide in fear and he began to struggle against the men that were holding him once more.  
  
I’m going to die…  
  
Another gun’s safety lock being taken off was heard and he looked up to find Negan aiming a gun at the man’s head from behind with an angry yet somehow calm expression on his face “Shot that kid and I will make you shot your wife and kids one by one” the man in front of him lowered his gun immediately and Carl felt as the other man behind him removed his arm from around his neck before watching in horror as Negan aimed the gun at him.  
  
Negan wasn’t protecting me; he was just claiming his kill.  
  
He had promised him to be the one to end his life after all.  
  
Their eyes met and he gulped hard before closing his eye, waiting for the man’s bullet to pierce trough his skull.  
  
I’m sorry dad, I lied.  
  
He remembered the day his dad had found his mom and him back in the camp, the happiness he had felt back then, the desperation and the fear he had felt back to when the mad scientist informed them about how they were all going to die, the feeling of his mom’s arms around him holding him tight as they cried, the relief yet grief he had felt as they manage to escape the explosion…  
  
Had they stayed none of this would have happened, they would have all died in a ‘peaceful manner’…  
  
Oh! Look at that! Taking it like a CHAMP! -Buddy, are you still there? I just don't know. It seems like you're trying to speak... but you just took a hell of a hit! I just popped your skull so hard your eyeball just popped out... and it is gross as shit!  
  
Carl regretted not staying.  
  
He remembered the pain of Otis’s bullet piercing his body, the pain of Hershel removing the fragmented bullet from his body, the pain of hearing his mom and dad crying outside the room…  
  
Had he hadn’t tried to touch that deer like the stupid child he was he wouldn’t have been shot, he should have just let Shane and his dad handle the situation; ‘let the adults handle the situation’…  
  
You’re just a kid  
  
Carl regretted being so childish.  
  
He remembered doing nothing to help Sophia escape the walkers who were following her; he remembered doing nothing to prevent Dale’s death…  
  
Had he shot those walkers Sophia and Dale wouldn’t have died, he should have been ‘brave enough’…  
  
You are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes.  
  
Carl regretted crossing the walker from the swamp.  
  
He remembered all the effort they had put on taking over the prison, he remembered feeling almost invincible if not untouchable behind the prison’s walls, the feeling of relief for having somewhere ‘safe to be’ …  
  
Had they hadn’t lowered their guards all the walkers that invaded the prison back when he had shot his mom wouldn’t have taken him or anyone by surprise. They would have been ready.  
  
You thought you were safe, I get it. But the word is out. You are not safe. Not even close.  
  
Carl regretted feeling safe.  
  
He remembered thinking about how his mom and dad would take care of the baby once the time came, how he thought they were all going to be raising his little sister together like a family, how things were only going to ‘get better’…  
  
Sucks, don't it? The moment you realize you don't know shit.  
  
Carl regretted thinking they would always be together.  
  
He remembered pulling the trigger, he remembered seeing Hershel’s head being cut off, he remembered seeing Abraham’s head being smashed by Lucille, he remembered seeing Maggie’s expression as Glenn mumbled her name one last time….  
  
You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you're all gonna be doing that.  
  
Negan fired the gun then and he heard something falling behind him along with the feeling of drops falling on his clothes and skin.  
  
Another gunshot was heard and he opened his eye just in time to see the man that had taken the knife away from him, falling to the ground dead. He turned around and realized how Negan had shot the man that had wrapped his arm around his neck too and couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for both deaths.  
  
They were only trying to do the ‘right thing’ by killing him. He knew there was no cure and no turning back from this. Once you get bitten you die not matter how.  
  
Carl blinked a couple of times in a mixture of shock and surprise before turning to look at Negan who slowly lowered the gun before placing it inside his pants just like when he had taken the gun Simon had left in front of him away.  
  
The man gave him a somber look that forced him to look away afraid and his hands became fists as he realized what that meant.  
  
He’s not going to kill me here and he’s not going to give me a quick death.  
  
His eye went over to Lucille as he saw Negan grabbing her with his left hand and he gulped hard knowing that she was going to be the one to put him out of his misery.  
  
The man’s brown eyes found his icy blue one and he manage to see as clear as day as they darkened; the hungry wolf was back.  
  
He gave a step back and stupidly stumbled with one of the bodies from the dead walkers. He fell back in an unceremoniously manner that caused the men around him to look at him in a mocking manner and gritted his teeth angrily before turning his hands into fists “Clean this fucking mess up and inform Joel's daughter about this shit…'' the men stopped staring at him then and nodded their heads in an understanding manner before getting to work ''Negan, what do we do with the kid?'' Carl focused on the older man with the baseball bat and watched as he took a deep breath.  
  
''I’ll take care him” Negan walked over to him then and offered his hand to help him up and he couldn’t help but remember the truck incident.  
  
Carl wished Negan had killed him back then since if he had died that day a lot of things wouldn’t have happened to him, Spencer, Olivia, his father, Judith, Hannah, The Doctor, David…Negan…all of those awkward situations, all of those conflicted emotions…all of those feelings he had started to develop for the man never would have happened…  
  
His hand wrapped around the man’s larger one and he was picked up at once in one swift pull that was a little too rough for him as he crashed against the man's chest. Their eyes met once more and he manage to see a bit of pain and something else in them as they stared at each other. The man's hands gently removed him from himself and motioned for him to follow him “Come on kid, let's get this over with” Negan walked over to one of the hole’s edges but he remained standing where he was feeling unable to follow him since he knew what was going to happend now.  
  
He’s going to kill me…Carl knew that once they were alone, the older man was going to end his life and fulfill his promise.  
  
I'm not ready...I don't want to die...I don't want him to kill me...not yet...not like this...  
  
He looked around himself and his eye soon came to lay on the mark Negan had made in the ground with Lucille back when he was about to jump inside the hole. That's my way out of here “Kid…” Carl turned to look at the older man for a second and noticed how Negan seemed to know what he was about to do as his expression turned into one of anger “Carl, don’t you fucking dare to-”  
  
He turned around, grabbed the knife that was on the ground and ran as fast as he could towards the other side of the hole “Shit! Carl!” one of Negan’s men quickly tried to stop him and he managed to stab the man in the shoulder deep enough to make him stop his pursue completely in what he guessed was a mixture of pain and fear. Guilt filled him since he knew he shouldn’t even be trying to escape. He was dead already after all.  
  
Carl jumped as high as he could as he got to the mark and winced in pain as the bruises became present. Shit. He used the knife to climb out of the hole by digging it against the ground and tried to find some firm ground to impulse himself out of there.  
  
Just as he had half of his body out, a hand grabbed at his leg. In a mixture of anger and desperation he swung the knife at the person behind him and froze as his wrist was caught by none other than Negan who quickly made him drop the knife by applying a painful amount of pressure on it. Carl knew that he should have stopped then but he didn’t. His free hand went over to the man’s face and he was slightly surprised as his fist connected with Negan’s cheek.  
  
Shit.  
  
Carl knew that he probably should have stopped fighting then but he didn’t.  
  
He managed to free his leg from Negan’s hold and quickly kicked the man straight in the face causing him to grab at his nose and growl in pain while cursing.  
  
"Shit! SHIT! There goes my fucking modeling career you deep shit!’’ his eye widened in horror and fear as he saw Negan’s bloodied face and he winced afraid before crawling away from the man, knowing that if he allowed him to take hold of him again, he was going to have a fate worse than death.  
  
Carl stood up as quickly as he could and began to run away from there.  
  
It didn’t took long for Negan’s men to start shooting at him; he cursed his own foolishness for even thinking he was going to get out alive from there and tried to somehow not get shot. A bullet suddenly hit him in his left arm and he screamed in pain before falling to the ground bleeding. Tears left him and he gripped at his arm tightly in an attempt to stop the bleeding before covering his head, not wanting to get shot.  
  
This is it, this is how I die.  
  
A familiar gunshot was heard and he turned around to see Negan getting out of the hole and shooting another of his men in the head. The man fell to the ground not entirely dead yet, and Carl couldn't help but feel kind of bad for him. He must have been the one to shot me. He watched as Negan put the poor man out of his misery with another bullet and gulped hard as he saw the man's angry eyes turning towards him.  
  
The older man aimed the gun at him then and motioned for him to get to his side by patting his own leg ‘‘Come here kid’’ the calm way in which Negan said those words made him shake his head and tear up once more ‘‘Fine, I’ll go get you then’’ his eye widened then and he watched in horror as the older man started to walk towards him.  
  
A small pathetic wince of fear left him and he tried to stand up once more while grabbing at his wounded arm. He managed to do so but was quickly grabbed by the neck by Negan who roughly pulled at his hair to prevent him from going anywhere. Carl growled in pain and began to struggle against the older man who without a warning decided to smash him against the ground.  
  
All the air left his lungs and he felt more tears coming out of his eye as Negan pressed him down against ground ‘‘Kid stop, I don’t want to hurt you’’ he took a deep breath and tried to brush the man off himself before spitting out how that was bullshit ‘‘Of course you don’t want to fucking hurt me, you just want to kill me’‘ the man said nothing for a couple of seconds and when he did, he said something that made him stop struggling.  
  
‘‘I won’t kill you while you’re still alive, hell I’m willing to wait for you to turn into one of those mindless fuckers if you fucking want me to...but I’m not backing away from our promise Carl’’ the man removed himself from him then and he turned around to see Negan offering his hand to him once more.  
  
‘‘You know the truth, just like me, there's no escape from this, from me... so take my fucking hand already’’ was that really the truth? There was no escape from this?  
  
He was wounded, he was bitten, he had Negan right in front of him. There was no escape. He looked down at the ground for a second before looking back up at the man and taking his hand ‘‘Let's go somewhere else, kid’’  
  
This time he followed Negan and didn’t try to escape. There was no point.  
  
The last thing he saw as they entered the Sanctuary was the basketball counter.  
  
The time? 6:57  
  
Negan had won.  
  


  
NEGAN  
  
  
They got to his room and he opened the door for Carl before locking the door behind him. The teenager seemed to notice this time but said nothing. I’m sorry Carl, I can’t let you escape and infect my people ‘‘Do you want to take a shower?’’ the icy blue eye from the teenager turned sharply to look at him in a mixture of confusion and fear ‘‘What-with you?’’ his own eyes opened wide in surprise by the boy’s question and he pouted his mouth before chuckling in disbelief ‘‘Only if you want to kid’’  
  
Carl looked away from him obviously ashamed, and he had to contain himself from doing something stupid as he saw the teenager’s cheeks turning crimson red. It was a wild impulse that took over him for a moment but he managed to brush it away as quickly as it came.  
  
This might be the last time I see that.  
  
Sadness overwhelmed him as he watched him and he had to turn around to don’t show any emotions. He might be dying but that doesn't mean you should show any weakness you idiot ‘‘I’ll take a quick shower, and as long as you’re not trying to eat me, you’re welcome to join in’’ he said in a playful manner that betrayed the sadness inside of him with those last words and walked over to the corner to grab at some fresh clothes. He spared one last glance at Carl who was now sitting in the corner of the room with his head between his knees. Tears were streaming down the boy’s eye and he forced himself to shut the door close.  
  
‘‘Did I do this to you…?’’ memories from a similar situation crashed violently against his mind and he growled in pain before sliding down the door to the ground and throwing the gun inside his pants away from him ‘‘Did I fucking caused this…?’’  
  
A disease, an impossible race to win…  
  
Lucille.  
  
His wife…  
  
It was all happening again, and it hurt as much if not more than before.  
  
Negan smashed his fists against the bathroom’s floor and forced himself not to scream out in anger ‘‘If I’d been there for you…’’ had he ordered his men to jump in when everything was going south Carl wouldn’t have jumped in to save him, and had the fucking kid not jumped in, he wouldn’t have been bitten.  
  
It was his fault.  
  
He had indeed promised to kill the kid, but he never thought it would be like this, not with Carl not having a choice.  
  
His memory went back to the psycho teenager Bob and he smiled sadly as he remembered how he had wondered if Carl was going to disappoint him once the time came. Are you going to disappoint me too, kid? Of course Carl hadn’t fucking disappointed him, hell, he was fucking proud of the resistance the teenager had put against his men and him. Stabbing his men, running away, breaking his fucking nose; the kid had done everything he had been able to do in order to escape, and in all honesty, he had even thought about just letting him do so since he didn’t want to face Carl’s death.  
  
Allowing the kid to escape would have given him the chance of not seeing the teenager die and turn into a mindless monster. That would have been easier for him to deal with. But now he had to deal with Carl crying and suffering for a while before eventually seeing him die. He wasn’t ready for that shit to happen. He wasn’t ready to kill the kid.  
  
He growled frustrated with himself, and stood from the ground while removing his shirt. Just like Carl, he now had a couple of bruises all over his chest and back. A small chuckle left him by that and he tested the water for a second before removing the rest of his clothes and going under the water.  
  
Despite wanting to take a short shower he took one of the longest showers he had ever taken in his entire life, the reason? He was hoping for Carl to have turn by the time he came out.  
  
He winced slightly as the water hit his face and tried his best to ignore the pain, knowing that his nose was most likely broken. I’ll go with Patrick once I’m done with Carl. This shit can wait.  
  
As the warm water caressed his body, his mind went to the young boy’s naked chest. All those bruises and scratches had ruined his view of the teenager’s pale porcelain like skin back in Patrick’s office. Yet, they hadn’t ruin his own thoughts. A frustrated growl left him and he pressed his forehead against the shower’s wall in an attempt to calm himself down. His mind was running wild now and his body was betraying him in the most obvious way. He closed his eyes for a second and tried to remove Carl from his thoughts before giving up ‘‘Screw you, kid’’  
  
He grabbed at his lenght and pressed his forehead harder against the shower's wall before caressing it up and down. It made him feel awful to be doing this while thinking of Carl but he just coulnd't deal with this shit anymore and he sure as hell wasn't going to jerk off to the memory of a death teenager. He coulnd't deny it anymore. He fucking liked the kid and shit he wanted him lo live. His thoughts became more and more obscene and desperate as his pleasure built and he grabbed at the shower's curtain while groaning. He's going to die no matter what you do you fucking idiot, you either kill him or let him suffer for a while before seeing him die. He growled in pain but didn't stop.  
  
There's was no escape from this shit. Death was going to take the kid away from him no matter what.  
  
Negan came then and he could feel a tear sliding down his cheek as he did so.  
  
''Fuck''  
  
He got dressed and placed the gun he had dropped back inside his pant before coming out. A small smile spread over his face as he saw Carl sleeping in the sofa “Rise and shine Caaaarrllll” his smile widened as he remembered the teenager's confused and annoyed face when he had woken him up back on their first day together in the Sanctuary. 

“Wake up Sleeping Beauty; it’s time to go check shit out” Negan shook his head as he thought about that and walked over to his bed to grab at the main sheet. He gently covered the teenager with it and watched in amusement as Carl’s hands hugged at it just like when they were in the truck cuddling. Really fucking adorable kid.

His left hand went over to the boy's face and he tentatively caressed the teenager's cheek for a second before shaking his head in a dissaproving manner and walking over to the opposite sofa. He took a seat and watched the teenager’s calm expression as he slept before rubbing his eyes in a tiresome manner.

A low chuckle left him as he remembered how this same situation had happened when Carl had fought in the Hell Hole. Negan couldn't help but smile by that. He leaned his head back and placed his feet up in the little table between them in an attempt to get comfortable. 

The fucking kid had taken and shower and then he had fallen asleep in his bed due to exhaustion, or maybe boredom, either way, right now he was tired and bored too. A yawn left him and he stared at Carl for a couple of seconds before tilting his head to the side ‘‘Probably best you’re sleeping trough this…It should all be over by the time you wake up’' he said and closed his eyes with a small smile on his face.

You can still kill me kid; you just have to wake up.

He didn’t care which Carl killed him at all. The one who hated him or the mindless monster he feared the kid was going to become. Either way it was still going to be his little serial killer.

Which one of them was going to die first? He didn't knew. 

The only thing he knew was that once they woke up one of them was going to be dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I had a really fucking hard time trying not to make this whole chapter be all that stupid in terms of you know, focusing in only one thing, as you can see, I failed :v
> 
> I’ll me uploading soon this time, so don’t worry I have wayyyyy more time for this shit now.
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	14. I Need a Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I think I lied when I said I would upload soon, I won’t say that again, from now on I’ll upload when I’m able to, sorry for the inconveniences guys, ladies :( 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this shit

CARL

He wasn't sure of where he was or if he was dead or alive, the only thing he knew when he opened his eye was that he was surrounded by darkness.  
Is this how being dead looks like? No, not dead. Gone, his mind and brain were still there, but he wasn’t.

Unless Negan had already shot him. 

In all honesty he had fallen asleep for two reasons, one, he was tired, and two, he didn't want to be awake for his own death. He didn’t want to see the man aiming at his head and pulling the trigger nor did he want to see himself becoming a monster. 

He yelped slightly as he heard something crashing against glass and blinked surprised before realizing he was still alive. I can hear things. He moved his hands and feet and a small chuckle left him as he felt the soft fabric from Negan’s bed sheet. I can feel. His eye slowly began to adjust to the darkness around him and he was able to see how he was still in Negan’s room, lying in the sofa. I can see. 

I really am alive.

He removed the sheet from himself and sat up. A small wince left him as he did so but he quickly realized the pain wasn't caused by his bruises or the bite, the pain he felt was because of the gunshot wound he had on his left arm. Confusion filled him by that and he took one hand towards his side. The blood from the wound was already dry and other than the usual pain from the bruises, he didn't feel anything at all.

Why? Why wasn’t he feeling pain? Why hadn’t he turned yet? 

He stood from the sofa and froze as he saw a dark tall figure sitting on the sofa opposite him. Negan, it had to be him. Fear filled him as he watched the older man and he waited for a bullet to be shot his way while closing his eye. A loud snore made him open his eye once more and he blinked a couple of times before realizing how the older man was asleep.

The idea of Negan letting his guard down like this both surprised him and confused him. Why would Negan put his guard down like that knowing he could kill him? It didn’t matter how, he could kill him now while he was still alive or he could kill him once he turned. 

It just seemed to be too out of character for a man like Negan to do something like that knowing what could happen to him.

Carl slowly walked closer to the man and as the scarce moonlight outside broke through the windows; he noticed how the gun Negan was most likely going to use to kill him, was still inside his pants.  
  
I could take it and kill him he thought while reaching over for the gun with a shaky hand. His hand wrapped around the gun and he froze again as the man snored loudly. His eye focused on Negan’s face and he blinked a couple of times as he saw how calm and vulnerable the older man looked. There was no trace of the man who had killed his friends, the man who had broken his dad, the one who had put him through so much pain…none.

He gulped hard and slowly moved his hand away from the gun.  
  
I can't kill him like this he told himself.  
  
Memories of the night Negan had taken him away came back to his mind and he scolded himself for even considering killing him in his sleep. He didn't kill me when I fell asleep in the truck. He even allowed me to cuddle with him... I was at his mercy back then yet he didn’t hurt me. 

Why should I?

Shame and something else invaded him by that memory and he shook his head before heading towards the bathroom.  


Carl turned on the lights and watched himself in the mirror for a couple of seconds before focusing on the blood strain in his shirt. Could it be? His hand went to the bite and he bit his lip hard before shaking his head and sitting on the floor.

He was afraid of facing whatever was underneath his shirt. It scared him having to face reality but for how long it had taken him to turn he was beginning to suspect he hadn’t been bitten at all. Like hell, he had seen people turning in less than a few minutes and some turning in a matter of hours but not this many. He wasn’t sure of how long it had been since he had gotten the bite but he was sure that it had been a couple of hours ago. 

Long enough for him to turn into a walker. 

He remembered seeing the walker’s putrid teeth sinking into his side and then seeing blood in his hand as he touched the wound. Could it be that the blood he had seen was from the walker’s deformed mouth and not his?  
  
His eye went down to his shirt again and he took one trembling hand towards it before moving it away afraid. You need to face the truth he told himself before closing his eye for a second. Just do it. He took his hand back to the wound and lifted his shirt a little. Carl soon noticed how Patrick's bandages were covered in dry blood and dirt, and frowned confused as he saw how they seemed to be intact.

He desperately began to unwrap the bandages and a tear left him as he noticed how there only was a dark-greenish bruise in the form of a bite. There was no blood, no flesh torn apart and no infection.  
  
He had not been bitten.  
  
A chuckle left him and he rested his head against the wall behind him, thinking about what that meant. If he hadn’t been bitten Negan had no reason for killing him tonight, he knew the man would eventually do so but not right now, not like this. There was not motive. 

Their little game wasn’t over, or not yet at least.

His smile widened by that and he let out a deep breath while thinking about what else that meant. If he wasn’t going to die he now had the chance to spend more time with Negan. That simple thought should have disgusted him or annoyed him at least but it did the complete opposite, he craved the man’s company and his stupid jokes, his arm wrapped around his neck and his wolfish grin and stare. Shit...he wanted Negan.   


He blinked a couple of times confused and surprised by his own statement and remained sitting on the floor for a couple of minutes before taking a deep breath and standing up.  
  
Negan's loud snores brought a small smile to his face as he left the bathroom and he couldn't help but wonder what the older man's reaction would be to finding out he hadn't been bitten.  
  
Hopefully he won't put a bullet through my skull for not checking if I actually had been bitten. He doubted Negan would kill him for that but he was sure that once the man knew about it, he was going to be angry at him for not checking. Like shit even he was angry with himself for not doing so.  
  
The sound of the sofa screeching made him freeze for a second as he thought the older man was waking up and he remained standing were he was waiting for Negan to address him "Shut the fuck up cunt..." he let out a relieved breath as he only heard the older man talking in his sleep, and walked over to his backpack to grab at some fresh clothes. He got a pair of clothes and went inside the bathroom once more to take a quick shower.  
  
He turned on the water and waited a couple of seconds for it to turn slightly warmer before undressing. As he took of his shirt he couldn't help but moan in pain as he was reminded of the gunshot wound he now had on his arm. This is going to hurt. He got under the water and closed his eye shut in a mixutre of pain and relief as the warm water caressed his bruised body. The dry blood from the wound began to taint the water into a reddish brown color as it went down the drain and he bit his lip hard to hold back a growl of pain not wanting to wake Negan up.  
  
Everything that had happened today was washed off as he gently rubbed the bar soap all over his body.  
  
It feel surreal to be taking a shower after everything that had happened.  
  
Saving Negan's life, risking his own to save him, breaking the man's nose, thinking about killing him in his sleep, finding out he hadn't been bitten; being under the water, alive and well.  


After a couple of minutes he turned off the shower and got out. He grabbed Negan's large blue towel, which was still slightly wet, and began to dry himself with it. He put his clothes on and winced slightly as he put his shirt on. I need to go back with The Doctor to check the bruises and the gunshot wound he thought and to his surprise he found himself smiling slightly by the memory of the man's protective behaviour towards him.  
  
If Negan had noticed what Patrick was thinking of him he easily could have killed him. He gulped hard by the thought of being the one to blame for the Doctor's death and frowned slightly as he realized how he was starting to like or at least care about the other man.  
  
Great more confusing shit for me.  
  
He growled frustrated and left the bathroom with his dirty clothes before noticing how there was a little bit more of light in the room. It was a new day now. And to think this whole bite thing started just like this yesterday.  
  
Carl left his clothes in the corner of the room and stared at Negan for a couple of seconds before wondering if he could go to The Doctor's office alone. Patrick won't hurt me he thought before walking closer to the sleeping man. He knew Negan had locked the door last night with his key and he knew that that key was most likely around his neck. 

Just like with the gun, he took one trembling hand towards the man's neck and he quickly saw the metal key hanging from it. He grabbed at it and gently began to take it off Negan's neck while cursing himself for not even thinking about what Negan could do to him if he woke up and found him like this. Now he's going to kill me for sure.

Negan suddenly shifted in his sleep and he held his breath for a second before finally removing the key from the man's neck who crossed his arms across his chest, still asleep. 

I did it. 

He smiled a little for his little success and walked with silent steps towards the exit of the room to leave. He unlocked the door and gritted his teeth as an obnoxiously loud clicking sound was heard. 

Carl heard Negan growling behind him and turned around slightly but saw no signs of the older man waking up. His hand went over to the doorknob and he quickly got out of the room while closing the door behind himself as quietly as he could. 

He waited a couple of seconds just in case Negan woke up and began to walk away from the room as nothing happened. He walked down the hallway that lead to the Doctor's office and froze in the middle of the hallway as he heard footsteps behind him "Kid?" Patrick's sleepy voice made him turn around then and he watched as The Doctor walked closer towards him.

The older man wasn't wearing his lab coat and was wearing a dark green sweater and brown pants. 

Patrick got to his side then but kept his distance and he couldn't help but wonder if it was out of respect for him or fear of Negan. Probably the later. 

"What are you doing here?" there was a clear dose of worry and curiosity in the man's voice as he asked him that and manage to see Patrick's eyes going down to his sides "Are you having problems with the bruises? Do they hurt?" he nodded his head slowly not wanting to tell the man about the gunshot wound he had just yet and saw the man's expression changing into one of pure worry "Do you want me to take care of them?" He nodded his head once more and began to follow the man to his office. 

Patrick opened the door for him and he went inside with nervous-hesitant steps "Let me just wash my hands, take a seat please" he sat on the green medical chair that was in the middle of fhe room and waited for Patrick to get ready.

There was a small silence between them in which the only thing he could hear was the water running down the sink along with his own breathing "Does Negan know you're here?" He gulped hard and looked down at his own hands as he was asked that and was soon confronted by Patrick's low chuckle "I guess that's a no" the Doctor walked over to him then and gave him a cautious look before speaking again “Are you sure won’t get in trouble for this?” 

Carl blinked a couple of times by the man’s question and wondered about what Negan was going to do to him once he woke up. He had fucked things up. He hadn’t been bitten, he had stolen Negan’s key and had left the older man alone in his own room. Yes, he was going to get in a hell lot of trouble for this “I..I-I’ll deal with him” worry and sadness filled the man’s grayish blue eyes as he said that and he couldn't help but feel slightly bad for putting the man in this situation. 

He might not even be worried about me but himself instead. Carl remembered Patrick’s fearful behavior towards Negan’s deadly glares and threats, and realized that he had not only put himself in trouble but also the Doctor. Once Negan finds out about this he’s going to go ape shit crazy. He could even kill Patrick…

“Do you want me to leave?” the words left him before he could stop himself and the only answer he got was a small smirk “No, I’ll patch you up and then take you back to Negan’s room…” Patrick remained silent for a couple of seconds and he could see the man was conflicted about doing or saying something. 

“I just want to make sure you’re okay with me touching you, I don’t want you to have another panic attack…” there was worry in the man’s voice as he said that but also the slightest dose of fear. He knew that if he were to start crying or panicking just like last time and Negan or someone, walked in all the blame was going to be put on Patrick. His icy blue eye found the man’s grayish blue ones and he shook his head before frowning confused by his own mannerisms. Patrick chuckled lightly by that and tilted his head to the side “So you’re okay then?” he nodded his head and tried to remove his shirt but found himself unable to do so as he was painfully reminded of the gunshot wound he had on his left arm.

“Hey, take it slow kid…here, let me help you...” Patrick grabbed at his shirt and gently took it off before giving him a confused and worried look as he noticed the wound in his arm “How did you got that?” the man’s hands quickly went over to the wound to examine it, and he gulped hard thinking if he should give the Doctor the whole story “I got shot” he said and Patrick chuckled in a bemused manner by that before rolling his eyes at him “Yeah, I can see that... I can also see this was done yesterday, why weren’t you brought to me to have it taken care of?”  


He opened his mouth to answer but closed it again not knowing where to start. Just show him the bite.

“I also got this yesterday…” he motioned towards the new bruise he had and continued to explain himself further “I thought I had been bitten…I thought I was going to die and that there was no point in using medical supplies on me” Patrick’s hands went over to the bruise then and the man’s fingers gently touched at the wound before giving him a hard look “You’re just a kid, Negan should have brought you here anyway” the Doctor’s words surprised him slightly and he looked down at his own hands not sure of how to react to them.  


Had Negan done the wrong thing by not bringing him here yesterday? He didn't think so, or at least not at all...

But now that he thought about it, had Negan brought him here yesterday they could have realized that he hadn't been bitten. Was this Negan's fault? No. It's yours for not checking you dumb fuck. Negan must have seen the blood in his hand as he touched his side and must have assumed that he had been bitten. 

This wasn't Negan's fault.

Patrick went over to the sink again and put some blue latex gloves on before walking over to him and giving him a questioning look “I’m going to disinfect the wound and check if you have any bullet fragments left inside it, it might sting a little bit so tell me if it hurts too much so I stop, okay?” he nodded in understanding and gritted his teeth as the man poured a golden liquid on the wound that quickly reminded him of Negan's breathe back in his wives room. 

Was that shit whisky? 

He kept his mouth shut and tried to remain as calm as he could as the Doctor continued to treat his wound. 

It took Patrick about twelve minutes to heal the gunshot wound he had and bandage his torso up once more. He didn't freak out nor did he had any flashbacks this time ''All done, it was just a superficial wound so it should heal just fine in a couple of weeks but do try not to use your arm too much, and like I said before, if you feel any pain you can always come back to me-'' 

''Carl'' 

''Pardon me?'' Patrick's confused expression made him smile a little as he put his shirt on ''My name is Carl'' the man with silver hair smiled as he said that and nodded his head in an understanding manner before speaking “Alright then, anything else I can do for you Carl?” his stomach growled then and he blushed slightly ashamed before seeing the man’s smile widening more in an amused manner “ I was heading to the cafeteria when I saw you, would you like to go eat something with me?” he blinked a couple of times surprised by the man's invitation and nodded his head in an almost automatic manner. 

He was extremely hungry after all. 

The man nodded back at him before leaving his lab coat at the side. He opened the door for him to leave the room and motioned for him to follow him “Let’s go then”

They began to walk down the long hallway to the dining room, and Carl couldn’t help but wonder if he had fucked things up even more. Negan was going to be really pissed at him for everything he had done. Am I really going to be able to hold him back? The thought of Negan lashing out on Patrick came to his mind and he couldn’t help but feel bad once more. He turned to look at the man walking besides him and looked away from him as the man’s grayish blue eyes found his own. 

If Patrick was going to say something he held himself back since he never said a thing. 

He turned to look at the man with silver hair and moustache once more as they walked away and noticed how the he seemed to be thinking the same thing as him. A small sad smile appeared on the Doctor's lips and he knew that the older man was okay with the consequences that this little trip could cause.

I'm sorry Patrick. 

 

NEGAN

 

He woke up as he heard a couple of loud knocks on the door and quickly looked around himself half expecting to see Carl laying on the sofa or maybe even charging against him as a mindless monster. Negan found no trace of the teenager. Confusion and worry filled him then and he quickly scanned the room before realizing that the kid was nowhere to be seen. Carl wasn’t in the room. 

His right hand went over to his neck and he growled angrily as he realized how his key was missing. 

This fucking kid. 

He walked over to the door while grabbing at Lucille and opened it harshly while storming out of the room. He ignored Dwight and his men as they threw a couple of worried questions his way but snapped as Dwight asked him if something was wrong. He smashed the man with the burned face against the nearest wall while pressing his arm against the man's throat to keep him in place and gave him a look full of anger. 

"Carl has escaped and he got bitten yesterday, so yes Dwight, something is really fucking wrong" the man's face began to redden and he quickly realized how he was choking him with his arm. He let go off the man slightly surprised by his own actions and ran a hand trough his hair in a desperate manner before letting out an exasperated breath. 

Get your shit together, you’re the one who fell asleep and allowed this to happened. This is your fucking fault.

His eyes went over to the man in a slightly apologetic manner and he watched as the man nodded in understanding. Good thing he's not a whining cunt. He nodded back at the man with the burned face and cleared his throat to speak "The fucking kid might have already turned into one of those half dead fuckers or he might still be alive, I have no fucking clue, but I want everyone, and I mean fucking EVERYONE, to look for him, last thing we need is people turning into mindless cunts and dicks" he began to walk down the hallway and heard his men following close behind him "What do we do if we find him alive? Do we teach him a lesson or what?" 

Negan stopped walking then and turned to look at the man beside him with a deadly expression on his face before pressing Lucille against the man's chest who was forced against the wall in a lame attempt to prevent the barbed wired from digging too deep into his skin "You bring him to me, hurt a fucking hair from the fucking kid and I will make you fucking wish you had never been fucking born, Wilson" the man's blue eyes stared back at him with fear and he turned to the rest of his men ''Same goes for all of you'' he continued to walk away not wanting to be asked anything else.

''What if he has already turned?'' he froze in the middle of the hallway and felt his mouth go dry by the question.

Hours had passed since he and the teenager had fallen asleep, long enough for the infection to take over the boy's brain. Carl was dead by now, he knew that, yet the fact that the teenager had left the room while he was still asleep was driving him nuts. Had Carl left the room not wanting to turn into a mindless monster with him asleep or had he just tried to escape? If that had been the case the kid had pretty much saved his fucking life again.

And I couldn't fucking save his in return…

He felt a knot forming on his throat and his hold tightened around Lucille. 

Could he really allow his men to end the teenager's life? He had made a promise to Carl after all “I want you to be the one to kill me too” the boy’s icy blue eye came to his mind and he closed his eyes shut for a second before rubbing at them in a tiresome manner “I’ll be the one to kill you then kid” he had broken that promise already . 

I’m sorry Carl.

"Kill him then…" he continued to walk down the hallway and headed to the Doctor’s office not wanting to wait any longer for his broken nose to be fixed. 

He stormed inside and frowned confused as he saw no trace of the man. The fuck is wrong with people today? They’re all missing. An angry growl left him and he walked over to the sink to wash his face. A pained growl left him as the soap touched his wounded nose and he stared at himself in the mirror for a second before breaking it. The wounds from his already wounded hand opened up again and he watched as the blood drops fell down the drain. 

Fucking great. 

He grabbed a small towel to dry his face and then wrapped it around his bloodied hand in an attempt to stop the bleeding. I need to find Patrick. A frustrated growl left him as he left the Doctor’s office and he began to walk down the long hallway that lead to the dining room. He knew that the man was an early bird and that he never fully woke up without having a cup of coffee every morning. He has to be at the dining room he thought before looking besides him in an unconscious manner. 

Negan could almost picture Carl walking by his side.

Shit...it hadn't even been ten minutes and he was already missing the fucking kid...His hold tightened around Lucille and he shook his head before continuing his walk.

He got to the dining room and rolled his eyes as he saw the Doctor sitting alone on one of the tables that was almost at the back “Patrick!” the man almost dropped his cup of coffee as he called out for him. He frowned slightly surprised and confused by the man's jumpy behaviour and couldn't help but wonder what the hell was wrong with him. The Doctor was by his side in no time and he gave the man a questioning look "Something you want to tell me Doc?" the man’s grayish blue eyes found his own brown ones then and he was able to see fear and doubt in them as he asked him that.

The fuck are you hiding from me Patrick?

The man with silver hair shook his head and he stared at him for a couple of second before letting go of the situation “Come fix my fucking face and hand then” Patrick nodded his head in a submissive manner. 

He’s hiding something from me he thought. 

They walked over to one of the exit doors and as they left he couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of a familiar fucked up face near the food table. 

Carl...

He rubbed his eyes confused and shook his head angrily before storming out of the dining room. Patrick seemed to be slightly worried if not scared by his behaviour as he asked him if something was wrong ''It's nothing'' he said in a harsh tone before giving the man a deadly glare. It was enough to silence him as they continued their walk down the hallway.

Fucking great, now I’m seeing the fucking kid everywhere.

“Let me just wash my hands Neg- my mirror…” they entered the man’s office and he rolled his eyes before lifting his wounded hand “That would be my fault Doc” he sat down on the green chair and watched as the other man nodded his head in an understanding manner before heading to the sink. Patrick washed his hand and once he was done walked over to him “I’ll deal with your hand first since it’s the wound is more recent and it’s still bleeding, okay?” he rolled his eyes at the man and motioned for him to hurry the fuck up.

“I have shit to do Patrick so hurry up and stop treating me like a fucking kid-” he felt silent as he said that and he couldn’t help but remember Carl's head leaning against his chest and the boy's tiny hands gripping at his leather jacket in a desperate manner. 

Carl never acted like a kid when we were here…

“Negan?” his eyes met the man’s fearful ones and he couldn’t help but talk back at the man in a calm manner “Just hurry this shit up, I’m not feeling well today” Patrick nodded his head in an understanding manner before grabbing at his hand. He unwrapped the towel from it and gently began to clean the wound with warm water.

It took the Doctor at least four minutes to cure his hand and then at least eight to fix his nose. He had a hard time trying to keep still. 

By the time Patrick was done with him, he had a fresh bandage around his hand and a small gauze over his nose ''Anything else I can do for you Negan?'' he shook his head and left the room without thanking the man. 

Negan got back to his room and locked himself inside with a two large crates full of beer. 

One, two, three, four, five…his head was already dizzy and his senses were beginning to blur with each bottle he finished. He knew he should have stopped on the seventh bottle but he didn’t. He kept on going and couldn’t help but wonder if his men had already found Carl’s corpse. 

There was a loud knock on the door then and he accidently poured some beer on himself as he tried to stand “Negan, are you in there?” Patrick? The fuck did the man want now? 

“Yes I fucking am…” he used the sofa besides him as support and manage to stand up “…just give me a mother fucking minute Doc, I’m fucking wasted…” he chuckled lightly and began to walk over to the door with a beer on his hand. He opened the door and froze as he saw the Doctor standing outside with none other than Carl. 

The kid didn't seem to be sick or dying at all, in fact, Carl seemed to be pretty fucking alive. 

How was the fucking kid still alive? No, he's not alive. You're drunk and your fucking mind is playing tricks on you.

The bottle of beer he was holding fell to the ground and he rubbed at his eyes a couple of times before giving the man an angry look ''The fuck is this Doctor?'' Patrick gulped hard and looked away from him for a second before answering ''Carl wasn't bitten, Negan...'' a bitter laugh left him then and he grabbed at the man's shirt before roughly smashing him against the nearest wall which turned out to be the same he had smashed Dwight against a couple of minutes ago. The man moaned in pain as he did so and he was shocked as he actually felt the boy's tiny hands grabbing at his jacket. 

''Let him go!'' he let go off the man as soon as he heard Carl's voice and blinked a couple of times feeling lost. His eyes focused on the teenager for a couple of seconds before turning back towards the Doctor ''Is he really alive or did you give me some fucking shit to numb me up?'' the man rubbed at his back clearly in pain before shaking his head ''I didn't give you anything Negan, Carl really is alive'' 

He turned around to see the boy walking closer to him and noticed how he was holding his key ''You're in so much trouble for this shit kid'' a small defying smirk appeared on the teenager's lips and he knew that Carl was really there. 

His little serial killer was alive.

''I know'' was the only answer he got from the boy.

He felt the urge to beat the shit shit out of the kid right then and there but found himself uncapable of doing so as his vision began to blur. His hand wrapped around the key but it soon fell to the floor as he felt his whole body going numb ''Negan?'' he heard Patrick's worried voice then and was barely able to tell the man how he wasn't feeling well before puking at least one whole bottle ''Fuck me...'' he leaned against the wall behind himself in order to don't fall down and took deep breath before realizing how he was about to pass out.

I shouldn't have drinked so many fucking beers. 

''Kid-'' his wounded hand went over to the teenager's shoulder for support and he puked once more before feeling his whole body giving up.

The last thing he saw as he passed out was Carl trying to keep him from falling down and then nothing but darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's something I must confess. I was thinking of giving It's a Sin a really shitty ending and only make 15 chapters but then I thought this shit can't end so soon and not like this :v
> 
> The original idea was to kill both characters and end the story, but I have a weak heart and I'm slightly stupid. So I decided to keep this thing alive for a while longer. Not sure if that's something good or bad.... ;v
> 
> I know I gave this whole bite thing a really fucking stupid explanation and I'm sorry about that. Believe me guys I'm kinda disappointed too.
> 
> And well, there was also a friend of mine who saw potential in this story and convinced me to squeeze a little bit more of juice out of it by bringing up a couple of unanswered question we've seen in the show and a couple of other things he and I would actually like to see in the future. 
> 
> Now I'm not saying this is going to be perfect or anything because it will not fucking be so, but I will try to do my best and hopefully you'll continue to read this shit  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Thank you guys for your support and comments, they mean a lot to me, and well, I do hope not all of you hate me now ;V


	15. You Should be Scared of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I got a couple of comments saying that there weren’t a lot of emotions or feelings between Carl and Negan in the last chapter and even though I do agree I think it’s fine, I mean, Carl busy with the whole I wasn’t bitten thing and Negan was busy with the kid is dead thing. I didn’t show any I love you and I want to kiss and fuck you thoughts because I didn’t find them fitting for that moment :V 
> 
> Also, Negan’s low and kind of stupid reaction to Carl’s miraculous return wasn’t too emotional since the character was drunk and feeling confused. Part of Negan’s mind was still thinking it was the alcohol playing games on him soooo sorry about that...I probably should have added a little bit more of emotion nonetheless :V
> 
> Also someone recently stole my dog, Kamy, she had been with me since I was little, and well I’ve been feeling extremely depressed because of that shit so the whole It’s a Sin thing might take a break. I’m sorry for the inconveniences guys, ladies.
> 
> And well with no more shitty excuses to give, I hope you continue to enjoy this.

CARL 

 

An hour had passed and Negan had not woken up from his unconscious state. 

It was beginning to worry him how long it was taking for the older man to wake up to be honest. He had never dealt with drunk people in his life before, or at least not drunk enough to actually pass out so he wasn’t sure if it was normal for someone to be unconscious this long. 

He had even asked Patrick if Negan was still alive at least four times. 

"He's still breathing, kid" was always the man's response to his question and even though he was relieved to hear that, he couldn't help but notice how the Doctor didn't seemed to share his point of view. 

Whenever he asked Patrick if Negan was okay, the man’s behavior would always change into one of annoyance and anger towards him. Patrick’s lower lip would twitch in something that resembled disgust and his grayish green eyes would look away from his icy blue one in what he could only describe as disappointment. 

It was confusing him beyond words how the Doctor was acting with him now. 

Back when they were in the dining room Patrick had been nice to him; they had talked about life and had even made a couple of jokes about the food and the Saviors. It had been a while since he had actually laughed and the Doctor had managed to make him do so in just a couple of minutes by making some sarcastic comments about his leader’s ego. 

Carl had been genuinely surprised when he had seen Negan walking out the dining room with the Doctor by his side and had been even more surprised when he saw Patrick shaking his head at him in a warning manner to keep him from going anywhere near them. He knew that the man had protected him from Negan back then but right now he couldn’t really understand his behavior at all.

Was the Doctor angry with him? With Negan? He wasn’t sure at all. He did knew that Patrick kind of hated Negan up to some degree, but he didn’t knew if it was because of the bruises the man thought his leader had caused him, or if the leader of the Saviors had done something to the Doctor in the past “You see that? Respect” was it really? Judging by what he had seen so far, fear was also involved in the whole I’m your leader you’re my people and you must obey my orders thing. 

What had Negan done to the Doctor?

“Carl” Patrick’s voice took him out of his thoughts and he turned to face the man with grayish green eyes who was now looking at him with a worried expression in his face “Are you okay?” the man’s question didn’t surprise him at all but it did took him off guard as he found himself speechless. 

Was he okay? 

He had seen his friends and family die in horrendous way; he had killed his own mother for God’s sake…yet seeing Negan passing out in his own vomit had almost broken him. He thought that the older man had died and had desperately clung to the man’s leather jacket while screaming at him to wake up. He had almost broken down in tears by the memory of a really similar scenario with his father; back when he had thought Rick had turned into a monster “Wake up! Wake up!” not you…not you too please…

It had taken Patrick about five minutes to explain to him that Negan was fine and that the man had had too much to drink “He’s okay Carl, he’s still alive, he just needs to rest- Carl…” he hadn’t believed the Doctor back then and had desperately clung to Negan’s body, feeling as if he were to leave the man’s side he would lose him. 

Patrick had been forced to get Dwight and some other men to remove him from their leader. 

He later on realized how foolish and stupid of him that behavior had been. 

Carl almost feel ashamed for showing how much he cared about Negan to the Saviors. Most of Negan’s men had been amused by his behavior and had made a couple of comments about it behind his back “Fucking kid doesn’t want to lose his sugar daddy- He must like to be fucked in the ass hard- Must be fucked in the head too- I’m sure he loves to suck cock-Negan has more than just bitches wanting him- Looks like he won’t be fucked tonight ” the only ones who hadn’t said a thing had been Dwight and Patrick. In fact, both men seemed to be confused and surprised by his behavior.

“Keep an eye on him” was the only thing the man with the burned face had said to the Doctor before leaving them alone. 

The man’s words had confused him slightly since Dwight’s eyes hadn’t gone to him but rather towards his own leader, almost as if he had warned Patrick to watch out for Negan and not him. 

Dwight doesn’t see me as a threat to Negan…or at least not anymore he had thought. 

The man with the burned face saw Negan as a threat to him…Why? Was it because Negan was drunk? Probably he thought, but then again he had been with a drunken Negan once and nothing had happened. In fact the man himself had told him that even though he was drunk he wasn’t going to hurt him. 

“Carl?” the man walked closer to him then and tentatively took a seat beside him on the sofa before asking him again if he was okay. He looked down at his hands for a second before turning to look at Negan. There was no need for words in order for Patrick to understand.

“You care about him…” it was not a question, it was a statement, and he didn’t feel like denying it at all. 

The man stood from his side then and walked back to Negan. Patrick’s hand went over to the other man’s neck and he stood in alarm as the idea of the Doctor choking Negan came to his mind “I’m not stupid enough to kill him Carl…” the man’s grayish green eyes found his icy blue one and he gulped hard as he saw Patrick smiling at him in a sad manner “I’ll go get him something to eat…he’ll be hungry once he wakes up” he watched as the Doctor walked over to the door and panicked.

“What if he stops breathing or something?” Patrick stopped then and turned to look at him. There was pain in the man’s eyes as he stared at him and he couldn’t help but feel stupid as he realized why “He won’t but if he does just get Dwight, he’s outside, remember?” he nodded his head slightly ashamed before looking down at his own feet, feeling unable to look the Doctor in the eye.

It wasn’t until he heard the door closing that he took a deep breath and looked back up. Patrick was gone. His eye turned to Negan then and he growled frustrated before heading into the bathroom. He washed his face and looked at himself in the mirror. 

How blind was he? He might have lost an eye but he still had another functional one left. It made his blood boil not having realized this shit earlier. 

Memories of the time Negan had taken him to the Doctor’s office came back to his mind and he couldn’t help but feel stupid as he remembered the way Patrick had looked at him the whole time. There had been something in the man’s eyes, something he hadn’t liked at all. It hadn’t been like David’s stare that made him feel naked, quite the opposite in fact; Patrick’s stare made him feel protected somehow. 

He knew that if Negan were to fight the Doctor, the winner was going to be the leader of the Saviors, there was just no way for Patrick to win against a man like Negan. Yet the fact that Patrick was willing to make him feel as though he would die for him made him feel extremely guilty. 

Why was the Doctor feeling so protective of him? 

He yelped slightly as he heard a loud bang coming from the room and left the bathroom at once. He gulped hard as he saw Negan trying to stand from the ground and realized the man had most likely tried to stand on his own. Carl walked over to the older man then and tried to help him up but fell to the floor as Negan pushed him away from him. He blinked confused as the man’s brown eyes focused on him. 

There was confusion and pain in them. But also something else. Something dangerous that made his skin crawl. 

Negan’s eyes darkened out of the sudden and he gulped hard as one of the man’s hands went over to his ankle “Negan…what are you-?” in a blink of an eye he was dragged towards the man who quickly got on top of him. Panic and fear invaded him then and just as he was about to scream for help Negan’s hand covered his mouth, muffling his screams. His hands desperately went over to the man’s larger one in an attempt to get his hand off his mouth but it was useless, Negan was much stronger than him.

Memories violently crashed against his head and he shut his eye close in an attempt to convince himself that this wasn’t happening; that Negan wasn’t on top of him like this…that Negan wasn’t acting like this with him…It’s not real…he's not like Spencer...

But he knew it was real.

The leader of the Saviors was on top of him and had him pinned against the ground with his own body weight. Even though he couldn’t see Negan, he knew the man’s face was extremely close to him. He could smell the man’s alcoholic breath near his face.

“You’re fucking dead kid…” a bitter chuckle left the man’s throat then and he opened his eye wide while wincing in pain as the other man’s hand clumsily caressed the wound in his face. Negan’s index finger caressed the borders of his wound and he growled in pain as the man’s finger carelessly touched the exposed flesh “I finally touched it …” a smile appeared on the man’s face and he struggled harder against the man’s hold while wincing in pain as he was cruelly reminded of the gunshot wound he had on his arm.

''Keep an eye on him'' he now knew why Dwight had said that. The man with the burned face had tried to protect him from Negan.

Tears left him as the older man pressed himself harder against him. This isn't happening...this can't be happening...not again... 

Sadness and pain crossed the man’s features then and for a second he thought Negan was going to let go of him. 

Please wake up...

That never happened. 

Negan shook his head violently and let out an angry growl before wrapping his hands around his neck. He tried to scream out for help but no matter how hard he tried, nothing was coming out of his mouth. The man’s grip around his neck just didn’t let him do so, it was too tight. Pain took over him and he began to cry even more as he felt an excruciating pain in his chest and throat. 

At some point he stopped fighting against Negan and took both of his hands over to the man’s larger ones in a begging manner. Negan’s grip lessened for a second and he took this as his last chance of surviving “Please stop…you’re scaring me …” the man’s eyes widened in realization and horror then, and Negan’s hands slowly moved away from his neck “Carl…” as soon as the older man’s hands left him, he crawled away from him afraid.

“Carl…I didn’t mean to do that -I’m drunk and acting like a fucking idiot…Carl...I didn't meant to hurt you…” he saw Negan moving towards him and panicked. He wanted to run away from the older man but found himself unable to do so. 

He was frozen in place.

The same thing had happened to him when he had heard the door from Spencer’s house opening. Out of shame and fear he had tried to run away from the scene but his whole body had simply stopped working. 

Just like now…

He couldn’t escape once more.

Tears left him again and he moved closer to the bed in one lame attempt to feel safer. His knees went up to his chest and he hid his face between them feeling like a small child. 

He was terrified of Negan right now. 

Even after everything the older man had done to his friends and family, he hadn’t been afraid of him at all. He had been scared of him a couple of times but never like this. It was a different kind of fear he had only experienced twice in his life. With the fat man and with Spencer…it didn’t feel right…he didn’t like feeling like this…not with him...

He felt one of Negan’s hands touching his shoulder and he violently shook his head feeling afraid and disgusted by the man's touch. 

“Don’t touch me…” the older man immediately removed his hand from him and he broke down in tears.

You fucking drunk idiot…

Why did you had to be like them? 

  
  


NEGAN 

  


“Don’t touch me…” Carl’s broken plea made him move his hand away immediately.

The teenager broke down in tears then and he felt his heart ache as he heard the boy’s whimpers and sobs. 

What had he done? 

His hands became fists and he cursed himself before trying to reach for the young boy’s shoulder again. He couldn’t just let Carl think of him as another Spencer or David, he just couldn’t… 

The sound of the door opening stopped him on his tracks and he turned to look at the entrance of his room to find Patrick staring at him with worry on his face. The man was holding a tray of food, which he guessed was for him in one hand, and a bottle of water on the other one “Negan, how are you feeling-?” the man’s grayish green eyes suddenly focused on the shaky figure crying in front of him. Worry and sadness filled the Doctor’s eyes and he couldn’t help but feel like a complete fucking monster. 

“Carl…What-? What happened to him?” there was fear in Patrick’s voice as he asked him that but also anger. He could tell by the man’s stare and tone that the real question he wanted to ask was, what did you do to him? 

The man’s audacity surprised him slightly since he knew that the Doctor was not a stupid man. Patrick knew he was walking on thin ice by asking him that and wasn't giving a flying shit about it. His eyes opened wide as he realized the reason why. He cares about the fucking kid too…

Memories of the Doctor’s longing stares and touches crashed against his mind then and he couldn’t help but feel stupid. How had he not seen it? Patrick’s hateful stares and angry tone towards him had all been pretty fucking obvious since the start and now he knew the reason why. The man blamed the bruises Carl had, on him.  
  
The man's assumption about him being the cause of the bruises on Carl's body made his blood boil, especially since he knew who had really caused them. Spencer.  
  
He wasn't like Spencer; he was far from being like that fucking degenerate…  
  
He hadn’t tried to rape Carl, he wasn’t drunk enough to even think about doing such a horrible thing to the kid. His mind had just stopped working when he had seen the teenager near him. He’s dead, he can’t be here, he’s not here. He had lost it when he had felt the boy’s hand on him. It had felt so real for him and now he knew it had been real, but a couple of minutes ago he hadn’t. He had thought of Carl as an illusion, a hallucination due to his drunken state.  
  
He had panicked and fought against what he had thought was a ghost.  
  
Had he known it was real he never would have done that. He never would have put the kid trough something like that.  
  
He couldn’t blame Carl for acting like this with him now, he just couldn’t. It had been his fault.  


His eyes went down to the small figure in front of him and he forced himself to ignore the crying kid for now. He couldn’t and wasn’t going to show any fucking tenderness in front of Patrick for Carl again. He stood from the ground with a bit of difficulty and began to walk towards the other man who, as soon as they were face to face, went back to his fearful behavior. His voice was a deadly serious whisper into the man's ear.  
  
“Whatever I do with the fucking kid is none of your fucking business Patrick, he’s mine and I can do whatever the fuck I want with him” fear filled the man’s eyes then but to his surprise he didn’t look away from him. There was something in his eyes that he didn’t like at all. It wasn’t like David’s I want to fuck your brains out stare, no; Patrick’s stare was similar to Rick’s.  
  
A father's protective stare...  
  
Holy hell…  
  
It wasn’t until then that he remembered how Patrick once used to have a son.  
  
Thomas, a reckless 12 year old boy who couldn’t wait to grow up and become a man.  
  
He had killed the teenager a couple of years ago after he had been bitten inside the Hell Hole.  
  
The fucking kid hadn’t stopped bothering him about how he was ready to face the undead “You’re not ready for that shit yet kid, maybe when you grow up a little bit more, you're small as fuck” the young boy was extremely weak and thin for a kid his age and probably had a couple of diseases since he was pale as fuck and tended to walk with trembling steps all the time. He knew that Thomas wasn’t going to make it to adulthood so he had taken the young boy under his wing out of pity.  
  
It had made him feel kind of good to be honest. It reminded him of his time being a kid’s ping-pong coach, right before the whole world went to hell.  
  
Negan suddenly remembered the day he had walked outside with the young boy to teach him how to shot.  
  
“You see this shit? You fucking use it to kill this fuckers- No, Thomas!- don’t point that shit at your fucking face, point it at them” the fucking kid’s hands had trembled so much in a mixture of excitement and fear that it had taken him about ten minutes to simply grab the gun.  
  
“Fucking finally, now pull the trigger” he had allowed the kid to waste 11 bullets. It wasn’t until bullet 12 that the young boy managed to hit something and it hadn’t even been an undead fucker. It had been a fucking tree. Yet he had encouraged him to try again and after 21 more bullets the kid finally got a headshot. A fucking waste of bullets to be honest but back then he hadn’t care at all, all he wanted was to see the kid happy.  
  
“I did it, I shot him Negan!” the smile Thomas had given him had been so pure and honest that after that day he decided to take the kid with him as many times as he could.  
  
The little boy would always be waiting for him and his men outside, near the trucks, with a wooden stick in hand ready to go out in an 'adventure' as he would call it “Negan!” despite the fact that it seemed hard if not painful for the kid to walk, he would always run up to him with a smile on his face “Kid!” he would usually mimic the young boy’s overly excited tone just to see his annoyed expression "I'm not a kid" would always be the boy's response "Sure thing kid" would always be his. 

Thomas would usually pout his mouth then and look away from him while crossing his tiny arms across his chest in an angry manner. It tended to make him smile.

“Come on kid, man up and get your ass in the truck we’re going for a fucking ride” he usually had to help the kid up because of his short stature; and had to watch him closely during their run outs since the little boy loved to wonder around with nothing but a fucking wooden stick as his defense.  
  
The kid had jumped inside the Hell Hole one night and had barely made it out alive after one of the night guards found him inside. Thomas left arm had been completely devoured by the undead, there had been no way to save him.  
  
“I just wanted to be like you…”  
  
Patrick had basically begged him to kill the boy in exchange for his services as a Doctor for the rest of his life “Please…I can’t do it…I can’t kill my own son…” he had been kind enough to simply put a bullet trough they boy’s skull before he turned into a mindless monster.  
  
It was clear to him now. Patrick was being protective of the young boy because of Thomas. Carl reminded him of his own son.  
  
It surprised him how long it had taken him to realize that.  
  
How could he had forgotten Thomas? It pained him having forgotten the young boy and it made him wonder if he was going to forget Carl once he died.

He tried not to show any emotion in his face by that and tilted his head to the side while chuckling darkly at the Doctor “Something you want to say to me Doc?” common sense seemed to fill the man’s eyes out of the sudden and he shook his head quickly before looking down at the ground in a submissive manner “Get the fuck out of here then” Patrick’s eyes went back towards his in a begging manner then and he couldn’t help but feel surprised by the man’s guts. 

He's not Thomas you deep shit.  
  
Just as he was about to beat the shit out of the man, Patrick turned around to leave. He left the tray of food and the bottle of water in the crystal table near the sofas and excused himself before leaving room.  
  
Patrick and Carl’s ‘subtle’ I’m sorry glance didn’t go unnoticed by him as the door closed behind the older man.  
  
He tried to get Carl to look at him but as soon as the teenager’s icy blue eye met his own brown eyes, he looked away from him afraid.  
  
It made him feel like shit to see the kid acting with him like that.  
  
Negan had seen a shit ton of people looking at him completely terrified and he had never cared about it, or at least not until now. He didn’t like Carl’s fear towards him, yet he didn’t knew how to deal with it, what the hell was he supposed to do to get his little serial killer back? He thought about walking over to the teenager again but quickly dismissed the idea as he remember Carl’s plea “Don’t touch me…” getting closer to the boy right now wasn’t going to do him any good. He needed to let the kid calm down first.  
  
His vision blurred a little out of the sudden and he shook his head while growling in pain. He leaned against one of the bed posts and waited for his vision to turn back to normal. I can't pass out now, Carl might actually try to kill me this time. He stood straight after a couple of seconds and realized how the young boy’s icy blue eye was fixed on him with clear worry on it. He still cares about me...

Really fucking adorable kid.

Carl's worried behaviour gave him a little bit of hope in terms of knowing that the teenager didn't hated him as much as he had originally thought. 

Despite the fact that he wanted to smile by that he kept his expression neutral and walked over to the food tray the Doctor had left for him on the crystal table.

He tried not to drink the water too fast and took a deep breath after he finished half of the bottle. He left the bottle of water on the table once more and heavily dropped himself on the the largest sofa while letting out a growl.

Negan stayed resting on the sofa for a couple of minutes before sitting back up to eat his food which consisted of smashed potatoes, mac 'n cheese and two large toasted slices of bread. He ate as slowly as he could knowing that he could choke or vomit in his drunken state. He wasn't as drunk as before but he knew he was not completely sober yet. He needed time and by the looks of it Carl did too.  
  
From time to time he shot a couple of worried glances at the young boy and noticed with relief how the kid seemed to be calming down. His knees were no longer against his chest and his head was leaning against the bed in a relaxed manner. 

That had to be good right? 

Negan looked away from the teenager and took a deep breath before leaning his head back. That doesn't mean shit. He knew that once he got closer to the kid again all of that calmness was going to vanish. He had been the one to trigger the young boy after all. 

How much do you hate me now kid? No, Carl wasn't feeling hate towards him now "Please stop...you're scaring me..."  
  
It was fear.  
  
He watched the young boy caressing his own neck, surely in pain, and couldn't help but feel extremely guilty and worried.  
  
How afraid are you of me now Carl?  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I recently heard this awesome song, Control by Halsey. It’s a truly beautiful and creepy song that made me remember Negan and Carl. The reason why it’s because both characters seem to be conflicted at times in terms of being cold and ruthless in order to survive, and being human.  
>   
> Negan in the comic explains that he’s not able to feel anything anymore after Lucille’s death, yet we can sometimes see that he does care about people, or at least up to some degree. And well Carl being a teenager who has been through a lot of shit, its constantly faced with doing what he considers to be the ‘right thing’ and actually doing the right thing. One example is when he kills a kid who was surrendering, back in the prison in season 3 episode 16.
> 
> The whole awful energy part was just me trying to incorporate the lyrics in a shitty way, sorry guys, ladies ;V
> 
> Also, I’ve been getting a shit ton of comments saying that I should get a Beta Reader and I have to say I’ve been wanting one for a while since I know my grammar is shit along with my whole writing a story skills. The problem is that I’m not sure of how to get one, can anyone give me a hand and some advice with this stuff please? I want to get better at this and I want you guys, and ladies, to enjoy this story despite it being shit ;V
> 
> If you’ve read this whole thing thanks ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	16. Make the Devil your Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I’m sorry, I know it’s been a while since I’ve uploaded, I’ve been dealing with stuff and thangs, fortunately they’re kinda cleared out now, don’t worry nothing serious, I’m not a murderer guys :V
> 
> I hope you get to enjoy this chapter, and well I also hope that you had a nice Forever Alone day, I know I did ;V

CARL

Carl wasn’t sure of how long it had been since Negan had almost killed him; all he knew was that he was in pain right now, both physically and emotionally. The stitches from his gunshot wound had been torn apart during his struggle against the older man and his neck hurt like hell. He was almost completely sure that Negan’s hold around it had left some nasty bruises on his skin.

He had been massaging his neck for a while in an attempt to make the pain go away or at least decrease it but it wasn’t working, in fact he was sure that the pain was actually growing. He turned around to look at the older man who had caused it and looked away as soon as Negan’s brown eyes met his own icy blue one. He and Negan had made eye contact at least seven times and each of those times he had looked away from him afraid.

“Carl…I didn’t mean to do that -I’m drunk and acting like a fucking idiot…Carl...I didn't meant to hurt you…” the man’s words crashed against his head and he closed his eye shut in pain. He had felt and heard Negan’s regret in those words and had honestly felt bad for acting so fearful towards him “Don’t touch me…” he had seen Negan’s hand moving away from him as if he were fire and had cried even harder in a mixture of fear and regret. Fear for the man and regret for his own behavior towards him.

Some part of him had really wanted to just tell Negan that he was okay and that he just needed a minute to calm down but he knew now, and even back then, that that wasn’t the case. 

He wasn’t okay; he was never going to be okay.

I should have gotten Dwight as soon as I saw him on the floor.

Had he gone for Dwight none of this would have happened. Negan wouldn’t have tried to kill him and he wouldn’t have had his image of the leader of the Saviors worsened. He had been able to deal with the man killing his friends; he hated him for that yet he could at least to some degree, understand, and accept what the man had done. Fifty of his men for three of his friends. 

Negan could have done much worse.

Carl knew that the older man was a murderer and a ruthless leader, someone to be feared, yet he had never been afraid of him or at least not like this. Never like this. The image of Spencer on top of him violently crashed against his head and he growled angrily. He’s dead, Negan killed him.

He is not like Spencer…he can’t be…

There was something about the idea of Negan being like Spencer that completely terrified him.

“Fucking kid doesn’t want to lose his sugar daddy- He must like to be fucked in the ass hard- Must be fucked in the head too- I’m sure he loves to suck cock-Negan has more than just bitches wanting him- Looks like he won’t be fucked tonight” was there any truth behind those comments? Would Negan force himself on him if he wanted to? For all he knew and had experienced with the older man, he could do anything he wanted with whoever he desired.

A chill went down his spine by that thought and he shook his head before wincing in pain. He took one hand towards his neck and froze as he heard the older man calling out for him from behind “Carl”

“What…?” he asked after a couple of seconds without turning around.

“Does your neck hurt?” he gulped hard afraid to answer him and remained silent “Carl answer my fucking question” despite the fact that he knew that Negan was threatening him he couldn’t help but notice the man’s voice was soft and caring. He doesn’t want to scare me…a tear left him then and he quickly wiped it away before answering “Yes”

He heard Negan standing from the sofa and turned around way too quickly to see if the older man was walking towards him. Their eyes met and he could tell there was pain in those brown eyes as they stared at his icy blue one.

Negan wasn’t getting closer to him; he was just walking towards the exit door.

The man looked away from him then and called out for Dwight who quickly appeared on the entrance of the room “Go get Patrick” he said in almost a whisper which he guessed was meant for the man with the burned face to hear only.

Dwight nodded his head in an understanding manner and left the room but not before shooting a quick glance at him. Worry. There was worry in the man’s eyes as they stared at him.

“Keep an eye on him” I understand what you meant now.

As soon as the door was closed and he and Negan were left alone, he looked away and brought his knees close to his chest. 

They didn’t speak, they didn’t do anything. They remained were they were and waited for the Doctor to come. It pained him how they were both acting towards each other, not physically, but emotionally. No matter how much he hated to admit it, he and Negan had something going between them, something that right now was hurting him more than the pain in his arm or neck.

Minutes went by and he turned around as he heard someone knocking on the door.

Patrick.

He saw the leader of the Saviors walking towards the door with Lucille in his left hand and unconsciously stood from the ground, worried for the Doctor’s life. The older man seemed to notice this as he lowered Lucille to his side in a less threatening way in what he guessed was his way of telling him, maybe in a conscious manner, that he wasn’t going to hurt Patrick.

Negan flung the door open and allowed it to smash against the wall before roughly shoving the Doctor inside the room by his sweater.

The other man stood in the middle of the room hugging a black bag in which he guessed he had his medical tools, almost shaking in fear. Negan walked closer to the man and gave him a threatening look before motioning towards him “Take care of him” was the only thing he said to the clearly scared Doctor whose eyes turned to look at him with sorrow.

“I’ll come back in a bit…” he saw the older man walking towards the door, obviously to leave them alone, and felt a knot forming on his throat.

Don’t leave…please…

Some part inside him really wanted Negan to get as far away from him as possible, but there was also another part deep inside of him that wanted the older man to stay and take care of him himself. 

Images of their second visit to Patrick came to his head and he couldn’t help but wonder what would happened if he asked Negan to stay.

Images of their tender moment were quickly pushed aside and were replaced with those of Negan being on top of him strangling him.

Fear, panic and pain invaded him then and he forced himself to remain silent.

We need to stay away from each other for now.

He felt something shatter inside of him as the door closed behind Negan who never looked back at him.

As soon as the older man left the room Patrick turned to look at him with sad worried eyes “Carl…do you mind if I get closer to you?” he shook his head but then nodded feeling confused by his own mannerisms “You can come closer…” he said in almost a whisper and Patrick began to walk towards him with slow and cautious steps, almost as if he were afraid of scaring him.

The Doctor got to his side then and as their eyes met the man asked him the question he was dreading to hear “Did he hurt you…?” Patrick's broken tone made him want to cry again since he knew what the man meant by that.

Patrick wasn’t thinking of Negan punching him or torturing him, he was thinking of his own leader abusing him.

Negan didn’t, someone else did…

He shook his head and he could see the man’s body relaxing slightly by the answer.

Patrick’s eyes focused on his neck then and sensing the man’s worry he decided to explain what had happened “Negan thought I was a ghost or some sort of hallucination of his...he tried to strangle me” the man nodded in understanding and despite the fact that it seemed he wanted to keep asking him questions he didn't. 

“You’re bleeding…” Patrick’s hand reached over for his wounded arm then and he bit his lip in pain before sharing a glance with the man who asked him with his eyes for permission to continue. He nodded and tried to get his shirt off but failed miserably as he moaned in pain “Slowly, let me help you…” the Doctor’s hands went to his shirt to remove it from him and even though he should have freaked out, he didn’t. 

His view of Patrick wasn’t like Negan or Spencer, he saw him as some sort of paternal figure and for some strange reason he sensed the Doctor also saw him that way.

The man with silver hair cleaned and treated the gunshot wound with care and after that he helped him get dressed again “May I inspect your neck?” he nodded slowly and moved his head to the side to allow the man to have a better view at the bruises he was sure he now had. Patrick’s hands were gentle on his neck and the man’s finger soft against his skin. It was almost comforting to be touched like that after being grabbed so roughly there.

“I’m sorry” the man’s sudden apology made him stare at him with a clearly confused expression on his face that forced the older man to explain himself further “I shouldn’t have left you alone with him...I should have stayed and make sure he wasn’t a danger to himself or you…I’m sorry Carl…” he looked away from the man in a mixture of shame and anger and looked down at his own hands. 

Had Patrick stayed Negan wouldn’t have launched himself against him like he did? He and Negan could be walking around the Sanctuary or eating at the dining room as usual…  
He remained silent feeling of unsure of himself.

Was this Patrick’s fault?

Carl knew that Negan was to blame for this for being drunk, but because of that same exact reason he also knew he couldn’t really blame the leader of the Saviors. He had never been drunk, but he knew that people who drank too much weren’t in complete control of themselves because of the liquor.

He suddenly remembered the time his dad had helped a really drunk Shane up the stairs to the guest room one night after his mother’s birthday. The man's behavior had been different from his usual friendly one, it had been erratic and out of character “Get the fuck off me man, I’m fine!” Shane had acted quite violent with his dad back then and even with his mom when she had tried to calm him down.

Shane had later on apologized for his behavior and had promised his parents to never drink as heavily as he had that night “I don’t want to scare you again like that buddy, I’m sorry” he had said.

The man that had attacked him wasn’t the Negan that he knew.

Had Negan been sober he most have likely never done that.

His eye met with Patrick’s grayish blue ones and he shook his head before giving the older man a small smile “It’s okay…” he said in almost a whisper before looking away from the Doctor who kept his eyes on him for a few seconds before standing “I’ll-I’ll- go get something for the bruises in your neck…” just like Negan, Patrick left the room without sparing him a second glance.

He remained sitting on the sofa for a few seconds before laying down on it and closing his eye.

Images of Negan holding his hands and caressing his hair came back to his mind and he tried to take them out of his head not wanting to think of that right now “I'm here kid” he was there when I needed him. He remembered Negan’s pained expression and couldn’t help but wonder what the older man was doing right now. Judging by the man’s previous I’m confused or in pain moments he was most likely drinking again. 

Shit. 

The thought of Negan doing so both angered and worried him.

Something inside of him snapped then and he opened his eye to watch the door. Should I go talk to him or should I wait for him to come back?

He might be worst than before once he comes back. A chill went down his spine by that thought and he growled frustrated before standing from the sofa.

Carl walked over to the door and peeked his head out only to find Dwight and two other men guarding the room outside. 

He quickly tried to get back inside but was stopped as the man with the burned face called out of him. His hand froze around the doorknob and he gulped hard as the older man walked over to him.

“Are you okay kid?” there was worry in Dwight’s voice as he asked him that and he couldn’t help but blink a couple of times surprised by the man’s behavior mainly because he never thought the man would ever show any concern for him at all. They were enemies after all. He nodded his head feeling unable to voice out any words and noticed Dwight’s eyes on his neck.

He’s looking at the bruises Negan made… 

He tried to somehow hide them by pulling the neck of his shirt higher and blushed as he saw the man eyes looking at him with something that he could only describe as pity.  


There was a small silence between them that was broken by Dwight asking him if he was hungry.

“Negan said you probably hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, do you want me to take you to the dining room or do you want someone to bring you some food?” 

“I…I want to stay here…” he said in barely a whisper that made him feel weak and stupid. 

Carl wasn’t afraid of Dwight but the mere fact that the man with the burned face knew, or at least thought he knew, what had happened between him and Negan made him feel extremely vulnerable. 

He knew that Dwight was thinking the same thing that Patrick had thought about their leader. 

Negan didn't hurt me like that.

He thought about telling him what he had told the Doctor but was stopped as he saw the other man heading their way with a small blue container in his left hand “Carl…Is something wrong?” the man with the burned face shook his head.

“No... I’ll go get him something to eat, take care of him” Dwight shot one last glance at him before walking away and Patrick lightly touched his shoulder to motion for him to get back inside Negan’s room. 

They entered the room and Patrick soon asked him if it was okay for him to treat the bruises. He simply nodded and moved his head to the side to allow the older man to have better access to them and winced slightly as the Doctor’s cold hands rubbed at his neck in a gentle and slow manner. He closed his eye for a second allowing himself to relax against the man’s touch and opened it again it again as Patrick’s hands left his skin.

“That should do it…do you want to rest?” his eye met the man’s grayish blue ones and he could tell there was worry and something else in them.

“Dwight is going to bring me something to eat” he said and a yawn left him then. 

Carl couldn’t help but blush ashamed as his own body gave him away and blushed even more as Patrick gave him a soft kind smile “I can wake you up once he comes back if you want” he turned to look at the large bed and nodded slowly before heading towards it. 

He saw Patrick heading towards the exit door and just like with Negan the words left him before he could stop them “Don’t leave…” the man’s hand froze around the doorknob and he looked down at the floor feeling weak and stupid once more. 

He hated feeling vulnerable. He hated being vulnerable.

The Doctor stared at him for a couple of seconds before nodding his head and heading towards one of the sofas. Patrick sat down on the large one and he took his shoes off before getting under the covers. 

The large and heavy sheets were almost like a warm hug to him that soon made his whole body go numb. He was tired he couldn’t deny that now. His eye slowly closed and without him realizing it, one of his hands went for Negan’s pillows to hug at it.

I forgive you. 

 

NEGAN

 

“Please stop…you’re scaring me …” he rubbed his eyes in a tiresome manner and tried to get Carl out of his head. 

He needed to focus in a more important matter right now.

The truck came to a stop and he took a deep breath to get his shit together before grabbing Lucille. He jumped out of the truck and scanned the building they were supposed to be exploring today. An abandoned high school that was in the middle of fucking nowhere. 

He highly doubted they would find anything of value in there, mainly because his men had already taken most if not all the supplies that were left behind a couple of months ago.

So why was he here? Simple.

The last group he had sent here had never come back.

“Alright listen the fuck up people, Thomas and Gabriel never came back from their little road trip to this fucking place, and unless you want to be the next ones to not come back, stay fucking alert. Find someone, fucking kill them, find something, fucking take it, I don’t give a shit if it’s a used condom, I will the recycle the shit out of that thing!” he saw some of his men smirking and sharing dirty looks and chuckle lightly before ordering his men to move out.

“Move your fucking asses now!” his men didn’t need to be told twice what to do as they scattered around in groups of three. Simon, who had been driving in another truck, got to his side and motioned towards his face with a frown and the ghost of a smile on his lips. He knew what was coming “The fucking kid did that shit to you?” he chuckled lightly before motioning to the man to follow him inside. 

His broken nose had been the victim of many curious and surprised glances in the fucking Sanctuary but no one had dared to ask him what had happened. 

Only someone like Simon could ask him that without getting killed.

“He tried to fucking escape the Hell Hole” he explained and Simon pouted his mouth before moving a large branch out of their way “Where’s he now? I don’t see him gunning men down” a small chuckle left him by that memory and he left Lucille on the ground before helping the man remove another larger branch out of their way.

“I left him with Patrick…” he said with a groan before pushing the dead piece of tree with all of his strength. The branch fell to the ground with a loud bang and he couldn’t help but wonder if that shit would attract any mindless fuckers.

Simon seemed to think the same as they shared a glance. They both looked around themselves waiting for something to come out of the forest but nothing came “Not even a fucking squirrel” he joked before grabbing Lucille once more. They got to one of entrance doors and found it closed or blocked from inside. They quickly began to smash their bodies against it to get it opened and waited a few minutes again for something to come out “You said you left him with Patrick, Patrick the Doctor?” he nodded his head and peeked his head inside before entering the place.

Behind him he heard Simon chuckling in disbelief.

“You left Rick’s precious and almost blind child with Mr. Submissive? I thought you knew everyone in the Sanctuary wanted him dead” he turned around to face the man and rolled his eyes at him “I left Dwighty boy outside the room, I’m not leaving my shit unattended Simon, you think that I’m stupid or what?” the man in the moustache smiled and shook his head before taking his gun out, ready to face the dangers that might await for them inside this place.

They began to walk down the hallway and as they did Negan couldn’t help but wonder if he could talk about what had happened between him and Carl with the man. 

He and Simon had been associates, if not friends, for over six years now. They had met after Simon’s community had burned down to the ground and had been together ever since.

Unlike Dwight, the man with the funny moustache and receding hairline had never betrayed his trust and had showed some unconditional loyalty towards him several times. He soon became his second in command as he followed every fucking order he gave him without ever questioning it. Simon was ruthless and fearless when it came to doing what he was told; whether it was killing someone or heading some place they hadn’t taken over yet, he would do anything for him.

If he ever had to choose between all of his wives and Simon, he would keep the man with the moustache.

He had to give it a shot.

“Did you ever have any kids?” his sudden question seemed to surprise Simon, who turned around to face him with a clearly confused expression on his face. Negan returned the courtesy by giving the man a deadly glare just to let him know he was serious about this.

Simon’s lip twitched a little in what he could only describe as disgust before answering him “No…I never got married or anything…” he said before scanning him from head to toe “Did one of you wives got pregnant already or what?” despite the fact that he could hear a little bit of amusement in the man’s voice he could tell Simon was being cautious about this ‘new’ subject he had brought up. He shook his head.

“This has nothing to do with them” he said before resuming their walk.

“Rick’s kid then” said Simon after a few minutes and he tried not to act surprised by the man’s quick assumption “I heard he got bitten in the Hell Hole, if you want me to kill him for you-” his hold tightened around Lucille then and he gave the man a deadly glare to silence him.

The mere thought of someone else killing Carl but him made his blood boil. He had made a promise with the young boy, a promise he wasn’t going to break nor fulfill anytime soon.

“He wasn’t bitten and if anyone’s going to put that fucking kid down it’s going to be me” Simon nodded his head in an understanding manner and he tried to calm himself down before explaining what his issue was.

“You have half of the story right, he thought he had been bitten and I thought he had been bitten, like shit, everyone in the fucking Hell Hole thought so…The point is that I got drunk and passed out. When I woke up the fucking kid was there and I have no fucking clue as to why I tried to fucking kill him” he began to walk again feeling unable to remain still and heard Simon walking close behind him.

“You thought he was dead or something?” he couldn’t help but felt slightly relieved by the man’s quick understanding of the situation by him catching up so quickly with what he felt unable to voice out. Negan nodded his head.

“I did, but I saw him alive and well before passing out so I had no fucking reason to think of him as a fucking ghost” the sound of something falling to the ground made both men exchange a look. They quietly began to walk closer to the source of the noise and got to the end of a hallway to find a staircase that lead to the second floor.

“You were drunk, you probably didn’t even register what the fuck had happened before you passed out” said Simon in a low whisper and he stared at him for a few seconds before motioning for him to follow him upstairs “Probably but now the kid is fucking scared of me” they got to the second floor and started to walk down a long hallway that had at least five doors on either side of the corridor. 

Classrooms for sure. 

All of the doors were closed by the exception of the last one on the left side.

“Well you did try to kill him…” Simon turned to look at him then and his hands turned into fists as the man asked him the question he was dreading to hear “Or did you try to…?” not even a man as heartless as Simon could even finish that question. He shook his head and tried to calm himself once more before rubbing at his eyes in a tiresome manner “I didn’t try anything with him, I tried to strangle him but I never tried to…to touch him or anything- You know how I feel about rape” the man’s brown eyes filled with fear then and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was remembering the punishment rapists had in the Sanctuary.

One he wished he had given to Spencer.

“I got on top of him to strangle him…I guess that shit brought back some fucking bad memories-” he cut himself down too late and turned to look at Simon who, as always, seemed to have made another connection. Their eyes met and he could tell the man with the funny moustache wasn’t interested or at least not willing to ask him about what had happened to Carl “It's none of my business, boss, I won’t ask” he said before waiting for him to continue.

Fuck all of his wives, Simon was fucking wife material.

They resumed their walk.

“What do I do to get him back?” he asked as they got closer to the door and for once Simon seemed to be speechless.

Negan couldn’t really blame the man since not even he knew what to do to gain Carl’s trust back, or maybe not his trust since he highly doubted the young boy even trusted him, but his relationship with him.

Like shit, he felt like a school boy asking for advice from friends all over again.

Except he wasn’t trying to fuck with any girl like back then. He was trying to get his little serial killer back.

“Mind if I think about the answer first?” he smiled and nodded at the man before motioning for him to be careful with the open door.

They both entered with their weapons aiming at the room and Simon couldn’t help but laugh out loud as he saw what was inside “You have to be fucking kidding me” he said while chuckling in disbelief and walking over to the corner of the room.

A wolf pup.

There was a fucking wolf pup trembling in the corner of the room in a mixture of what he guessed was fear and cold. The wolf’s fur seemed to be completely dirty and wet and it gave the impression of it being grey rather than what he was certain was actually white. Its eyes were an impressive yellowish light brown that brought a chill down his spine as soon as they met his own brown ones.

He walked closer towards the little wet ball of fur and knelt down in front of it while offering his hand for it to smell it. The wolf cub slowly moved closer towards him with hesitant-shaky steps and he remained as still as he could not wanting to scare it away “You think this little fella killed Thomas and Gabriel?” he asked the man behind him in a joking manner before tentatively caressing the cub’s head.

“Probably his mommy…we should warn the others about-” a gunshot was heard then and Negan pouted his mouth in a mixture of amusement and disappointment. 

“I think they already know…” he looked down at his lap as the little wolf cub jumped on his knees as if looking for somewhere safe to hide and heard Simon chuckling behind him “I think he likes you” he pouted his mouth once more and stood straight without paying attention to the cub “I think he just became a fucking orphan, let’s go see what the fuck was that” 

They left the room then and he growled frustrated as he heard a pair of small footsteps behind them “Hurry the fuck up Simon, I don’t want to deal with another fucking mouth to feed”

As soon as they got downstairs the footsteps behind them stopped and he let out a breath of relief before heading outside.

He soon envisioned two of his men dragging quite a large grayish-white wolf that had a gunshot right in the head and he couldn’t help but feel slightly bad for the little wolf cub that was most likely not going to survive without his mommy. He walked closer to the wolf and whistled surprised before touching the creature with Lucille just to make sure it really was dead. 

“Did this thing kill Thomas and Gabriel?” one of his men, Robert, nodded his head before motioning towards an area full of bushes. 

“We found their bodies; they had bite marks all over, She probably had been eating them for a while” he nodded his head in an understanding manner and took a deep breath before motioning for his men to grab their shit “Alright then, case fucking closed, let’s get the hell out of here-” some of his men suddenly pointed their guns at something behind him and he turned around to see the little wolf cub running towards his dead mother.

“Don’t shoot him…” he said with an edge of sadness on his tone while watching the wolf cub cuddling against his mother’s corpse. 

She’s dead you fucking idiot. The memory of him and Carl talking about the boy’s dead mother came to his head then, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Carl had been just like the little wolf.

Despite the fact that he felt bad for the little thing he knew there was no way nor a reason for him to take the wolf cub with him. He looked away from the scene and realized how most if not all of his men seemed to have soft spot for the little wolf. You have to be fucking kidding me “The fuck are you all staring at? Fucking move your asses now, he’s going to die anyway” his men did as they were told and began to walk towards their trucks.

Negan did the same but stopped as he felt something grabbing at one of his boots. He looked down and growled angrily as he saw the wolf cub biting at it in a playful manner.

“Why don’t you take him with you?” his gaze shifted from the dirty ball of fur at his feet towards the man with the receding hairline and he tried his best not to bash the man’s skull right there and then “Why in the hell would I fucking do that shit?” he asked while kicking the wolf cub away from him in an annoyed manner only to see the little thing happily running back towards him to bite at his boot again.

“You said you wanted a solution to your problem with the kid, give him this thing as a gift and he’ll love you for it” confusion filled him then and he stared at the little wolf cub for a couple of seconds before giving Simon a skeptical look.

He remembered having some of his friends buying cute fluffy puppies to their girlfriends after they cheated on them or fucked things up in their relationship and couldn’t help but feel stupid and desperate. He wanted his little serial killer back but wasn’t sure if doing this was worth that. Surely he could get Carl to get along with him once more without doing this shit.

“What if he doesn’t like it?” he asked while taking a deep breath and noticed Simon’s smile turning into a dark smirk “Then get rid of it”

He smashed Lucille against the ground and growled frustrated before grabbing at the furry creature by its neck “This better fucking work” he said while walking towards the truck with the little wolf in his arms.

Negan basically threw the cub inside and shut the door close before giving the man beside him a deadly glare.

Without asking or saying anything the man began to drive away from the abandoned high school. He looked out the truck window and prayed for Lucille to give him strength as the little wolf cub crawled onto his lap. This fucking thing. He looked down at his lap and noticed the ball of fur yawning and nestling against his chest pretty much the way Carl had done back when he had brought him to the Sanctuary at night.

He blinked surprised as the cub fell asleep in less than a minute and took a deep breath before giving in into his situation. Just like with Carl Grimes he decided to allow the little thing to use him as his pillow.

His hand went to caress the wolf cub’s ears and he couldn’t help but smile a little as the little ball of fur shifted in his sleep to move his paws towards his hand almost as if they were grabbing at it.

This thing is just like the fucking kid…

Negan looked away from the cub and kept his eyes on the road but did not remove his hand from the creature’s ‘hold’.

You better fucking work you little piece of shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I feel like I made Negan waayyyy too soft in this one, do tell me-hate me- or criticize me- for that shit. 
> 
> I want to know your opinions in how I’m writing this two characters, are they too soft? I plan on bringing back jerky Negan and badass Carl but not just yet (Unless you want me to) I want to explore a bit more of their human- feelings kinda side.  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> As always thank you for reading and well hopefully it won’t take me a fucking year to upload ;V


	17. Can we Start Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glad I didn’t take a whole fucking month for this, hope you enjoy this guys, ladies, I sure enjoyed writing it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> I did have a couple of cringe worthy moments while doing so because of the soft stuff I put but whatever :v
> 
> Also I made a couple of chances with David and Patrick. I hadn’t realized that they had already introduced David on the show (He’s the man that Carl threatens with a gun back in episode 4 season 7) and well Patrick is a character that I have decided to invent and modified. 
> 
> Just so you have an idea as to how he looks I have based his appearance on Aidan Gillen, he’s one of my favorite actors so yeah, I love the guy  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Also I do apologize if you find Negan and Carl to be too soft in this one…don’t kill me please ;V
> 
> Aaannndd also I would like to dedicate this new chapter to my new favorite author and role model, Splootoon. I read his story and I have to say it. It's the real deal, go check it out if you love Cegan. The way in which he portrays the characters is simply gold along with their dynamic. Truly a legend.

NEGAN

 

As soon as they got back to the Sanctuary he ordered Simon to wash the little wolf himself and bring it to his room once he was finished. He had almost laughed out loud as he saw the man with the receding hairline and moustache struggling against the cub who had desperately tried to get back to him. He would have found it adorable had it not been because of the cub's annoying and surprisingly loud cries and whines.

Looks like my wives have some fucking competition on who makes more noise. 

Negan ordered the rest of his men to unload the supplies they had found and immediately began to head back to his room.

He felt impatient but also slightly nervous about seeing Carl again, mainly because he wasn’t sure of what to expect from their little ‘reunion’. Hate and anger were the most likely emotions that the young boy could, and most likely would experience towards him; yet, he also knew and dreaded another one, fear. 

“Please stop…you’re scaring me…” Carl’s broken plea painfully crashed against his mind and he shook his head in an attempt to get the kid out of his thoughts.

He greeted Dwight and his other men as he got there and joked about he had gotten a new pet for team Saviors. None of them pressed in for answers and he pouted his mouth in a disappointed manner before motioning towards his room “How’s the kid doing?”

“He’s doing fine, I brought him food about two hours ago but he’s asleep” he nodded his head and awkwardly stood outside for a moment. Had Carl calmed down already or had he cried himself to sleep? He didn’t know and he highly doubted any of his men did.

Looks like was going to have to find that shit out by himself.

“Alright then, stay outside just in case he tries to fucking kill me” without allowing his men to say anything he entered the room which seemed to be almost completely dark. He turned on the less invasive lamp he had in the room, which was conveniently besides the bed, and blinked surprised as he saw none other than Patrick sleeping in the large coach. 

This has to be a fucking joke. 

He looked at the sleeping figure of Carl and took a deep breath to calm himself down, not wanting to wake him up. He walked over to the older man and tried to wake him up by pressing Lucille against his sweater. 

The Doctor quickly woke up and he took his free hand towards his own mouth to silence him “Don’t you dare wake the fucking kid up…wake him up and I’ll make you wish you had never woken up from that little nap of yours” his voice was a deadly whisper that quickly made Patrick mumble at least ten apologies at once.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry- Negan…I-” he grabbed at Patrick’s lips to keep him quiet and lifted his eyebrows at him daring him to say another word. The man with silver hair remained silent and he let go of his lips before speaking again.

“You…” he began while walking towards the door “…are leaving” he said while opening the door again and pointing outside with Lucille.

Patrick shot a glance at the sleeping teenager and stood from the sofa but didn’t move nor gave him any indication of wanting to leave them alone again.

You have to be fucking kidding me.

His grip tightened around Lucille and he began to walk toward the other man, who to his satisfaction, seemed to be losing all the courage inside of him with every step he took. Negan stopped once he was in front of the man with silver hair and smiled at him in a playful manner “Tell me something Doc, are you fucking deaf?” Patrick shook his head slowly and he nodded his own in an understanding manner. 

Without a warning he covered the man’s mouth and roughly began to drag him out of his room as quietly as he could. Patrick’s short size and slender frame made it extremely easy for him to half drag him-half carry him outside.

All of the men’s eyes focused on him as he came out with the Doctor and he smiled at Dwight before motioning towards the door he had left open “Be a good man and close that shit for me- Oh, and watch over Carl, I’ll be right fucking back” the man with the burned face nodded slowly and he continued to drag the man with silver hair down the hallway the same way he had dragged Rick towards the RV. 

They got the man’s office and he violently shoved him inside before slamming the door close. Patrick looked up at him from the ground and he was surprised to see that even though there was fear in those grayish blue eyes of his there was also anger.

Shit Doc…

He chuckled and roughly kicked at the man’s side before punching him hard in the face. 

The wound from the shattered glass in his hand made him not want to punch Patrick again knowing that after this little lesson the Doctor wasn’t going to be available for a while.  


Patrick cried out in pain while spitting blood on the floor and foolishly tried to crawl away from him like a scared animal. He chuckled amused by the man’s behavior and roughly grabbed at his hair before forcing him to get back on his feet. Patrick did so while wincing in pain and he soon noticed how he had made a quite a large cut in the man’s left eyebrow.

Blood was running down the Doctor’s face in waves and he couldn’t help but wonder how many stitches that thing would need.

He violently smashed the man against the nearest wall and forced him to remain on a standing position by grabbing at his sweater “I think you’re forgetting your fucking place Patrick, acting like that it’s a huge no-NO. Do I need to remind you of what your fucking place is?” fear invaded the man’s grayish blue eyes then and he smiled as Patrick muttered in a broken whisper how he knew what his place was.

“I don’t…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry Negan...It- It won’t happen again I promise…” he let go off the man’s sweater then and turned around to leave. 

The sound of Patrick sobbing made him turn around again confused. The man with silver hair was now lying on the floor crying and sobbing like a five year old child.

Holy shit Doc...

“I’m sorry Negan…its just-it’s just that he reminds me of Thomas… I’m so sorry...so sorry…” pity filled him then and he couldn’t help but regret, at least a little bit, being so rough with the Doctor. 

He’s just protecting the kid from who he thinks is a danger to him…

Am I a danger to Carl?His lip twitched as he thought of that and even though he wanted to ease the man’s mind he decided to keep his ruthless behavior by pushing his leadership and ownership over the teenager further. 

“I might not have to remind you of your fucking place but I think I have to remind you of Thomas’. He is ten feet underground and guess what? He’s fucking dead and he’s not coming back…I made fucking sure of that…” Patrick’s sobs became louder as he said that and he stared at the man feeling unsure of how to proceed.

“I just don’t want him to end up like my son did…”

“Look at me Negan! I’m a knight!” he turned his head to look at Thomas and pouted his mouth in a mocking manner as he saw the young boy carrying a ridiculously small twig in his hand, which he guessed, was supposed to be the kid’s sword. 

“That shit ain’t big enough Thomas; get another one” he saw the disappointment filling the boy’s eyes then and couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for saying that. The twig fell from the kid’s hand along with a tear and he took a deep breath before walking closer towards him. He knelt in front of Thomas and cleared his throat in a loud manner before speaking. 

“You want to be a real fucking knight?” Thomas nodded his head slowly and he brushed the boy’s tears away before giving him a playful smile and a gentle punch in the chest “Then go get a fucking bigger one, the bigger it is the most powerful you’ll fucking be” a smile formed on the kid’s lips as he said that and he chuckled lightly before giving him a gentle push away towards the forest.

“Go get your sword you little shit”

After twenty minutes Thomas came back with a twig that he was almost completely sure, was actually smaller than the one he had left behind.

“Is this big enough?” the smile the kid had given him back then had made it impossible for him to mock him. 

He wrapped his arm around the boy’s neck to bring him closer to himself and smiled “Hell yeah it is, this bad boy is almost as big as Lucille, just look at him!” he grabbed the twig and handed his girl over to Thomas who was barely able to carry the baseball bat around, before giving a couple of swings with it just to make the boy laugh.

Thomas did so in an almost uncontrollable manner before asking him if Lucille was a jealous lady “Won't she get jealous about you using my sword?” he laughed out loud as the boy asked him that and nodded his head before exchanging weapons with him “She might, so give her back to me” the kid handed her back and he swung her once before giving Thomas a playful smile.

“Don't tell her I said this but... you might be able to kill more of those fuckers with that thing than I’ll ever be able to do so with her”

He never should have said that.

Negan roughly grabbed at Patrick’s sweater again and threw him against the green medical chair. 

The man’s back crashed against it with a loud thud and he almost felt obliged to check if he had broken the man’s back as he heard him crying out in pain louder than before.  


Patrick crawling away from him let him know he hadn’t done so.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down and pointed at him with Lucille in a threatening way. The man’s grayish blue eyes turned to look up at him and this time he saw nothing but fear in them.

That was the look he fucking wanted to see.

“Try to act all fatherly with Carl AGAIN and I will remind you of your fucking place AGAIN, and believe me when I say this shit, I won’t so gentle with you next time…Is that understood?” Patrick nodded his head in a frantic manner and he tilted his head to the side before walking closer to him again.

The man let out a small fearful cry as he did so and he knelt down in front of him while pressing Lucille against his left hand “Stay away from Carl, Doc” tears left the man’s grayish blue eyes then and he couldn’t tell if it was because of what he had said or because of the pain he was inflicting on the man's hand. 

“I-I will…I will stay away from him-I’ll stay away from Carl…” there was a small silence between them and he nodded his head before standing straight and removing Lucille from Patrick's hand which was now covered in blood.

“For your sake I hope you do so…It would be a damn tragedy to lose our beloved Doctor after all” he left the room without saying another word and headed back to his room.  


As soon as he got back he ordered Dwight to go check on Patrick and went back inside his room.

Negan shot a glance at Carl as he entered and let out a relieved sigh as he saw how the teenager was still sleeping. He headed towards the bathroom to wash off the Doctor’s blood from his hand and Lucille “I just don’t want him to end up like my son did…”

Could Carl end up like Thomas because of him? He highly doubted it since Rick’s son seemed to be smarter and not to say more mature than Patrick’s. His little serial killer was ruthless and fearless, unlike Thomas who had been too innocent to survive in a world as cruel and putrid as this one. 

Carl was perfect for this new world.

He had always known Patrick’s son wasn't going to make it out alive, yet, he had never thought he'll be the death of him.

“I’m sorry Thomas…” he left the bathroom and stared at the sleeping figure in his bed wondering if he could just get under the covers too. Not to cuddle with the kid or anything but simply rest. He was tired as fuck. 

He shook his head while dismissing the idea and walked over towards the sofa in which Patrick had been sleeping a couple of minutes ago. He heavily dropped himself down on it and took a deep breath before turning his attention to Carl who had turned around in his sleep. 

A low chuckle escaped his throat as he realized how the teenager was hugging at one of his pillows and he couldn’t help but remember their little cuddle session back in the truck.

Really fucking adorable kid.

A yawn left him then and he closed his eyes for a second wondering how he was going to deal with Carl once he woke up. He placed his feet up on the crystal table and allowed himself to relax for a moment.His relaxed state didn’t last long as he heard the teenager waking up. 

Shit.

Negan remained lying on sofa as he saw Carl sitting at the edge of the bed and felt a knot forming on his throat as the teenager turned to look up at him. Unlike last time, the young boy didn’t look away from him. There was still fear in that icy blue eye of his but not as much as before. That eased his mind a little bit but not enough to make him feel safe about acting all normal with him again. 

The last thing he wanted was to scare the kid once more.

“How are you feeling kid?”

“Better now…Patrick stitched the gunshot wound again and gave me something for my neck…”

Memories of him being on top of the teenager crashed painfully against his mind and he looked away from Carl for a second before nodding his head in an understanding manner “Glad he did…” he said and an awkward silence fell between them.

They both remained silent for quite a long time and he shook his head in an exasperate manner before saying the words he was sure the teenager was dreading to hear.  


“Carl, we need to talk about what the fuck happened between us”

The teenager looked away from him then and he felt something inside of him breaking.

I’m sorry kid. 

 

CARL

 

“Carl, we need to talk about what the fuck happened between us”he looked away from Negan then and couldn’t help but feel slightly ashamed as his mind went somewhere else. He knew what the older man meant with those words; him trying to strangle him, yet, he couldn’t help but feel as if something way more intimate had happened between them. 

He shook his head and saw Negan’s eyes filling up with anger and confusion.

“I don’t think you understand how serious this shit is kid. I tried to kill you and got on top of you like a fucking…” rapist. 

Before the older man could say the word he interrupted him.

“Don’t say it…please…”

Negan stopped himself then and he looked down at his own hands feeling weak once more. He had already forgiven the man so having to sit down and talk about what had happened between them made no sense to him. 

Or at least not at all.

“Just forget it”he said in almost whisper before hearing Negan pouting his mouth in disbelief “I’m trying to do the right fucking thing by talking to you like the fucking responsible adult that I am, and you tell me to forget about this shit?I’ll be shutting that shut down right fucking now- I was very condescending on the Spencer situation…” he looked away from Negan then and heard him laughing in a bitter manner “That little fucking thing you just did is the fucking reason why we need to talk about this shit”

Was Negan right about that? Did they really needed to talk about it? 

“Carl…I didn’t mean to do that -I’m drunk and acting like a fucking idiot…Carl...I didn't mean to hurt you…” the man’s apologetic words suddenly crashed against his mind and he couldn’t help but wonder if Negan was doing this whole: We need to talk shit to feel less guilty about what he had done. 

Are you trying to feel less shitty or are you actually trying to help me cope with this? 

“Alright then kid, but I won't forget about it; you're going to tell me what the fuck happened because after watching you like that I can't fucking ignore that shit any fucking longer...Take your time kid...when you feel ready tell me” had he not seen Negan’s softer and protective side towards him he would have gone for the first answer. 

He’s actually trying to make things right…

The thought-No- the fact that a man as heartless and ruthless as Negan was even doing that, surprised him beyond words. 

He might actually have a heart he thought while trying to hide a small sad smile from the leader of the Saviors.

Helooked up at Negan only to find him looking at him with a mixture of sadness and impatience, and decided to cooperate with him. 

Let’s talk about it then.

Carl stood from the bed and slowly began to walk closer to the older man who frowned confused before giving a couple of steps away from him to create some ‘safe’ space between them “Kid…stop…” he stopped then and looked at him in a daring manner “I’m not scared of you…” he said before taking a couple of steps closer towards Negan who seemed to be both surprised and worried about his sudden change of behavior. 

It was obvious to him that the older man was worried about them being so close to each other, yet,Negan did not move away from him nor gave him any indication of wanting to back down from this. He saw the man’s eyes filling with doubt and he closed his own in an attempt to feel more confident about what he was about to say.

“I was scared of you...back when you -back when you were on top of me because you reminded me of Spencer…” his icy blue eye soon met with the man’s brown ones and he flinched slightly as he saw pain and regret in them. 

He really is sorry about what happened…

Carl blinked a couple of times surprised and looked away from himin an attempt to regain his confidence back “You being on top of me reminded me of what happened...Spencer did-He…He held me down-” he was stopped by Negan who took a hand towards his shoulder in what he guessed was a comforting manner. 

The older man stopped himself before actually touching him and shook his head slowly before moving his hand away.

“You don’t have to tell me about what happened now…do it when you’re ready…not when you feel you have to” he nodded his head feeling grateful and motioned towards the strain of beer the man had left behind “You were drunk-”

“Yes I was” he shot the older man a deadly glare to shut him up and Negan nodded his head while looking away from him “I’ll shut up” he said in an apologetic manner before motioning for him to continue.

“My dad had a friend …he got drunk one night and acted like a monster towards my mom and dad…towards me…” he saw Negan flinching by his use of the word monster and tried his best to ignore it by continuing his story“…he apologized the next morning…It was confusing to me to see him act so differently…My dad later on explained to me that drunk people weren’t in full control of themselves…I’ll like to think you weren’t in control back then” 

He looked up at the man then and noticed how Negan seemed to be hiding a smile. As soon as he looked up at him, his smile vanished.

“I don’t want to justify what I did because I was drunk” their eyes met once more and he gulped hard as he saw his eyes darkening “I want to justify what I did because I thought you were dead- I did try to kill you and well, there’s not fucking way to deny that, but I want to leave very fucking clear that I wasn’t trying to hurt you the way that gutless asshole did…” the memory of Negan’s knife cutting Spencer open came back to his head and he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“I know you didn’t” he said after a few seconds while giving the man an honest smile. Negan smiled back at him then and he couldn’t help but feel as if something heavy had been removed from his chest. He felt better now, free of guilt and free of fear.

“In that motherfucking case I’m really fucking glad we worked out our little problem kid -I wasn’t going to be able to sleep at night because of that shit” Negan’s smiled widened then and he couldn’t help but roll his eye annoyed by the man’s behavior. He turned around and headed for his shoes in an attempt to hide his own smile.

Carl hated to admit it but he had missed this.

He put his shoes on and turned around only to noticed how Negan was looking at the food tray Dwight had brought for him. He blushed ashamed as a loud growl was heard. Shit, he was starving. The older man turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow and a smile on his face while motioning towards the food which consisted of a large chicken breast, smashed potatoes and salad “You still want this shit?” he nodded his head and Negan shook his own while grabbing at the tray “Well let’s get it warmed up, it’s cold as shit, besides I need to eat something too” the leader of the Saviors walked towards the entrance and he followed close behind before remembering the bruises on his neck. 

His sudden change of behavior didn’t go unnoticed by the older man who turned around to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?” Negan’s worried tone warmed him up a little and he bit his lower lip before answering “I-I don’t want anyone to see them…” he said in almost a whisper before looking down at the floor ashamed of having to tell him that. Carl held his breath as the man lifted his chin up so he would look at him again.

“Do you want something to cover them up?” he nodded his head while giving him and apologetic look knowing that the man felt guilty about them and saw the ghost of a smile forming on his lips. Negan nodded his head in an understanding manner and handed him the tray of food over before walking towards his wardrobe. He let out the breath he was holding and took a hand towards his own chest as he felt his own heart beating faster than usual. 

The fuck was that? 

He blinked a couple of times feeling confused and surprised and gulped hard as he saw Negan walking closer towards him once more, with his red scarf in hand “I know this thing might bring some really bad fucking memories but it’s the only thing I have for you to cover them…” he looked down at the piece of clothing for a few seconds and tried to not think of Abraham’s and Glenn’s death’s.

“It’s fine” he said while grabbing at it and a wince of pain left him as he tried to wrap it around his neck. 

That fucking gunshot wound was beginning to annoy the shit out him. 

His icy blue eye met with Negan’s brown ones and he couldn’t help but blush even more as the older man offered his assistance “Let me help you out with that kid” Negan slowly wrapped the scarf around his neck and he let out a harsh breath as he felt the man’s fingers on his skin, not in a painful manner but rather a gentle one. 

The feeling of Doctor’s finger came back to his mind and he frowned confused as he realized that the man was nowhere to be seen. Hadn’t Patrick stayed with him? The thought of the man with silver hair not doing so, pained him for some reason.

The older man moved away from him once he was done and he couldn’t help but smile a little by how soft the fabric from the scarf was “You like it?” Negan asked him with an amused look on his face and he looked down at the scarf for a second before shaking his head.

“Red’s not my color” he said and the man pouted his mouth before removing the tray of food from his hands and motioning for him to follow him outside.

“Move your ass you little racist shit” they began to walk down the hallway that lead to the dining room and he couldn’t help but feel slightly empty as Negan didn’t wrapped his arm around him as usual.

He’s still holding back he thought in a bittersweet manner before looking away from the leader of the Saviors.

They got to the dining room and as he looked at the large windows in the room, he realized that it was already night. How long had he been asleep? 

He followed Negan towards the food table and noticed the few men and women in the room were seemed to be staring at both of them more than usual. 

It has to be the scarf. He probably should have felt bad for wearing his enemy’s clothes but for some reason he didn’t, in fact he felt pretty fucking happy about wearing Negan’s scarf. 

If dad saw me…

“Give this shit to the last person who gets here” he turned around and saw Negan walking towards him with a new empty tray “Serve yourself kid” he didn’t need to be twice what to do as he got another chicken breast and smashed potatoes.

“Don’t forget the fucking vegetables Carl” an angry growl left him as the older man placed a huge amount of salad on his tray and he gave Negan an annoyed look as he heard him chuckling obviously amused by his expression.

They got to their table and began to eat their food in a comfortable silence.

That silence didn’t last long as a couple of angry scream were heard in the hallway near to them. 

His hand instinctively and foolishly went towards Negan’s knee and he quickly moved it away as the man turned to look at him. He looked down at his food while blushing, feeling ashamed for his own reaction, and looked up as Negan patted his knee with his own.

“Stay here” the man stood from his seat and gave him a deadly glare daring him to disobey him before motioning towards some of his men to follow him.

He gulped hard as he saw Negan and his men walking towards the entrance door and held his breath as he saw one of the men opening the door. 

Some people screamed while others simple yelped and he stood from his seat just in time to see a small white animal running towards him. 

His eye opened wide in fear by the thought of the creature being infected and he jumped on top of the table in an attempt to keep himself safe. He soon noticed how the white thing was actually a wolf like looking dog, which did not seem to be infected or sick, and slowly came down from the table while smiling.

The puppy seemed to be completely wet and afraid and he couldn’t help himself as he knelt down to grab at it.The little wolf like dog immediately cuddled up against his chest and he chuckled lightly as a pink tongue met his chin 

“Kid” Negan’s voice took him out of his happy place and he turned to face the man who to his relief seemed to be slightly amuse by the scene.

His eye suddenly focused on the entrance and he gulped hard as he saw Simon holding a ragged piece of cloth around his bloodied hand. Shit, had this thing bitten the man? He gulped hard as he looked back at Negan, who seemed to have caught him staring at the other man, and looked down at the puppy in a protective manner.

The leader of Saviors walked closer towards him as he saw that and he wrapped his arms around the little wolf like pup to let the man know that he wasn’t going to give it back so easily. 

Their eyes met and he gulped hard as Negan pointed towards the creature in his arms “That thing hurt my men”

“And I killed some of them…” the words left him before he could stop himself and he looked away as he saw the older man’s eyes darkening “You’re god damn right kid” Negan’s chuckle brought a child down his spine and he was surprised as the man asked him if he wanted to keep it “You would let me do so?” he asked and he wanted to punch himself in the face by how excited his own voice sounded. 

Carl had never had a pet in his life, mainly because his mother had never liked the idea of a cat or dog running around the house and breaking the furniture. He remembered begging for a puppy on his sixth birthday but only his father had accepted and had gotten him one behind his mother’s back who had later on forced them to give it away. 

The older man chuckle in an amused manner by his behavior before scanning him from head to toe and letting out a deep breath “I think I can allow another little serial killer to run around the Sanctuary” he smiled and out of happiness, excitement or whatever the fuck, he did something he never should have done.

He hugged Negan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jacob Sartorius style: So you can wear my scaaarfff :V 
> 
> Miss me with that Sartorius shit mate.
> 
> Sooooo, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was actually supposed to be longer but whatever I decided to procrastinate at the last minute because of my birthday and decided to separate it :v
> 
> Also, I got really inspired for this chapter by a song called Start Again by Red, I love that song and well, it reminded me of this two and how I plan to develop their relationship…spoilers ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	18. With the Lights Out, it's Less Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just...brace yourself to cringe...and feel disappointed.
> 
> Okay my initial cringe state has passed away. This next chapter is extremely cringy like I said, if you don't like highly improbable situations and twisted fantasies...don't read it ;V
> 
> Hope you somehow manage to enjoy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Alsoooo I have created a tumblr account in which I will be uploading a couple of Negan and Carl related thangs under the name of fakesmile13ias ;v

CARL

I'm hugging the man who tortured my father…the man who killed Abraham...Glenn...Olivia...Spencer… …the man who tried to kill me…

I’m hugging Negan.

 He felt the leader of the Saviors tensing up and gulped hard as he felt one of the man's hands caressing the back of his neck. His eye met with Negan's brown ones and a chill went down his spine as he saw the older man smiling at him in a playful manner. But just like when he had been thrown inside the Hell Hole, this wasn't a none harmful smile.

Negan turned around then and waved a hand towards the people in the dining room before motioning towards him.

“Isn't this little fucking thing adorable?” most if not all of the men and women laughed at their leader's words and he couldn't help but feel extremely stupid and weak. He was now being exposed as a complete pussy by none other than the man who was supposed to be looking up for him.

Out of shame and anger he tried to create some space between them but Negan roughly grabbed at his good arm while chuckling “The fuck you think you're going kid? I’m all yours” the man pulled him towards himself then and he winced in pain as his face crashed against Negan’s chest who mockingly embraced his head. 

“It's okay kid, uncle Negan's here” he growled frustrated and gritted his teeth in angry manner before struggling against the man who pouted his mouth in disbelief “Suit yourself then” Negan pushed him away from him and even though he didn't seemed to have pushed him so hard he fell to the ground hugging at the little puppy in his arms.

The laughter in the room became louder then and he felt the urge to cry as he heard Negan laughing along with his people. His hands became fists and he stood from the ground while walking towards the exit door.

“Kid, come on” he heard Negan calling out for him from behind but didn't stop walking. 

Not even Simon tried to stop him as he walked outside.

He walked down the long hallway and as soon as he got back to Negan's room he dropped himself to the floor while letting out an angry growl.

Why the hell did I hug him? 

He still couldn't believe he had done that. He had been happy and excited about being allowed to have a pet yet he still couldn't understand how he had forgotten where and with whom he was. 

Carl shook his head in disbelief before looking down at the little wet ball of fur in his arms that was now shaking in what he guessed was cold. He let the puppy down on the floor before heading towards the bathroom and bit his lip as he saw the only towel there was, was Negan’s. 

He’s going to kill him if I use this on an animal. 

He went back to the room and walked over to his backpack to grab at one of his shirts before sitting back down against the door. He whistled at the puppy to come and smiled as it came running right away waving its tail “Good…”he tilted his head to the side to check what it was “…girl” he said with a smile before laughing as the little wolf like dog licked his face and chin. 

His hands went over to stop the little creature and he gently began to dry the puppy’s fur who quickly found a way to entertain herself by licking and nipping at his fingers “Don’t eat my fingers…” he said while chuckling before moaning in pain as the door he was leaning against was abruptly opened. 

“The fuck are you doing down there kid? Move your fucking ass off my doorway” he stood from the floor then and blinked confused as he saw the leader of the Saviors entering the room with two small bowls on his hand. One of them was filled with water while the other one had a small chicken breast inside. 

“I brought this shit for your new pet-” Negan said and he flinched as the little puppy ran off towards the leader of the Saviors. 

He gulped hard as he saw the little ball of fur biting at Negan’s boots and nervously bit his lower lip as he saw the man’s gaze going down to look at her in a clearly annoyed manner “You better train this little fella before I end up killing him-”

“Her...” the man's eyes found his own as he said that and he looked down at the floor before walking closer towards him to grab at the little ball of fur  “Carl” he walked away from Negan and heard him laughing behind him in a bitter manner. 

“Really? Are you fucking angry with me for what happened in the dining room?” he looked at the man in an annoyed manner and walked to the other side of the room to continue drying the puppy.

“You have to be kidding me, you’re the one who hugged me in the first fucking place in front of MY people, a shit ton of them-Like come on Carl- What the hell were you expecting me to do? Hug you back?” he flinched as the man asked him that and looked down at his own hands feeling ashamed of himself.

To be honest he wasn’t expecting the man to hug him back. Negan had an image to keep and had he hugged him back he would have been seen as a soft hearted leader. Yet, it pained him for some reason. Not only because he had been humiliated in front of people who already looked down on him, but also because, even if it had been for just one second, he had enjoyed it. 

He had liked hugging the leader of the Saviors.

Why do I feel like this? 

Why do you make me feel like this?

He kept his gaze down and remained silent while ignoring the man, knowing that if they made eye contact he wasn't going to be able to stop the tears he was now holding back “I'm not that stupid” he said in a whisper before hearing Negan chuckling 

“I know you're not”

Do you?

His gaze went up as the man handed him both bowls and he thanked him in whisper before offering the chicken breast and the water to the puppy who quickly began to drink and eat “Looks like someone was fucking starving”

Negan walked towards his wardrobe to grab at his pajamas and then towards his backpack to grab at a pair for him. An angry growl left him as the man threw them at him from the other side of the room  “Get those on because once I come back the lights are going out” he gave the man an annoyed look that was only met with an amused chuckle “Hurry the fuck up Carl”

The older man entered the bathroom then and he decided to change clothes right away not wanting for the leader of the Saviors to see him in his underwear. 

He placed the puppy on the floor and slowly removed the man's scarf from his neck before putting his pajama on. He growled frustrated as the pain in his arm prevented him from changing into his pajama shirt “Fuck me”

“Gladly” Carl yelped afraid as he heard Negan's voice behind him and he turned around only to find him staring at him with a smirk on his face.

“Fuck off” a laugh left the man’s throat then and he tried not to look at him as he got close to him “Had to come back for another pair, this one smells like shit…” his eye met with the man's brown ones then and he gulped hard as he saw them darkening the same way they had back when they were in the Vega Ring.

“I think the word you're looking for it’s me, not off…”

The hungry wolf was back.

He took a step back slightly afraid and confused by the man’s behavior and felt like shit as he stepped on the puppy's tail who cried out in pain “Shit, I'm sorry...” he muttered while kneeling down to comfort the little ball of fur who licked at his fingers almost as if she were accepting his apology.

“You can apologize to a wolf cub but not to me?”even though there was amusement in the man’s voice he couldn’t help but hear a little bit of pain or at least jealousy on it too. He had to hide the little pleased smile that was forming on his lips and gave the man a questioning look as he realized what he had said. Wolf cub, was this really a wolf?

“How do you know its wolf cub and not a dog?” he saw Negan’s widening little then, almost as if he had caught himself in the middle of something, and flinched as the man waved a hand in a dismissing manner near his face.

“Long fucking story- Now stand the fuck up and let me help you with that shit” he stood slowly and swallowed loudly feeling nervous about letting Negan undress him. 

The leader of the Saviors wasn't like Patrick for many reasons but the main one was because of the way he stared at him. There was something in those brown eyes of his that scared the shit out of him every time they darkened. They made him feel weak and completely naked.

As soon as he was standing, Negan gave him a questioning look.

“Are you okay with me doing this?” he blinked slightly surprised by Negan's worried tone and slowly nodded his head feeling slightly more comfortable about this. 

The older man nodded his own head in an understanding manner before taking both hands towards closer towards his shirt. He saw a little bit of hesitation in Negan’s eyes as he did so and couldn’t help but smile a little feeling glad and touched by the man’s clear worry towards him. 

His little smile didn’t go unnoticed as the older man gave him a deadly glare. He quickly looked away from him and closed his eye as his shirt was gently removed. 

A harsh breath left him as he felt Negan’s fingers brushing against his side and he tried not to show any emotion as their eyes met once more “Thanks….” he said to the older man who nodded his head slowly before looking down at his bruised chest and sides. He saw pain filling Negan’s eyes as they scanned his body and gulped hard feeling extremely vulnerable. 

The man had already seen the bruises, back when he had caught him undressing and in Patrick’s office, yet he couldn’t help but feel as if this were the first time he was showing them to him.

He saw one of Negan’s hands going towards them and for a second he thought he was going to touch him “Do they still hurt?” the man stopped his own hand before he did so and simply motioned towards the bruises. He blinked a couple of times and shook his head “Not as much as before…” he said and Negan remained silent for a couple of seconds before grabbing the pajama shirt he had in his hand. 

A chill went down his spine as their fingers brushed against each other and he had to hold back another harsh breath not wanting to be mocked by some stupid reaction of his again.

Negan helped him put his shirt on and this time he felt the man’s hands brushing against his skin a second too long. 

The leader of the Saviors walked away from him without saying a word, grabbed at a new pair of pajamas and went back inside the bathroom without sparing one last glance at him. 

Carl pouted his mouth in disbelief feeling a mixture and anger and confusion towards Negan’s sudden change of behavior and turned his head just in time to see the little puppy falling to the ground as it tried to climb up one of the sofas. 

He smiled in an amused manner by the puppy’s lame attempts and walked over to her to help her up. He placed her in the smallest sofa hoping for Negan to notice her there, and scratched her ears in a gentle manner.

“It’s time to sleep little one-” it wasn’t until then that he realized he hadn’t even given her a name and he twisted his mouth before smiling as he thought of a perfect name for the little wolf cub.

“It’s time to sleep Alpha…” he chuckled lightly as the puppy licked his hands and yelped once more as Negan came out of the bathroom while banging the door behind him “Time for you to fucking sleep too Carl” the man’s excited and mocking tone made him cringe and he gave one last smile at Alpha who settled down on the sofa as he walked over to the bathroom.

He washed his teeth as quickly as he could, as he didn't want to be left in darkness like last time. The man thankfully didn’t turn off the lights until he was comfortably lying under the covers “Goodnight sleeping beauty” he let out an angry growl as he heard that nickname again and rolled to the side while covering his face with the sheet.

Negan’s amused chuckle was the last thing he heard as darkness took over him.

“Carl...” 

He woke up as he heard a voice calling out for him and realized that Negan’s room was still dark. He blinked a couple of times to adjust himself to the darkness around him and rubbed at his eye while yawning in a tiresome manner. 

The scarce light coming from the moonlight allowed him to see the Leader of the Saviors sitting on one of the sofas and he frowned confused by that before sitting up “What’s wrong?” he asked and the man turned to look at him with a smile in his face.

“I’m bored…entertain me kid” he rolled his eyes at him in an annoyed and shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m tired” he said while laying back down but froze as he felt something or someone else shifting at the other side of the bed. His eye went towards the person lying beside him and he screamed in fear as the dark figure roughly grabbed at his arm. The light coming through the windows became stronger then and he opened his eye wide as he realized who was holding him. 

Spencer.

Fear invaded him as he saw the man and he shook his head in disbelief “You’re-you’re dead…” the man smiled at him in a wicked manner while tilting his head to the side and tightened his hold around his arm causing him to moan in pain and look up at him with fear “Then why am I hurting you again Carl?” he felt his own breathing becoming faster and harsher and tried to swing his free hand against him.

He winced as someone else grabbed at his other arm and turned his head to find David smiling at him “Hi kid” desperation and panic filled him and he struggled against both men in an attempt to break free from their hold and sobbed loudly as both of them began to laugh at him in a mocking manner.

“Not so brave without a gun are we?” he screamed out angrily while trying to break free and felt an overwhelming pressure against his chest and sides as he was pinned down by Spencer who got on top of him. More tears left him and he shook his head violently while trying to get the man off himself. 

“Stop- Please stop this- Don’t hurt me again…please...” he begged but the only response he got was laughter “Come on kid, entertain us” David slapped him in a mocking manner then and he moaned in pain while crying, not in pain but in anger. He managed to kick Spencer in his groin and tried to get away as he then punched David. 

He stood from the bed and tried to escape but was roughly slammed back against the mattress as both men pinned him back down “Stop!”he screamed while struggling against them and broke down crying.

Carl flinched and screamed out in fear as he saw Lucille being swung extremely near his face and crawled away from both men as they let go of him in a mixture of confusion and fear. He saw Spencer’s head being cracked opened and closed his eye as he heard the baseball bat connecting against the man’s skull once more.

He heard Spencer and David screaming out in pain and only opened his eye back up as the only thing he was able to hear was the blood dripping from Lucille.

Negan was standing in the middle of the room now with Spencer and David’s half dead bodies convulsing on the ground. The older man swung Lucille against their bodies just for fun and he gulped hard as Negan turned to look at him “I’m still bored as fuck” he moved as far away from him as possible and winced afraid as he heard him laughing in a mocking manner.

“How about YOU entertain ME now kid?” he barely had time to react as the older man got on top him.

“No stop this! Negan stop please-” the man’s hands wrapped around his neck just like before and he began to kick and swing his arms against him in an attempt to take him off.

The pain in his neck became unbearable and he began to cry again while trying to scream for help “Dad! Dad please help me-!” Negan covered his mouth to muffle his screams then and took his index finger towards his own mouth to silence him while making a hushing sound that reminded him of the Saviors whistling.

“Hush now, daddy isn’t here to save you…he wasn’t there to save you from Spencer and he isn’t here to save you from me now…” he cried even harder as the man roughly toyed with the hole in his skull and heard the same sound that had broken him back when he was laying helpless on the floor  in Spencer’s kitchen.

“It’s just the two of us Carl”

 

NEGAN

“Stop! Negan stop! Please….please…Negan!” he woke up feeling confused and extremely worried as he heard Carl screaming besides him and turned on the lamp nearby while preparing himself to fight whoever was hurting his little serial killer.

There was no one.

They were alone.

His eyes opened wide as he saw the teenager shaking and clutching at the sheets and he remained frozen in place feeling horrified what he was seeing. He’s having a nightmare…

Worry filled him as he saw tears leaving the boy’s eye and he removed the covers from himself before grabbing at Carl’s arms as gently as he could “Kid…kid wake up” no reaction “Carl, wake up it’s just a dream!” more tears and screams. He shook his head feeling desperate about waking the kid up and cursed himself before pressing against the gunshot wound he had in his arm.

“Wake the fuck up!” the teenager opened his eye wide then and violently tried to get away from him while begging at him to don’t hurt him. He thought about letting go of his arms, not wanting to scare him further by forcing him to stay close to him, but decided against it as he saw the boy moving closer to the edge of the bed. 

He’s going to fucking fall off if I let go of him. 

Carl continued to move away from him while kicking at him and he knelt in front of him while letting go of his arms and gently yet firmly grabbing at his head “Carl it was just a nightmare- You’re okay- You’re safe…you’re with me…” their eyes met then and he saw  fear and panic in that icy blue eye of his. 

“Negan…” Carl’s broken tone made something inside of him shatter and he tried his best not to show any emotion as a tear left the kid’s eye. He had an even harder time holding his emotions together as the teenager’s arms wrapped around him. 

He froze against the boy’s touch and kept his arms were they were feeling conflicted and confused as to what to do.

Could he hug the kid back this time? Unlike when they were in the dining room there was no one around them to see them. None of his people could think of him as a soft hearted leader, or at least not while they weren’t watching. 

They were alone. 

He cursed himself for his own weakness and shook his head before wrapping his arms around the teenager who immediately grabbed at his shirt and arm in a desperate manner. He blinked surprised as he realized how scared Carl really was and noticed how the kid was shaking like crazy. 

Holly hell kid…

His hold tightened around the teenager in a protecting manner and he felt the boy’s hands squeezing at his arm “I’m here Carl…” he whispered while gently caressing he boy’s good arm and he felt him nod against his chest while taking a deep breath just to let him know he had heard him. 

They remained like that for who knows how long and he couldn’t help but feel glad and relieved as Carl stopped shaking and crying. 

The boy’s frail body slowly relaxed against his own and for a second he thought he had fallen asleep in his arms. He looked down at him and felt as Carl tried to move away from him. He slowly removed his arm from around him saw him brushing away the remaining tears that were falling down his eye. For a second he thought about brushing them away himself but decided against it not knowing what his limits were. 

“Stop! Negan stop! Please….please…Negan!” he felt a pressure on his chest as he remember the boy’s screams and couldn’t help but wonder if Carl had had a nightmare about him hurting him “Please stop…you’re scaring me…” shit.

The kid’s nightmare must have been about that…. 

Pain filled him then and he gave the teenager a worried look as he saw him standing up. 

“Carl?” the boy turned to look at him then before motioning towards the bathroom “I’m just going to wash my face” he nodded his head in an understanding manner and watched as the kid entered the smaller room without looking back at him or saying anything else.

He remained kneeling bed for a couple of seconds before walking towards the door. He put some grey slippers on and left the room wanting to get something for his little serial killer to help him sleep. He hadn’t even given two steps down the hallway when he saw Simon running down the hallway accompanied by other two men who were better dressed than them.

“The fuck are you doing awake at night?” he asked at the man with the receding hairline who pouted his mouth in disbelief while putting both of his hands against his hips “Are you kidding? The kid’s screaming woke half of the Sanctuary, is everything okay?” he blinked surprised by that before scratching at his own missing beard in desperation.

Had Carl really screamed that loud? A chill went down his pain as the image of the boy crying and screaming came back to his mind and he shook his head slightly before taking a deep breath.

“No and I need you to get me some sleeping pills, go to Patrick and get me that shit right fucking now” he saw the man’s brown eyes scanning him from head to toe with slight worry before seeing him nodding his head and walking away from him. 

He stood in the middle in the hallway for a few seconds before entering his room once more. 

The first thing he saw as he went back in was Carl sitting against the bed with the little wolf cub lying on top of his lap. The little ball of fur was nipping and the boy’s fingers and he couldn’t help but smile relieved as he saw the kid smiling down at it. 

Carl’s icy blue eye met his own brown ones as soon as he noticed he had come in and he gave him a small sad smile while asking him how he was feeling.

“Better now…” he stopped walking once he was a couple of feet away from him and frowned as he saw the boy looking away from him in what he could only describe as shame “thanks for calming me down Negan…” 

He felt his lip twitching as the teenager said that and forced himself not to show any emotion before nodding his head slowly “Welcome kid” there was a knock on the door and he headed towards it to find Simon outside. 

The man with the funny moustache and receding hairline was holding a small yellow bottle in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. He gave the man a deadly and tilted his head to the side while giving him a questioning look “Why the hell have you brought that shit?”

“It’s for the kid" he took a deep breath while shaking his head in disbelief by the man's attitude who continued to explain himself further "Look it’s nice and warm and combined with these pills that Miss Black-Eye gave me he will be asleep in less than a minute” He rubbed at his eyes in a tiresome manner before roughly grabbing at both things. Half of the milk was spilled by that and he slammed the door shut without thanking Simon who told him from the other side of the door to only give Carl one pill. 

He rolled his eyes and turned around in an annoyed manner as he felt something pulling at his pajama pants. His eyes went down to look at the little white ball of fur and he let out a tired breath feeling completely exhausted. 

Negan left the glass of milk and the pills on the night table near him before gently picking the wolf cub from the floor.

“Play-time is over for both of you and well you heard Simon kid, take one pill and drink what's left of that shit” he saw the teenager standing from the ground and walking towards the bed once more and left the wolf cub on the sofa before turning around just in time to see the kid moving the glass away from himself only to reveal the typical white moustache most people got whenever they drank milk.

A small amused smirk appeared on his lips by that and he saw Carl blushing slightly before wiping the milk off his lips.

Really fucking adorable kid.

He walked over to the other side of the bed and blinked surprised and confused as he saw the young boy crying again. 

“Carl…” the teenager’s arms wrapped around him once more and this time he reacted a little faster than before as his arms went up to embrace him in a comforting manner. Sobs began to leave the kid again as he answered him “I’m what’s wrong…I’m fucked up and broken-” he moved the kid away from himself then while shaking his head and gave him a deadly glare.

“Your eye might be fucked up but you’re not, you’re a fucking badass and if you ever dare to say or think about that shit again I will cut your fucking arm for real this time” a small chuckle left the kid’s throat then and he smiled watching slightly surprised as the teenager leaned his head against his head just like when they were in Patrick’s office. 

He let out a deep breath feeling something warm inside of him and closed his eyes for a second while cursing his own weakness towards the boy. He knew that what they were doing was wrong since they were supposed to be enemies and couldn’t help but wonder how the hell he was supposed to kill the kid now. 

“I want you to be the one to kill me...” he smiled sadly and realized that he couldn’t find himself capable of fulfilling their promise anytime soon. 

Seems like you might have to wait for a while Carl.

The feeling of the kid’s body slowly going numb made him frown and move slightly away from him before finding a lonely sleepy eye looking up at him “Time for you to go back to sleep kid” the teenager nodded his head slowly before laying his head against the pillow. He lay down on the bed too and just as he was about to turn off the lights he noticed Carl clutching at the sheets clearly afraid about going back to sleep.

He bit his lip feeling unsure about what he was about to ask the boy and felt like a complete idiot as the words left his mouth. 

“Do you- you want me to hold you again?” 

Their eyes met once more and he felt like a teenager once more as he saw the clear surprise in the boy’s eye looked away from him ashamed before shaking his head “I’m fine…”

Pain and shame hit him then and he nodded his own head while trying to brush his own stupidity away by pouting his mouth “Alright then” he turned off the lights and rolled to the side while cursing himself for being so weak. 

Why in the hell had he even asked him that? I might as well ask him if he wants to fucking marry me. He closed his eyes shut while trying to fall asleep before feeling a small hand on his back “The hell do you want now?” he asked and he couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty as he allowed his anger to show on his tone of voice.

There was a small silence in the room between them and he growled frustrated before turning to look at Carl who gulped hard before tentatively taking one hand towards his arm. He gave the teenager a questioning look before opening his eyes wide as the boy’s arms awkwardly wrapped around his own. Negan blinked surprised while staying still for a few seconds not knowing how to react to this.

It took him moment to actually do something and he slipped his arm away from Carl whose face turned completely crimson red in shame “I’m sorry- I thought-”

“Shut the fuck up and come here” he stretched his arm out to have a more comfortable position with the young boy who hesitantly moved closer towards him once more. The teenager’s head came to lie against his shoulder and he wrapped his outstretched arm around the kid’s shoulder in a protective manner while letting out a deep breath “If you tell anyone about this-”

“I won’t…I promise…” he nodded his head slightly and he slowly felt Carl’s body relaxing against his own along with the kid’s breathing becoming calmer and slower. He let out a deep breath and slowly began to relax too and closed his eyes for a second allowing himself to enjoy this moment.

It had been a long time since he had been close with someone in this kind of way and he couldn’t deny it, he had missed this kind of thing. Sex was great –and even though he hated to admit it- this shit was better. 

It somehow felt more intimate.

Carl suddenly shifted in his sleep and the kid’s head came to lie underneath his chin along with his arm lying across his chest. Negan couldn’t help but smile by that and he cursed himself as he realized that they had both crossed a line they never should have cross. 

Sooner or later this was going to end extremely fucking bad and one of them was going to end up being dead. He could feel it. He looked down at the sleeping teenager lying on his chest and smiled a little as he saw Carl’s relaxed features. There was no fear nor pain in his face now, only peace. 

A small chuckle left him as he also realized that that fucking line had been crossed a long fucking time ago. 

He had never allowed a kid older than ten to live. 

They always killed them to keep the male population at bay knowing that if they didn't that could bite them in the ass one day. He dared to day that the kid was seventeen at least. 

His hand gently squeezed at the kid’s shoulder, and almost as if the boy could feel what he had done, his hold tightened around his chest. He managed to feel the kid’s calm yet somehow rapid heartbeat near his own and smiled as he felt completely at ease and calm.

He let out another deep breath before lowering his hand towards the teenager’s waist to pull him closer towards him in a possessive manner and forced himself to keep his shit together as a small moan left Carl's mouth.

He felt himself hardening by that and he bit his lower lip before squeezing at the boy's side feeling the urge for more. He saw the teenager’s features shifting then and shook his head feeling repulsed by his own behavior before closing his eyes.

Negan had crossed that line the moment he had spared Carl's life.

What have you done to me kid?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what I've done with this one.
> 
> What I do know it that I don't regret it...at all ;V
> 
> As I tend to so with most chapters I got inspired by a song. A really fucking good one. It's smells like teen spirit by nirvana. Even though I love the original song I have to say that the Gallows cover made me connect and created this shit since it shows helplessness rather than anger.
> 
> Feel free to hear it if you want just so you get what I mean by that ;V


	19. Save Myself Before I Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am aware I took my time with this one and I apologize for that.
> 
> I sorry of it doesn't met up with some of your expectations guys, it didn't really met up with mine but I have kinda given up on it. I've done it eleven times, eleven different ways and this one is, what you might call, most reasonable or less shitty one.
> 
> Also I would like you guys to suggest me some stuff and thangs for the fic (mainly because I'm running out of ideas...help this poor Beaner Cunt out plis ;V) 
> 
> And well I hope you can still enjoy this shit somehow  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

NEGAN

By the time he woke up he and Carl were almost one. 

The teenager’s arms were now almost completely wrapped around his chest and one of his legs seemed to have gone on top of one of his own to rest just below his lap. He blinked a couple of times surprised by the position they had slept in and pouted his mouth as he noticed how Carl’s face was comfortably resting against his chest drooling saliva all over his shirt.

Negan could feel the wetness the boy was creating on his chest and felt himself hardening once more by that. He growled feeling a mixture of shame and anger towards himself and took a deep breath while closing his eyes in an attempt to get his shit together.

He’s just a fucking kid you fucking fuck.

He opened his eyes once more as he felt the teenager shifting in his sleep and looked down at him. Guilt filled him as he saw Carl’s pale neck colored in purple and green by the bruises he had caused him and he frowned confused as he felt the urge to touch them. He gently brushed away one of the boy’s locks and tentatively caressed Carl’s tainted skin. 

The kid’s skin was softer than most if not all of his wives’ and he let out a harsh breath as a moan left the teenager’s lips who hid his face in his chest while snuggling closer towards him. He smiled a little by that and decided to wait for the boy to wake up at least for a little longer not wanting to move away from him just yet. 

He knew he shouldn’t be allowing this, he shouldn’t be allowing the kid and he shouldn’t be allowing himself this little pleasure. 

This thing that was happening between them was completely fucking wrong and impossible for it to go any further. His hold tightened around Carl’s waist in a possessive manner by that as he realized that this wasn’t going to happen between them ever again.

Sadness and disappointment filled him by that and he couldn’t help himself as he looked down at the teenager to check if he was still asleep. 

There was no sign from him doing otherwise and he took a deep breath before hesitantly moving his hand under the boy’s shirt to touch at his skin. His fingers brushed against Carl’s flesh and he tried to hold back a groan as the boy’s hand tightened around his shirt while his leg went slightly closer towards his lap.

Fuck….

He bit his lip before lowering the kid’s leg a little not wanting be caught with a hard on and closed his eyes once more while taking a deep breath to calm himself down. 

Don’t screw this shit up by scaring him again. 

He reluctantly moved his hand away from the teenager but keep the tips of his fingers grazing at his skin feeling unable to just let go of him.

They remained like that for at least ten more minutes before he felt Carl waking up.

Negan looked down at the boy and smiled in a playful manner as the kid’s sleepy icy blue eye met his own brown ones. Just like when he had first seen him wake up, the kid looked at him for a couple of seconds before going back to sleep. 

An amused chuckle left him by that and he felt the teenager tensing up against him as he realized that this was not a dream. He cleared his throat in a loud manner and moved his face closer to whisper at his ear “If you keep drooling like this you’re going to end up creating the fucking Amazon River in my bed, Carl”

The teenager quickly moved away from him then and he couldn’t help but stare at him like an idiot as he saw how wet the boy’s lips and cheek were.  

Holy hell kid…

He felt himself hardening even more and tried his best to hide it by giving the kid a mocking smile while pointing at the wet spot in his shirt "I like when my wives are wet but this is too damn much, just look at this fucking thing, it’s completely soaked with your bodily fluids” his smile widened as he saw Carl’s cheeks reddening in shame who quickly looked down at the sheets. 

“I’m sorry…” he muttered and gently patted the boy’s shoulder with his own to get his attention “I’m just screwing around with you…but seriously if you’re going to do this shit again I’m going to need a raincoat” anger and shame were clear in the boy’s eye as he looked away from him and he chuckled lightly before standing from the bed.

“Come on kid get up, we have a shit ton of things to do today” or at least he did. 

Because of all the shit that had been going down between him and Carl he had almost completely forgotten about the reason why the kid was even here in the first place. 

Daryl. 

He needed to check with Dwight how that shit had been going. 

He took a pair of jeans and a black short sleeved shirt from his wardrobe before turning around to get into the bathroom. He blinked surprised as he saw Carl going in with a small smirk on his face “Too slow” said the teenager in a mocking manner before closing the door behind him.

 A small proud smile appeared on his face then and he shook his head in disbelief by the kid’s little joke.

He left the black shirt on top of the sofa and changed his pants before removing his shirt. He reached over for the shirt again but found no trace of it. He frowned confused and pouted his mouth in disbelief as he saw Carl’s new pet playing with it at the other side of the sofa. 

“You little shit” just like with Daryl he had completely forgotten about the cub. He moved closer towards ‘Alpha’ and roughly took it from her causing her to let out a small angry growl that made him pout his mouth. He put his shirt on, and watched as the little wolf tried to get off the coach with an amused smirk on his face “Not so brave are we?” a whine left the cub then and he rolled his eyes before putting it down on the ground only to see her pee on the carpet.

You have to be fucking kidding me.

He rubbed at his eyes in a tiresome manner and walked over to his side of the bed to grab at Lucille. 

He turned around with his girl in hand only to find Carl with his own new girl in his arms staring at him in a defying manner that let him know that he was not going to allow him to kill Alpha. He pouted his mouth and turned towards the door as someone knocked on it “Clean that shit up” he said before walking towards the door only to find Simon, along with two other men, standing outside. 

Judging by the man’s expression he did not bring any good news. 

Negan closed the door to keep Carl from hearing them and grabbed at a little note Simon passed him over “Goodbye Honey…”

“Sam found it while we were cleaning up the Doctors office” he could easily recognize the letter, it was Sherry’s.

“From Sherry right?” the man with the receding hairline nodded his head and he chuckled in a bemused manner before putting the little note inside his jacket pocket “Where is she now?” 

“Gone, and she’s been gone for two days at least, no one has seen her” he frowned angrily and gave the man a questioning look “How the hell is that?”

“She was supposedly in the infirmary…she thought she was pregnant and since we haven’t had any sick people lately, no one knew about it besides the Doctors”

“So she and one of them helped Daryl escape …” from the moment he had heard that she and Daryl had been talking about him and how ‘worse’ it could get for the man if he didn’t do what he told him to, he knew, he fucking knew that that stupid cunt was going to feel bad for Daryl and help him. 

He had never actually thought of Sherry as capable of just letting go of his little pet to be honest, maybe capable of sneaking in some human food at him from time to time but not something as big as this. 

His hold tightened around Lucille in anger and he took a deep breath to calm himself down before speaking again.

“She always went during Carson’s shifts and for all I know she sometimes spoke with Patrick –Get both of them and tell Dwight to prepare the Iron; we’re going to need it… I’ll be there in an hour” Simon nodded his head in an understanding manner and began to walk away with the other two men behind him. 

He remained outside his room for a couple of minutes trying to calm down and without turning around kicked the door from behind “Come on out kid, we’re fucking late for breakfast” Carl soon came out, with Alpha by his side and they began to walk down the long hallway with the little ball of fur happily walking between them.

They got to the dining room and everyone knelt down to him as they walked by. He half expected for the wolf cub to run somewhere or to someone else but to his surprise she stayed by their side at all times.

Today’s menu was waffles, chopped fruit and bacon. 

As always they grabbed at their plates and he gave Carl a warning look as he saw him avoiding the fruit bowl. The teenager rolled his eyes at him in an annoyed manner before grabbing at a small portion of it. He grabbed a little of everything and noticed the kid’s eye looking down at Alpha who was staring up at them waiting for her own food. 

Their eyes met once more and he rolled his own this time before grabbing at the kid’s tray and motioning towards a door nearby “Tell Martha to give you something for this little shit to eat” a small smile appeared on Carl’s lips as he walked away with the little ball of fur by his side and he watched them go with small smile of his own. 

Negan walked over with both trays of food to their table and put them down before going for a cup of coffee to fully wake up as he realized how tired he was. 

Surely waking up to a screaming child in the middle of the fucking night had disrupted his sleep. 

He got to the coffee table and began to prepare himself a cup before noticing their nurse walking towards him with a clearly angry expression on her face “What do you need Patrick for?” 

Rose Piper, nineteen years old and probably British or Scottish, they had rescued her four years ago in a mall full of walkers. She had become close to Patrick given their mutual interest in medicine and in less than two years she became the man’s apprentice and later on the Sanctuary’s nurse. 

She was outstandingly beautiful, a natural ginger with porcelain like skin, a small nose and some amazing light blue eyes. He would have made her one of his wives had she not been too young at the time.

“Well good morning to you too” he joked while pouring two spoons of sugar inside his cup without looking at her.

“I’m serious Negan, he can barely walk after what you did to him” there was clear hate and anger in her voice as she told him that and he turned his attention towards her before getting dangerously close to her face. 

She didn’t back away from him and that only made his smile go bigger.

“Help him walk then, carry him if it’s necessary even, but I need him in the Iron Room in less than an hour” Rose’s eyes widened then and she shook her head while giving him a hard look “I’m not- I won’t do that” he pouted his mouth by the girl’s attitude and moved slightly away from her to take a sip of his coffee. He made an obnoxiously loud sound that resembled an orgasm as he did so and smiled at her. 

“Good thing I have more people to do that for you” he turned around to get back to his table but to his surprise Rose got in front of him in a defying manner. He stopped then and scanned her from head to toe before giving her a warning look to let her know she was playing with fire.

Her eyes softened then and stared at his own in a begging manner 

“Please, can’t you just wait for him to get better? Just a couple of days, please Negan…” from the corner of his eye he saw Carl walking towards their table and suddenly remembered about how he and Patrick seemed to have something going on between them. 

He’s going to hate me even more he thought before turning to look at the red head for a couple of seconds. 

He shook his head. 

Just because the kid liked him he couldn’t just ignore something like this. 

“I don’t want to keep wasting medical supplies on someone who might die today soooo, if you have any love confession to make to your lovely Doctor I suggest you to do them right fucking now darling” Rose’s cheeks reddened in a mixture of shame and anger then and he chuckled amused before tilting his head to the side and gently grabbing at her chin.

“Just because you’re pretty, I’ll give you till six for you to talk to him, enough fucking time for both of you to even fuck a couple of times, capisci?” a tear left the girl’s eyes then and she roughly moved away from him while walking away.

“Best of wishes” he screamed out from behind her with a smile before going back to the boy who was now serving ‘Daryl’s food’ to Alpha who was desperately trying to climb up the table to eat it.

He sat down on the table and watched as the boy lowered the food plate to the cub which viciously began to eat the food on it as if there were no tomorrow.

“Jesus fucking Christ, someone was fucking starving” he said and he saw the kid nodding his head slightly “Thanks for the dog food" said Carl and he nodded his head back at him before they started eating their own food.

They ate in a comfortable a silence and he couldn’t help but wonder what the kid’s reaction would be if he ironed Patrick’s face instead of Carson’s. 

Not a good one he was sure.

Just like Patrick had been willing to take a beating for him in order to protect him he was sure, or at least felt, that teenager was willing to take a beating for the other man. He stopped eating then and leaned back against his chair while closing his eyes. 

He could lock Carl inside his room while he dealt with both doctors but he would later on have to face the boy’s questions as to why Patrick had half of his face fucked up. 

There was no way of hiding this shit from the kid. 

He opened his eyes once more and took a deep breath while drinking what was left of his coffee. He saw Carl’s almost empty plate and patted his knee against the kid’s who turned to look up at him.

“Let’s go outside kid” he stood from his chair and walked towards the exit door with the teenager and the cub close behind him. He opened the door for them and the three of them began to walk down the hallway that led outside the Sanctuary.

As soon as they got outside he took a deep breath and watched in an amused manner as the wolf cub ran away from them and went into the woods “Well there she goes” he joked while turning to look at Carl with a smile on his face. The boy gave him an angry look and began to run after her as quickly as he could.

“Well there he fucking goes…” he said before rolling his eyes and taking a deep breath to follow both escaping younglings.

Negan cursed out loud as he saw the teenager jumping over a metal fence his men had placed as a perimeter around the Sanctuary and called out for Carl who didn’t stop nor slowed down.

“You fucking fucks! Come the fuck back!” he threw Lucille over to the other side and tried to jump the fence too. He took notes as to how easy it was to ‘break out and in’ of the Sanctuary’s perimeter and jumped off the fence while grabbing at Lucille once more.

He continued walking deeper into the forest and soon got to a lake he knew most of his people liked to come screw around during the night. Judging by how easy it had been to jump that fucking fence he wasn’t surprised at all.

His eyes soon found the teenager kneeling down by the edge of a wooden dock they had built a couple of years ago. Alpha was playfully licking at the boy’s chin while jumping around and he couldn’t help but feel his own anger lessening a little as he saw the smile Carl had on his face.

That smile vanished as soon as the teenager turned to look at him with a clearly fearful expression on his face and so did his own. 

Oh you’re in trouble young man. 

His hold tightened around Lucille and he began to walk closer towards the boy who quickly stood from the ground while moving away from him. He stopped in the middle of the small wooden dock and pointed at the little white ball of fur with Lucille.

“I think someone deserves a little punishment for running away, don’t you think Carl? I mean she made Lucille and me run like worried parents going after their kids all over the fucking woods” the kid remained silent and he twisted his mouth before looking down at his feet as the little wolf began to playfully bite at his boots. 

A smirk appeared on his lips then and he knelt down to grab at her “Don’t hurt her” Carl said. He looked back up at the boy and smirked at him before standing up straight again.

He began to walk closer towards Carl once more and this time he didn’t stop until the kid was standing at the edge of the dock. He saw a little bit of fear filling the teenager’s eye as he moved his face dangerously close and smiled “Do I hurt you then?” he managed to see that defying look coming back to the kid’s face as he asked him that and smiled even more as Carl nodded his head slowly.

If he’s willing to take a punishment for a fucking puppy he’s going to give his fucking life for Patrick if I hurt him…

Well fuck me.

He tried his best not to stop smiling as he thought of that and nodded his head back at him while spinning Lucille around “Alright then, close your eye –I don’t want to spoil the surprise for you-” he was able to hear as the teenager gulped down a whole bunch of saliva and watched as the boy closed his eye shut while turning his hands into fists. 

Shit kid, I’m not going to kill you. 

Negan gently pressed Lucille against Carl’s chest who quickly opened his eye once more as he realized what he was about to do “Heads up” he gave the teenager a light push and watched as he fell into the lake with quite a big splash that got his pants and little Alpha wet. 

Carl came back up a couple of seconds later with his hair all over his face and he couldn’t help himself as he laughed out loud by the image “Jesus fucking Christ kid, you look like the chick from the ring” he watched as the teenager moved the hair out of his face and noticed him staring up at him with a clearly angry expression on his face.

“I could have bashed your head with Lucille so don’t give me that fucking look young man” Carl’s expression didn’t lessen up one bit and Negan pouted his mouth in a bemused manner before crouching down to help the boy out. He offered him his hand and couldn’t help but remember the truck incident along with both of the Hell Hole incidents. 

Just like all of those other times Carl refused his help. 

“This shit again, stop acting like a whining cunt Carl, it’s just a little bit of water –So take my fucking hand-” he saw something changing on the boy’s eye then and to his surprise the teenager took his hand “Good boy” he said with a smile before trying to pull him back up. 

He frowned as he suddenly realized how fucking heavy the kid was and opened his eyes wide as he realized that Carl wasn’t heavy, he was fucking pulling him down “You little shit-” had he been standing he could have easily stayed where he was, safe and dry, but because he was crouching down his position didn’t help him at all. 

Negan fell into the lake head first and quickly came back out while giving Carl a deadly stare that was surprisingly met with a mocking smirk “It’s just a little bit of water right?" the boy’s sarcastic and mocking tone made him debate whether he should beat the shit out of him or praise him.

Carl didn’t give a shit about what could happen to him nor did he give a flying shit about what he could do to him. 

The only thing Carl really cared about was others. 

His friends and family, his new fucking pet in this case. He cared about anyone else but himself when it came to keeping them safe. 

That both made him feel proud yet worried for the kid well-being, knowing that that could get him killed one day. 

That day might be today he thought as he remembered what he could do to Patrick. He obviously wasn’t going to kill the kid just like that, yet he knew that if Carl tried to stop him from applying a punishment on the Doctor something could go extremely fucking wrong, especially if the kid forced his hand in front of his people. 

The hug thing hadn’t been such a big deal mainly because he had just needed to humiliate him and show to his people how tame and loving his little pet was with him rather than punching or hurting him.

But what would happen if his little pet turned on him and tried to gain control? 

He didn’t want to find out, yet he knew he most likely would in a couple of hours.

I need to show him who the fuck is in control here he thought all of the sudden and realized that he couldn’t let this one slide. Had it been another day he probably could have but given the circumstances about the possible punishment Patrick could face and Carl’s defying behavior towards him he just couldn’t do so.

He had to punish the kid for what he had done.

The smile he had slowly vanished and he motioned for the teenager to move closer to him with his index finger. 

He notice how Carl’s own confident and playful expression changed into a nervous one and felt something inside of him shatter as he saw a little bit of fear filling that icy blue eye of his.

The teenager slowly swam closer towards him and it didn’t take long for him to notice how the boy’s feet didn’t seem to reach where he was. He bit the inside of his cheek feeling guilty about he was about to do and cursed himself while turning his hands into fists. 

I’m sorry kid.

As soon as Carl was within arm length he roughly grabbed at him and pulled him closer towards himself while wrapping his arm around his neck. A yelp of surprise left the kid as he did so and he let out a harsh breath as the teenager’s body harshly collided against his own. 

“I think you’re forgetting your fucking place Carl” the boy’s smaller hands went up to the arm he had wrapped around his neck in a desperate attempt to make him let go of him and he had a really hard time keeping his composure as he saw the bruises he had caused on the kid’s neck “All you have to do is say you’re sorry and we’re good” he said not wanting to hurt his little serial killer. 

No response.

“Take a deep fucking breath then” he felt the boy’s body tensing against his own as he said that and forced himself to quickly lower Carl under the water. 

The kid quickly began to struggle against him and he managed to feel as the teenager’s legs roughly kicked at his own while his hands desperately tried to remove his arm from his neck by scratching and pulling at it.

He suddenly felt the kid’s hands squeezing at his hand, almost as if he were telling him that was enough, and pulled him back up “Have something to say?” he asked with a smirk and heard as an angry growl left the teenager who continued to struggle against him without saying a word. 

Frustration and anger filled him then and he forced himself to pull him back down.

The boy’s struggles became more violent as he kept him underwater for a bit longer and he stopped completely as he felt the kid’s nails digging painfully into his hand. He quickly pulled Carl back up and watched as he violently coughed water while panting heavily.

Worry filled him then and he lessened his hold from the boy’s neck who quickly wrapped his arms around it almost as if he were looking for some sort of support.

 He felt as Carl’s body slowly went limp against his own and realized that he had completely tired out the poor kid with the whole struggle. All his worry quickly became shame and guilt and he couldn’t help but feel like a complete fucking monster. 

Negan knew he needed to put the kid back in his place but not like this, never like this. 

The teenager hadn’t backed down from not giving him what he wanted, and deep down he knew that he most likely never would have. He could have kept him underwater for a whole fucking hour and Carl wouldn’t have backed down unless he threatened someone he cared about.

Back when he had forced the kid to sing him a song he feared him. Even if it had been just a little bit, it had been enough for him to push him around. But now Carl didn’t fear him. Not after everything they had done. Not after everything he had done.

They had fucked up.

He had fucked up.

He suddenly felt as one of the teenager’s hands lightly grabbed at his own and spitted out the words he had been desperately trying to force out of Carl’s mouth. 

“I’m sorry…”

  
  


CARL

“I’m sorry…” 

Let me guess you were just screwing around? 

He thought about asking the older man that but held his tongue knowing that Negan had not hurt him for fun. He knew that he had stepped over the line by pushing him into the water yet he also knew he had stepped over that line by doing far worst things such a gunning Negan’s men down. 

The older man hadn’t hurt him back then. He had just made fun of his missing eye and had made him sing a song, nothing more…

Why did you hurt me this time? 

Pain and confusion filled him by that and he growled angrily before trying to get away from Negan who tightened his hold around him to keep him in place “You’re going to fucking drown if I let you go Carl” he couldn’t deny the fact that he was extremely tired yet he didn’t feel tired enough to not be able to swim back to the wooden dock on his own. 

He growled angrily and kicked at the man’s legs from behind who pouted his mouth in disbelief “Suit yourself then” Negan let go off him then and the pain from the gunshot soon became present as he tried to keep himself above the water.

“Fucking told you so, you’re like the Titanic now” Negan quickly grabbed at him once more and he struggled against him once. He heard the older man growling in an angry manner before feeling as two strong arms wrapped around him to keep him from punching. He took his hands towards the man’s larger ones, in an attempt to remove them from there, and began violently kicking at the man’s legs as he failed to remove his arms from around his torso.

“Stop this shit Carl –I already said I’m sorry- the fuck do you want me to do now? Give you some fucking roses? Another fucking puppy?” tears left him in a mixture of anger and desperation and he felt as the man’s hold lessened a little around him.

“I don’t want to hurt you kid-” Carl gritted his teeth in anger and kicked at the man’s legs from under the water.

“The fuck was that then?” Negan’s body tensed against his own then and there was a painful silence between them before he took a deep breath and answered him.

“A mistake…” 

The pain and sincerity in Negan’s tone made something inside of him shatter and he felt as more tears left his eye. 

All the energy he had left inside of him vanished and he stopped struggling against the man whose hold slowly became less forceful and instead became a gentler one.

“Do not shatter my image of you…you’re not scared of shit- don’t be scared of me, it’s a disappointment…” those were the words the man had told him after he had gunned down two of his man and failed at murdering him “I meant those words back then…and I still do, so don’t be scared of me Carl…I fucked up and I’m sorry, I truly am…” 

It wasn’t until then that he realized that Negan hadn’t done that to hurt him; he had done it to intimidate him. 

There used to be a line between them that made them what they were supposed to be, enemies.

But after everything that had happened between them, that line had begun to blur. Negan had tried to trace it again by scaring him. 

He understood that now.

All his anger vanished then and was replaced with guilt and sadness. 

His hands wrapped around the man’s larger ones then and he gave a gentle squeeze at them before speaking, this time in almost a whisper full of sorrow.

“I fucked up too and I’m sorry…” he felt Negan’s body tensing against his own then and let out a small sob as the man squeezed back at his hands in a gentle manner.

“I think we both fucked up” a small chuckle left him then and he nodded his head slowly before smiling a little as he heard Negan laughing lightly behind his back.

Yes we did he wanted to say, but remained silent knowing that the older man meant this situation and not what he was thinking. They had fucked up way back then when they had both allowed the other one to live. Had one of them died that day none of this would have happened.

From his part he wouldn’t be feeling the way he was feeling about Negan…something completely forbidden and that was just impossible for it to happen. 

He’ll never feel the same way I do he thought, and felt as another lonely tear left him.

He suddenly felt as the man pulled him slightly higher and placed his hands on top of the man arm to stabilize himself against him while letting out a wince as the thought of Negan pulling him back down into the water came to his mind. 

“Calm down kid, I’m just going to pull you back to the wooden dock” said the man in a hushed whisper against his ear and gulped hard before nodding his head and relaxing a little against his body. 

Carl could almost feel Negan’s smile behind his back.

 Negan gently began to drag him back to the wooden deck and he gulped hard once more as one of the older man’s hand grabbed at one of his own.

Just like when Negan had made him grab his beer bottle, the man made him grab at the wooden deck to keep him from drowning and graciously jumped out of the water before offering him his hand.

Carl remained staring at the man’s hands for a couple of seconds before taking it.

He knew there was no going back to what they used to be. Not after all the things they had done and said to each other. Something had changed between them; maybe last night, maybe last week or maybe just now, he wasn’t sure. 

All he knew was that he didn’t want to go back to what they were.

Negan took him out of the water in just one pull and he muttered a thank you at him before watching as Alpha ran over to him while happily wagging her tail. He smiled a little before kneeling down to gently scratch behind her ears and noticed how Negan seemed to be staring down at her in something that resembled hate. He must be blaming her for what happened. 

He shielded the puppy from the man’s stare and watched as Negan twisted his mouth before kneeling down to grab at Lucille “Looks like she got wet too” the man smiled at him in a playful manner then and he rolled his eye at him before turning around to hide a small smile of his own.

“Come on kid, we have to get Lucille dry…” he turned around and saw as Negan motioned for him to follow him. He did as he was told and looked down at Alpha to make sure she didn’t run off again.

They began to walk back to the Sanctuary and he couldn’t help but smile a little by the man’s concern towards him. Negan was forced to help him jump over the fence and he couldn’t help but feel ashamed and like a complete child for being pushed over it by a clearly amused Negan who didn’t even bothered to hide his amusement towards the situation. 

 Once they were on the other side they walked back inside the Sanctuary and began to head back to the man’s room. 

As soon as they got there Negan took over the bathroom to change clothes first and he remained playing outside with Alpha before feeling as his eyelid became heavier. He was extremely tired, both physically and emotionally. Physically for obvious reason and emotionally because of all the mess he and Negan had made. 

A yawn left him and he rubbed at his eye in a tiresome manner before looking up at the leader of the Saviors came out with his wet clothes in hand. The man gave him a questioning look as he stared at him and he stood from the floor before grabbing at some dry clothes.

He went into the bathroom and slowly removed the wet scarf that now heavily clung to his neck. He stared at it for a couple of second remembering to who it belonged to and closed his eye while taking a deep breath as images of Negan’s first encounter with him and his friends came to his head. 

Abraham…

Glenn…

Negan had worn this scarf that night.

Carl dropped himself on the ground and quickly realized that he was crying. 

I’m crying because of Negan…not in fear like when the man had tried to kill him, not in anger when he had seen his friends die.

–No–

He was crying because he realized that whatever he was feeling for Negan was wrong.

The leader of the Saviors had killed his friends and had stripped him of everything he cared about…

More tears left him by that and his hands became fists as he realized that he didn’t even cared about what had happened in their first encounter.

Negan had needed to show his father, his friends, him, who was in control of the situation now “You killed a whole bunch of my people” they did “I did say it, no exceptions” he had warned them. 

All the things the older man had done had been done with a reason. He hadn’t killed his friends for fun even though he could, he hadn’t killed him back when he had tried to gun him down, back when he had tried to escape the hell hole, back when he had been ‘bitten’…

The man had had a shit ton of opportunities to get rid of him yet he hadn’t taken them…   

Carl gritted his teeth in anger feeling extremely guilty for feeling like this and closed his eye shut while taking a deep breath.

He and Negan really had fucked up. 

He had fucked up by not shooting him back when he had the chance and Negan had fucked up by not gunning him down the moment Dwight took the gun away from him. 

One of them should have died that day.

But neither of us did he thought before feeling something warm in his chest. 

We didn’t die…

I didn’t die…

I couldn’t kill him because I began to fill something for him and Negan didn’t kill me because…why the hell didn’t he kill me even though he had every fucking reason to do so?

He suddenly jumped afraid as Negan loudly knocked on the door and took a hand towards his chest while trying to calm down “The fuck is taking so fucking long kid, are you jerking off in there?” he wiped his tears away and quickly stood from the ground before quickly changing into his dry clothes.

Carl got out of the bathroom with his wet clothes and the man’s scarf in hand and found Negan lying on top of the bed with his eyes closed.

“Leave your clothes in the corner and come lay down before you fall down” Carl blinked surprised by the man’s words and did the first thing he had been told before awkwardly standing in the middle of the room. He gulped hard as Negan sat up in the bed while giving him a deadly glare “You got water inside your ears or what? Get your fucking ass in the bed kid; we’re taking a fucking nap” 

He hesitantly moved closer to the bed and removed his shoes before sitting at the edge of the bed. Negan laid his head back in the pillow and he yelped surprised as the man roughly pulled him down into the bed by his shirt. 

His head crashed against the man’s chest and he quickly moved away from him not wanting to anger him again, before lying down against his own pillow.

A small amused chuckle left the man by his attitude and Carl let out a frustrated growl before turning his back on Negan “Oh come on kid, aren’t you going to drool all over me again?” memories of himself waking up from the man’s chest hit him then and Carl winced as he felt himself hardening a little.

Shit.

The same thing had happened back when he had woken up, not just because of the man’s face closeness towards his own but also because of the way he had practically wrapped himself around Negan’s legs. 

The friction that that had created had quickly given him a hard on. 

He had been extremely grateful as the man fully woke him up. Had Negan not brought him back to reality he could have just rubbed himself against the man’s leg.  

He got under the covers in an attempt to hide it from him and heard the man pouting his mouth in a bemused manner before hearing him joke about how it was his loss.

A tear left him as he heard that and he bit down on his own hand while holding onto the sheets tightly feeling a mixture of anger and desperation. 

How the hell was he supposed to be scared or intimidated by Negan when he kept on doing and saying things like this? 

His eye opened wide as the thought of Negan feeling the same way for him came to his mind. His hold lessened on the sheets and his mind went back to what he was thinking a couple of minutes ago inside the bathroom. 

Why hadn’t the leader of the Saviors killed him? 

“Why haven’t you killed me? Or my dad, or Daryl?” he remembered hearing all of the man’s reasons about why he hadn’t killed his father and his friend and couldn’t help but remember the way Negan had stopped to think about his answer.

“Well…we shall see…” 

Back then he had found the man’s answer to be stupid and had no problem with mocking it “You can't say what you’re going to do to me because you’re not going to do anything…if you knew us, if you knew anything you would kill us, but you can’t…" he had seen the surprise in the man’s eyes as he said that and had been surprised too as he heard the man’s response.

“Maybe you’re right…maybe I can’t…” 

But why can’t you?

He turned around to face Negan and found him with his arms across his chest and with his eyes closed shut. 

Could Negan have started to develop something for him the same day he had? The thought of that being true made him smile but that smile soon vanished as another thought came to his mind. 

What if he’s just playing with you? What if he has already realized you have feelings for him and is just taking advantage of that to keep you under control? 

Sadness filled him by that thought and he gave the man one last look before giving his back to Negan again.

Are you hiding something from me or am I just fooling myself?

A lonely tear left him then and he closed his eye to stop the pain on his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you got this far congrats, you just wasted a good night sleep ;V
> 
> Like I said this thing had a shit ton of rewrites mainly because a friend of mine wanted me to do something cute. I did it and completely forgot about the character I was dealing with thus I ended up making them "too soft". Alice if you're reading this you're a whining cunt, you made me waste three fucking days with your little tantrum. (My apologies for anyone whose name is Alice, I love you)
> 
> And well for anyone that's wondering, Rose Piper is based, psychically, on Sophie Turner and on the name, on Rose Tyler from Doctor Who. And the song I got inspired by is called Drown by three days Grace along with NohaTarek's help and thoughts, thanks for saving me from myself  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Also, if anyone's interested I have made a tumblr account in which I will be uploading some fan srt for the story and the cegan ship in general...Name's fake, fakesmile13ias ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	20. No Exceptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chapter guys, I ate a whole cake for this shit and well, I hope that the extra calories were worth it and also I'm sorry for the long wait had some personal issues ;V
> 
> Just a little warning, there are a couple of slightly pervy things on this one. If that makes you act like Moonvevo I suggest you leave.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and well this one was inspired by a song called Give us a little love by Fallulah  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

NEGAN

 

He stood from the bed once he was sure Carl was completely asleep and walked over to the other side to grab Lucille and his leather jacket. Negan’s eyes soon wandered over to the sleeping teenager in his bed and he pouted his mouth in a mixture of amusement and disbelief as he noticed how the damn kid was drooling all over his pillow again. 

Memories of their little morning came back to him then and he slowly began to walk closer towards the kid feeling unsure as to why he was even doing so. 

Negan stopped once he was in front of Carl and tilted his head to the side before reaching over for the boy’s face. He gently caressed Carl’s left cheek and slowly moved his finger down to touch at the teenager’s pinkish lips. He knew that what he was doing was completely fucking wrong for a shit ton of reason but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. 

He knew that after what could happen between the Doctor and him, the kid would most likely never be as vulnerable nor as comfortable as he was with him again. His index finger softly brushed the boy’s lips and he tentatively put the tip of his finger inside of Carl’s wet mouth. The warmness of his mouth made him let out a groan and he had to hold back an amused chuckle as a small moan left the boy’s lips. He felt himself hardening once more and it wasn’t until then that he realized what he was doing. 

Negan opened his eyes wide and quickly moved his hand away from Carl feeling dirty all of the sudden. He watched as the teenager hid his face in the pillow and let out a deep breath in an attempt to get his shit together before leaving the room with Lucille in hand.

Why in the fucking hell had he done that? 

Deep down he knew why but he couldn’t grasp the idea of wanting Carl that way. He was the age as his fucking dad and had pretty much made his life a living hell –And to make matters worse, he was still doing so-

Negan tried to brush all of those thoughts aside and continued walking down the long hallway that lead to the Infirmary they had in the Sanctuary. He stormed in once he got there and smiled in an amused manner as his eyes met with a clearly angry Rose and a clearly frightened Patrick who ‘discretely’ hid behind the redhead who stood in front of him in a protective manner.

“Pardon me for bursting in like this young lady, I would have knocked but I was hoping to find the two of you fucking” his smile widened even more as he saw the anger in Rose’s eyes and the shame in Patrick’s. 

The cut he had made in the man’s left eyebrow had been stitched and taken care off along with the wound in his left hand which now had a nice clean bandage wrapped around it. He walked closer towards them and blinked in surprise as the young girl stood in front of him in a defying manner to prevent him from going anywhere near the man with silver hair. 

His hold tightened around Lucille but he remained calm and kept on smiling at the girl. 

“How you doing Doc?” he asked without looking away from Rose’s defying icy blue eyes.

“I-I’m…I’m doing better now…thanks for asking Negan…” was all the man said before Negan turned his attention towards him with a playful smile in his face.

“That’s great, now how about you join me along with Rose in the Iron room in …” he looked down at his imaginary watch and opened his eyes wide “…ten minutes?” there was clear surprise and fear in the man’s grayish blue eyes as he said that and Negan couldn’t help but smile even more. 

“I think that’s enough time for you to come at least once my man” he turned around to leave then and was surprised as Rose grabbed at his arm to stop him. He turned again once more and gave the girl a questioning look.

“Anything you want to say Flaming Cheeto?” he saw the anger in the girl’s eyes as he called her that and gave her a playful smile as she didn’t let go of his arm “Want to fuck with me instead of Patrick or what?” she rolled her eyes at him then and let go off his arm before speaking “Do you really need to do this?” his playful smile slowly vanished then and he remained silent for a couple of seconds while giving her a hard look. He moved in closer towards her face until they were only a couple of inches apart and smiled at her once more as she refused to back down. 

“I do. Would you like to know why?” she remained silent and he moved closer to her left ear “Because there are rules and those rules cannot be broken…if someone breaks them then there is always a punishment for them…No exceptions” their eyes met as he moved away from her and he gave her his best smile before turning to look at Patrick who immediately trembled a little as his eyes focused on him. 

“Things are going to get pretty hot for you soon Doc -Hopefully it won’t be because of me but because of this gorgeous SPICY red Cheeto right here” he said winking at the man before turning his attention back towards the redhead in front of him. 

Negan wrapped one arm around her neck to pulled her closer towards him while moving his mouth closer towards her ear again “If you need any condoms-” the girl pushed him away from herself then and an amused chuckle left him as she did so “See you at the barbecue then” 

This time Rose didn’t try to stop him. 

He called out for one of the men in the room so they would tell Dwight about how they would be using the Iron in a couple of minutes and left the Infirmary with a smile that vanished as soon as he remembered Carl.

He’s going to fucking hate me if I iron Patrick’s face. Negan tried his best to brush those thoughts away and continued walking down the hallway to see how his other ‘issue’ was going. 

The amazingly handsome and clever Bullet Boy.

Dwight and Arat had kept him informed about most of the progress they had had with the man with the weird ass haircut and quite honestly he had been surprised by their reports. Apparently Eugene had been quite submissive so far -Sure thing he had been a pain in the ass the first couple of days- But that had been mostly because of the wounds burned Barbie had inflicted upon the man’s back and chest.

Surely having his dick almost bitten off had created some animosity between gorgeous face number 1 and gorgeous face number 2.

He made a sharp turn and acknowledged Samantha, also known as Sammy, a young blonde woman with a large tattoo on her neck, as he got there and watched her kneel down to him “Negan”

“How’s Bullet Boy doing? Has he given you any trouble?” the woman shook her head while standing and chuckled slightly before speaking “He wanted some lobster to eat” she said, and he pouted his mouth in disbelief before letting out a good-hearted laugh.

“This fucking guy is going places...Have you given him anything to eat yet?”

“A jar of pickles. The dude loves them” this fucking guy. 

Negan smiled amused by that before motioning for her to step aside “Stay alert, he might try to stab me with a fucking pickle” she nodded her head and he entered the room. The room he had decided to give Eugene had been the one that was supposed to be for Daryl, simple but with every need covered. 

The man with the weird ass haircut immediately stood from the sofa as he came in and nervously bowed his head while kneeling down to him.

“Ne-Negan…” said Eugene with a trembling tone and Negan chuckled amused by his behavior before motioning for him to stand up “How’s your back, Bullet Boy?” 

“Better…Doctor Carson is very good at treating third degree burns” 

Surely curing people because of the Iron at least once a month had made the man a fucking expert at that Negan thought “I’m sure he is…” he remained silent for a couple of seconds scanning the room and had to hold back a laugh as his eyes found an almost empty pickle jar near the man’s bed. Sammy wasn’t kidding about that shit he thought before turning to face Eugene once more.

“How you liking the place so far? Is your bed comfy? Is the food good enough?”

“I’m liking it, the bed makes a squealing noise every time I lay on it to sleep- Probably because of my weight- and the food has been sufficient, great variety so far…”

Negan's eyes scanned the man from head to toe as if he were a new species he had never seen before and he shook his head in disbelief before softly pressing at the man’s chest with Lucille “A simple yes would have been enough smarty-pants” 

Eugene nodded his head in an understanding manner and he removed the baseball bat before hearing a knock in the door.

“Come in” he said. Sammy peeked her head in then and as he saw her expression he knew the Iron was ready “We’ll be there in a second” Negan said and the blonde woman nodded her head before closing the door once more.

“We?” Eugene’s trembling voice made him turn around and he gave the man a wolfish smile before nodding. 

“You’re coming with me to witness something magical –I’m afraid there won’t be any dicks involved- But hey, I assure you that it will be HOT a fuck” even from where he was standing he managed to hear the man swallowing hard. His smile widened by that and he walked closer to him once more. He noticed how the man seemed to flinch scared by his closeness and ignored it while taking the pickle jar that was besides his bed in his hands.

“I have a feeling you might need this jar” he handed the man the pickles then and noticed his expression changing from a fearful one into a slightly confused one “You’ll find out why soon enough Bullet Boy, now come” he opened the door then and motioned for Eugene to follow him. 

The man soon got to his side and he motioned for Sammy to follow them too. 

The three of them began to walk down the long hallway and as they got to the Iron Room everyone immediately knelt down to him as he walked to the center of the room. From the corner of his eye he managed to see Bullet Boy’s expression changing into one of admiration for that and he couldn’t help but remember Carl’s own surprised gaze whenever he saw his people kneeling down to him.

A chill went down his spine as he imagined the kid’s reaction to what he was about to do. Good thing he had locked the door to his room to keep the fucking kid there.

Patrick and Carson were standing in the middle of the room –Patrick barely doing so- with fear in their faces, and Rose was standing right beside the man with silver hair, almost as if she were afraid of the older man falling down. He couldn’t help but notice how her face seemed to be almost as red as her hair. 

Olympic torch head had either cried before coming here or had had the best fucking shag in her entire life.

“Go over there with Sammy, if you need to puke do it inside of the pickle jar” he saw as the man’s clear blue eyes filled with something that seemed horror by that thought and tried his best to hold back another laugh once more. 

This fucking guy was going to be the death of him.

Eugene did as he was told by going over to where he had been told with Sammy close behind him to keep an eye on him, and he turned to look at both Doctors.

Negan let out a deep breath before clearing his throat to speak. 

“Normally I would just go straight to the grilling part, but in this fucking case there are two fucking suspects so I’m afraid I’m going to have go full on Sherlock fucking Holmes here to find out which one of you wrote this lovely note” he took out Sherry’s note from his leather jacket and couldn’t help but feel a little stupid as he realized that the note was still wet thanks to his little lake experience with Carl.

Fuck you kid.

“It’s covered in Dwight’s tears as you can see for having lost Sherry –For good this time- She wrote this shit after letting Daryl go and I know for a fucking fact that one of you helped her since Dwighty boy here found this shit inside of your office…So, which one of you helped our lovely damsel in distress?” he saw as both Doctors exchanged a glance and couldn’t help but realize how both of them seemed to genuinely not know what he was talking about. 

There was a small silence in the room in which he considered his options and gave the older man with blonde hair a questioning look while pointing at him with Lucille in hand “Carson, anything you wanna say?”

“I didn’t write that” the man’s vague answer made him almost laugh out loud. 

Seriously, was no one even trying today?

“Great fucking defense Carty” he said with all the sarcasm he could manage before turning to look at Patrick “Do you have a better one, Patty?” the man’s grayish blue eyes went towards the redhead besides him for a second and Negan cleared his throat in a loud manner to get the man’ attention back “I-I never treated Sherry for anything…She always went with Carson” 

Finally.

A small smile appeared on his lips then, not only because Patrick was pretty much throwing Carson under the bus, but also because the man with silver hair was giving him a valid reason not to iron his face. 

Fucking finally, someone’s putting in some fucking effort at staying alive.

His eyes drifted to Carson then and he managed to see the fear that filled the man’s face by those words. Negan already knew that, and to be honest it seemed like a pretty good reason, yet there was something about Carson helping Sherry out that bothered him. 

What would Carson gain from doing that? Probably a quick shag, but other than that nothing but the Iron or death. His eyes went towards the man with the burned face then and he couldn’t help but wonder if Dwight had been the one to put the note in the Doctor’s office to keep Sherry safe.

But then again what would he even gain by doing that?

Was pussy that overrated nowadays? 

Well...to be fair it always had been.

He let out a deep breath and handed Lucille over to barbecue face to put his safety glove on and grabbed the Iron. He walked over to Carson then and moved the hot iron in his hand closer to the man’s face who tried to move away from it. Two men grabbed him from behind to keep him in place and he tilted his head to the side while giving the man a questioning look.

“Did you help Sherry with this?” Carson shook his head profusely and Negan twisted his mouth before doing and asking the same thing to Patrick who also shook his head. This shit was bringing in flashbacks about his fucking ping-pong students. It wasn’t me, it was him. Child's play.

Anger filled him and he growled in frustration before laughing in a bitter manner. 

“One of you is lying or maybe not, maybe both of you are telling the truth, I don’t fucking know. But I do know that one of you is leaving this fucking room with half of their face looking like a fucking grilled cheese sandwich” there was another small silence in the room that was broken as Carson spoke again.

“Patrick was the one to check her into the Infirmary last time” the man’s words made him turn towards him then and he turned to look at Rose for confirmation “Is that true?” he saw the fear filling the girl’s icy blue eyes then and knew it was.

His eyes turned towards the man with silver hair then and he watched as tears left him. Negan remained silent for a couple of seconds before moving closer towards him and putting the hot iron dangerously near his face “Did you sign Sherry into the Infirmary?” to his surprise the man nodded.

“She said she wasn’t feeling well…” was all he said before looking away from him clearly afraid of his reaction.

His hold tightened around the iron then and he let out a deep breath before nodding his own head in an understanding manner. For what he had been told Sherry had been under one of the Doctor’s care, and now that he knew which one, it seemed extremely fucking fishy that Patrick hadn’t told anyone about the woman going missing. 

Carl’s going to fucking kill me for this.

He turned his attention back towards the man with silver hair and gave him a small smile “For what it’s worth I actually like you Patty” two men held the Doctor from behind then and he gave Rose a warning look as he saw her trying to get closer to Patrick who barely even struggled against the men that were now holding him.

He wasn’t sure if it was because of the man’s wounds or simply because he knew that fighting back would only get him into some deeper shit. 

Probably both.

Negan moved the iron closer to the man’s face then, and before the hot surface made contact with it someone pushed him from behind.

 

CARL

 

By the time he woke up Negan was gone. 

He sat up in the bed and looked around, half expecting to see the man nearby and quickly realized that he was completely alone. Carl rubbed at his eye in a tiresome manner and thought about the options he had. He could either wait for the man to come back or could just leave the room and find him himself.

His stomach growling gave him a third one. He stood from the bed and walked over to one of Negan’s drawers to grab at a new scarf and winced slightly as he managed to wrap it around his neck. His eye soon drifted over to the little ball of fur on the man’ couch and he walked closer towards it to check how she was doing. To his surprise Alpha was still asleep so he decided to leave her to rest.

He walked over to the door then and remained standing in front of it for a couple of seconds, thinking about the consequences this could bring. He was already in deep shit for everything he had done to Negan and doing this could potentially bury him even deeper.

Another growl.

I’m already in trouble, he told himself before leaving Negan’s room, and walked down the long hallway to get to the dining room. 

As soon as he got to the dining room he realized that there was no one around. He blinked surprised by the lack of people and moved in closer towards the food table only to find it empty. Great. His stomach growled in response to that and he turned to look at the door on the other side of the room. Maybe he could get Martha to give him something. 

Carl walked over to the door, knocked twice and was slightly relieved as the short Mexican woman came out. She seemed to be slightly confused if not surprised for seeing him but gave him a kind smile “What can I do for you young man?” 

“Could I get something to eat? I know I might be late for dinner but I was sleeping” 

“Negan told me not to give anyone food until the Iron thingy was done…” the Iron was being applied to someone? 

“Pero bueno, if you’re not with him I guess I can give you something. Wait here okay?” he nodded his head and watched as the woman disappeared back into the kitchen.  


Memories of Mark came crashing back then, and he felt a chill go down his spine. The way the man’s flesh had gone along with the iron as it was removed from his face had genuinely made him want to run and hide, but then again he had known back then, and even now, that he couldn’t afford being seen as weak by Negan or his men.

Who was getting the Iron now?

Martha soon came out with a small plate filled with smashed potatoes, pork and a small amount of salad, and handed it over to him with a smile in her face “Here you go Carlitos” he smiled back at the woman and grabbed the plate before letting his curiosity get the better of him.

“Thanks Martha…do you know who’s getting the Iron?” the woman flinched by his question before waving one hand in a dismissing manner “I’m not into gossiping but from what I’ve heard it’s either Doctor Carson or Doctor Patrick” Carl froze as he heard Patrick’s name and opened his eye wide. 

Why would Negan Iron Patrick’s face?

“I’m not into betting either but my money is on Carson....'' Martha added ''...he’s a nice man but-” he interrupted Martha by handing her the plate of food over “I have to go,” Carl said, running out of the dining room and down the hallway he thought was the one that led towards the Iron Room. 

“Let’s go figure out what to do with you” Negan's words came crashing against his head as he ran and he was grateful as the path to the Iron Room came too.

He could almost remember the way to it thanks to the trip he had taken with Negan through the Sanctuary the day the man had ironed Mark's face. His memory didn’t fail him this time, and before he knew it he was standing right outside the room. There were two large doors and both of them had a glass window in the middle of them that allowed him to see everything that was going inside.

The leader of the Saviors was standing in the middle of the room with Patrick right in front of him. The hot iron inches away from the man’s face. Anger and desperation filled him and he stormed inside the room. No one was able to stop him from colliding against Negan who stumbled back while letting go of the hot iron he was holding. 

There were a couple of surprised gasps, mainly from the Negan's wives and Patrick, and he couldn’t help but notice as the man with silver hair tried to help him somehow. The men holding him back did their job by keeping him in place and he winced in pain as he felt a pair of arms wrapping behind him. 

“Kid” Carl turned his head slightly to find Dwight giving him a surprised and worried look. The man held him in place as he tried to break free and he couldn’t help but remember the time he had been knocked down by him after gunning down some of his friends. 

Just like last time he only stopped fighting once his eye met with Negan’s brown ones. 

There was nothing but anger in the man’s eyes as he stared back at his icy one. Carl gulped hard and unconsciously grabbed at Dwight’s shirt. From the corner of his eye he managed to see the pain in the man’s eyes.

He had definitely fucked up.

“That was a huge no-no-no kid…” Negan grabbed at the Iron once more and began to slowly walk closer towards him. The man brought the hot iron dangerously close to his ‘good side’ and Carl pressed himself against Dwight’s body in an attempt to move as far away from it as possible. 

This didn’t stop Negan who continued to move it closer towards his face.

He felt the heat radiating from the iron almost touching his skin and winced while closing his eye. The man stopped a few millimeters away from his skin and let out a deep breath before completely removing it. 

“I don’t want to fuck your face up more kid so I’ll figure out what to do with you once we’re done here” he opened his eye then and realized how much he was sweating as drops of perspiration ran down his forehead. The use of the word “we” didn’t go unnoticed by him and he gulped hard as Negan suddenly handed him a large brown glove “Put it on” the leader the Saviors motioned for the man with the burned face to let go of him then and he felt as Dwight’s arms slowly left him.

Carl stared at the glove for a couple of seconds and gave the man a begging look knowing what he was going to force him to do. 

Negan was going to make him iron Patrick’s face himself.

The man’s face didn’t softened one bit and he hesitantly put the glove on. Unlike most times he tried to keep the man’s arm off him as he wrapped it around his neck “Good boy. Now hold this” the man passed him the iron then and he tried his best to keep it together as his eye met with Patrick's grayish blue ones.

“Now grill Patrick’s left –No– even better, right side so both of you have matching fucked up faces” Negan’s words pained him and he turned to look at him in a begging manner but whatever kind of soft spot the man had for him was gone. 

The only person looking back at him was the man that had ruthlessly killed his friends back when they had first met.

His eye went to the man with the silver hair and he noticed as Patrick gave him the slightest of nods to let him know he was okay with this. But he wasn’t. 

Anger filled him then and he shook his head before quickly brushing a tear away from his left cheek with the sleeve of his shirt. He couldn’t cry here, not in front of Negan and his men.

He felt Negan’s grip tightening on his shoulder then and the man’s larger hand removing the iron from his small one “Choose one of them Carl” his eye met the man’s brown ones and he gulped hard as he saw them hardening once more. He turned to look at both men and stared at the man with blonde hair and receding hairline. Doctor Carson. 

His longing stare gave him away and Negan roughly patted his back before pushing him towards Dwight who managed to catch him before he fell to the ground.

It all happened too quickly. 

Negan grabbed Doctor Carson and violently shoved him inside of the large oven behind them. The man’s pained screams made him feel numb all of a sudden and he couldn’t help but feel slightly grateful as Dwight allowed him to lean against him. 

He looked around the room to look at something else and it wasn’t until then that he realized that Eugene was standing in the corner besides a blonde woman with his left hand covering his face in what he could only guess was horror.

But other than that the man seemed to be doing okay, like for fucks sake he even had a fucking jar of pickles in his free hand.

His eye soon went towards Patrick who seemed to be just as scared as the rest of the people on the room. 

Carl couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it sooner, but from what he could see Patrick had received one hell of a beating. The man had a bandage wrapped around his left hand and at least three stitches on top of his left eyebrow along with a black eye.

Had Negan beaten him up? Judging by the look of the man’s injuries they were from one or two days ago. His eye opened wide as he remembered the day he had asked Patrick to stay with him while he slept and then woke up to find Negan with him. His hands became fists as he managed to connect what had most likely happened and he tried his best to hide the anger he was feeling as the older man turned to look at him with a smirk on his face but a deadly expression in his eyes that made him feel as if he were a lamb being mocked by a wolf.

And he probably was.

“What a day'' Negan said smiling as if he hadn’t just killed a man ''Escort Mr. Pickles back to his room and clean up this fucking mess before a kid sees it” there was a ''Yes Negan'' in the room, and he watched Negan walked over to a young girl with red hair and icy blue eyes and whispered something dangerously close to her face before pushing her over to Patrick who grabbed at his side while wincing in pain. 

“Get him out of here before I throw him into the fucking oven too” the girl did as she was told almost immediately and he gulped hard as Negan turned to look at him. He felt as Dwight’s arms slowly left him and watched as the man with the burned face walked away from there without saying a word.

The leader of the Saviors walked closer towards him and gave him a small smile that brought a chill down his spine. 

“Like I said back when I smashed suck my balls and I'll find you skulls, no fucking exceptions to those who break the rules...So, are you ready for you punishment young man?” Negan didn’t even wait for his answer as he roughly grabbed him from the back of his shirt. Carl growled in a mixture of pain and anger as the man dragged him out of the room and down the hallway but didn’t fight back against him as he realized how Negan was avoiding grabbing at his bruised neck.

As soon as they got back to Negan’s room the man violently shoved him inside and he fell to the ground on all fours while resisting the urge to cry. 

What was Negan going to do to him?

The door was slammed behind him and he turned just in time to see the man locking the door and leaving Lucille beside the bed.

All of the noise seemed to have woken up Alpha who somehow managed to get off the couch by herself to get to his side and lick at his face. A wince left him as she saw her running up to older man to play with his boots “Don’t hurt her…” he begged at the man as he knelt down to grab at her. Negan walked back to his door, screamed for Simon to come and waited for the man with the moustache to come.

“Take this thing for a fucking walk or something” he said while handing the wolf cub over to Simon and slamming the door shut once more.. 

The older man walked over to him again and crouched down to be at his level without saying a word. His memory went back to the first time he had seen the man and he couldn’t help but feel a chill going down his spine as he felt the fear from that night coming back.

Right now he was afraid of what the leader of the Saviors could do to him.

They remained silent for a long time until Negan cleared his throat to speak.

“Open your mouth, Carl”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 
> 
> Kill me


	21. Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m aware that I took my fucking time with this one. I had a lot of issues because of personal staff and thangs, I'm sorry.
> 
> Now don’t get your expectations too high since there’s nothing really sexual, it does have a sexual undertone but it’s not the actual act itself. HOWEVER, if you get triggered moonvevo style or if you don’t’ support the Cegan ship in that way do stop reading this shit now cause I’m just going downhill after this.
> 
> Also Negan calls Carl ''Kid'' a lot in this chapter –As he usually does- Now I do not and will never support pedophilia for obvious reasons, the use of the word Kid is just because that’s how the character tends to call the other one. It’s not meant to sound as if supported pedophilia or any sort of twisted shit you might be thinking.
> 
> Negan’s POV was a pain in the ass (not in the good way ;v) because I honestly didn’t even knew what reaction to go with, one was too sexual, the other one too emotionless and then the other one too out of character. We’re not very balanced ;V
> 
> I'll just stop writing now and stay away from the laptop for a while.  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

CARL

 

He felt confused and dizzy by Negan’s words and barely had time to catch his own.

“What?”

Fear slowly began to build up inside of him as he saw the man’s expression changing into an even angrier one. I have to get out of here, he thought before looking at the exit door.

Carl stood from the ground at once and was slightly surprised by the fact that Negan didn’t even try to stop him. He ran towards the door and quickly realized why the man hadn’t even bothered to do so. The door was locked. His hands desperately tried to somehow open it and he froze when he heard the leader of the Saviors chuckling in an amused manner behind him.

“Looking for this?”

He turned around slowly then and found Negan smiling at him with the key in his right hand. Carl gulped hard as he stared at the little piece of metal and flinched in surprise as the man threw the key at him. He managed to catch it and stared at it for a couple of seconds before giving the man a questioning look.

“I won’t force you to do anything kid. Leave if you fucking want to do so, I won’t stop you” the man’s words brought a chill down his spine and he held the key tightly in his hand. There was no way that Negan would just let him leave without any consequences. His mind went towards Patrick then and he gave the man a defeated look while dropping the key to the floor.

If he left the room the leader of the Saviors would most likely kill the doctor. He couldn’t allow that to happen.

Carl kept his gaze down as he heard the man moving closer towards him and only looked up as Negan stopped right in front of him with a smirk on his lips. “You know what that means, right?” Carl nodded his head slowly and looked away from the man as he saw his eyes darkening.

“Get on the bed.”

He flinched as he heard those words but obeyed nonetheless. There was no escape from whatever Negan had planned for him anyway. Carl obeyed and sat on the edge and watched as the leader of the Saviors got in front of him once more.

He couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved as the man crouched down in what he guessed was a less threatening pose.

All of that relief quickly vanished as Negan ordered him to close his eye. He stared at the man for a couple of seconds, hoping he would give him a chance to at least see what he was going to do to him, but did as he was told as he realized that Negan wasn’t going to back down on the order he had just given him.

As soon as he closed his eye he felt naked and extremely vulnerable. He had no idea what the man was going to do to him, and based on the kind of punishment Negan gave, nothing pleasant was going to happen next.

A good amount of time went by until he felt something soft and warm toying with his lower lip. Out of mere reflexes he opened his eye for a second and realized that Negan had put his index finger at the entrance of his mouth. The man tilted his head to the side and smiled at him as their eyes met.

“No peeking, Carl…close your eye again…I don’t want to spoil the surprise…” He gripped tightly at his own pants and forced himself to close his eye.

As soon as he did so the man pushed his finger into the entrance of his mouth but couldn’t get any further past Carl’s clenched teeth as he closed his mouth shut.

“Little pig, little pig…Let…Me…In…” the man’s low sing along tone brought a chill down his spine and out of fear; he did as he was told.

He opened his mouth a little and jerked his head back as Negan’s finger entered his mouth in a slow and teasing manner. The sensation was strange yet not unpleasant at all.

Not wanting to disgust Negan, Carl pulled his tongue back, and yelped in surprise as the man rubbed the tip of his finger against the roof of his tongue in a surprisingly gentle manner that made him feel confused and ashamed. Confused because of Negan’s gentleness towards him, and ashamed because of the fact that he didn't feel disgusted nor angry for what the man was doing to him.

Quite the contrary.

He was enjoying the feeling of Negan’s finger inside his mouth and he was enjoying the feeling of the man’s digit rubbing against his tongue.

Out of shame he still tried to avoid touching and licking the man’s finger as little as possible, and winced as Negan rubbed his finger around his tongue in a painfully slow manner with his nail, almost as if he were giving him a warning for something. Sure enough the man was doing so.

“Move the little fella, kid” Negan began to roll his finger around in a teasing manner and Carl balled his hands into fists as he heard an amused chuckle coming from him “…come on Carl, don’t be shy...”Carl growled in a frustrated manner then and kept his tongue still.

He winced in pain as Negan took his finger out to grip at his lower lip, and forced himself to keep his eye shut, knowing that if he dared to open it, things could get worse for him.

“You better start doing something with that pretty mouth of yours before I decide to shove Lucille down your throat” the use of the word ‘pretty’ didn’t go unnoticed by him, and he moved his head to the side in an attempt to hide his now blushing face from the leader of the Saviors, who prevented him from doing so by tightening his hold around his lower lip in a painful manner.

It wasn’t until he felt Negan’s nail digging painfully against his lower lip, and cutting it, that he begged the man to stop. Blood filled his mouth then and he licked his lower lip in an attempt to ease the pain. His tongue brushed against the man’s finger and he quickly pulled it back.

“Move your mouth then.”

He nodded his head and let out a relieved sigh as Negan let go of his lip. However, that relief didn’t last long as Negan teased the entrance of his mouth with his finger again.

He decided to do what the man had told him to do a few seconds ago and shyly moved his tongue towards his finger. Carl flinched as he tasted his own blood on the man’s digit and growled in an angry manner as Negan rolled his finger around his tongue in a playful manner.

“Get all of that shit off, Carl.”

He blushed then and jerked his head back as the leader of the Saviors slowly pushed his finger inside his mouth once more.

“Now be a good boy and suck.”

The man’s words made him blush even more and he remained still for a couple of seconds before hesitantly sucking on Negan’s finger. His lips warmly wrapped around the man’s digit and he couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty as he realized that he wasn’t finding Negan’s finger invading his mouth unpleasant. In fact, he was beginning to enjoy it.

Carl awkwardly shifted his legs feeling ashamed of the new pleasant sensations the man was causing him. He had never felt anything like this before and his parents had never talked to him about this kind of stuff happening between people. It was completely new to him and he couldn’t deny the fact that he was glad that this was happening with Negan who seemed to be aware –At least for most of the time- of his own limits.

He knew that it was wrong for him to be feeling the way he was, yet he couldn’t help but think, or at least fool himself into thinking that just like him, Negan was enjoying this.

The leader of the Saviors slowly began to push his finger deeper into his mouth and he winced before trying to move his head back a little bit. Despite the fact that Negan wasn’t rough with him, he was persistent, and didn’t allow him todo so by putting his left hand on his knee and gripping tightly at it in warning manner.

His gag reflexes kicked in as the man refused to back down and he unconsciously reached out for Negan’s hand to prevent him from going any further. The man’s finger left his mouth as he did so and came to rest on Carl’s knee, who slowly opened his eye to check if he had angered him by rejecting his advances.

Carl couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved as he found Negan staring at him with the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Pardon me young man; I got carried away.”

He remained silent, not knowing if he should even speak at all, and simply nodded his head in an understanding manner. A wolfish smile spread across the man’s lips then and Carl nervously stared at him as he realized that Negan was doing small circles with his thumb on his knee.

Whether Negan knew what he was doing was uncertain to him since he didn't say anything about it.

A chill went down his spine as he felt the man rubbing his index finger against his lower lip in an almost tender manner and he unconsciously gripped at the man’s hand “How about you guide me at your own pace, baby boy?” the man’s raspy tone of voice brought back that strange feeling in the pit of his stomach and he tried his best not to show any emotion by the nickname he had just been given.

Negan didn’t even wait for his response and pushed his finger forward. A small wince of protest left Carl’s lips by the sudden intrusion but he didn’t stop the leader of the Saviors. The man slowly began to move his finger deeper into his mouth and even though he didn’t stop him he kept him at bay by not letting him go too far by gripping at the man’s hand whenever he went too deep.

He couldn’t help but feel slightlysurprised as Negan respected his pleas to not go too far, and felt himself relaxing a little bit. It was clear to him now that the man wasn’t going to hurt him, and to some degree he wasn’t going to force him do anything he didn’t want to. He heard the man letting out a deep breath and held on tight to his hand as he felt him trying to go deeper once more.

“N-Negan…” he somehow managed to mumble the man’s name and flinched as he felt Negan’s left hand gently caressing at the back of his right one, in what he could only guess was a comforting manner to try to calm him down.

The man made a soft shushing sound as he did so and he tried his best to calm down a little bit as he suddenly felt the urge to please, or at least not disappoint the leader of the Saviors. This was supposed to be a punishment after all and so far he hadn’t even seen it as one since Negan hadn’t really forced him to do anything at all but open his mouth.

Carl allowed Negan to push his finger a little deeper down his throat and almost immediately regretted it as he felt his gag reflexes kicking in again. He desperately grabbed at both of the man’s hands in an attempt to make him stop and felt relived as the man actually did so. Negan pulled his finger back up and just as he thought that he was going to remove it, pulled it back inside.

Out of fear, his hold tightened around the man’s hands in a begging manner and he opened his eye wide in surprise as he felt Negan’s left hand grabbing at his own smaller one.

Negan stopped pushing his finger for a second and tilted his head to the side in a playful manner while smiling at him.

“I won’t do that again I promise…”

He gave the man a hesitant look, and just like before, Negan didn’t wait for his answer and shoved his finger back inside. This time the man’s finger went inside his mouth in a painfully slow manner, but didn’t last long inside it as Negan pulled it back out after a couple of seconds. Carl felt confused by the sudden change of ‘technique’ but quickly decided not to complain about it since he wasn’t choking anymore.

He closed his eye once more and soon found himself genuinely enjoying the feeling of Negan’s finger moving up and down against his lips. It was strange and like nothing he had ever felt before, and he couldn’t help but wonder if this was even a real punishment at all.

Back when Negan had shoved him inside the room he had imagined all kinds of punishments—being punched, burned, or maybe even spanked—but he had never thought about doing something like this.

The sudden feeling of the leader of the Saviors adding another finger inside took him by surprise and he blushed terribly as a small moan left him. He heard the man letting out a deep breath and winced in pain as the man’s hold tightened around his right hand in an almost desperate manner. He shrunk against the edge of the bed feeling intimidated and slightly turned on by that and blushed even more as he felt himself hardening a little.

He tried to somehow hide that by closing his legs, and flinched as he felt the man still holding unto his knee while tracing small circles on it.

“What did I tell you about being shy, Carl?”

He opened his eye once more and gulped hard as he found the man staring at him with a hungry look on his face.

The hungry wolf was back.

He stared back at Negan while forcing himself not to look down at his own lap. The man’s left hand left his own smaller one then and he blinked surprised as Negan pushed two fingers back into his mouth while gripping tightly at his knee.

The feeling of both things happening at the same time made another low moan leave his throat without a warning.

Carl closed his eye shut in shame as Negan stopped and shyly reached out for the man’s left hand as he realized that he didn’t want him to stop.

He squeezed the man’s hand in an attempt to encourage him to continue, and felt slightly relieved as Negan’s hand grabbed at his own in a gentle manner while giving it a light squeeze in response. The older man began to pull both of his fingers up and down against his mouth again and he tried his best to remain quiet.

Even though he managed to remain silent, he didn’t manage to remain still.

His hand began to tighten around the man’s large one as he increased his pace, and his legs wrapped against each other as he felt himself hardening even more. His breathing became ragged as Negan’s left hand slowly began to go a little bit higher and he moaned again as the man gripped tightly at his upper leg in an almost possessive manner.

He didn’t know what was happening to him or what was happening between them, but he did knew that he didn’t want Negan to stop.

Carl could feel how the tension was beginning to build inside of him and just as he was about to come, the leader of the Saviors removed his finger from his mouth.

 

NEGAN

 

Another small moan left Carl’s lips as he slowly removed his fingers from his mouth, and he took a deep breath in an attempt to keep his shit together as he watched as his wet fingers slid out of that beautiful, warm, slick mouth.

The teenager didn’t open his eye and he tilted his head to the side before placing both of his hands on either side of him. Negan saw the boy clinging to the sheets, obviously nervous about what he was going to do to him next and took a deep breath to calm himself down.

It didn't take him long to realize how Carl's body was reacting to the punishment.

Like, hell, the fucking kid himself had made it extremely fucking obvious by crossing and uncrossing his legs like crazy and awkwardly shifting on the bed as he tried to hide the fact that he was getting turned on.

He had been turned on as well but had forced himself to stop knowing that if he kept on fucking Carl’s mouth he was going to end up trying to take things further.

During most of the punishment itself he had completely forgotten about what the teenager had gone through in Alexandria with Mr. Guts and had tried his best not to think about it as he carried on with the punishment; but the more aroused he became, and the more aggressive he behaved with Carl, the more he knew he had to stop himself before he ended up doing something stupid that could potentially trigger or scare his little serial killer.

His own arousal had blinded him quite a couple of times as he ignored the teenager’s pleas of stopping, and he couldn’t help but feel shitty for not respecting the kid’s limits knowing that he had promised him not to do anything he didn’t want to. He had been lucky enough to not have his fingers bitten off by Carl, who, he was sure, would have ripped them off with his own teeth to make him stop had he wanted him to do so.

He had seen the way the teenager seemed to have really enjoyed what he was doing to him, but he wasn’t sure if it had been because Carl found the sensation of his fingers in his mouth pleasurable, or because Carl actually knew what he was doing to him and still found it enjoyable.

It seemed unlikely—for him at least—that the boy even actually knew that this whole punishment of his was actually supposed to be something sexual for him.

Why? Because the whole world had gone to hell quite a few fucking years ago and he would bet half his shit that Carl’s parents had been way too busy trying to keep their fucking kid alive to give him ‘The Talk’, much less explain to him that some people got off by having their partners suck on their fingers.

The last thing he wanted was to hurt Carl again, be it physically, mentally, or even emotionally.

Carl’s arousal was confusing him beyond words, mainly because he honestly didn’t know what the fuck had turned the kid on to begin with.

So here he was now, with a horny and needy Carl Grimes on his bed, waiting for him to do something.

Negan knew what he wanted to do with the teenager, but once again he didn’t know what Carl wanted, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to force himself on his little serial killer. Not to say that Carl was just a fucking kid for fuck’s sake. He had fooled around with younger women before but with a seventeen year old…

I could be his fucking dad not his fucking daddy…

He took a deep breath while closing his eyes and shook his head before giving the kid a light slap on his left cheek.

“Punishment’s over kiddo, go wash your mouth.” He stood up then, knowing that his own erection was gone and walked over to the little bar he had in his room to give the teenager some time to calm down. He finally heard Carl stand up and walk to the bathroom and then the sound of the door closing behind him.

It wasn’t until he was sure, Carl wasn’t in the room with him that he took a bottle of whisky from the bar and poured himself a glass.

His hand tightly gripped the glass of he was holding and he forcefully took a swig of the amber liquid in an attempt to calm down.

What the hell was he supposed to do with Carl now?

Now that he knew that there was a slight chance of his little serial killer actually feeling something for him he felt trapped.

He had realized a while ago that he had started to develop certain feelings towards the teenager but had tried his best to keep them at bay and not sexual, but now thanks to this fucking shit all he had invested in had gone straight to hell.

It had been a fucking miracle that he had managed to stop himself before becoming too aggressive with the boy.

His most primal instincts had taken over several times, he knew that, and he had been grateful for having been able to cage the hungry wolf inside of him before it was too late.

Had he not stopped himself the moment he had done so, he probably would have just pushed Carl back onto the bed and kissed him.

How the teenager would have reacted to that was uncertain to him, but his first guess was definitely anger and confusion.

Memories of their first visit to Alexandria came back to him then and he couldn’t help but remember the way David had teased a young girl with light brown hair and light skin about some green balloons. He hadn’t intervened because his eyes had been way too fucking busy with the way Carl was staring at David.

There had been nothing but anger and hatred in the boy’s icy eye blue then and something else he knew all too well.

A sense of protectiveness towards the girl.

Negan didn’t even know if the fucking kid had a girlfriend—not that that would stop him at all—but if the boy did that mean that he was most likely not into men.

So far the only kind of sign Carl had given him about maybe being attracted to him had been his constant leaning against him whenever he hugged him, the Vega Ring Incident, the dining room incident, the nightmare incident, and then there was this fucking incident….

Holy shit..maybe Carl had given him a couple of signs…

Negan took another long draw of whisky and growled as the liquor burned his throat in a painful yet pleasurable way.

This fucking drink might as well be the fucking kid.

He heard the bathroom door opening and forced a smile as he turned around. Carl came out and he immediately noticed the way the boy’s icy blue eye hesitantly stared at the bottle in his hand.

“Don’t worry kid, I’m not drunk.” He left the glass on the bar and began to walk towards the bed to grab Lucille. He picked up the baseball bat and unlocked the door with his key before turning around to motion for Carl to follow him.

“Come on kid, I’m fucking starving.” The teenager obeyed him at once and he pouted his mouth bemused by that before closing the door behind them.

They began to walk down the hallway that lead to the dining room, and as soon as they got there he realized that it must be quite late at night given the lack of people that were there. He didn’t even notice if any of them knelt down as he entered and simply walked over to the food table.

Tonight’s menu consisted of smashed potatoes, pork and salad.

As always he grabbed a little bit of everything and gave a warning look at Carl as he evaded the salad.

“Do I always need to treat you like a fucking kid, Kid?” The boy gave him an annoyed look then and he chuckled amused before watching him walk away towards their usual spot.

They ate in silence and he couldn’t help but notice that even though their knees were touching, the teenager never moved his knee away from his own. He didn’t move his since he was genuinely enjoying the feeling of their bodies pressed together and decided to act as if he hadn’t noticed.

By the time Negan was finished with his plate everyone else had left the dining room. They were the only ones left and Carl had only managed to eat half the food on his plate.

Negan closed his eyes and leaned against his chair to wait for the teenager to finish his food.

Neither of them said a thing, and it wasn’t until he suddenly felt his little serial killer moving closer towards him and nervously grabbing at his leg that he opened his eyes once more.

He watched as David, along with two other men, James and Michael, entered the room, and Negan stared at the kid with slight worry feeling surprised by his sudden fear towards David. He knew that their relationship wasn’t the best, but then again he hadn’t seen or heard anything about the older man trying anything else with the kid, not after he had broken his hand with Lucille.

The men didn’t even turn to look at them and simply walked over to the food table.

He patted Carl’s knee with his own in an attempt to calm him down and motioned towards the teenager’s food saying, “Finish that shit so we can leave.” The boy nodded his head slowly and did as he was told, eating more quickly now. It was clear to him that Carl wanted to leave the dining room as soon as they could.

Even though he knew that there was no point or need for him to do so, he kept his eyes on the three men.

It wasn’t until he felt Carl tugging at his jacket that he stood from the table and grabbed Lucille. They walked over to the exit door without anything happening between them and the men and began walking back towards his room. The walk was silent and he chuckled, amused as he saw the teenager yawning widely besides him. It was clear to him now that all the events had completely tired the poor boy.

They got to his room and he opened the door for Carl before giving him a light push towards his bags. “Put your pajamas on before you drop dead on the fucking floor.” The teenager gave him an annoyed look but obeyed nonetheless.

He watched as Carl went inside the bathroom, and took a deep breath before sitting on the edge of his bed, on the same spot Carl had been sitting not that long ago. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes in a tiresome manner before closing them shut as he remembered the way the teenager had moaned as he quickened his pace, the way his small hands had desperately grabbed at his own to keep him going and the way he had lamely tried to hide his own arousal.

Negan gripped tightly at his own pants as he felt himself hardening once more by those memories and let out an angry growl while trying to calm himself down knowing that the fucking kid could come out of the bathroom any fucking second.

The image of his fingers inside Carl’s mouth smashed against his head then and he shook his head in disapproval as he thought of something else inside of the teenager’s mouth. I can't fucking think about fucking the fucking kid, he scolded himself feeling disgusted and disappointed with his own behavior. He stood from the bed and grabbed a white shirt and black sleeping pants.

Carl came out of the bathroom then and he roughly pushed the boy aside before slamming the door shut. He knew that his sudden change of behavior would probably confuse the teenager, but didn’t care. He needed to calm the fuck down and get his shit together once more.

If he left the room in this state he knew he could lose control and do some regrettable shit to the boy.

He decided that the best way to get his shit together was to take a cold shower. He took all of his clothes off and let out a harsh breath as he stepped into the shower and the cold water hit him. Despite the fact that he managed to keep his body at bay he didn’t managed to keep his mind under control as he thought of everything he could have done to Carl had he kept on fucking his mouth. He’d known that the teenager was about to have an orgasm back when he had forced himself to stop and couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if he had actually helped the boy come.

What would Carl have looked like, he wondered, coming apart with his fingers moving in and out of that hot, wet mouth of his?

His hands became fists then and he slammed them against the wall before leaning his forehead against the cold wall for a couple of seconds. He slowly moved his hand down and noticed that the fucking cold shower wasn’t helping at all. His hand wrapped around his length then and he cursed himself for his own weakness before trying to fulfill his desire somehow.

As his hand moved he felt the tension building up inside of him, and just as he was about to come Carl knocked on the door.

“Negan?”

He growled in frustration before letting go of his length and turning off the shower. “The fuck do you want kid?” he asked angrily while getting out of the shower to dry himself.

“I-Do I sleep on the bed or in the sofa?”

This fucking kid.

He put his clothes on and swung the door open while giving the teenager a deadly glare.

Carl seemed to have realized his own mistake as he stepped away from him, clearly intimidated by his new behavior.

“You just fucking interrupted my beauty cleansing session to ask me where you’re going to fucking sleep?”

The boy gulped hard then and looked down at the floor without saying anything.

“You better answer my fucking question before I shove something larger than my fucking fingers down your throat.”

The boy looked up at him then with a mixture of fear and surprise and remained silent for a couple of seconds before saying, “I just wanted to make sure I didn’t piss you off…”

Negan pouted his mouth in disbelief and roughly grabbed the teenager’s good arm while roughly dragging him towards the bed.

“Well, you managed the complete fucking opposite kid.” He threw Carl on the bed and tried his best to remain calm as he imagined a much different scenario in which he would throw the teenager on his bed and then …

Oh, the things that I would do to you baby boy…

Negan sighed and walked to his side of the bed and forced himself not to look at Carl. From the corner of his eye he managed to see as the teenager nervously moved to his own side of the bed and got under the covers. He did the same and watched as the boy turned his back on him while laying his head down on the pillow to sleep. He kept his eyes on Carl for a couple of seconds, wondering about what had gone through his head during the punishment, and took a deep breath rolling on his side with his back to the boy.

He turned the lights off then and closed his eyes shut while trying to get the teenager's moans out of his head.

The last thing that crossed his mind as he fell asleep was that he hadn’t punished Carl at all.

He had punished himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fake Smile out ;V


	22. Wrong Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...
> 
> Zack Hemsey - "The Way (Instrumental)"

CARL  
  
  
“Time to get your skinny white ass out of bed, kid.”  
  
The feeling of Lucille being pressed against his back woke him up at once and he winced in pain before getting out of bed. He gave Negan an angry look from across the bed and immediately realized that something wasn't right. Negan didn’t have his usual playful smile; instead he had a tired look on his face, almost as if he hadn’t slept at all.  
  
Carl gulped hard as the man stared hard at him and blushed as the leader of the Saviors took a deep breath before motioning towards his own mouth to let him know he had something on it. Shit. He looked away from him feeling ashamed of himself for drooling again, and took one hand to wipe the saliva off his mouth and chin.  
  
“Get dressed, I’ll be outside” was all Negan said before leaving the room without looking at him. Even though the older man didn’t slam the door Carl flinched by the sound of the door closing behind him and kept his eye on it for a couple of seconds, feeling confused.  
  
Why the hell was Negan acting like this with him now?  
  
Memories of the punishment the man had given him last night invaded his mind then and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had done something wrong. He had obeyed all of Negan’s orders and had even stepped out of his own comfort zone several times to follow them.  
  
_Maybe he’s just not in the mood_. Carl knew by now how easy it was to put Negan in a bad mood so he tried not to think too much about it. _He’s probably just tired_ , he thought while trying to brush the man’s strange behavior off.  
  
Not wanting to worsen things, he went over to his backpack and changed clothes as quickly as he could. His shirt came off with ease this time and he couldn’t help but feel relieved as he noticed how the gunshot wound and the bruises; seemed to be healing fast and well.  
  
_Thanks Patrick…_  
  
A sad smile crossed his face as he thought of the man with silver hair and he forced himself to not think about the doctor right now. He went to the door once he was done and hesitantly opened it a crack. There was no one outside. His attention was quickly drawn to the left side of the corridor as he heard Negan speaking with Dwight, and he peeked his head out to look at both men for a moment feeling unsure about whether he should walk towards them just yet.  
  
Both men kept on talking for a few more seconds and Carl flinched as Dwight’s eyes met his own. The man with the burned face gave him a slightly concerned look and he gulped hard as Negan turned to look at him too.  
  
Carl couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved as he noticed the older man’s lips lifting up in a small amused smile but that relief didn’t last long as Negan’s smile slowly faded away. His expression changed into an emotionless one then and Carl thought about just going back inside the room to don’t anger he man further. He flinched as Negan slammed Lucille against the floor and took a step back feeling slightly afraid.  
  
“Are you going to keep spying on us from your shitty hiding spot or are you going to get your ass out here and properly listen to all the shit we say?”  
  
Shame filled him then and he hesitantly left the room while closing the door behind him. He moved closer to both men and awkwardly listened to the rest of their conversation as they ignored his presence.  
  
“David has been asking me who the contestants are going to be for tonight’s Vega Ring…”  
  
The mention of David’s name brought a chill down his spine and he cursed himself for reacting like that. The same thing had happened to him last night as he saw the man with brown hair walking along with two other men into the dining room. He had unconsciously reached out for Negan’s knee in an attempt to let him know how uneasy the other man’s presence made him feel, and had felt quite relieved as Negan patted his knee with his own in a reassuring manner.  
  
Just like with David’s name, he felt another chill going down his spine by the mention of The Vega Ring.  
  
He had completely forgotten about the sick games everyone in the Sanctuary seemed to enjoy.  
  
Why hadn’t Negan taken him to the games again? He turned to look up at him but quickly looked away as the man’s brown eyes met his own icy one, almost as if he had been expecting for him to look at him.  
  
_You idiot._  
  
He quickly got the answer to his own question as he remembered what had happened the first and last time they had been there. He had gotten hard by watching two of the fighters making out and had gotten even harder when Negan had pulled him closer towards him. No fucking wonder he hasn’t taken me again, he thought in a bitter manner while trying to ignore the feeling of the man’s brown eyes on him.  
  
“Punishment round for anyone who has broken the rules more than twice. No fucking exceptions this time.”  
  
The use of the word ‘this time’ made Carl flinch for some reason and he couldn’t help but wonder if Negan was referring to him by that. After all, last night’s punishment had definitely been more than an exception. It had been an act of mercy compared to what Negan could have done to him.  
  
Dwight nodded his head in an understanding manner and gave him one last look before walking away. Silence fell between them and Carl nervously bit his lower lip before wincing in pain as he was reminded of the small cut Negan had made last night as he gripped at it.  
  
“You better start doing something with that pretty mouth of yours…”  
  
He felt his cheeks reddening by the reminder of how the leader of the Saviors had described his mouth and blinked surprised as he felt a little bit of blood filling his mouth. He ran his tongue over his lower lip to clean it and looked away from the man as he found him staring down at him.  
  
“Do you want to get that shit checked out?” he shook his head and Negan nodded his own before motioning for him to follow him.  
  
They walked down the hallway in silence and he couldn’t help but notice how there seemed to be more space between them, almost as if the older man didn’t want to be as close to him as he usually did.  
  
As they entered the dining room people knelt down as usual and he felt something tightening in his chest as Negan didn’t even bother to tell him to grab some chopped fruit like he always did as they got to the food table. The older man didn’t even bother to wait for him as he finished grabbing some food and simply walked away just like Dwight had done, except he never turned to look at him once.  
  
_What did I do wrong?_  
  
He sat down on their table and awkwardly began to eat besides Negan who seemed to have purposely sat away from him. Unlike last night, their knees never touched and their eyes never met. The only thing that was shared between them as they ate was a painfully awkward silence that made him feel a pain on his chest.  
  
Carl couldn’t understand the reason why Negan was acting like this with him and he couldn’t understand the way he himself was reacting to it.  
  
He felt confused and pained by the man’s behavior. Confused because he wasn’t sure what was causing Negan to act like this, and pained because he blamed himself for it. Had he caused this? Was he to blame for Negan’s change of behavior towards him? He wasn’t sure, and in all honesty he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer.  
  
The leader of the Saviors finished his food before him, and out of fear of keeping the man from doing whatever is it that he had to do, he stopped eating too. He felt Negan staring at him for a few seconds and flinched as he felt the man’s knee patting his own.  
  
“You’re not going to finish that?” There was a slight dose of confusion in Negan’s voice as he asked him that and Carl looked down at his almost full tray of food before shaking his head. “I’m not hungry anymore.” He said in a dry manner without turning to look up at him.  
  
“Well kudos to you kid but I don’t fucking care if you’re hungry or not. Finish that shit so we can leave.”  
  
He shook his head while muttering how he wasn’t hungry once more and heard the man pouting his mouth besides him.  
  
“For once in your fucking life, Carl, do as you’re fucking told.”  
  
Anger filled him as he heard those words and he balled his hands into fists as he remembered the way he had done everything Negan had ordered him to do last night.  
  
Open your mouth, close your eye, let me do anything I want…  
  
He had done everything the older man had asked him to and had even forced himself to ignore his own discomfort as things escalated between them. He couldn’t deny the fact that he had enjoyed the punishment for the most part, but he also couldn’t deny the fact that Negan had pushed him to the edge several times.  
  
_I did everything you wanted…wasn’t that enough for you?_  
  
“I don’t want to” was all Carl said without turning to look at Negan who remained silent for a painfully long time.  
  
“Eat” was all Negan said in return, anger now clear in his voice.  
  
A chill went down his spine as he heard that, and even though Carl knew he probably should have obeyed the man’s order then, he didn’t.  
  
“You can’t force me do something I don’t want to just because you want me to…” he said in almost a whisper before turning to look at Negan who seemed to be taken back by that. The man’s lips twitched then and his eyes darkened, and for a second Carl thought he had finally made the leader of the Saviors snap. He gulped hard as Negan remained silent and held his breath as one of the man’s hands reached for Lucille.  
  
_Shit…I just got myself killed over some scrambled eggs…_  
  
The older man stood and he tried his best to hide his own surprise as Negan smiled down at him while motioning for him to do the same. “Let’s go then. I have shit to do.”  
  
Carl remained in his seat for a couple of seconds, feeling unsure about following the man after what he had just said but stood once he saw Negan’s hand tightening around the baseball bat.  
  
He tried to look for any signs that Negan was going to drag him out and beat the shit out of him once they left the dining room but found none.  
  
They left the dining room then and he felt panic rising inside of him as they went back to the man’s room. The leader of the Saviors opened the door for him and he hesitantly walked in wondering if Negan was going to punish him like last night once more.  
  
The lack of footsteps behind him made him turn around and he gave the man an uncertain look as he found him leaning against door frame with a mocking smile on his face.  
  
“Are you sure you’re not hungry, Carl?”  
  
He shook his head slowly, feeling warry of why the man was making such a big deal out of him not eating breakfast and took a step back.  
  
“Alright then, I’m going out on a trip with the grown-ups to deal with some shit and -Because you’re a kid- I’m going to keep you locked in here for the rest of the day.”  
  
That took him off guard and he blinked a couple of times feeling confused “What?”  
  
Negan’s smile widened in clear amusement then and he felt stupid as he found himself feeling slightly relieved as he saw that mocking-playful smile back on the man’s face, even though it was most likely not a good sign for him. “I said I’m locking you in here-are fucking deaf or what?”  
  
He shook his head in an almost automatic manner and panicked as the older man tried to close the door to leave him.  
  
“Good. Bye-bye then”  
  
“Wait! When are you going to be back?”  
  
The older man turned to look at him again and he gulped hard, feeling ashamed for asking, not because he thought it was a weird question for him to ask in this situation, but rather because of the reason why he was asking it. A small part of him was a little bit worried about the whole not eating until night time, but his main concern foolishly was when he was going to be seeing Negan again.  
  
_You stupid boy._  
  
Negan lifted his eyebrows almost as if he hadn’t been expecting him to ask such a thing and lifted his right hand while pretending to look at an invisible watch on his wrist “Ten, eleven or twelve? I don’t fucking know -But don’t worry, you’ll get to eat something by the end of the day, unless you’re still not hungry of course, I wouldn’t fucking want to force you do anything, Carl”  
  
This time Negan didn’t let him speak as he slammed the door shut.  
  
Out of mere reflex he ran towards the door and growled angrily as he heard the key turning behind it.  
  
He heard Negan walking away then and let out an exasperated sigh before punching the door and sliding down with his back against it.  
  
What the hell was he supposed to do now? His eye went all over the room, and just like the last time he had been kept locked in here he found nothing interesting to do. All the man had in the room was furniture, nothing to play with.  
  
He let out a deep breath before standing up and pacing around the room feeling like a caged animal. Maybe this is part of Negan’s punishment, he thought, being locked up for an entire day without food or company. It certainly wasn’t something that he was enjoying so far and he had only been here for a few minutes.  
  
This was going to be a long day for him.  
  
As Carl kept on pacing he couldn’t help but wonder why Negan wouldn’t take him along “I’m going out on a trip with the grown-ups to deal with some shit and –Because you’re a kid- I’m going to keep you locked in here for the rest of the day”  
  
Was it really just because he was a kid? Negan had seen, and had even experienced firsthand what he was capable of doing with a gun and a knife so he highly doubted it was because of that. Maybe this was his way of punishing him for not eating…  
  
He suddenly froze as his mind ventured towards another reason the man could have left him here.  
  
Negan’s going out to deal with some shit…What kind of shit?  
  
Was he going to check out some of the other Saviors outposts they had? Clear out some building to scavenge for supplies…? Take supplies…?  
  
Deal with shit…deal with people…kill people…?  
  
The only logical explanation he could find for Negan not taking him with him now was that the man was going somewhere he feared he would intervene again, somewhere he might try to stop the man from punishing someone else like he had done yesterday. Somewhere Negan might be going to hurt someone he cared about.  
  
_Dad…Michonne…Judith…_  
  
Could it be that the leader of the Saviors was going back to Alexandria to kill someone he loved?  
  
Worry filled him then and he couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty. He had completely forgotten about with whom he was dealing with in the first place.  
  
I’m dealing with the man who killed my friends…the man who could kill everyone I love…the man who could kill me…  
  
_I’m dealing with Negan._  
  
Anger and shame filled him then and he cursed himself for allowing his own feelings for the man to cloud his thoughts.  
  
Had last night’s punishment just been a twisted game of Negan’s to make him lower his guard? To make him think he only had to open his mouth and suck on his fingers in exchange for sparing a man’s life? The leader of the Saviors had punished and killed people for doing much smaller things. What he had done in the Iron Room in front of everyone yesterday had definitely been a major fuck up on his part, and now he was fucking things up again by not doing anything.  
  
Tears left him then and he angrily wiped them away before turning to look at the door. He couldn’t let Negan harm anyone because of his own foolishness.  
  
He had to get out of here and stop the leader of the Saviors from leaving.  
  
Carl ran to the door again and began to violently pull at it in hopes of opening it somehow. Just as expected the door didn’t do so. A frustrated growl left him as he stepped away from the door and he forced himself to calm down, to think about a way to get out of here. His eye went towards the large windows in the room but he quickly dismissed that idea as he remembered how Negan’s room was at one of the top floors in the building.  
  
There was no way for him to jump out and not die.  
  
Desperation began to rise inside of him as minutes went by, and just as he thought about just kicking the door until it opened, he heard a key turning. He froze in a mixture of surprise and confusion as a young woman with dark brown hair and icy blue eyes came in and gulped hard as their eyes met.  
  
Just like him, she seemed to be just as surprised by his presence “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought no one was in the room at this hour –I’ll come back to clean later-” she bowed her head and turned around to leave.  
  
This was his chance to escape.  
  
“No it’s fine,” he said, slowly walking towards her, making sure not to look desperate or suspicions about leaving the room while giving her a small smile as she turned to look back at him. “I was about to leave anyway…”  
  
“Oh, okay then…and I’m sorry about bursting in like that; it won’t happen again, I’ll knock next time. I promise.”  
  
He blinked surprised as she smiled back at him in a kind manner and simply nodded his head before leaving the room.  
  
He tried his best to get away from the room as calmly as possible, not wanting to make the girl suspicious by running away like crazy, and quickened his pace as he walked down the hallway that lead to the large room in which Negan had first demonstrated him the power he had over his people.  
  
Memories of the night he was first brought here crashed against his mind as he walked, and he tried his best not to think about how afraid he had felt back then and how afraid he was feeling right now.  
  
Carl got to the large room and tried his best to ignore the feeling of being watched as he walked over to the metal door. He had to be discreet; otherwise the Saviors walking below him would realize he was walking around the Sanctuary without their leader’s supervision.  
  
He went outside then and looked around, hoping to see the large trucks in which the Saviors left for trips parked nearby, but just like Negan, they all seemed to be long gone.

_I failed_ …he felt his legs shaking as images of Lucille smashing the skulls of those he loved crashed against his head.  
  
A lonely tear left him and wiped it away before flinching as he heard someone whistling at him “Hey! What in the bloody hell are you doing there, kid?” He turned towards the sound of the male voice and felt fear and panic rising inside him once more as he found one of the men he had seen alongside David last night, now walking towards him.  
  
The man had dark brown hair, a slightly ginger beard of a couple of days, pale skin and some amazing icy blue eyes that showed nothing but determination in them.  
  
Determination for what…? Capturing him? Killing him? He wasn’t sure and the fact that he knew the man was most likely friends with David gave him another third option that made him turn around and go back inside the Sanctuary at once. Run.  
  
He slammed the door shut and cursed his own stupidity as many of the Saviors walking below turned to look up at him. Their stares felt as if he were being watched by a pack of wolves. A pack which had no leader.  
  
Negan’s the big bad wolf and I’m his little helpless cub…and now he’s gone…  
  
Carl knew that most, if not all of the Saviors hated him after being responsible for the death of many of them, not just from when he had showed up in the Sanctuary and gunned two men down, but also from when he had tried to escape the Hell Hole. He knew that Negan had been the one to pull the trigger but he also knew that he had given the older man a reason to do so by trying to run away.  
I need to go back to his room…  
  
He turned around and began to run away as fast as he could not caring about being discrete or acting brave anymore. Without Negan by his side he was nothing but a lost and lonely child who had no one to keep him safe.  
  
_I’m all alone in here…_  
  
Pain filled him as he realized just how vulnerable and weak he was without the older man’s protection and he cursed himself once more as he remembered what Negan had told him this morning: “For once in your fucking life Carl, do as you’re fucking told.”  
  
Why couldn’t I just stay in his room?  
  
The idea of the older man going back to Alexandria to kill someone he cared about seemed almost childish now. Had that been the case Negan definitely would have taken him along with him, just so he could watch the show, just so he could see the consequences of his own actions. Just so he could see his family and friends die because of him.  
  
_You stupid kid…_  
  
Relief filled him as he got to Negan’s room but that relief didn’t last long as he tried to open the door.  
  
It was locked.  
  
She locked it…the girl with dark brown hair locked it…he smashed his fists against the hard wooden door and kicked it in a mixture of desperation and anger and winced as he heard rapid footsteps closing in behind him. The man was following him.  
  
Shit, shit, shit, what the hell was he supposed to do now? He had nowhere to run and no one to run to...  
  
Simon…Dwight…  
  
There was a small chance for both men to be in the Sanctuary; that is if they hadn’t left with Negan. He knew that they would protect him at any cost from anyone who tried to hurt him, but then again he had no idea of where to find either of them. He was on his own.  
  
Knowing that no one was going to come to his rescue, he started to run again, and just as he turned around the corner he crashed against someone’s chest. The strength of the impact send him to the ground and he felt a chill going down his spine as he heard a familiar chuckle from above him.  
  
_No…not you…_  
  
Carl looked up then and felt his chest tightening as he met those dark brown eyes he had grown so familiar to looking at with fear, staring right back at him with hunger in them.  
  
“Well, hello there, kid…Long time no see...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like really, really, sorry...  
> I really wish I could give you Negan's POV too guys, but I can't. I've been trying to connect with the characters once more and well it has proven to be harder than I thought it was gonna be. With Carl was a little bit easier since he's a teenager much like myself but with Negan, well...He's an adult and a really fucking complex one.  
> I encourage you to comment on how I wrote Carl on this chapter since I still feel a little bit off with his character as well. I would like to get some feedback as to whether or not I managed to portray his character or not.  
> Also, I want to take a more mature path with this story so I’m sorry if you find the way I write now a little bit off too. And well, as always, thank you for reading this shit and supporting it, it means the world to me now guys thank you so much.


	23. Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey it’s yo boi, skinny penis, better known as Beaner Cunt or when the fuck are you gonna upload you little shit. To keep it short I’ve been thinking about my future and education, I had a mini crisis about what I wanted to study, after a long time I’ve finally made my choice and I have been accepted in pretty cool film school so I’ve been busy with all that stuff and thangs.  
> Hopefully you guys won’t hate me too much for making you wait for so damn long and giving you a shitty chapter to top it off ;v  
> Lots of love- Fake, Clover and Beaner Cunt.

NEGAN

 

_“You can't force me to do something I don't want to, just because you want me to do it…”_

Carl's words had fucked him up. And the worst thing was that he had a feeling that the teenager hadn't just meant being forced to eat breakfast.

It made Negan sick to even think of the other possibility.

Memories of last night's punishment painfully crashed against his head then and he winced as he remembered the way Carl had tried to stop him several times. The way the teenager's hand had desperately squeezed his own as he begged him to stop…

Had Carl done that to make him to go easier on him or had he really wanted him to stop? He wasn't sure, and in all honesty, he wasn't sure if he wanted to.

_“I won't force you to do anything kid. Leave if you fucking want to do so, I won't stop you”_

He had really meant those words last night, mainly because he had honestly hoped for his little serial killer to leave the room in order for him to calm down and gather his own thoughts, but also because he didn't want to do something that could potentially make Carl fear him once more.

The last thing he had wanted to do was hurt the kid again, not just psychically but also mentally or even emotionally.

Negan knew that the boy had gone through enough shit already. He had tried really fucking hard not to let his own desire and urges take over him as things got heated between them and had eventually forced himself to stop as he felt himself slipping away. As he felt Carl slipping away.

He had made a huge fucking mistake.

They had both lost control and out of confusion by the boy's reaction to the punishment, Negan had tried to pretend as if nothing had happened between them by acting cold and indifferent to the boy. He hadn't even bothered to make sure if what he had done had affected Carl in a negative way. He highly doubted Carl knew that what he had done was meant to be something some people could get pleasure from, all he had thought about was humiliating the kid. Mock him.

He hadn't even been able to sleep because his mind had kept on going back to all of the times Carl had tried to stop him. Fear and concern plaguing his thoughts as he wondered if he had done something wrong. And now that his little serial killer had called him out for that, he couldn't help but feel completely disgusted with himself.

Carl hadn't explicitly said anything about the punishment he had given him but Negan had a feeling that the boy blamed him for forcing him to do what he had done last night.

The feeling of someone patting his knee made him open his eyes once more and he blinked surprised as he realized how he had momentarily fallen asleep on the truck. He turned to look at Simon who had a slightly concerned look on his face and gave him a questioning look that made the other man look away from him.

“We're here, boss” was all he said and Negan nodded his head in an understanding manner before looking ahead of him.

The large wooden walls and doors of the community in which Carson's younger brother lived were now ahead of them. He had never actually been there before, he had always sent Simon to deal with the people in this place but given the fact that he needed to stay away from Carl for a while he had decided to come along.

Simon had asked him about where he had left Carl and when he said he had locked him in his room the other man had laughed and confessed to having done the same with the kid's pet, Alpha. Both little fuckers were locked up. He felt slightly bad for not giving the wolf cub back to the teenager just so he could have some company but then again he was in a hurry to just get the fuck out of there.

Besides, he wanted Carl to think he had decided to leave him locked inside his room because of his kid status and as a punishment for defying him again.

They parked the trucks near the entrance and as Simon turned to him to ask for instructions, he said “Get Carson 2.0 and lower the goodies so when can get the hell out of here.” without turning to look at him before leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes again.

He could feel Simon's eyes on him for a little while before hearing as the other man left the truck.

For several minutes he did nothing but just sit there, eyes closed but mind wide open. He thought of the way he had acted with Carl this morning, of the way he had acted with the kid last night and in the way Carl had acted with him both times.

There had been something there, that he couldn't deny and he was sure as hell that the fucking kid couldn't deny it either, yet he wasn't sure of what that was or whether that was good or bad.

He and Carl hadn’t spoken about the whole Spencer thing yet and after today, he knew they had to fucking do so as quickly as possible. Negan had to know what Spencer had done to the teenager and what he had possibly forced Carl to do. A chill went down his spine as several unpleasant images and thoughts plagued his mind and he groaned in discomfort and pain while shifting in his seat.

A loud bang on the back of the truck took him out of his thoughts and he growled frustrated before sitting up straight.

Just as he was about to scream at whoever had made that noise, he saw a young girl walking at the other side of the field with a large basket in her hands. Her long brown hair along with her general complexion seemed quite common for a young girl but also strangely familiar. Negan had seen her somewhere else before.

With someone else too. Carl's girl he thought in a bitter way while twisting his mouth.

The most reasonable thing to do would have been to just minding his goddamn business but then again he had never been good at doing that kind of shit.

He watched her walk away and cursed himself before jumping out of the truck with Lucille in hand.

Out of all the things he could or maybe even should be doing, stalking Carl's girl, wasn't and shouldn't be one of them but here he was, following a teenage will to the back of one of the buildings.

As Negan followed her, some of his men shot some glances at him as if offering him some assistance, but he blew them away with one threatening look that dared any them to follow him.

He knew that the image he was giving at the moment wasn't a rather good one – A grown ass man following a little girl to the back of a building, away from everyone- but today he couldn't give a flying shit about that. He was pissed, confused and lost. Following or maybe even speaking with the girl could help him –or most likely fuck him up-.

It could bring some light to what was happening with him and Carl. Or even better, put an end to it all.

He needed to hear it from someone's mouth; he needed someone to tell him he was losing his mind and that he had to stop. He had to bring his old murderous self and the little serial killer who had tried to shot him at point blank, back.

For their sake, or at least Carl's sake, he had to do so. For him –No- For both of them.

Out of the sudden, Negan heard a pair of voices and as he turned around the corner he found the girl with long brown hair trotting towards one of his men. She sounded excited yet nervous at the same time. “Hi, I've got fresh veggies…” the man, Josh, turned around to face her then and lifted one hand to stop her.

“Stop, they're vegetables –Use the whole word- We've got time” even without looking at the girl he could tell that there was a small shift in her attitude.

“Okay…” she mumbled nervously before speaking in a confident manner once more “I have these vegetables, they told me to bring them over here and I- the basket is pretty heavy- For me, I mean- Here…” she handed the basket to Josh then, who seemed to be slightly confused and Negan tried his best to not pout his mouth by the expression on the man's face-

“Leave them on the truck and I…Eh- If you met me by the garden I can give you the rest of them…”

“Stop, I don't who think I am or who we are –Take them yourself- I'm busy…” Josh handed the basket over to her again and Negan watched as it fell to the floor. The girl quickly knelt down to pick the contents of it at once more while muttering an apology and he twisted his mouth in a disapproving manner as he saw Josh making no attempt to help her.

“Sorry, so sorry…”

“Girl, pick that shit up right now and-”

Negan stepped out then and slammed Lucille against the nearest wall to make his presence known. The girl's attitude shifted again and he could see the way her body became tense by the sound but she didn't turn around, almost as if she somehow knew what was happening or who was now walking towards them.

“That's not how you're supposed to treat lady…” the man with the black beard looked at him with fear then and he slowly got beside the kneeling girl who keeps her eyes down in a submissive manner. He lifted Lucille then and motioned towards the scattered vegetables on the floor.

“Pick that shit up right fucking now before I scatter all of your fucking brains on the ground” Josh did as he was told at once and he waited until he had the basket on his hands to speak again.

The girl never moved or spoke. She kept her head down and her eyes firmly on the ground.

Negan moved dangerously close to the man's face once he was done and tilted his head to the side while giving him a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

“The basket's too heavy for her, how about you go leave it on the truck, Joshy-boy?” the other man with the black beard nodded his head and quickly began to walk away without looking back at them. He watched him walk away and once they were left alone, he knelt down in front of the girl with brown hair who never turned to look up at him.

“I'm sorry about that, manners seem to be lacking in most men nowadays” no response.

His brown eyes scanned her up and down then, she was pretty he couldn't deny that but she was lacking the one thing he thought would impress Carl. Courage.

Defiance.

Was this really the girl Carl was or wanted to date? One who couldn't even look at him in the eye?

It's the fucking apocalypse, there isn't much to pick from, he thought out of the sudden and smiled to himself before standing up straight.

Maybe this is the wrong girl…

He scanned her up and down again before placing Lucille under her chin to lift her face up. He saw her pretty green eyes widening in fear as he did so and his lip twitched as he realized that this girl was indeed the one he had seen Carl acting protective with.

He smiled at her and lightly pressed the baseball bat against her neck.

“Have it your way then pickle girl. I've got better shit to do than dealing with an ungrateful brat” he removed Lucille then and felt slightly bad yet also satisfied as she winced in pain.

Negan saw a small thread of blood falling from beneath her chin and tilted his head to the side as he saw something in her eyes changing. Fear was replaced with anger and his own amusement with dread as she said: “Then why haven't you returned Carl home?”

This fucking kid.

For a split of a second, he felt the urge to just bash her head with Lucille and his hold tightened around the baseball bat. However, his hold lessened quite rapidly as he suddenly thought of Carl. He couldn't take away someone as special as her from the kid, not even if he wanted to do so. Or at least not again.

She, along with the kid's family, was probably the only thing that made his little serial killer happy anymore. Negan had taken enough from him already.

He felt his own lip twitching by that sudden realization and forced another smile while spinning Lucille around. He placed her over his shoulder and offered the girl a hand. She hesitantly took his gloved hand after he gave her a threatening look and stood in front of him, head high and eyes looking straight at his own, not confident but definitely defying, courageous.

Stupid. Just like Carl.

It was at that moment that Negan knew, he had fucked up.

He now knew why Carl had chosen this girl. They were alike. Perfect for each other.

After a moment, he tilted his head and answered her with a wolfish smile on his face.

She had no idea of what he was doing to Carl in the Sanctuary and she had no idea of what Carl was doing to HIM in the Sanctuary. For all she knew, he was a monster and Carl was a prisoner of his. Completely at his mercy.

The girl flinched as he swung the baseball bat near her face once more but tried her best to keep staring up at him.

“Why would I return him back home when I'm having so much fun with him? Even my men seem to have grown quite fond of him” his smile widened as the girl's expression changed into one that was a mixture of anger and worry.

“What-?”

“Have I done to him? All kinds of shit. From whipping the shit out of him to passing him around to every men in the Sanctuary” his eyes trailed down the girl's left hand as he noticed the way it went down to her waist and he roughly took hold of her as he saw the way it wrapped around a hunting knife she had in her belt.

He chuckled lightly feeling both amused and impressed by the girl's new behavior before tightening his hold around her wrist. She winced in pain and let go of the knife before giving him the same look he had gotten used to seeing in his little serial killer. That murderous look he loved so much.

Now I see why he chose you…

“What's your name, pickle girl?” he said after a moment and tried his best to keep on his sardonic smile on.

“Enid” he let go of her hand.

The girl, Enid, quickly took a step back and he bent down to grab the hunting knife from the ground. He took it in his other free hand and moved closer to her once more.

Even though there was fear in her eyes, that defying look of Carl's and hers never went away as he got dangerously close to her face.

“It was nice talking to you Enid” he offered the knife back to her and gave her a warning look as her smaller hand took it away from his own larger one. “Try not to cut yourself with this shit. Wouldn’t like for you to taint the damn veggies with blood” he moved away from her, only to create some space between them so that she couldn't stab him if she wanted to, before turning around and walking away from her.

“Oh. And I'll tell Carl you said hi. He sure as hell misses your pretty green eyes”

As he walked away he could have sworn he heard Enid cry.

 

CARL

 

He couldn't move as he stared up at David.

There was an amused smile on the man's lips as he stared down at him and a predatory glance in his eyes that brought a chill down Carl's spine. He knew he had to stand and run but he couldn't, he was frozen in place.

To his misfortune, it didn't take long for David to realize this too.

“What's the matter pretty boy, has Negan fucked you so hard you can't stand on your own?” the use of the word pretty brought back memories from the leader of the Saviors calling his mouth pretty and Carl flinched in a mixture of fear and pain before trying to stand. He managed to do so at once and yelped as he felt David's hand grabbing at the back of his shirt.

Even though he was paralyzed with fear he managed to snap out of it and kick the man from behind. David growled in a mixture of pain and anger, and Carl moaned in pain as the older man punched at his left side before covering his mouth and lifting him up with ease.

It both angered him and scared him how easily David was being able to just drag him away from safety –or what he considered safety at least- and into the dark.

The older man began to drag him down a dark hallway, one which he and Negan had never walked through, and Carl tried his best not to lose control of himself as panic took over him. He was scared but he knew he couldn't allow himself to give up, or at least not again.

He threw punches and kicks at the man in an attempt to free himself from his hold but every punch, every kick that hit David, seemed to be in vain.

“Aren't you a feisty little one!”

Memories of a similar moment suddenly came into his mind and before David had time to react, Carl bit the hand that was covering his mouth. Just like his father had done that dreadful night. Blood filled his mouth and David screamed out in pain before letting go of him. Without waiting for another reaction, Carl began to run away from the man.

He ran as fast as he could back to Negan's room but just as he turned around the corner, he crashed against someone else's chest. The impact sent him to the ground again and he gulped hard as he looked up at the person he had just crashed against.

The same man with the slightly ginger beard from before. David's friend.

The other man stared down at him with a stoic look on his face but didn't make any attempts to grab or touch him. Carl wasn’t sure if it was because the man knew who he was or because of the blood that he had on his mouth.

Carl felt how tears threatened to come out of his eye as he heard footsteps on the other side of the hallway and he tried his best to stand. To his surprise, the man with the ginger beard allowed him to do so but stopped him the moment he tried to run away by grabbing at his wounded arm. He moaned in pain by that and felt slightly relieved as the man's grip around his arm lessened a little but not enough to set him free.

He tried harder to break free from the new man's hold but just like with David, his attempts seemed to be in vain. He even tried to bit the man the same way he had done with David but as soon as he tried to do so, the man roughly grabbed at his hair and pulled his head back. Carl winced quite loudly by this and bit his lower lip to silence himself as he heard David's amused chuckle near them.

Carl turned around as he heard David and winced afraid as he saw him walking towards them along with other three men.

“You're a true Savior, James. It would have been a pain in the ass to run after him…” he flinched as he saw David and his friend getting dangerously close to them and tried to run away once more.

He growled angrily as the man with the ginger beard, James, let go of his hair but held him in place, and punched him several times in his arm and chest in a lame attempt to get away from him.

It was useless; the man seemed to be quite fit and completely unaffected by the punches he was desperately throwing at him.

“Isn't he adorable?” teased David in a mocking manner while reaching for Carl's face who was gratefully pulled back by James. This didn't seem to please the man with brown hair nor the other three men who gave their ‘friend' a questioning look.

“The hell do you think you're doing J?” asked one of the men with clear confusion and anger in his voice while roughly pushing the man with icy blue eyes back.

“I'm taking the kid back to Negan's room,” James said with a calmness that brought a chill down Carl's spine not just by the man's controlled and low tone but also because of his accent. It was terrifying.

He could tell that there was a little bit of uncertainty and fear in the four men as James said that, surely by the idea of Negan waiting for him to go back to his room; and couldn't help but pray for the man's lie to work.

It didn't.

One of the men quickly shook his head, crossed his arms across his chest and chuckled lightly while moving even closer to them.

“Boss is gone. He went to get Carson's brother…there no need for the kid to be in his room right now. That unless Negan left him washing the sheets”

A chill went down his spine as he remembered the way Negan had shoved the Doctor into the large oven, but also a bit of relief as he realized that Negan hadn't gone to Alexandria. Hilltop perhaps? For all, he knew Negan was not aware of the fact that Maggie was living there now so there was no one there the man could hurt her. His family was safe for now.

That relief was short lived as the other three men moved closer to them too.

Sensing the danger, James pulled him behind himself and Carl blinked several times feeling confused and surprised by the man's behavior.

_Why is he protecting me?_

“James come on. Boss is gone, the kid is all alone –Can't you just let us have some fun with him?” he flinched as memories of Spencer ‘having fun' with him came back uninvited and unconsciously grabbed the older man's arm who turned to look at him for a second before turning to face the other four men who seemed more than willing to kill their so called friend get to him.

There was a small silence between them, almost as if everybody were considering their options, and he tried not to show how scared he was. The man protecting him shook his head after a while and let out a deep breath.

“Everyone on the main gate already saw me running after him like crazy. If something happens to him I'm going to be the one everyone's going to blame –So no- I can't let you ‘ _have fun with him´_  the man's words pained Carl for some reason and he couldn't help but wonder if James would allow David and the other men to ‘have fun' with him had he not been seen running after him.

His hand slowly left the man's arm in a mixture of pain and disgust and it didn't go unnoticed to him how the man with icy blue eyes turned his head to look at him for a moment, almost as if he were confused by his sudden change of behavior.

“No one's going to find out. No one ever does I promise you. Besides you’ve been away from your post for quite a while and for what I’ve heard it’s punishment round tonight. You don’t want to get your ass in the Vega Ring again, right? ”

From behind, Carl managed to see the way James’s body tensed by those words and winced afraid as he was suddenly pulled closer towards the man with icy blue eyes.

For a moment, he thought James would just hand him over but as David tried to reach out for him once more Carl was surprised and relieved as James prevented the other man from touching him again, this time by brushing the man's hand away from him “I hate that shit-hole but I hate Lucille even more so I suggest you leave the boy alone”

Despite the fact that James's voice remained calm and soft, Carl could tell there was an edge of seriousness and danger on it as he said that.

An unspoken promise to let Carl know that he wasn't going to let the other men hurt him.

There was a clear change in the air as tension continued to grow and just as everyone seemed to snap, a pair of rushed footsteps were heard behind them.

Carl's eye followed James right hand as he moved to his side and he opened his eye wide as he realized that the man had kept his hand on his back holding a small 9 mm handgun, this whole time

He was in control the whole time, he thought in slight amazement before awkwardly watching as a small group of men and women walked by their side chatting, completely unaware of what they could have walked into.

Carl gave James's arm a light squeeze in an attempt to encourage him to walk away from there and let out a small breath of relief as the man gave him the slightest of nods in agreement. The threatening gaze that the four men gave him as he walked away beside the older man, didn't go unnoticed by him and he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened had he'd been alone in that hallway.

He turned to look at the man walking beside him then and quickly realized that even though James had most likely just saved his life, he still was a Savior and a potential enemy. The man might have protected him back there but he still was David's friend.

Fear and panic filled him once more and just as he was about to try to get away from him, the man grabbed his arm and continued to drag him down the hallway. His hold wasn't rough but it was firm enough to let him know he wasn't going to escape from him.

They continued to walk down the long hallway and he let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding as they got to Negan's room. James's hold around his arm left him then and he flinched as he the man tried to open the door without success.

“You got the key?” James turned around to look at him with a raised eyebrow then and he gulped hard before slowly shaking his head.

Confusion crossed the man's features then and Carl looked down at the floor feeling slightly ashamed as the man gave him a judgmental look while crossing his arms across his chest.

“How did you get out?”

“A girl opened the door for me…I guess she was supposed to clean Negan's room…” he was forced to look up at James as he remained silent and saw him rubbing the back of his head in an exasperated manner.

“The bloody hell am I supposed to do with you then?”

As soon as the man's icy blue eyes met his own he looked away once more and shook his head slowly feeling unsure as to what to answer.

If James left him outside Negan's room without anyone to watch over him, David and the other men could easily take a hold of him and do anything they wanted to do with him without anyone telling them to stop.

A chill went down his spine as he thought of that and he unconsciously hugged himself before feeling the man's gaze on him once more.

“I can't leave you alone, not after cock-blocking those guys…” James let out a deep breath then and Carl bit his lower lip while nervously toying with his shirt. He tried hard not to think of those men putting their hands on him and asked James when Negan was coming back.

“He'll probably come back tonight.” Was all the man said and Carl awkwardly nodded his head in an understanding manner before falling silent again.

What the hell was he supposed to do now? He couldn't be left alone and he didn't want to be a burden for James. Maybe Dwight or Simon could watch over him?

That'll be worse he thought in a bitter manner while imagining either of the men taking care of him.

“Can't we just get the girl who has the key?” a small chuckle left the man's throat then and he frowned confused before seeing him shake his head.

“We all switch jobs after a couple of hours. She could be doing the laundry, cleaning the blood in the Vega Ring, cooking, or maybe even filling the Hell Hole with the rotten –Who blood knows- …Besides I'm pretty sure you don't even know her name” the defeated look he gave James gave the man a clear response.

“Thought so…”

There was another small silence between them that was broken as James whispered, “I’m gonna get fucked for this shiat…” Carl wasn't sure if he was even meant to hear that.

James suddenly looked up at him and he knew he was indeed not supposed to and that the man was just thinking out loud. The man closed his eye for a second, shook his head and took a deep breath while scratching his head before speaking.

“You'll have to stay with me” the man's serious tone left no room for argument and he hesitantly nodded his head before hesitantly following James down the hallway that lead to the main room.

The rest of the Saviors he had seen earlier looked up at them as they walked together and Carl realized that the man hadn't lied about how everyone could point fingers at him if something bad happened to him. There was something in everyone's eyes as they stared at him that made him feel protected.

_No, don't be stupid_ , he told himself.

They're not watching me because they want to protect me, they're watching me because they want to know who to blame in case someone tries to hurt or kill me.

A chill went down his spine as he realized just how weak and vulnerable he was without Negan's company and he gripped tightly at his own pants.

_I'm all alone without him by my side_ …

His eye focused on the man walking a couple of feet in front of him, and he couldn't help but wonder what James would have done to him had he not been seen running after him. Would he still feel the need to watch over him, or would he have joined David and the other men to ‘have fun' with him? He didn't know and he didn't want to even think about it because right now, James was all he had.

The man with icy blue eyes opened the door for him and he muttered a low thank you at him before heading outside.

They walked to the other side of the field and got to a small area in which there was no shelter nor any kind of cover from the sun. Carl couldn't help but wish he had his dad's sheriff's hat back on and yelped as something was placed on his head.

A baseball cap. James's baseball cap.

Carl turned around to thank the older man but found him already walking away from him with his eyes trained on the fence full of walkers and a large gun in his arms. Silence fell between them once more and he looked at the walkers too for a moment feeling as if he hadn't seen them in a long time.

As he stared at the undead, he couldn't help but wonder how Negan would punish him for leaving his room.

If the leader of the Saviors hadn't even planned to hurt his family and friends as a punishment last night, he now had given him a reason to.

He dropped himself to the ground as he felt his legs trembling and tried his best not to show how afraid and worried he was feeling as he imagined blood dripping from Lucille again.

A couple of minutes ago he had wanted nothing more than for Negan to come back but now he wanted nothing but for Negan to never return; not just because of the punishment the older man could give him now, but also because of the punishment the leader of the Saviors was making him endure every single day he got to spend with him in this place.

All those gentle touches and lingering looks were now tearing him from the inside. Confusing and shattering his view of the man he was supposed to hate…of the man he was supposed to kill…

This time he didn't even bothered to wipe the tear that escaped his eye as he thought of that, and simply ignored the feeling of James's staring at him.

Maybe Negan had been punishing all along. He just hadn't realized that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for existing ;v


	24. Hurts Like Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's ya boi, skinny penis (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ Special thanks to Evil Admin, mah Master and mah lady, Noha Tarek/ Wonder Woman, for their advice and unconditional support while writing this shit 
> 
> I know it's been a long time since the last update and I sincerely apologize for that. My life has changed for the better at this point and I’ve been focusing on working on my future as a screenwriter at film school. 
> 
> Now, quick disclaimer before you read this shit. If you’re reading mah fic for fluff and smut, just stop reading it altogether because I have changed. I’m going for a dark more twisted vibe now so yeah. TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. TRIGGERING IMAGE AT THE END.

CARL

 

He wasn’t sure how long he and James had been guarding the gate outside, but by the time the older man walked over to him and told him that his shift was done, the sun was already gone, and so were all of his hopes of escaping or being allowed back inside Negan’s room. Carl stood from the ground and followed James without complaining.  
  
What was the point in resisting anymore anyway? If he tried to escape the rest of the Saviors, or most likely James himself, would take him down before he could even make it to the main gate.

There was no point in trying. Not anymore.

Carl muttered a low thank you at James as he held the Sanctuary door open for him and quickly realized the way most, if not all, of the Saviors working below turned their heads and looked up at them like vultures. Such a thing had intimidated him at first, but after what James had told David about not hurting him since he had been seen running after him by the rest of the Saviors, Carl couldn’t help but find it almost comforting.

Almost.

The feeling of James placing one hand on his shoulder brought a chill down his spine, yet he tried his best not to flinch. He couldn’t afford to show any more weaknesses in front of the man, not again.

The older man gently motioned for him to follow him once more, and as James refused to remove his hand from his shoulder–most likely to prevent him from escaping–Carl couldn’t help but slowly feel at ease with the man’s touch. It had been a while since he had felt someone touching him in a gentle manner, and since he was most likely going to die tonight by Negan’s hand or someone else’s in the Vega Ring, he might as well enjoy feeling it one last time.

As they walked down the hall, it didn’t take long for Carl to realize where they were heading to, and the closer they got to their destination, the tighter and less gentle James’s hold on his shoulder became.

They were heading back to Negan’s room, and even though he knew that James did not have the key with him, he dreaded going back in there because he knew that once he and Negan were behind those closed doors, nothing good was going to happen to him.

He froze as he saw the man’s imposing wooden doors in front of them and cursed himself as James gave him a light push so that he would continue walking. He did so knowing that if he didn’t walk voluntarily, James was most likely going to drag him like a ragdoll.

They came to a stop once they were at the door, and he awkwardly shook his head as James offered him a cigarette. Carl watched as the man lit the cigarette he was holding and felt out of place as James leaned against the wall seemingly calm with the whole situation that he, and maybe even him, were in.

“How scared are you of Negan, kid?”

A large cloud of smoke left the man’s mouth as he asked him that and Carl blinked a couple of times confused and surprised by the man’s sudden question.

Why was James suddenly interested in him or his relationship with his leader?

It was clear that he feared the Leader of the Saviors, but then again he also knew that the older man made him feel more than just fear at times. Last night had been a clear example of that.

“I’m not as scared of him as I should be…” Carl said after a long pause, not caring anymore about what James might think of him by revealing that, since he suspected the man with the ginger beard already knew that.

Not fearing an enemy would normally be a benefit, but then again the leader of the Saviors wasn’t always an enemy.

Negan was the Big Bad Wolf that would protect him at all cost from the rest of the pack, the Big Bad Wolf that would make him bleed if he let his guard down, and finally, the Big Bad Wolf that would end his life if he tried to leave his side. Or in this case, his room.

“But I’m still terrified of him…” he said in a low whisper that was more to himself than to James who kept his eyes on him for a moment before letting out another cloud of smoke.  
  
The man’s icy blue eyes brought a chill down his spine as they lingered on him without shame, and as the smoke faded away, Carl managed to see what he had seen only in one person’s eyes before. James wasn’t looking at him as if he were a prey. He was looking at him as if they were equals.

It was something that only Negan, and very rarely his father, did whenever they looked at him.

He couldn’t deny that Negan sometimes treated him as if he were a child, but then again, he often did it to mock or taunt him.

“Negan’s a terrifying man...” another cloud of smoke. “And you’re a smart kid for not forgetting it.”

“But I do forget at times…More than I should…”

Carl tried his best not to break eye contact with James as he said that, but as the older man tilted his head to the side and removed the cigarette from his lips, he knew he had given himself away. Smoke left the man’s nostrils, yet no words left his mouth. James simply threw what was left of his cigarette away and crossed his arms.

Silence fell between them and even though Carl knew that there was more to be said between them, no words were exchanged.

Minutes went by, and despite the fact that they both appeared to be at a seemingly comfortable silence, Carl couldn’t help himself as he suddenly opened his mouth and asked James the question that had been haunting him ever since he had seen the Saviors trucks leaving the Sanctuary.

“Do you think Negan will throw me into the Vega Ring tonight?” He kept his eye down feeling unable to look James in the eye and felt another chill going down his spine as he felt the older man’s eyes lingering on him.

A few silent moments went by again, and as he heard James taking a deep breath, Carl feared the worst.

“For all I know you’re the one eyed kid who made him kill two of our guys in that Hell Hole, the one that hugged him in front of everyone like a little fag, and the little shit who knocked him down to keep him from turning Patrick’s face into a grilled sandwich…” a small amused smile appeared on the man’s lips then, as James added: “I doubt he’ll do so, kid,” a smile also appeared on Carl’s lips.

“Still…I wouldn’t be smiling if I were you.”

Carl’s smile slowly vanished as he heard those words.

_Negan doesn’t need to kill me in order to punish me…_

“Now that I think of it, you wouldn’t be alive if you hadn’t given him something in return last night…What did Negan make you do to him, kid?”

Memories of Negan’s finger inside his mouth along with the warm feeling he had felt as the older man tightened his grip on his knee, violently crashed against his mind then, and even though he tried his best not let any kind of emotions show, Carl knew that, once again, he had given himself away as a small chuckle left the older man’s throat.

“Well aren’t you something special…”

For a split second Carl could have sworn he had seen James’s eyes darkening but as the older man looked away from him, he couldn’t tell for sure.

“Do whatever you, or he, made you do last night and if you set boundaries for his punishment, let him break them…”

The memory of him gagging on the older man’s fingers came to his mind then and he couldn’t help but wonder if he could really allow Negan to take things even further.

“Negan likes to be in control, kid. Let him be in control. ”

A chill went down Carl’s spine as those words left James’s lips and he couldn’t help but let his mind wonder somewhere dark.

_What the hell does that even mean?_

Based on last night’s experience he knew that Negan would stop if he wanted him to, but then he also knew that the man would most likely not be as gentle as he was with him last night after the major fuck up he had made today.

The sound of the Saviors trucks parking outside was heard across the hallway they were in then, and despite the fact that Carl felt the urge to turn his head towards the sound, he kept his eye on James’s icy blue ones. To his surprise, so did the man whose smile slowly disappeared along with whatever friendly behavior he had just displayed towards him.

“Just give Negan what he wants.” James said in a calm way before reaching over for the baseball cap he still had on top of his head.

Carl blinked as James plucked the cap off his head, having completely forgotten about its existence during the whole day and felt an emptiness inside. The feeling of having something on his head had been a welcoming feeling since he no longer had his father’s hat to shield his face. He thanked the man for letting him wear his cap, and as James nodded back at him in response Carl watched the James with whom he had just spoken with slowly disappear and turn back into the James he had crashed against back when he was running away from David.

A cold and indifferent one. A James that wouldn’t save him from anyone.

He looked away from the older man as that happened and winced as James suddenly grabbed the back of his neck and placed him in front of himself so that he would be facing the empty hallway in front of them.

The man’s hand lingered on his neck a second too long before moving away and Carl took a deep breath as he felt James’s fingers brushing against his sensitive skin, the smell of tobacco taking over his senses from the cigarette James had smoked a few minutes ago. He bit his lip hard by the feeling and closed his eye shut while trying to focus on the task he had on hand.

Convincing Negan to forgive him.

As he heard footsteps getting closer, he also heard footsteps moving away behind him. Carl sniffed the air then; the smell of tobacco still lingered in the air but it wasn’t as strong as before.

James was gone…

As that realization hit him, the footsteps came to a stop. Negan was standing in front of him now and he was on his own. Out of fear of facing the man, Carl kept his eye closed.  
  
Part of him was hoping for Negan to just open the door and let him back in without being punished or scolded, but he knew all too well that there was no way for that scenario to play out between them at this point. Not after what he had done.

Silence filled the corridor then, and for a moment Carl thought that, just like James, Negan had walked away and left him alone. That didn’t last long as he heard the older man taking a deep breath.

“Why didn’t you just wait for me inside the fucking room, Carl?”

 

NEGAN

 

He tried his best not to lose control of himself as Carl remained silent with his eye closed, and waited for the teenager to respond.  
After a long and painful silence, the boy did so.

“I thought you were going to Alexandria…”

A low unamused chuckle escaped Negan’s throat as he heard those words and he tried as hard as he could to gather whatever amount of patience and self-control he had left inside of him.

“Why in the fucking hell would I fucking go to that fucking place?”

“To punish me for what I did last night…”

Negan remained silent for a long moment, feeling completely unsure as to how to respond to that and rubbed his eyes in a tiresome manner. Now that he knew the reason why Carl had left his room, he couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for putting the kid in that situation. Guessing by what had happened with Patrick, along with what had happened between them at breakfast, Carl had genuinely thought he hadn’t punish him enough.

That only meant one thing. Carl hadn’t thought of last night’s ‘punishment’ as a punishment.

Hell, he couldn’t fucking blame him for that; after all, they both seemed to have been turned on by the whole fucking thing. But then again his conversation with Enid had reminded him of what he and Carl were. Or at least what they were supposed to be. Captor and prisoner. Wolf and Sheep. Enemies. He had to remind Carl, and himself even, what they were.

Or at least what they needed to be…

This punishment had a to be a painful one for both of them.

Negan removed his hand from his face slowly, almost hesitantly as he realized that, and took another deep breath as his brown eyes finally met Carl’s icy blue one.

“I had already done so, kid...” he reached over for his key then, never breaking eye contact with the teenager, and as he unlocked the door to his room said: “And now it seems like I’m going to have to do it again.”

He opened the door wide so that Carl could walk in, but unsurprisingly enough, the teenager didn’t move an inch. Or at least not until he pushed him inside with Lucille. He felt the slightest bit of resistance from Carl’s part as he did so and closed the door once they were inside.

The only source of lighting in the room was the pale moonlight breaking in through the windows as Negan refused to turn on the lights. He couldn’t look at the kid right now, not when he knew that whatever he was going to do to Carl wasn’t going to be nice for either of them.

Silence filled the room, and despite the fact that Negan knew he now had to give Carl an order, he found himself completely speechless and indecisive. He knew that he couldn’t punish Carl the same way he had done last night, but he also knew that he couldn’t go easy on him again. How the hell was he supposed to do that without hurting his serial killer too much, yet enough?

The answer came as soon as he tried to turn his hands into fists and his left hand wrapped around Lucille instead.

“Get on your knees, Carl.”

Even in the darkness, Negan managed to see Carl’s expression turning into a fearful one that made him almost regret his choice of punishment.

Almost.

He allowed the teenager to take as much time as he needed to obey, mainly because he himself didn’t want to carry out the punishment he now had in mind and took a deep breath as Carl finally got down on his knees without complaining. As Carl did so, Negan moved closer to him and stopped once he was right in front of him.

Still, he didn’t move nor said a thing. He just couldn’t. He didn’t want to hurt Carl again but deep down, he knew he had to do so.

Negan blinked, once, twice as he realized how much he wanted to just forgive Carl’s fuck-up, but he forced himself to gather his thoughts as he remembered Enid’s words. He and Carl would never be more than enemies. He would never be more than the man who killed the boy’s friends, the man who had broken his father and the one that was about to break him.

“I’ll do anything you want me to do…” the teenager’s voice came out in a low whisper that brought a chill down Negan’s spine as he realized that even though there was fear in it, there was acceptance. His little serial killer was going to take whatever punishment he had in mind without arguing or running away from him.

That only made Negan feel worse as he ordered the teen to undress.

“Take your shirt off.”

Negan felt disgusted beyond words as he said that, not only because he knew what Carl had gone through with Spencer, but also because he knew that somewhere deep down and dark inside of the kid’s mind, the scenario that he hated and feared the most was already playing out.

Still, he didn’t offer any words of reassurance to ease Carl’s mind who, once again, did as he was told without complaining.

He kept his eyes on the barely illuminated pale silhouette of Carl as he took his shirt off, and cursed himself as he imagined a much more different scenario happening between them in the dark.

_Why couldn’t you fucking wait for me inside the fucking room, Carl?_

Negan shut his eyes to keep his mind satisfied and the kid safe from his own thoughts, and remained silent and unmoving for a long time before tightening his hold around Lucille and lifting her towards the teenager’s chest. Carl’s body immediately tensed up as the cold barbed-wired met his skin.

“What are you going to do to me…?”

“Something I don’t want to, but you’ve brought this on yourself, kid. You broke the fucking rules…This is punishment-” _For both of us…_

And with that said he pressed Lucille against the boy’s chest.

At first, Negan tried to be gentle with Carl by just lightly pressing and running Lucille against his chest, but as Enid’s words came crashing down his mind again, his light tracing became firmer and less gentle while Carl’s own behavior became less submissive and more defiant as he moved away from the sharp barbed wire in an attempt to minimize the damage that Lucille’s was doing to his porcelain-like skin.

“Don’t fucking move away from her or I swear to fucking god I’ll use your fucking chest as a fucking scratching post for her to fucking destroy, Carl.” As he felt the teenager’s chest pressing against Lucille once more, he started moving his girl down the boy’s stomach and only stopped as a low wince left the teenager’s lips.

The lights were still off so he couldn’t tell how much damage he was causing to Carl’s skin. The only way he could judge if he was cutting too deep was by hearing the boy’s pained winces and moans.

Negan looked away as he felt Carl’s eye on him and slowly walked around to avoid the feeling of being watched by him. He lifted Lucille once he was standing behind the boy and gently began to slide the baseball bat down Carl’s back. As he felt the teenager moving forward, away from him and Lucille again, he gave him another threat that forced the kid to straighten up once more.

“When are you going to stop?” There was clear pain in the teenager’s voice as he asked him that, yet there was no fear. If Negan had to guess, there was fucking anger and maybe even a little annoyance in his little serial killer’s tone.

_This fucking kid._

His hold around Lucille tightened even more by the sound of that and out of anger he ran Lucille across Carl’s back harder than he had done so before. A pained moan left the boy’s throat and Negan cursed himself before finally responding.

“Whenever I fucking want.” He moved Lucille closer towards the boy’s back once more but before the barbed-wire met the boy’s flesh again, stopped. He couldn’t be the one to end the kid’s punishment. He already wanted to put an end to it, but judging by Carl’s damn tone and behavior, he hadn’t learned a fucking thing.

If he wanted this punishment to work, Carl had to be the one to put an end to it.

“Or even better…I’ll stop once you apologize for fucking up my already fucked up day, Carl.”

The way the teenager’s head rose slightly didn’t go unnoticed by him, and as Lucille’s barbed-wire met Carl’s skin again, Negan realized with a mixture of anger and worry that instead of moving away from him and Lucille, Carl now seemed to be leaning, or even pushing himself, against her.

The teenager’s behavior shouldn’t have surprised him, and yet it did.

Carl was always full of fucking surprises.

His hold around Lucille loosened a little as he realized this, but then tightened once more once he realized that this was Carl’s version of a fucking tantrum. Despite the fact that he was worried about the amount of damage he and Carl were now causing to his skin, Negan knew that he couldn’t back down and let the fucking kid win. He had already let him do so last night. He couldn’t be made a fool again.

He pressed harder against Carl’s skin then and felt his hand tremble a little as a pained moan left the boy’s mouth. Almost as if Carl was responding to this, he too started pushing harder against him.

_God fucking dammit, Carl._

Negan didn’t back down; nor did Carl.

More pained moans came from the teenager’s mouth as he held his ground.

_Just say you’re sorry you little shit._

He cursed himself as he started sliding Lucille down the boy’s back in a painfully slow and hard manner, and felt his lower lip tremble as the unmistakable sound of flesh being torn apart, was heard.

“Stop…”

Negan’s hand froze as those words left Carl’s lips in a half sob and as he focused hard on the boy’s pale back he managed to see several dark, yet shiny, threads of blood going down his back.

He took a step back surprised by what he had done and blinked a couple of times before heading to the entrance of the room to turn the lights on. He kept his eyes on the wooden door for a while however, feeling completely unable to turn around and look at what he had done to Carl, before looking down at Lucille for a moment.

She was covered in blood. Much more blood than he had expected.

“Stay here. I’ll go get some shit to clean this mess” was all he said without turning around. He just couldn’t look at the kid right now. Negan’s hand wrapped around the doorknob then but before he could leave, Carl’s voice made him stop again.

“Negan…” the teenager’s voice came out in a tired tone that ended with a small pained moan. As he heard a loud thud behind him, he knew that Carl had just tried to stand on his own and had failed to do so. Was he bleeding out on the floor now? Was he crying? He didn’t want to know.

“I’m sorry…”

Anger filled him as he heard those words, and without even thinking about it twice he punched the door. He didn’t even bother to hide the pain he was feeling at the moment as he let out an angry-pained growl that echoed through the room the same way Carl’s moans had done so just a few seconds ago.

Silence filled the room then, and for a moment Negan found himself lost for words. Why the fuck hadn’t Carl said he was sorry earlier? It made no sense to him –unless the fucking kid had fucking enjoyed the damn fucking punishment again – which he highly fucking doubted.

“Great fucking timing for opening your goddamn mouth, Carl” his tone was a low threatening one that made him feel like a predator ready to kill and destroy its prey. And deep down, he probably was.

“I’m not sorry for escaping…I did what I thought was right to protect my family…”

Negan removed his fist from the door then and felt a wave of pain taking over his hand as he tried to turn it into a fist.

“Then what the fuck are you sorry about?”

“Forcing you to do this.”

Not wanting Carl to notice how much those words had affected him, Negan reached for the doorknob and left the room with a bloody Lucille in hand and a piece of his heart behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually expecting some hate because of the whole baseball bat scene and the shortness of it but I just want to get over this fucking mess I got myself into on the last chap and move on, I know I suck, I'm sorry (ಥ﹏ಥ)
> 
> I know I've played with the idea of Negan hurting Carl in the past and not liking it but by this point, Negan has realized that he and Carl can’t be together so he wants to remind Carl what they are, or at least what they’re supposed to be. That being enemies. He won’t enjoy hurting him but he knows he has to do so for their sake since he knows that they’re both crossing a line that they shouldn't be crossing by developing feelings for one another. I’m still going to put some sexual tension between them but it won’t be the kind that’s intentional or reciprocated…or at least not at all ;v


	25. AUTHOR'S NOTE - I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I hate author's notes too

Hey what up, biggest disappointment of 2018 here. ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

I know many of you are angry at me because of my absence and I’m truly sorry. I never meant to keep you guys waiting so damn long but Carl’s death affected me more than I thought, to the point I’ve stopped watching the show.

It’s truly disappointing to see how the show’s going downhill because of the decisions that are being taken, not to mention the shitty writing. I know that sounds extremely arrogant/bitchy of me to say since my writing isn’t the best but the difference is that I’m not getting paid to write this shit nor do I have any experience in writing in English or in general.  
  
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way. My tumblr blog was deleted along with the now revised chapters of It’s a Sin because a friend of mine found out that I was writing for this ship and decided that it was *Insert Papa Franku here* time to stop. The cunt deleted my shit and didn’t tell me anything about it until now. 

Now, I do not support pedophilia nor any kind of abusive behavior or relationships. I write what I want in the way I want with the couples I want and like. That doesn’t mean I support the things I write about. I can tell the difference between fiction and reality. The relationship between Carl and Negan isn’t a healthy one yet I ship them because I find them interesting. That’s all I do. I'm not promoting nor normalizing this kind of behavior in any way. If you think I am, you’re the one with a problem. Also I am aware that some people think I'm sexualizing Chandler Riggs and I will agree that when I started this fic he was 17, that was a mistake on my part and I really apologize for doing that, I never should have done that (This being the main reason why I didn't want to get into anything sexual between him and Negan). As for now he's currently 19 so things might change. 

If any of the things presented on this fic bothers, offends or triggers you, don’t read the fucking fic. Be smart, stay safe. I’m not your god damn mom. It’s not my responsibility to take care of you. It is however my responsibility to keep you from getting into a situation that could potentially get you in harm’s way. That’s why the tags and the trigger warnings exist. Don’t blame me for your bad decision ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

Now on the actual fic. This events have kind of inspired me to start writing again. I don’t promise anything soon but I do promise a next chapter somewhere around the next few weeks since I’m kind of pissed and I tend to write more when I’m experiencing bad emotions. 

Anyway, Beaner Cunt out ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New blog with sinful stuff and thangs ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): https://fakesmile13cc.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> This would be my first fanfiction on Carl and Negan, and believe me I know it's wrong for many reason which I won't get on with since they're a shit ton of them, but, I can't help myself.  
> Since I saw the first episode I thought there was something going on between this two and even though I do like the relationship Negan has with Carl of respect or at least fascination, I need more…hope I’m not the only one. Now I do want to let very clear that I do not support pedophilia or rape even though you might see a bit of this in this fanfiction.  
> So I hope you liked that shitty chapter of mine, quite honestly I liked it, I think I could have made a couple of things differently yet I liked the way it ended, please do feel free to tell me what you liked and what you did not, if you hated it also feel free to comment it’s not like I can stop you from doing so anyway ;v  
> Next chapter I’m thinking about throwing out a couple of scenes with Negan being quite possessive or at least protective of Carl so expect that :3


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